MATCH PROMO Diabolus ex Machina

Remi Skyfire

🖤 The Enemy 🖤
Somerset, Kentucky

Celes and Karina-Ann look up to me?! They’re both going to be looking up at me from the mat after Sian and I leave you laying this week at Empire. SIan has already proven herself game for the challenge, and the two of you have proven that you’re as much over your head as ever. ‘Oh, why didn’t Remi run ave her sister!?’ Well, I was laying in a hospital bed after the goddamn war I was in with Raven. Looked like Connie and Cali done well enough without me. And since then what have the two of you actually done? You lost to the Court, lost your singles outings, and, this is the one that leapt out at me the most, Celes can’t fucking even keep the name of her opponents straight.

Karina, let’s start with you...First off, unlike Sian, I was actually on Battleground once. I wrestled Eric there, and had friends there, and am aware of the hype you built for yourself. Course, you’ve burned up most of that goodwill since then, earned a title shot and blew it, then ‘almost beat Serena Bennett’...I almost fell backward out of my chair this afternoon while napping, but it didn’t happen, just like you making the impact that you two seem to think have made. Oh, and as far as our team adding up to be equal...I appreciate how much you and Celes want to suck my cock, but maybe stop arguing who’s gonna get the money shot long enough to actually fucking think...See, I’m fast, and have experience, but Sian has the strength, and while I’m definitely not a slouch in the technical department, have you actually seen the size of Sian’s arms? The fuck think will happen when they get around your neck?

Celes...honey, let me get this out of the way right now, I’m not someone you should look up to, not even a little bit, and I can tell you for a bone hard fact that you’ve not patterned your career after mine, know how I know? You’ve been around for several months and like me, you’ve earned a title shot, but unlike me, You didn’t do anything with it, did you? I was walking around with a title and facing off against world champions at the point in my career you’re in now. You can’t even fucking keep your opponent’s name straight, by the fucking way, Sian Ryder, which isn’t a bad idea by the way, is my partner, you Japanophile giant nosed idiot!

I’ve heard it in the locker room, Celes, don’t think I haven’t…’Celes is the second coming of Remi…’ except you’re like the bad photocopy of me. You run around with a French-Canadian, like me, you are all full of anger and rage, like I was, and you’re obsessed with Japan, while I dated an Asian. The difference is the dedication, there has never been a person in the ring with me who didn’t feel like they were in a goddamn fight, I may not have won every match, but I left every opponent feeling like they barely scraped by.

Karina, I’ll be back to you in a minute, mon cheri...Celes has me on a tangent...Ms. Dumont, do you know what I done to the last woman who tried to use me as a ‘rung on her ladder’? I damn near broke her arm in the ring to the point she couldn’t continue the match. Daisy had one of the best performances of her career against the World champion and three days later I destroyed her and sent her on such a trajectory that she never recovered. As far as when the last time I competed for a title...You’re a stupid fucking cum dumpster of a cunt aren’t you? REVOLT?! I was never in REVOLT, sis, I’m an EAW original, thank you, as far as when it happened, take a look on my forearm, I’ll make sure you get up close and personal at Empire, it has the date of my first title win. Not to mention the fact I took Raven to the edge for the New Fucking Breed title at Bloodletter, a show you weren’t even booked on. I know you wanted a mad Remi, but you’ve got an annoyed one right now. I swear to fucking Christ, I’m going to start demanding people take history courses before entering the goddamn ring. Jaysus Fuck!

Karina, you’re not much better. You’re basing your ability to beat Sian off how unattractive you think she is? That’s sound logic, sis, I gotta hand it to you. I mean, why the fuck would you want to base it on in ring ability, or past performance, y’know, like last week when Sian beat the shit from your partner Celes and left her laying in the ring? I’m glad the two of you are a team, you’re perfect for each other, you’re both fucking dense as walls. ‘Oh, I don’t go down easy.’ I won’t make the easy joke, Sian done that for me, but I will tell you this: If all your retorts and insults are gonna keep coming from middle schoolers then you needn’t be surprised when you get your fucking teeth pushed in like an annoying kid.

The two of you seem to think that beating up my little sister, who at that point hadn’t even debuted in ring yet, and leaving her in a box is something to rub in my face. Like previously noted, she got her payback. I was there if she needed it, but turns out she didn’t. I believe in letting people fight their own battles, ladies, so how about this week at Empire you stop focusing on my sister and worry about the two monsters in the ring with you.

You had best bring the versions of you that won the tag title shot, cause you’re not facing off against two random wrestlers, you’ve got the Nightmare, SIan Ryder, and the Devil herself in me, Remi two claim you wanted this? Caveat emptor, bitches.


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