MATCH PROMO Game of Thrones.. See I can name promos after shitty HBO shows too Jamie you LOSER... but ye ITS MY BIRTHDAYYYYY

Ahren Fournier

Starboi GOAT
EAW ROSTER
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#1
Ok first and foremost Jamie, shut up, ITS MY BIRTHDAY, and you will treat me as such. I don't hear a Happy Birthday song, I don't hear you singing my praises, I just hear you being mean to me. Some "Ace", yeah more like an "Ace" hole.. See what I did there? Very clever.. But yeah why don't you take your grimy little fingers over to the EAW website, and comment on my Happy Birthday thread, because today is my day, and then tomorrow is also my day, and then the day after that. Because Ahren Fournier doesn't celebrate ONE day, he gets an entire weekend.. All of you should be thankful for that, because honestly I could claim the whole week, NO, the whole month for my birthday, but I'm kind enough to let other people have it.. Oh yeah, Happy Birthday to Jack Ripley and Jesse Barlow too or whatever. They stole my birthday and are trying to steal my day from me but whatever, they're douchebags. But yea, Jamie, I'll be eagerly waiting for a heartfelt Happy Birthday from you, looking forward to it. Now to address the things you said. You know that I don't care about the praise from the fans or any of my peers. No matter what I say, no matter what I do, the people will always LUUUUHH me, and how could you not? Look my face! Look at my big old chest, look at my glutes, I get the people in the building due to my stage presence alone. I don't need to have the praise of everyone, I do this because it's a laugh and a half. It's funny to me to see you care so much, and to overreact to the littlest things. This little sandbox gated off from reality that we think matters oh so much; and to us it does. But do you think that I really care about what outside sources see me as? I won the EAW Championship because it was one of the last things I wanted to do to leave my black mark on this company. I wanted to do it because I wanted everyone to know that I just could. At the time I had what, 2 years of wrestling experience? And I just waltz on in here, and I win the biggest title in the company. That's some GOAT shit my brother, and you would be lying if you said otherwise. You think you know me, you think you have who I am down pact, but you don't. I don't even know who I am. But this thought process of me trying to change who I am due to me chasing relevancy, is just not true. I'm always on the tip of everyones tongue, literally and figuratively..

You have such a one track mind, it's like you don't think there's any other forms of success. You can only measure success by World Championships, and staying in that picture. Well, even if that was the case, I would still have you beat Jamie. I've wrestled in more Main Events this year than you have. Did I win all of them? No, but I still made the impact that you THINK you did. This over saturated, glorified version of yourself that just isn't in existence anymore. We have always had ulterior motives, and we made that clear to you you dumb little child. WE are the ILLIONAIRES, WE want to be Unified Tag Team Champions, WE want to become Triple Crown Champions, because WE want all facets of success in EAW. You always fixate on the wrong things, you can't get past what your own definition of what success is, but here's the thing, Chris and I, we're both going into the Hall of Fame regardless of what you have to say. And isn't that something? There isn't levels to the Hall of Fame, it's either you're in, or you're out, and we're most def in. WE are in the same boat as you, and there's nothing you can do about it. For as "forgettable" as you seem to think our World Title reigns are, they happened, they're in the books, and they will never be taken away from us. As for me, I don't know how you measure the success of a World Championship reign, but I would argue that I had one of the most talked about. Was it due to the fact I was manipulating a dumb blond bimbo? Sure, but we do what we can. We take what this world gives us, and we turn it into gold. That's what GOATs do, not little single brain celled boys like you. You can think back to my title reign and actually remember it because it was talked about. Was it in a negative light? Perhaps, but people DO remember it, and they DO talk about it. You can say it was a flop, but here you are remembering it's existence, remembering WHY you thought it was bad. Flash forward to Malcolm Jones, can you tell me about his title reign? No? Because it was memorable. Can you tell me about Noah Reigners title reign? No? Because it wasn't memorable. Can you tell me about Drastik's title reign? Should I go on? You don't even remember that those guys had the titles to begin with, therefore you can't even complaint hat it happened. Grow up Jamie, learn that the world isn't so black and white, someone who's touted as "smart" should understand that.

By the way, why are you even on about us losing? We didn't lose, Darkane did. And you know something? That Darkane dud is actually on our roster now. So not only did he lose the War Games match for us, he had the audacity to bring that stench over to our brand. We should be uniting against him, instead of this dumb bickering that you love to do. You were a shit captain, just accept it. That's all I want to point out. You didn't start the team building, I did. You didn't try to bring us together, Chris did. You fought us at every step of the way. Whether it was in the car driving from town to town, to my cat's date night, you never wanted to be around us. And that's fine, but don't bring us onto a team when you have no interest in actually being a team. How stupid can you be Jamie? How DUMB are you. You want to bring people that you trust, and can get the job done? Do it. The only reason that you decided to bring us on, was because YOU knew that we wouldn't gel, and YOU could have someone to point the finger at when it didn't go well. Because if you brought in someone you actually got along with, YOU would have to take the blame. Did I sign out of that match? You're damn right I did, and why wouldn't I? You treated Chris and I as underling to your captainship. I'm not a lesser Jamie, Chris isn't lesser Jamie, WE are the stars of Showdown, and if you think you can treat us like that, and have us fall behind you and follow you're lead, you're dumber than you let on. You might not even know you did this, it could've been subconsciously, but I could see it. Chris could see it. You were always the problem of the group, not us. And so our minds drifted into, why are we helping this guy? How does this help us in the long run? We want the Unified Tag Team Championships, we don't want a friendship with Jamie O'Hara. And even if we did win, then what? You would take all the credit, as captain, and we'd get what from it? You don't share well. You don't want anyone else to get the credit except for you. And homie don't play that my brother. Ahren Fournier is the main event, Chris Elite is the main event, and you will not stop our stars from shining. We are beautiful butterflies looking to fly.

Again how do you measure success Jamie? Because I can tell you right now that beating you projected me into getting the Interwire Championship.. The GOAT reign of course. Which subsequently projected me right into the EAW Championship, so fact is beateng you did do wonders for me. But you won't see that, because as of this second, I am not a World Champion. Yet, neither are you. You stand here, a little less sexy than I, a little less chiseled than I, a far subpar beard... But you stand here same as me.. No championship to speak of. You can talk yourself up, and you can put yourself on a pedestal but your'e just not that same guy. You're truly not, and as long as your kept away from that title you will continue down that slippery slope. The judgements you cast at me and Christopher, they are plentiful, but of course you can't see yourself through the same lense, though you are in the same boat.. If not worse.`Jamie at this point you're really just working off of your reputation. Everyone expects to be this big bad wrestler man that everyone should fear, but in all clarity, once you clear the fog of Jamie O'Hara, you'd see that you've fallen backward. The only relevant thing that you truly did this year was win Grand Rampage, after that.. What? You haven't done anything since losing the World Championship to Chris.. Can you deny that? All this lead up, all this build and for what? You have no plans, except for the ever cliche, WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP! But at this point it seems more like a pipe dream to me doesn't it? While Chris and I we have a clear objective, and we won't stop til it's accomplished. Two Triple Crown winners, gaining the last piece of the puzzle.. For me anyway. You say I've changed, but can you tell me how? Sure last year, the last time we faced, I was a different person, being someone that I never truly felt comfortable being.. And I slowly slipped back into who I am, who I truly am. This GOAT, Starboi, sexy sommmaaabitch you see before you. That's just who I am, there is no masks when it comes to me. If you take a look at my career, other than those 6 months where I beat you, and the aftereffects, I've been more or less this person. I haven't changed much, and really if you just go by nicknames alone, sure.. I've changed those.. I have a creative imaginative mind that likes to give monikers to myself.. But is that really a change in person? Or just a new name? I feel like you have those two things confused, and really showing your dumb stupid colors. I'm the same person that I've always been, maybe I wanted to try a different approach at things when I faced you back in the day, but now.. I just want to be GOAT Ahren.Theres no shame in changing shit up, people do it in wrestling all the time. You get bored, you want to do new things, is that so bad? Everyone always wants to act like changing your appearance, or changing a name, or changing your personality is a negative.. But is it? Why? You shouldn't have to be stuck in wrestling purgatory forever because status quo says that it's negative to do something different. And honestly, even if you want to call what the GOAT did as failures, I'll take being a failure any day of the week. Interwire Champion, Hardcore Champion, EAW Champion.. Soon to be Tag Team Champion, and you want me to say.. "ye you're right, I suck".. No, that's idiotic. Every year in EAW I become a Champion because I am one of the best in EAW, that's not even disputable. How many people around here can say that? Hmm? Not many, and you even conceded on that fact in the car all those moons ago.. But now change of Jamie O'Hara because little bitch boy didn't get his way. You're just fickle.. You're the one that's changing, not me. You're the one that dons these masks when he's trying to fit in, not me. I mean is this DOOD really throwing stones about us beating up on Lucas Johnson? My guy, Lucas Johnson still talks about how he took you to the limit, why don't you back down a tad mmkay?

You forget so much of what you don't want to remember. Your career hasn't been an ultimate ascension that you've never fallen down from. Your mouth, your ego, has gotten your ass kicked so many times, that's why you weren't even here for like half the year. You got beat up, Cam came to your rescue, and you almost died in a hospital bed. Then you came back and lost to Theron.. TO THERON!! You want to talk about my failures? Ye ight, and yours? Losing to Theron, Losing to DDD, losing at War Games, who the fuck is Jamie O'Hara now? You always say how you always learn from failures, but this year has just been one clustfuck of failures for you my boi.. And yet you don't look back them, you don't relish in them, you don't accept them. You'd rather point fingers at the GOAT and say well you were this, and you were that.. And I SUCK DIIIICCCKKK. Yeah, you said you sucked dick, and it was weird.. Didn't need to know that my guy. Honestly, you're fake AF... You do this to everyone you face, you try and act all smart, and you claim to face your failures, but when it comes right down to it, you point the finger at everyone else. I've had the more successful career than you after you lost the World Heavyweight Championship.. That's a fact. And you don't ever have to run from your past because Cameron is always there to run to your aid. You always have that pussy on lock to come hand out support whoever you're down and out. I've gone through this game alone, with Jennipurr.. Now that I have Chris by my side? Hmm feel cute might win the Unified Tag Team Championships later idk... SHUT THE FUCK JAMIE.. I want to call you by a elongated name, but Jamie is all there is, and I hate you for it. OOHHHH MY GOOOOD JAMIEEE YOU DONT EVEN LISTEN YOUR WIFES PROMOSSSSS. Sad, very sad. You stole the words from my wet pink tongue, which I stole from your wifes.. Dummie. She said what makes you worthy to stand in the ring with me.. Now I said it back to her, and now you're saying it to me. CHRISTOPHER!! It's your turn to say it to Jamie to be honest.. But yeah, what makes me think that I'm worthy of standing in the ring with you? IM THE JOKER BABYYYY.. Naw, I'm the GOAT, and you ain't my baby son, I can replicate anything I want to, and surely so can you, as you have stolen a line from me, who stole it from Cameron.

As for my final words... Um, Jamie can I get that cat onesie though? Cuz that sounds adorable. I thought we were going to be best friends too, but I guess some things just aren't meant to be. You were supposed to be nice to me, you were supposed to be nice to Chris, and of course you were supposed to be nice to Jennipurr, but you ruined it. You couldn't get over this thought that we're just bad, and didn't deserve to be in the almighty presence of Jamie O'Hara.. Ok, now hold up, cuz I got a clever tortoise and the O'Hara.. line to get to. Ok, you think you're so far ahead of us Mr. O'Hare... A, but this race isn't about speed, it's about beating the shit out of you. We're going to show you that we're much better than you will ever give us credit for. This match shouldn't be happening, we should be at lunch, having a nice latte and biscuits, but you just had to open your mouth and say the things you said. Jennipurr would be seated right in between you and I Jamie, nomming on biscuits. You could even boop her snoot, I wouldn't be mad at it.. But now? You're mean. You said hurtful things, and the ILLIONAIRES have to fight you about it. And for that little shot you took at Jennipurr, you "always hating cats".. Yeah I'm sure you hate pussy dude, I'm going to throw Jennipurr ON YOUR FACE AGAIN, AND YOU WILL FEEL THE CLAWS! AND... YOU WILL GET THE HOOVES! Then once this is all over, I guess we can consider being best friends again, but only if you're on your best behavior from here on out ok? This is just a waste of time, we should be facing Heavenly Hell for the Tag Team Championships this weekend, but no.. Jamie had to be turd.. It's fine.. I guess it'll be a nice warm up.. And it'll be nice having a winning record against the "Ace".. 2-1 bitch.

 
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