MATCH PROMO Holy Fuckballs [Dynasty 1]

Crosby Carter

The White Trash Carters

Dynasty was in the books. The FloBros had yet again successfully won a tag team contest. No shock there. And then they were confronted by the losers from Showdown, The Revolution. Pain for Pride was just two weeks away and while many people were up in arms and full of rage, the FloBros were riding a wave. They were heading into their first ever Pain for Pride as the true number one contenders for the tag team titles and no matter what happened in Atlanta, the world would have no choice but to recognize the FloBros. No matter who won that match, they were making history for themselves and no one could take that away from them. They had always been two people who had a positive outlook on life and this was potentially the coolest thing to ever happen to them. This was their dream.

Carsyn and Crosby Carter had gone back to their hotel room after the show, exhausted and ready to hit the road for next week. Crosby was already in bed, under the comforter. He was channel surfing with one hand in a bag of hot cheetos. His flawless wife stepped out of the bathroom, after removing the makeup from her skin. She was fresh-faced and glowy, wearing a pair of pink silky bootie shorts and a tight white tank top. Her blonde hair was piled on top of her head in a messy bun. She yawned as she slipped into bed, tucking her legs slightly beneath the comforter. Carsyn picked up her phone off of the nightstand and began scrolling.

After a few moments she nearly screamed.

“Holy fuckballs!”

Carsyn’s mouth was ajar as her husband slowly turned and looked at her confused.

“What?” He asked, shoving a handful of hot cheetos in his mouth. Crosby was expecting for her to talk about the launch of a new eyeshadow palette or a cute outfit she saw on Insta. Instead his wife turned to him, with shock written all over her face.

“Uhhh. They announced your match for Dynasty next week.” She started, speaking slowly. “You’re main eventing.”

“Yo sick!” Crosby replied. This would be his first time main eventing a Dynasty. Only Thadd had gotten that honour before, teaming with the icon that is Jamie O’Hara.

“Yupp.” His wife said cautiously.

“So what’s the match??” He asked, anxiously.

“It’s you and Thadd….” She started as Crosby nodded a long. “Teaming with Mr. Dedede.” Crosby arched an eyebrow. “And you’re facing the Wildcards…. And Jamie O’Hara.” She finally finished, looking at him awkwardly.

Crosby’s jaw dropped and a few hot cheetos fell out. “Holy fuckballs.” He finally said.

“Yeah.. That’s what I said!”

They sat in silence for a minute. Neither Crosby nor Carsyn could fathom him stepping into the ring with Mr. Dedede AND Jamie O’Hara in the same night, just two weeks before Pain for Pride. Carsyn took a breath and composed herself, seeing the thoughts running through Crosby’s mind.

“Okay. Mr. Dedede and Jamie O’Hara are a little intimidating. But, Starr Stan put you in this position because he believes in you. And those two legends aside, you finally get to put your hands on Xander Payne and Myles, the makeshift team from Voltage that was literally put together by drawing names out of a fucking hat. This is a perfect opportunity for the FloBros to brush shoulders with two living legends and to show Myles and Xander exactly what is in store for them at Pain for Pride. This is the opportunity of all opportunities for you guys. So you just need to get your head in the game and don’t be overwhelmed or star struck by Dedede or Jamie. Focus on sending a message to that fat fuck and his beefy frenemy with the ugliest pants on earth.”

She smiled and nodded. Half convincing herself that this was just another match. And Crosby also nodded.

“You’re right, babe. I’m going to get to tag team with the fuckin’ owner of this whole damn place and the God, Mr. Dedede. And I get to stand across the ring from Jamie O’Hara? I might even get to throw hands with the real freakin’ Ace. Now that’s some shit.”

“Right?!” His wife replied.

The daredevil had a huge grin on his face as he thought about just how cool this match truly was. Then his wife watched as it slowly faded from his face.

“Uhhh…. Didn’t you cuss out and almost slap Veena Adams in the face once? You know, his favourite niece?” His voice was apprehensive and Carsyn grit her teeth, making a face.

“Yeah… let’s just hope he didn’t see that.”

- - - - - - - - - -​

..::Crosby Carter::..​
“Oh for reals, the main event of Dynasty this week is fuckin’ fire. It might be as lit as Bro for Pride. Me and my best friend for life are going to step into the ring and team with the Gawd himself and stand across the ring from Jamie O’Hara and those voltage fuckboys. And I am stoked as fuck. Not just to step into the ring with some goddamn legends, but to finally get my fuckin’ hands on Myles and Xander in a straight tag match. It looks like our one on one match at Pain for Pride is getting a little out of hand. The Revolution are about to be added. And although I’ve got faith in my bro, I wouldn’t be surprised if Heavenly Hell get their goth asses in this match too, come Voltage. I mean, at least they hold the Empire Tag Titles. Did a lot more than the fuckin’ Revolution did to get a Pain for Pride match. And because of all of that bullshit, this might be my only chance to get my hands on fatty fatty two by four and his sergeant in a straight match. Because Dedede? He don’t give a flying fuck about either of you two. He made it real clear that you are weighing Jamie down in this match. And I might not agree with like 95 percent of the shit that man does, but that we can agree on. He’ll happily leave your ass for me and Thadd to deal with. And you got some payback coming your way from Voltage. You wanna put hands on my wife? Hah. I’m supposed to pull some macho shit and say that I’mma fuck you up on her behalf, right? Nah. My wife is gonna smack at least one of you in the face this week. She’s gonna make you motherfuckers pay. That’s a fuckin’ guarantee. No. What I’m getting payback for is that you two losers ran away like a bunch of little bitches on Voltage. You had no problem getting in Carsyn’s face. But when the numbers were even and Thadd and I stood up, where’d you go? You bailed. Pathetic.

Aren’t you supposed to be the fuckin’ tag champs? Aren’t you supposed to be the absolute best tag team in EAW? I don’t fuckin see it. I don’t think EAW deserves champions who are afraid to stand across from their competition and throw down. Thadd and I? We don’t run from a fight. We’re never afraid to get down and dirty and bloody as fuck. We revel in that shit. We wanna fight. And on Dynasty, we’re gonna give the world a fuckin’ show. We’re gonna show them and you why our match at Pain for Pride is gonna be a fuckin show stealer. Because you may think this is gonna be easy peasy for you boys, but it’s gonna be a lot fuckin’ harder than you think. Like my bro said, you didn’t even win those tag titles fair and square. And you defended them against people we’ve beaten. And now you’re running from us? That’s a team I’m supposed to look at and be scared of? Get fucked. Thadd and I are the best tag team in EAW. Hands fucking down. And this week we’re just gonna give you a taste of the ass whooping we’re dealing out at Pain for Pride.”

..::Carsyn Carter::..​
"How embarrassing will it be for you boys to lose a match to your number one contenders two weeks before Pain for Pride? How will you honestly live that down? Let me tell you, the Revolution won’t let you live it down. The FloBros won’t let you live it down. And if Heavenly Hell makes it into that match, they won’t let you live it down either. The Bros have nothing to lose and everything to prove and this is their chance to get their fuckin’ hands on you and make Dynasty proud. And if you think we plan on going into that ring on Friday Night and losing to the Wildcards two weeks before Pain for Pride, then you don’t know shit. This match is full of bad blood and I know it’s gonna be a fuckin’ mess. Mr. Dedede is a scary ass man and I don’t envy you, standing across the ring from him. At least Jamie is like, a nice person. This match will be chaos. And if you know anything about Crosby Carter and Thadd Blazevitch going into this week, it should be that they thrive in chaos. You’re gonna walk into Dynasty and walk out clutching those belts real fucking close to your chest. Because you’re getting a taste of your future and it’s not a future you want. You’re going to leave Dynasty knowing that the threat of those belts leaving your waists at Pain for Pride is as real as it’s ever been. The FloBros have been fighting their way to this moment since the second they stepped into the doors. Being tag team champions has always been their goal. It is their dream and their fucking destiny. You boys just look at it as something cute to pad your resume as you move onto bigger and brighter things. But the Bros? They see this as the ultimate goal and if you think you’re going to steal that moment from them simply by existing, you’ve got another thing coming.

Hold those belts tight boys, because you won’t be able to defend them the same way you won them. If you hit Crosby or Thadd over the head with a kendo stick, they’ll get right back up. So I hope you’ve got something else in the fucking tank. This week is just the beginning. It’s just your wake up call and your forced realization that the FloBros are the future of this company and the tag team division. No two members of this roster know each other better than the Bros do. And your sad little gossip girl frenemy tag team is being held together by tape and glue. And this will just be the start of the cracks in the foundation of the Wildcards. When one of you takes the pin, how long will it be before the other one turns on you? How long before you’re pointing fingers and crying foul? This week we start to tear you apart. And at Pain for Pride. We finish the job.

“Oh. And Xander? I’ll get my payback this week. You wanna put your disgusting maple syrup paws in my face? Oh, hunny. That’s the biggest mistake you’ve ever made. Bet on it.”

..::Crosby Carter::..​
“Dude, you fucked up.”

“But for real, Pain for Pride is approaching and the FloBros have been on a fuckin’ roll. We’re banking wins and capitalizing on our momentum. And we plan to go into Pain for Pride with yet another win under our belt, this time over the tag team champions and Jamie motherfuckin’ O’Hara. If that doesn’t make you take us seriously, I don’t think anything will. But even if you don’t, it’ll be your downfall bro. Because we’re taking that gold in Atlanta, whether you see it comin’ or not. And before that, we’re taking a dub’ya on Friday Night. On God.”

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