MATCH PROMO I meant to post this earlier but then I got high | Showdown 02

Jack Haze

The Enlightened
EAW ROSTER
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A Yellow Submarine
#1

I knew the both of you would jump at the chance to reply to me as soon as possible. I anticipated it because you can't go a full 24 hours without hearing yourselves ramble and you get off on the temporary relevance that gets brought to your names when you're booked for a match. That's fine, though. I'm always happy to shoot holes in your battleship.

Josh is right. The Revolution goes down together, and that's exactly what they'll be doing come Saturday. I don't have to "shape Cody to my liking", he's already a beast in the ring on his own. He doesn't need any extra push there, it's outside of it that he does and that's more so what I was referring to. But as I've come to find out after hearing your whole rant, you didn't pay attention in school when it came to reading comprehension. Where is this whole "Cody is a helpless drunk" thing coming from, by the way? Because Cody likes to crack open a cold one to celebrate a victory, he's a big alcoholic? This is just like when people think all I do is smoke dope. Nah, bro. We got priorities and those consist of kicking ass in that squared circle first and foremost THEN enjoying the fruits of our labor. You both are exhibiting the very stereotype I brought up earlier. You're immediately writing off Cody, discrediting his ability and saying he's gonna turn on me first chance he gets, even as soon as this match. That's what the un-Enlightened would think. Of course I have already thought about all of the things that Cody could do if he wanted to be so despicable but I refuse to give up on him like that because I see the potential. He's tapped into it before and he can do it again. I'm not gonna force Cody to be anything he doesn't wanna be, that's not how this works. The mind has to be willing to think the way I think. If he really wants to, he can change but if not, fuck it, I tried.

When it comes to EAW's best tag teams, nobody, and I can't stress this enough, NOBODY has the Revolution even in their top 5. I don't take back what I said about you being able to back up what you say because I don't have to look any further than last week..and the week before..and the week before that to see that the both of you are more concerned about who can talk the most crap, regardless of it being true or not, instead of putting your energy towards actually putting on a winning performance. You'll shove your boot down Malcolm Jones' throat? Make him "spit out the truth"? When? You had your chance last week and blew it. He told you both you were bottom of the barrel players and him even getting into the ring with you was equivalent to being sentenced to community service because there was no way you two belonged in there with him with your track records, and I'd say you proved him right since you didn't get your hands raised in the end. After all that shit talk, too, man! Incredible. You guys have no right to go after Cody for slipping up once against you when you've made whole careers out of doing just that and not learning from them. But I'll let the big guy speak for himself.

I know exactly what's on the line, Joshua. That might be why I brought it up to begin with, but fuck, I could be wrong, I guess? I'd be pretty bold to question you, huh? You just might be more delusional than your partner. I don't know what more I have to explain to you, I already said why I think you're both way in over your heads and there's nothing you can do to change my mind besides step your game up and show some fucking heart. I didn't say this profession wasn't about winning, I said that sometimes there's things that matter more than it. To quote myself exactly I said "It's not always about winning". I also didn't say that I wasn't confident in Cody and I's ability to work together. In fact, I said the exact opposite. But again, that darn reading comprehension. I'm gonna have to do a lot of repeating myself this week, aren't I? All I was saying was I'm not gonna get cocky like you two and jump ahead to bragging about titles we haven't even won. I'm more focused on getting past this first match and officially earning the number one contendership before even thinking about what I'd do once we had the titles in our possession. I'm not hiding anything, never have, never will. I've always taken responsibility for my losses and even my wins when I didn't get them in proper fashion, like my match with TLA the other week. I may have won, and the record books will show that I beat the Openweight Champion but I'm not proud of the way it went down because it makes it look like I needed help. I didn't.

I understand neither of you care about how good you look besides physically, even that isn't much, but I do. I'm not here to skate by like you and do the bare minimum. I'm ready and willing to take on all challenges thrown my way and give my best every time. That's what I'm about meanwhile you're proud to admit that you take the easy way out of everything. DAMN SURE could not be me. I don't have a fantastic winning streak or anything like that but I know what winning a match like this will take because I've been there before. I've had success in every tag team I've been apart of. And in case you forgot, I was called up from Battleground early because of the way I did things while you two were begging to be given any points at all. That right there only further proves my point about wins and losses because where were you while I was having my main roster debut against Drake King? Right. I'm well aware the hard worker doesn't always get the reward, though, and that's why I'm really gonna go at it this week. I know that both of you are gonna do whatever it takes to make sure we don't win, you don't care about going about it underhandedly, you just wanna hear your names announced as the winners. Thanks for letting us know exactly the kind of fight we're in for ahead of time, boys: a lopsided one. You can run but you can't hide. I've seen both of you at "work", feels wrong to even use that word with you, and I know all sorts of ways you're gonna try to trick us or take advantage of a shady situation and roll us up like Diesel did to me, but I've learned from my past and best believe I'm gonna be thinking through every move I make from now on. You won't even get the chance to do this any other way except the right way, I think that means trouble for two guys who openly announce that they rely on everything but their own skill to get through because they don't "play by the rules". Pfft.

Our partnership is deeper than "staying relevant". Cody has been here twice as long as I have, he has no problem sticking around and me, well, it's basically science at this point that you can't get rid of me no matter how hard you try because I'm only gonna come back even better than before. Again with the "you've only been a team for 2 minutes thing", THAT HASN'T STOPPED ANYBODY IN THE PAST! Like I said, Drillmatic's first match as a team they dethroned two GOATs. Even those two GOATs were thrown together at the last second but still defended the same championships you're thinking only "real" teams can hold. I say any two people that wanna work together to reach a goal is a team, nothing more, nothing less. I've seen blood brothers lose. What you think is an advantage really isn't gonna help you all that much if you can't get past your own egos. If it doesn't concern you, you don't care, Jake? If that's true, why were you so hell bent on inserting yourself into the triple threat between Drake, Myles and Xander? It didn't concern you but you wanted it to, so, so badly because as proven time and time again, you want that attention and you know you can't get it without doing ridiculous shit like posting daily status updates to remind the world that you aren't booked and fighting with security to get into an event you could've just walked into like a normal person because you're a fucking ROSTER MEMBER, dude. But I realize now that you're far from that. Jake Smith doesn't think rationally, he lives in his own little world. It's why he keeps calling me little man despite me weighing around 10 pounds more than him. He wants to feel bigger than he actually is, than he ever will be in reality. And I'm the one that's supposedly clueless to the world around him..You can say I'm not the target but the fact is that I am. You know you have to get through me and Cody to move on. There is no way around me or him except showing up for this match and being put through the ringer. See, unlike you, I'm not completely counting you out but it's hard for me to believe that The Revolution all of a sudden has their heads on straight, especially by the way you're talking to me.

Now, onto another subject you guys can't seem to drop..

The Beatles.

It's funny all I did was say one thing my theme song was better than your tag name in passing and all of a sudden this is about the group who performed it. I didn't even say any names, I didn't bring 'em up another time, but you took it upon yourselves to look up exactly what my theme was and try to come at me about it because you can dish shit out but can't take it apparently. I didn't wanna get into this with anybody, especially not you two since its clear you have no idea what you're talking about when it comes to wrestling or music, but you opened the can of worms, not me.

You've walked right into uncharted territory, you clueless motherfucker. The Beatles are the reason music is what it is today. They achieved a lot of firsts in both recording efforts and live performances, not that you'd know. They were bigger than anything that had before them and still have yet to be surpassed. Many musicians like Queen and Michael Jackson, world leaders like Barack Obama, designers like Tommy Hilfiger, technological kingpins like Steve Jobs have all cited The Beatles as important historical figures that changed the world in a mere decade and influenced them personally. They still have the record for most number one hits, both from the U.S. and U.K. back when streaming wasn't a thought and people had to physically go out and buy records at the store. They are still leading earners in music merchandise sales, Paul McCartney is a fucking billionaire and still sells out world tours, so people and their kids still know about them, you're just a dunce. The world you seem to not really be involved with as you know it today would be drastically different if they hadn't existed. They were working class teenagers and transformed themselves to stars just like I'm gonna do after I tear you and your boy apart and leave you hurtin' on your way back to Venice. Fuck Venice, by the way. Santa Monica for life. There I don't gotta worry about hearing the opinions of the uninformed in my ear over and over. Being loud and wrong on the fucking internet. Jake Smith, you're gonna get what's coming to you, I promise you. You're ignorant, unwilling to change, a know-it-all who actually knows nothing. You watch but do you listen? Your eyes are looking the screen and your ears are hearing me talk but are you understanding? Absolutely nothing stands between the way of me running through you like The Missile your fuckboy, Big Country headass partner claims to be but shows no signs of and I'm gonna drop you on your fucking head and send you to the hospital bed instead of Under Seige, you punk. You're gonna be the one seeing colors, you're gonna be reliving last week and feel the burn of losing to two randoms put together in a team for the sake of kicking your ass which isn't that hard of a task. At least they made it look easy as hell last week. Whatever you're bringing to Showdown, Cody and I don't need to have all of the experience in the world to fend you off. It's still one-on-one, just a partner on the rope if you need 'em so regardless of which one of us is responsible for it, The Revolution will be the ones kneeling, begging for Cody not to crack their heads open like he did to good ol' Solomon. I'm not his advocate but I am his partner and what good is a duo if they can't work together? I'm gonna stand by Cody and help him onto the path. This is the Age of Enlightenment boys. It's starting. You can either join me and realize what you're doing is only beneficiary to your ego and not your soul, the one that really matters, you never truly win in this life. You can win all the matches in the world and still be empty. That's how this world and this business can crush you in the end but I refuse to be another casualty. I refuse to forget human empathy and emotion, become stone cold and heartless. Fuck that. Since day one I have promoted peace and love in place of hatred and violence but I will say The Revolution is an exception. They think only of themselves and surrounded themselves with so much negativity that they became negativity manifested and it makes me sick to watch such a rapid decline in the function of the human brain watching these two idiots talk about me and my life and just a life in general that they couldn't put themselves in the shoes of. There is nothing on Earth greater than knowledge yet these dudes don't take advantage of it. Cody and I could be on track to something bigger and better but I won't know that until I take baby steps towards it and I'm not gonna be patronized for trying new things like starting another tag team. It's always the experimental that get the most criticism. You guys wanna stand out so bad. Think you're so edgy because you're scum of the Earth but you guys should know it's been done many, many times before and just like them, you will go down. You'll be forgotten. The next set of cocky assholes will take residence. It's a cycle, man. Me and Cody though. I am bridging a gap. I am fighting for peace just by trying to befriend the big guy. This doesn't always happen. That's why there's so much confusion as to why it's happening because it hasn't been done before but I believe in my heart we can do it. There's no reason Cody Marshall and Jack Haze vs. The Jaded Hearts can't be on that Under Seige card. I am the underdog but I've been proving people wrong my whole life, my dudes and I'm sure I got many years more of that ahead of me but I'm not afraid of anything or anybody so bring your best, Revolution, but I won't be kneeling. The rolling stone gathers no moss so we're rolling right through you bums and onto the next one.


And nice job Googling "60s rock bands", you bare minimum son of a bitch. The Beach Boys wish they put out Sgt. Pepper's. Listen to "Helter Skelter" and educate yourself on pop culture, fool.
 

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