- Messages
- 915
- Points
- 93
Hello, EAW! So for those who donāt know me, my name is Holly, and Iām a professional wrestler, you already knew that, and Iāve been going for a few years. I donāt expect everyone to be jumping with joy at the announcement of my name, but thatās totally fine! Itās a working process, and I just look forward for that to start happening. Now on what you would call the āindyā scenes I made quite an impact, not tooting my own horn or anything, so Iām sure that everybody is going to have a good time watching! If not then Iāll try better next time, a trial and error sort of thing, right? Anyway, when I found out I was going to be competing here, I was over the moon. Itās a much bigger stage than Iām used to which, needless to say, made me elated. Now because I get to display my talent to more people, but so I can make those people enjoy wrestling a little bit more than usual. Whether I lose or I win in my debut, that doesnāt matter. Idealistically, if people like the match, I call that a win in my books! Not everyone is gonna agree with me on that, but Iām okay with it. Not everyone agrees with my opponentās political views either, but Iām sure that doesnāt bother her in the slightest.
Speaking of whichā¦
Hey, Kensingten Calhoun-Astor! Wow that name really is a mouthful, huh? Now Iām sure youāre excited to be facing me in my debut match so I just want you to know that nothing is personal here! Sure you may get one, two or maybe ten bruises, maybe a bit of scratches, and thereās a possibility of a broken bone, BUTā¦ I donāt mean anything by that! Now I know that youāre a sensitive person, cough cough Trump lost cough cough, and I know that you may possibly feel that when I punch you it means something. I just want to assure you that it really doesnāt! As much as I ahemā¦ hateā¦ THAT guy, Iām sure you donāt support THAT guy because of his irredeemable qualities, and more of his redeemable ones instead (if he has any)? So assuming thatās the case, nothing I do to you will be because of you! So donāt feel as if I hate you, I donāt! Even if our personalities clash, even if you support the big tanned guy, hell even if you did the worst crime of all - putting milk before cereal - I wouldnāt think hurting you is a must! So donāt worry, you donāt have to sit up all night thinking everybody hates you. Instead you can go back to doing what you do best, which isā¦ wellā¦
Probably staring at the confederate flag.
Either way I wouldnāt class it as a win, huhā¦ Well at least you wonāt be lonelyā¦ I guess.
Anyway, enough about politics, I can already tell youāll reference it once or twice so thatās a reasonable room for debate. On the plus side though, youāll have a distraction from it this week right? Thereās a lot of stuff going on like, being a few weeks away from Road to Redemption, see I did my homework, and you could be fighting for a good spot on that card if you wanted to! Thereās a lot of other things going on too, but I assume your take on a āgameā is hunting and stuff so itās not in my best interest to mention that. But regardless, youāre gonna have a great time, I promise you. And I know I will too! Making my debut, beating a future Karen in the process, itāll be great! Man this week is gonna be awesome. Donāt you agree, Kenny?
Now Iām sure you donāt know who I am or what my name is, and I get that. Too focused on yourself and other things we wonāt mention again, and honestly I donāt blame you! Wrestling for a few years and not getting anything from it sure does leave a sting, so the gratification has to come from somewhere right? I understand that. But the good news is youāre not alone! I donāt necessarily know who you are because I donāt turn my TV on to go out of my way and see your matches, but thatās the fun of it all! After this week I WILL know who you are, and what you stand for! But the real question is what will your first impression be? Iām all about impressions, no I canāt replicate peopleās voices, but I can make sure everybody knows my name! And thatās because I like to make sure everyoneās having the time of their life. And you? Well you want EVERYBODY to know your name, and Iām sure Iām no exception. So itād make sense if this week you aimed to make sure I leave knowing exactly who you are, exactly what youāre all about, because other than the tiny bit of research Iāve done, Iām going into this week blind! The best kind of experience. Not actually being blind of course. Experiencing everything for the first time is what I mean. Anyway, where was I? Oh right, lasting impressions yes. This week itās probably for the best that you intend to make sure I know who you are and all that. Who knows, maybe Iāll even become a fan of yours? Well, letās not go TOO extreme with that, thatās probably a hard feat in itself, yāknowā¦ supporting you but you get my point, hopefully. If not then, well thatās kind of your own problem isnāt it? But we donāt like to think about that, because nobody likes talking to a brick wall, do they? So Iām asking you to cooperate with me here. I know I can ramble on about things, but Iām pretty sure that was a clear point I made. If not then itās evident your ears are less washed than the big orangeās wig.
Something that kind of bothers me is the fact you enjoy wearing fancy clothing and things like that. Now I donāt want to insult your fashion sense, you do you, but isnāt it a waste? Youāre pretty much paying top dollar to become uncomfortable for the rest of the day, and for what? So you can get a few wolf whistles or whatever? Again, Iām not judging you, but to me that seems a bit counter intuitive, but whatever floats your boat. If you wanna dress like one of the people that walk over the poor, because letās be transparent here you probably do that anyway, then so be it. Iām all for it, embrace your culture, even if other people donāt agree! Be true to yourself, unleash your inner rich prick and be one with the upper class!
Okay, that was a bit rude of me assuming and all that, but itās genuinely what I think you were going for, and if Iām wrong I deeply apologize! After all I did tell you I didnāt hate you even though I have a list of reasons to, the main one being everything about you screams rich asshole.
So letās get in that ring and put on the performance of our lives!
Speaking of whichā¦
Hey, Kensingten Calhoun-Astor! Wow that name really is a mouthful, huh? Now Iām sure youāre excited to be facing me in my debut match so I just want you to know that nothing is personal here! Sure you may get one, two or maybe ten bruises, maybe a bit of scratches, and thereās a possibility of a broken bone, BUTā¦ I donāt mean anything by that! Now I know that youāre a sensitive person, cough cough Trump lost cough cough, and I know that you may possibly feel that when I punch you it means something. I just want to assure you that it really doesnāt! As much as I ahemā¦ hateā¦ THAT guy, Iām sure you donāt support THAT guy because of his irredeemable qualities, and more of his redeemable ones instead (if he has any)? So assuming thatās the case, nothing I do to you will be because of you! So donāt feel as if I hate you, I donāt! Even if our personalities clash, even if you support the big tanned guy, hell even if you did the worst crime of all - putting milk before cereal - I wouldnāt think hurting you is a must! So donāt worry, you donāt have to sit up all night thinking everybody hates you. Instead you can go back to doing what you do best, which isā¦ wellā¦
Probably staring at the confederate flag.
Either way I wouldnāt class it as a win, huhā¦ Well at least you wonāt be lonelyā¦ I guess.
Anyway, enough about politics, I can already tell youāll reference it once or twice so thatās a reasonable room for debate. On the plus side though, youāll have a distraction from it this week right? Thereās a lot of stuff going on like, being a few weeks away from Road to Redemption, see I did my homework, and you could be fighting for a good spot on that card if you wanted to! Thereās a lot of other things going on too, but I assume your take on a āgameā is hunting and stuff so itās not in my best interest to mention that. But regardless, youāre gonna have a great time, I promise you. And I know I will too! Making my debut, beating a future Karen in the process, itāll be great! Man this week is gonna be awesome. Donāt you agree, Kenny?
Now Iām sure you donāt know who I am or what my name is, and I get that. Too focused on yourself and other things we wonāt mention again, and honestly I donāt blame you! Wrestling for a few years and not getting anything from it sure does leave a sting, so the gratification has to come from somewhere right? I understand that. But the good news is youāre not alone! I donāt necessarily know who you are because I donāt turn my TV on to go out of my way and see your matches, but thatās the fun of it all! After this week I WILL know who you are, and what you stand for! But the real question is what will your first impression be? Iām all about impressions, no I canāt replicate peopleās voices, but I can make sure everybody knows my name! And thatās because I like to make sure everyoneās having the time of their life. And you? Well you want EVERYBODY to know your name, and Iām sure Iām no exception. So itād make sense if this week you aimed to make sure I leave knowing exactly who you are, exactly what youāre all about, because other than the tiny bit of research Iāve done, Iām going into this week blind! The best kind of experience. Not actually being blind of course. Experiencing everything for the first time is what I mean. Anyway, where was I? Oh right, lasting impressions yes. This week itās probably for the best that you intend to make sure I know who you are and all that. Who knows, maybe Iāll even become a fan of yours? Well, letās not go TOO extreme with that, thatās probably a hard feat in itself, yāknowā¦ supporting you but you get my point, hopefully. If not then, well thatās kind of your own problem isnāt it? But we donāt like to think about that, because nobody likes talking to a brick wall, do they? So Iām asking you to cooperate with me here. I know I can ramble on about things, but Iām pretty sure that was a clear point I made. If not then itās evident your ears are less washed than the big orangeās wig.
Something that kind of bothers me is the fact you enjoy wearing fancy clothing and things like that. Now I donāt want to insult your fashion sense, you do you, but isnāt it a waste? Youāre pretty much paying top dollar to become uncomfortable for the rest of the day, and for what? So you can get a few wolf whistles or whatever? Again, Iām not judging you, but to me that seems a bit counter intuitive, but whatever floats your boat. If you wanna dress like one of the people that walk over the poor, because letās be transparent here you probably do that anyway, then so be it. Iām all for it, embrace your culture, even if other people donāt agree! Be true to yourself, unleash your inner rich prick and be one with the upper class!
Okay, that was a bit rude of me assuming and all that, but itās genuinely what I think you were going for, and if Iām wrong I deeply apologize! After all I did tell you I didnāt hate you even though I have a list of reasons to, the main one being everything about you screams rich asshole.
So letās get in that ring and put on the performance of our lives!