MATCH PROMO Imma Beat A Bitch So Bad I'll Make The Saudis Proud

TLA

La Pantera Sexual
EAW ROSTER
EAW Hall of Famer
Messages
1,380
Points
113
The camera cuts to TLA outside the ruins of the burned down taco bell. TLA is shown explaining to the authorities how it is really no big loss so they shouldn’t arrest or deport him or anything like that. They seem to be pretty understanding about it too.

TLA: Ayyy holmes we burned this shit to the ground! A huevo! This Taco Bell be left so flat that even Andre Walker would believe in it! Yo we had to put a stop to it.

Policía: Look I understand that this place is trash. I have had stomach issues ever since the last time I ate here. It’s not healthy and breaking all kinds of health guidelines. Probably what started the entire pandemic. But in spite of all of that we can’t just let you get away with burning down a restaurant. I am sure you understand.

TLA: Awww por favor you know we can do y’all a little favor. Get you that Poon Palace discount yo. I mean come on ese it ain’t really that serious.

Policía: Are you trying to bribe a police officer? I ought to whip that ass for the audacity!

TLA: :whoa:

Policía: Do you have anything else to say before I haul your ass in for further questioning.

TLA: You weren’t there… You didn’t see it. What they did. What they were planning to do… The gringos mayne… they are out of control…

Policía: What?

TLA: Look… This was from their latest meeting. It was going to happen.

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Policía: My god. This cannot be real.

TLA: Fortunately… it is no longer real… because of my actions. I understand burning down the entire restaurant was extreme. But I hope after seeing this you understand that drastic measures had to be taken.

Policía: I… I understand. I had no idea things had progressed this far. It has truly gotten far worse at Taco Bell than even my darkest nightmares could have imagined. I apologize for this inconvenience señor TLA. I hope you have a great day and hopefully you will win King of Elite. Under your reign I know that you will protect us from future threats to our civilization such as this.

The police officer is shown making his way back to his vehicle with a look of fear in his eyes like he just saw a ghost. In fact as TLA would later learn the man would resign from the force that very day. The PTSD from what he had seen would haunt him in his dreams for the rest of his life. It triggered uncontrollable anxiety, depression, and alcoholism driving him away from his wife and kids who eventually became estranged. The police officer would live alone in his dark apartment shaking thinking about what TLA had shown him for the rest of his life until his death by overdose at age 51.

TLA: All that is left behind is ashes. This place is better cooked than their actual food. Ah well at least it’s not an Applebee’s. RIP BOZO :joy:

TLA leaves knowing that his job here is done and the world has been saved from the threat of Taco Bell. For now… For in the back of TLA’s mind he knows that there are hundreds more of these so-called restaurants out there. All with the same dark motives, dark secrets, and dark conspiracies. One day he will find them all… and destroy them for good. But for now TLA has a match he must focus on so he retreats to his Fortress of Swolitude to pump that iron.

TLA: Yee we pumpin’ that iron to get that gold. Hierro por oro. That’s how it always works. That’s how it gotta be. Now I understand that Ms. Extreme got much luv for her familia. That is all good and all. She believes in her heart that no matter what an Ava is going to win this tournament. Now I can understand her skepticism. Taking offense to my confidence and my brand loyalty up in here but you just gotta understand that is how it is. I am a ride or die type vato. I fly that flag. Gotta represent. Gotta put it all up and out there and tell the world that Voltage ain’t ones to be fucked with. Nah Voltage is fucking with all y’all and we taking this tournament home just like we took home them bragging rights back at Territorial Invasion. Despite what I say nothing is for certain in this business. You gotta earn everything you get but that earning starts with believing. Shit starts with confidence. So I be out here imagining that victory for Voltage.

Then we going to make it happen.

TLA: We got that shit on lock and you know I got the key. Gonna open up this company to a whole new world of possibilities once I am El Rey. Cuz this shit is only a short path away from reclaiming my throne as El Campeón. Ms. Extreme gotta recognize that the reason errybody out on social media is saying that Voltage got this shit locked down is cuz they believe it too. They know how good we are and how hard we go. They know what we all about but it is up to us to live up to they expectations. Even if we fail we gotta give it all we got cuz that is all we can do and we owe it to these people to give our absolute best. We owe it to ourselves as well cuz you want to call yo self the Baddest Bitch on the Planet. Well like you said yo hermana up in this match. You lose tonight and you ain’t going to the finals and you know what she gets to say next time you see her?

Guess there was a badder bitch than you on this planet.

TLA: But you woke up and felt like that bitch and like I said feelin’ it is the first step to being it. You think you got what it takes to be the baddest and I am looking forward to seeing that for myself. Bring all that cockiness and all that confidence in the ring. Be mean. Be disrespectful. Give me all you got. Show me you want it. Slap the shit outta me. I give no fucks cuz imma give you it right back and then some. You know that the other brands going to be lurking at ringside. Xander Payne wants some. Whoever gonna win from Showdown wants some. They can come get some. But they best watch out. Cuz if Xander is going to be out there… then there prolly isn’t much room for anyone else. So hopefully we can still fit you in somehow. Homie is wide I’m talkin’ about WIDE wide. Homie most definitely been eating a little too much Taco Bell lately no matter what weight the ring announcer says he is at King of Elite.

If he wins we really gonna need a bigger crown.

TLA: Maybe I should have burned down a Burger King instead. Could have gotten him what he needs. I guess there is still time for that in the finals. Camille may think that imma slap the shit out of her with that lawsuit after she came for me all infringing on that gimmick. But yo I ain’t settling my shit that way. Not settling my shit in a courtroom or with a lawsuit. That’s the pussy way of handling shit. That ain’t the luchador way of handling shit. We going to handle this shit like soldados do. We settling shit in the ring. We settling shit on the streets if we gotta. If this whole match ends in disqualification cuz Xander’s fat ass gets involved in it then we are going to settle it all over the arena when I start busting monitors over all y’all cabezas. It just be like that sometimes. You want a lawsuit then go infringe on Kensingten’s gimmick I know that she is just waiting for the chance. She can settle shit from behind that pretty white picket fence in her suburban lawn and not even have to break a nail.

Meanwhile imma give you the claws.

TLA: Big cat gonna be giving you them big claws. Straight pantera style up in here you ain’t even see me comin’ when I pounce on yo ass. Camille got all that cred, all that familia, all that money. She all good and set living that good life. She has and has had a whole lot more than I ever did, yet I still got what she don’t have. Unlike her I have won the World Heavyweight Championship before. Shit was a long hard road but in the end I got it done. I got it in and it is only a matter of time before I get it in again. Who knows. Maybe it will take just as long as the first one. Maybe twice as long. I don’t know and I give no fucks cuz none of that matters. What matters is that you do yo best each day every day fight to get better. Stronger. Faster. Improve on yo self. Chase yo goals. Embrace the struggle.

Live that good life.

TLA: The facts are that it don’t matter who wins this match. We both going to be giving a huge middle finger to Drake King when he looking on at what we doing. Just cuz he is jealous that we competing in the premiere wrestling tournament in the world and putting on match of the year candidates less than a month into the year don’t mean he gets to just #Boycott that shit. Nah that shit already backfiring something fierce. Cuz all publicity is good publicity and the more a guy like Drake tells people not to watch it the more they are going to watch it. The more the talent in the tournament is going to step it up to make sure that 2021 is the best version of this tournament to date. New year. New tournament. Same vato. TLA giving you exactly what he always giving you. Giving you that lucha. Giving you that fight. Giving you that straight up hardcore war type shit as we take over the streets. Fucking bad bitches and dropping haters. You know I got my AK strapped up we hittin’ the barrio blastin’ on any pendejos who dare step to our crew. Camille stepping in the ring with an OG and she about to get bled dry.

Hope she ready to put that sangre on the line.

TLA: Drake thinks that it is a problem because women are in the King of Elite tournament and I am not surprised that he has gone that route in 2021. It seems like he is determined to just sink lower and lower every year and honestly this isn’t even my battle. EAW has more than enough bad bitches backstage who are going to hand him his culo if he keeps on running his mouth like this. So I will let Camille and all the others deal with his shit. If he gets involved in my match or keeps talking the shit he been talking about me tho then that’s a whole different story. That’s my business. You dropping my name that’s on my turf. My name is something you should be putting that respeck on and if you putting something different on it then imma put you down six feet under.

You know Steroid Dawg really likes digging holes right?

TLA: Them Saudis raging as fuck cuz we got chicas in this tournament but they gonna be raging even more than Drake after they see what Ms. Extreme can do. They gonna be throwing that Arab money up at me and you know imma be collecting on it. Ain’t no shame about it. I’m a professional and I ain’t going to just start holding back none. Nah imma do to Ms. Extreme what Saudi husbands allowed to legally do to they wives behind closed doors. The Saudis want to bitch about intergender matches but not afraid to stone a ho in the street. You know I just might have a little public stoning of my own in that ring. Camille best watch out cuz I don’t live in no glass house so I will most definitely be the one to throw that first stone. Gonna toss that shit right between the eyes and get that KO with the quickness.

Gonna show that Saudi prince what real royalty looks like.

TLA: He gonna be calling me king instead of he papi. His bitch gonna be calling me that too but that is for a whole other conversation. Camille apparently doesn’t want to be called Queen of Elite. She looking to get that King of Elite title in. Looking to get some of that masculine shit in breaking them gender norms in 2021. You love to see it. She freeing herself from the shackles of society just like how Azrael will soon enough free himself from the shackles of his trailer park warehouse that he lives in. Free my big homie for real for real. Realer than real. Freer than free. Bigger than big. Homier than homie. We letting him out and nobody stopping us. Azrael just the first of many kids in cages that we going to free in the near future. Then we tearing down all the walls and flooding the shit outta this country and taking it over as is our destiny. This gonna be our country real quick and you know imma drop Camille and get that crown so that I can rule over it. Once I am king my first decree will be simple.

I will declare that the Ws will never end!

TLA: Indeed my Ws will never end and my Ls will never begin! That is the future that I dream of and one I will make a reality. Well maybe that isn’t something that you can just declare and make happen. But with my mad skillz I will hop in that ring and make it happen regardless. Who is gonna stop me? When I have won King of Elite, won that championship, taken over the company there ain’t nobody left to take me down. They all gonna step up and I will take on all comers. We will find out just who can take me down, but as far as I am concerned it is going to be nobody cuz I am undisputedly the Baddest Hombre on the Planet! You fuckin’ with the Voltage Franchise and imma get my face plastered on all the posters, all the merch, got all the fans in the building chanting my name you know they know what I can do and want to see what I am going to bring to the mesa this week on Voltage. This match going to be worth a watch and imma steal the show doing what I do.

Get all them eyez on me.

TLA: Camille talked about the three men that she ain’t been able to get victories over. Yo boi, yo boi’s compadre, and the guy that yo boi eliminated in the Extreme Elimination Chamber. Of course mi compadre Terry being the one who eliminated yo boi. We got all kinds of tangled history up in here but none of it relevant when we step in that ring. All that is relevant is our skills, our determination, our passion. I know that I’m packin’ and we gonna see how I measure up this time. I know I have dropped yo ass in the past and I am looking to do it again. Send you that reminder that as far as you have come you still can’t get the job done against me. Nothing personal but I know from experience the L will sting just the same. Or maybe this will be the time you get it done. You seem like a hustler ready to hustle and I am pumped to see just how hard you gonna go against me. But I gotta warn you that I go hard in this bitch taking it all and giving nothing back. You may not be able to afford to fail…

But we going to find out what happens when that credit card gets declined.

TLA: The Ava Killa back up and at it again. You may be willing to put all that work in and there would be no shame in losing to someone who has truly earned it. Ain’t no shame in losing to una pinche guerrera who has brought the fight that you simply could not overcome on that night. I would train harder and come right back at you next time. You can never keep a good vato down for long. You know what they say. TLA always up to somethin’. I be schemin’ and cousin’ that ruckus you ain’t know what imma do next. It’s all respect tho which is why I will do my best to bring my all and then some. Cuz if I ain’t respected your talent then why would I even bother to go all out? If it was disrespect on my mind then I would be toying with you. Humiliating you. Showing the world just what kind of basura you are but nah that ain’t what is going to happen. We gonna put on a classic. The fans are going to be unable to blink when they see what we do in that ring. You want to give me the fight of my life? I can’t wait cuz imma be fighting for my life. Fighting for that survival. Gonna feel just like old times. But just like old times. Imma survive. So Camille when you lose to me and go to King of Elite…

I just hope they are serving better food in catering than Taco Bell.

TLA is shown pumping that iron in the gym as he does a backflip over the bench and looks out a window. TLA is angered to see that yet another Taco Bell has appeared outside. TLA sets down the iron and reaches into his bag to find a flamethrower. It is time to do what must be done. It is time to save the world once more.
 

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