PROMO ASSISTANCE & SERVICES THREAD

Ronn Bank$

The Culture
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@Ronan Malosi
http://eawnetwork.com/index.php?threads/brighter-side-of-suffering.7399/

As I told you in the chat, your promos sentence structure needs improvement. I suggested using periods to break up your sentences so that your promos didn't read as a big run on sentence, but you only added periods to the end of each paragraph. I need you to add periods all throughout, not just at the end. For example:

“At this point it was either adapt or perish and I chose to adapt your never gonna get anywhere in life playing by the rules sometimes you gotta bend them a little bit, you gotta raise hell a prime example of this is the Answers World Champion Theron Nikolas he is willing to do whatever it takes to win and that’s where Darkane failed he didn’t adapt so he perished and for me the same thing I focused on destruction all I wanted was carnage and where did it get me, I’ll tell you where it got me it nearly costed me my life as my head was kicked into the ring post and as you can see that took a toll on me (shows scar from the ring post) do you see that that’s my thank you for almost dying and that Cash in the Vault qualifier was supposed to be my moment the time I showed the world I didn’t need them but guess what? I can barely remember the match my lights were out thanks to Hades the Hellraiser and while people got a kick out of it no pun intended I certainly didn’t answer me a question do you see me laughing? I’m guessing your answer is no”

Changed to:

“At this point it was either adapt or perish and I chose to adapt. You're never gonna get anywhere in life playing by the rules, sometimes you gotta bend them a little bit, you gotta raise hell. A prime example of this is the Answers World Champion Theron Nikolas. He is willing to do whatever it takes to win and that’s where Darkane failed, he didn’t adapt so he perished. For me the same thing I focused on was destruction. All I wanted was carnage and where did it get me? I’ll tell you where it got me it nearly cost me my life as my head was kicked into the ring post and as you can see that took a toll on me (shows scar from the ring post). Do you see that? That’s my thank you for almost dying and that Cash in the Vault qualifier was supposed to be my moment, the time I showed the world I didn’t need them but guess what? I can barely remember the match, my lights were out thanks to Hades the Hellraiser and while people got a kick out of it, no pun intended, I certainly didn’t answer me a question do you see me laughing? I’m guessing your answer is no.”

I have zero idea what the second to last sentence means. But yeah, I hope you get my drift now. It's a lot easier to follow and flows better on the second version.
 

The Outsider Kevin Hawkins

“The Outsider” Kevin Hawkins
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@The Outsider Kevin Hawkins
http://eawnetwork.com/index.php?threads/one-more-run.7420/

Good first promo I don't have many critiques about the content itself but that formatting is very unappealing from the huge bolded fond to the italics. I'd suggest simplifying it a bit so that it's easier on the eyes.
Thanks for the feedback. I’ll change it, I’m just use to the larger font and bold font and all from other efeds that preferred it. I’ll change it tho.
 
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The Outsider Kevin Hawkins

“The Outsider” Kevin Hawkins
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Ronn Bank$

The Culture
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@Eric Havoc Please focus on quality over quantity. It seems as if you're more focused on posting promos immediately after your opponents so that you can have more promos posted that you seem to lose sight on what's actually going to win you the match. The contents of your promos are actually good but they can come off as rushed especially when you're cutting like 400 words on average. So just imagine how good you'd be if you actually put more time into working on your promos instead of just trying to get them out in a timely manner.
 

Eric Havoc

#TrueDynastyTalent
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@Eric Havoc Please focus on quality over quantity. It seems as if you're more focused on posting promos immediately after your opponents so that you can have more promos posted that you seem to lose sight on what's actually going to win you the match. The contents of your promos are actually good but they can come off as rushed especially when you're cutting like 400 words on average. So just imagine how good you'd be if you actually put more time into working on your promos instead of just trying to get them out in a timely manner.

I've actually been trying to make them bigger and longer, but I can't seem to turn up enough writing in them to at the very least up to 500 Words at best, I'm usually dealing with how to expand them, but it usual is difficult for me.
 
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HellFighter

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Hi. Since no one gave you direct feedback from your two month old post I will, but since obviously you've gotten more acquainted since then I'll review your last two promos which were for Terminus.

Promo #1 - Decent I guess for a introductory promo but I think where it lacked was you didn't spend a lot of time saying much about your opponents. For example, the part about Karina was basically "you didn't get pinned last time but you won't be as lucky this week". I'm sure there was more you could have said. As for Celes it was basically "I'll do whatever it takes to succeed even if it means beating family".

Promo #2 - You expanded more on the family dynamic with Celes and some of the characters family history. I thought it was pretty well written however it was still more of the same where you didn't bring any new points to the table in regards to why you're gonna win this match outside of "I love my family but I'll do whatever it takes" a bunch of different times. You guys even being family could be better explained too just from a pic base standpoint because one person is Asian and the other is white which may leave some people confused. Like, are you cousins by marriage? That'd be helpful to know.

But yeah pretty much just expand on your talking points so that the content doesn't become repetitive and put more focus and effort into talking about the opponents you're facing. Otherwise, you're getting better.

Thank you very much Ronn for updating this post and helping me to see where I am at and where else I will need to go with Miho Li going forward. I will do my best to do better. Again thank you for taking the time to review my latest promos and providing feedback. Thank you very much.
 

Cepheus St. Claire

Treacherous
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Wednesday June 5th, 2019 || 6:32am EST
Cepheus: “Mr. Delmonty, are you available at the moment?”

| Lonnie looks at his phone and then responds back. |

Lonnie: "I'm currently at a meeting. Come to the Enterprise."

| While Cepheus is reading the first text, another one follows the previous. |

Lonnie: "And it's Dr. Delmonty, stop calling me mister!"

| Cepheus smiles at his phone knowing that it’s doctor. He then responds to the message |

Cepheus: “Yes sir, please excuse my ignorance. I’ll meet you at the Enterprise tomorrow..”

Wednesday, June 5th, 2019 || 7:19am EST

| Cepheus knocks on the door of Lonnie Delmonty's office. He speaks up after knocking. |

Cepheus: "Dr. Delmonty? I got your text, I'm here. Are you in there? I’d like to discuss with you my most recent business move”

| Lonnie taking a sip of his coffee, eyes darted towards the door and then he sits the cup down |

Lonnie: "Come in, the door is open."

| Cepheus walks in to Lonnie’s office and takes a seat in front of him |
Cepheus: “I’ll keep this brief because I know you’re as busy as I am. I promised you that I’d make business for you and I when you took me under your wing and here I am. I’d like to tell you of a business move I made recently.”


| Lonnie with a interested expression growing over his face, sits down his coffee cup. He turns his seat a little more straightforward to look at his client and then he folds his hands on the desk in a diamond shape. Something ran across his mind quickly. |

Lonnie: "Hold on. Before you enlighten me on the business move you made. I've had a few artisans work on the Atlantic Championship and they have put together a beautiful masterpiece."

| He scoots his seat back so that he could reach down underneath his desk and pull out a briefcase. He opens the briefcase and shows Cepheus the newly made AWC Atlantic Championship. He looks at him with enthusiasm, curious to know what Cepheus thinks of the title. |

Lonnie: "What do you think?"

| Cepheus nearly hops out of his seat in excitement, the expression on his face shows pure interest |

Cepheus: “I love it sir, it’s a beautiful championship.”

| Lonnie closes the briefcase and pushes it towards Cepheus. He would then lean back in his seat and with this intrigued gaze at Cepheus, kicking his legs up on his desk across one another, and folding his hands in his lap. |

Lonnie: "Now about this business move. Elaborate if you will. I would like to hear this because one thing I noticed about you, you are full of surprises."

| Cepheus takes the briefcase into his possession and puts it on the floor beside him, he then continues what he was saying long. |

Cepheus: “I’ve recently booked a motivational speaking event at a local high school. We need the youth on our side to obtain all of our goals because our goals last far more than one lifetime. With the youth on our side; we will have limitless powers and range. I’m sure you know that Dr. Delmonty.”

| Lonnie's eyebrow raises as this optimistic expression grows on his face, seeing that he is interested in the move Cepheus made. With the youth on their side, they know how far this will take them, and Lonnie is all for doing what's best for business. |

Lonnie: "Now that is what you call a business move. We need the youth on our side because the youth is our future. One step at a time, you never fail to amaze me. I can see the vision and I surely see the light shining at the end of the tunnel. This is something that no other is actually doing but you have put your foot on the gas and went the full 100 on the pathway to success. This move is best for business, guaranteed."

| Cepheus smiles arrogantly back at Lonnie, because he’d made another big business move and his head is getting bigger |

Cepheus: “I’d like to invite you backstage to the show to see how it goes.”

Wednesday, June 5th, 2019 || 8:53am EST

| Cepheus St. Claire’s face is shown on a close up. The only thing visible is his head and upper shoulder area, but it’s obvious that he’s wearing a suit and tie, as per usual. His hair is slicked back in a professional fashion. He looks on at something forward with a smile on his face. The audio is completely silent but eventually as the screen slowly zooms out, the audio becomes louder as well. It soon becomes evident that Cepheus is standing in an auditorium, the audio is the muffled conversations of the audience attending. The camera angle turns to the back of his head and reveals the audience of an auditorium full of high schoolers. They’re all gathering in the auditorium, presumably talking about their summers and adventures as of late. Catching up after a long, summers break, considering this is nearing the beginning of school. Cepheus still stands at the podium with a smile on his face. He takes the microphone off of it’s stand and taps it a few times to silence the crowd and get their attention. |

Cepheus: “Now I know that you’re all hyped up, it’s the beginning of the first day of school. Some of you are just entering high school, others this is their last first day. Now, I’m not going to hold you long because I remember these speeches in high school. I remember how boring it was to sit in front of some random person that I didn’t know talk and talk about endless things that nobody was really interested in. I’m only twenty-eight years young and that may seem like a long ways for you, but trust me, high school was not that long ago, for me. You’re going to blink and it’s going to be over. Especially you seniors. Have fun your senior year. You made it, don’t waste it away and give up this close to finally exiting this shit hole.”
| The crowd whomst watching Cepheus looks shocked at the profane language. In high school everyone’s still coddled and even though they’ve heard and known explicit language, they’re not allowed to use it, nor is anyone else allowed to on school grounds. They’re even more shocked when they look back and see their teachers and staff sitting in the back of the auditorium, not rushing up to get Cepheus off the stage after using condemned language and especially for talking about the high school in such a manner. |


Cepheus: “See, now that got a rise out of all of you. Hopefully I have your attention now, if I didn’t before. My name is Cepheus St. Claire and I’ve come here to talk to the youth and future of America about success and how to obtain it. Now, I’m not going to be subtle with any of you. I’m not going to bite my tongue, I’m not going to hold anything back. I know that you guys are adults and want to be treated as adults and I respect that. You’re going to be treated as adults when I speak towards you and I hope that we can have a mutual relationship where all of you act like adults as well. Are we on the same page?”

| Cepheus hushes for a moment and everyone collectively nods and discusses a few things to themselves during the break moment of the speech. Once everyone silences once more, Cepheus continues on with what he was saying. |

Cepheus: “Okay, as I was saying, I come to you as a very wealthy and successful man, taking time out of my day to talk to all of you here at Larish County High School about success. Success is something we all seek, no? No matter who you are, what you want to be and who you want to be there with, we all want to be successful. Whether it be a successful relationship, job success or all around successful, we all want to do something that we’re proud of. We all deserve success. May I ask something of you? Can you all please raise your hands if you’d like three simple ways to guarantee yourself success.”

| Cepheus looks around to scan who all has their hands raised. A little under half of the auditorium has their hands raised. Cepheus raises his eyebrows at the less-than-enthusiastic crowd of high schoolers. He laughs in the microphone a little bit and speaks again. |

Cepheus: “Let me tell you, in the mindset that you’re all at right now, in the mindset you’re all at before this speech… Everyone who raised their hands it’s going to be more successful than those who didn’t. This is showing enthusiasm, this is showing initiative. Everyone who raised their hands strives to be great and those who didn’t show that they could care less or are too worried about what others might think if they show that they care. Here’s my current tip of advice to those of you who didn’t raise your hand and way number one to be guaranteed success.. Never let people’s image of you get in the way of what’s best for you. Don’t allow peoples thoughts of you to affect what you do, how you do things and so-on, because I can assure you that the only person responsible for what you get done or do in life is in fact, you. You can go through your life making excuses, blaming someone else for your shortcomings but I’m telling you right now that it is nobody’s fault except yours. You control your own destiny.”

| Cepheus stops for a second and checks his phone for a second after a buzz is heard, the background noise is muted out and all that was heard was his phone. He looks down at his screen and the only thing decipherable by camera is that the text came from a contact in his phone as “Dr. D” It’s not known what the message had said though. Cepheus puts his phone down and continues on with his speech. |

Cepheus: “Now here’s tip number two, stay motivated. Never give up. Don’t forget your goals and don’t forget why you want to be where you are. There’s going to be people who want to knock you down but if you don’t get up, that shows signs of a true coward. Let me tell you my journey of how I got to where I am. I grew up brilliant. I strived for success and people failed me time after time again. Nobody was on the level I was on in school and I’m not saying this to boast or to brag I’m being one hundred percent with you. Everything I did, I did it immaculately. Sports, education, involvement, I did it all and at the time, I was cocky. I did boast about it. Why wouldn’t I, right? I knew that I was top dog and I wasn’t afraid to show it. I’d hope you can all understand where I’m coming there. Never shy away from your greatness within. Know who you are. Know what makes you great and use it to your best ability. Anyways, after high school, I was torn on what I wanted to do with my life. I was getting offers from school after school but I didn’t want the offers. I didn’t want to sit in school for another two-to-eight years and study more shit. I knew more than what most of my professors would have anyways, I wanted to join the workforce and make something of myself. I wanted a lot of things. Then one day, my older brother, Ramondo… He introduced me to this man that he’d been hanging out with for a while. Now, I knew my brother Ramondo was rich at the time, and it’s easy to say that Ramonda was successful. I didn’t ever fully understand why he was successful. It wasn’t to my knowledge that he’d been working a job, anytime I’d ask him what he was doing all the time during working hours and late hours and usually his response was simply chilling with Eriequen. I’d never met Eriequen until upon graduation. After I’d decided not to pursue college, Ramondo introduced me to Eriequen and Eriequen was decked out in expensive clothing, jewelry, all of it. Eriequen was SUCCESSFUL. He’d approached me about the life he lived and how he got to where he’s at now and I’d bought into it. He’d told me of all of these jobs he’d worked and he offered to allow me to work with him. I’d fully accepted the offer and that’s when he gave me a box. He gave me the box and an address and he told me that if I’d looked into the box he’d shoot me on the spot. He showed me his gun and he waved it around threatening my life. I did what I had to do and I delivered the box where it had to be-- almost. I stood there at the location with the unopened box that could contain anything and I waited, and I waited then I waited some more. Right as I was about to take the box and leave, I felt something press against the back of my head. A voice repeated over and over, it said ‘Don’t move.’ I obeyed, realizing that this had been the second time I’ve had a gun aimed at my head with in a week. ‘Drop to your knees’ they told me and once again, I obeyed feeling my hands being cuffed together. ‘You’re under arrest for possession and intent to tell deadly firearm. You have the right to remain silent anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law. You have the right to an attorney, if you can not afford one, one will be appointed for you.’ I rejected the appointed attorney and defended myself in the case. I fared well against a professional attorney, pleading innocent, obviously. I got what would have been a twenty-five-year-or-more sentence for trafficking 5-or-more deadly fire arms down to a eight year sentence. I sat in prison for eight whole years, fresh out of high school and I was locked in prison for something that I was held at gunpoint to do. I came up with one conclusion while I was in the slammer. Ramondo and Eriequen were intending to sell those weapons, but they may have gotten tipped that the cops were aware of the trafficking, but they were still trying to get their money, so instead of taking the risk themselves, the had hired me to do their dirty work and take no risks in the process. My theory pretty much proved to be right when I learned while I was in prison by some people who were ‘in with’ Eriequen and Ramondo had alerted me that the two flee’d the country to Eriequen’s home country of Ecuador. I haven’t heard from the two since then.

| Cepheus laughs and takes the microphone off of the podium. He walks away from the podium and grabs a chair. He puts the chair backwards and sits on it, facing the crowd with his legs straddling the back of the chair. He begins to talk again to the crowd after getting comfortable. |

Cepheus: “I got out of prison eight-years-later, nearly a year ago and with everything I’ve taught myself in my time in prison, with my time in school, everything I know, I became a businessman. An entrepreneur if you will. I’ve been dappling in professional wrestling, competing in Elite Answers Wrestling and I even own an establishment in Canada, maybe some of you have heard of Atlantic Wrestling Corporation? It’s one of the top companies based-in Canada. It’s been the center of much controversy as of late. Everyone asks me ‘Cepheus, how did you do it?’ and you’re sitting here listening to my speak today and I’m giving you all the keys that I’ve obtained to be successful and you’re getting the answer to a million questions here today for free. Which brings me to my third and final key to success. Never be afraid to be the bad guy if it means success for yourself. Too often do I see people who strive for greatness fail to provide because in the end they’d put other people first. They’re too afraid of ruining their ‘good guy’ image to see the bigger picture and truly succeed and be the greatest form of themselves that they can be. I made the purchase of Atlantic Wrestling Corporation straight out of my wallet and it upset a lot of proud people. It made proud people, proud citizens and proud Canadians angry, but in the end, it was a big investment in my part. It helped me and my co-worker, Lonnie Delmonty, Dr. Delmonty, it made us even more successful than we already were. That’s because I put success before pride. I put success above arrogance and ignorance and I made myself a successful man! Not even a year removed from a state penitentiary and I am a SUCCESSFUL MAN. You better believe when I tell you that nobody saw it coming.. NOBODY. Not only did I make a recherché business acquisition, but in the process, I’m now in the head of make my Elite Answers Wrestling debut in a triple threat match against El Landerson and Korey Gaines. I haven’t even publicly spoken a word about either of the two yet, but I know that I’m already in their heads. They know that not only am I winning the business field, I’ll be winning come Sunday Night Voltage. I know what it takes to be successful, and I want the youth and all of the people in this school to be as successful as I am.. That’s why I took some more money out of my wallet and I purchased Larish County High School and it’s being rebranded to St. Claire High School, effective immediately. Thank you to all of you tremendous listeners and I hope that you’re all as successful one day as you strive to be today.”

| Cepheus St. Claire puts the microphone back up onto the podium as the crowd roars at the powerful speech. Tears are seen in the crowd and everyone's on their feet for a standing ovation, completely moved by the speech before them. Cepheus fixes his tie under his suit jacket and waves as he walks backstage. As soon as he passes by the curtains, Lonnie Delmonty is standing backstage waiting for Cepheus |

Cepheus: “Do you think they bought the sob story about Eriquen and Ramondo?”

| The two laugh arrogantly as if the question was rhetorical |

Cepheus: “Little do they know what really happened the day I was arrested...”

Delmonty Enterprises 2019 ©

--

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Raven Roberts

The Bird of Prey
EAW ROSTER
Messages
1,398
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Location
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Any feedback would be appreciated :punkfist:
Haven’t roleplayed in forever, and want to get better as a writer !

http://eawnetwork.com/index.php?threads/two-guys-and-a-leading-lady-dynasty-01.8118/

You have a great foundation and are already hitting pretty hard with your character and writing. It’s maybe too simple to say but repetition will be your biggest thing. The more you portray your character the deeper it will bleed into the promo. One thing I will say is to pay attention to the structure of what you say. You seemed to follow a strong outline in writing but when you say something along the lines of “I’m not going to worry about my loss anymore, I’m moving forward to season 13.” That should come AFTER you spend two long paragraphs talking about the battle royal winner and the person who eliminated you, not before. It’s a minor note but one that can serve to undercut the points you’re trying to make.
 
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Darcy May Morgan

✨⭐The Leading Lady✨⭐
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Thank you so much, I really appreciate your feedback. If I am honest, I always had problems with structure in my academic work at university, so I am not surprised by the feedback! It’s 100% something I need to work on. Thank you so much for reading it, it really means a lot to know that I am on the right tracks!
 
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HellFighter

Active member
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Any feedback is welcomed :) Just want to make sure I’m on the right track here style wise and such.

Promo #1

Promo #2


I think that I can take a crack at this promo review. I hope that you do not mind.

I have to say that after reading both of your promos, and then it made me go back and look up by reading your profile. You truly have made me a fan of your character Damien Butler The Third.

First off, I must say that I absolutely love the presentation and layout of both of your promos. They are so clear and structured very well within your narrative. Compared to other EAW structured promos, your promos are very easy on the eyes. Me, as a reader, I clicked on and felt very relaxed reading your promos.

I love how you've managed to make Damien harken back to the old school way of cutting a promo that kind of plays out like Mean Gene interviewing Hogan, but you manage to have a great play off and chemistry between either Max A Million or Holo X. I think that it feels natural and also shows that Damien is the type of character that can stand on his own. You do a good job of staying within your alignment and showing that he can have fun. He isn't a trash talker and doesn't try to be.

You did make me chuckle with the whole transition bit with "NEWER DAMIEN BUTLER". That seemed like a fun little bit to write as well as to read.

I think that all in all with these two promos, it has created a new fan and I want to see your character Damien Butler shine and succeed here in the EAW. I dig how you presented your character. I couldn't see any glaring holes in either promo that could be something as a negative. It was a joy to read and I wish for great things to happen for you. Keep up the awesome work. God bless you in all that you do and put your hands to.

Sincerely,
God bless,
Patrick
(Miho Li)
 

Raven Roberts

The Bird of Prey
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Hey, I would really like it if someone reviews my latest promo. Thanks in advance

Promo for Voltage

Hey. So. Good start. Good base. My biggest feeling about this promo is you need to find more talking points about your opponent and find ways to expound on them more. As someone who uses a more analytical style, you need to work on breaking them down a bit more instead of just hitting a couple high notes. Also, you did your best to justify your last match but I felt you could’ve taken those aspects and used them to build yourself up more. Like you talk about how you’re at the top of the food chain and you said you outsmarted your opponent. I feel you could’ve turned that back around and maybe gone a bit harder on your own positive attributes.
 
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HunterX

Blade
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Hey. So. Good start. Good base. My biggest feeling about this promo is you need to find more talking points about your opponent and find ways to expound on them more. As someone who uses a more analytical style, you need to work on breaking them down a bit more instead of just hitting a couple high notes. Also, you did your best to justify your last match but I felt you could’ve taken those aspects and used them to build yourself up more. Like you talk about how you’re at the top of the food chain and you said you outsmarted your opponent. I feel you could’ve turned that back around and maybe gone a bit harder on your own positive attributes.
Hi! Thanks for taking time out and helping me with this. The suggestions are indeed valuable. I will make sure to integrate those in the future.
 

HellFighter

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Hello everybody,

I was wondering if anybody could take a re-read of my two most recent past promos going into Territorial Invasion and provide me with a critique/follow up review and let me know how I am doing thus far and tell me if I am indeed making improvements and growing and progressing with my character Miho Li.

I do humbly and would greatly appreciate some feedback on how I am doing thus far during this season. I am doing alright with my narrative and storytelling of Miho or is there something else that needs to be improved upon going forward. Thank you all for your time and I patiently await your response with patience.

The two promos that I wish for reviews are my most recent ones.

1) "K.C.U.F. You, I'm the God Killer" (Territorial Invasion Promo #1)


2) "I'll Be Your William Hanna, and you'll be my Neil McCauley" (Dynasty Promo #1)


Thank you all again. Good luck to all. God bless you all in all that you do and put your hands to.

Sincerely,
God bless,
Patrick
(Miho Li)
 

SwagMamba35

New member
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Messages
14
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Victor woke up in a cold sweat days after his match against Alexander Cage. Phone buzzing on the nightstand next to his bed, he quickly answers it...

Victor: "Hello?"
Andre: "Man you coming down to the club today, there's a whole bunch of key figures saying that you had a press conference today."


Forgetting he had prior engagements today, Victor looks at his watch and sighs....

Victor: "Damn bro is it really 3:30 in the afternoon?"

Andre: "Yeah, you okay cause I can handle this if I need to."

Victor: "Yeah go ahead and take this one bro, I gotta figure some things out."

Andre: "Alright, you sure you okay?"

Victor: "Yeah I'm good man I promise."

Victor hangs up the phone and begins to move around. Heading to the bathroom he stands in front of his mirror looking at himself. Shaking his head, he reaches down and splashes water on his face. He then goes into his closet and picks out a suit. Getting dressed he heads down from his penthouse to the parking garage. Getting into his Maserati he drives off heading down Main St. towards the local coffee shop. As he steps out he bumps into a beautiful Puerto Rican woman.....

Victor: "Sorry, I didn't see you there."

Woman: "Its okay I should've been watching where I was going I was just in a hurry."

Making eye contact the two realize they know each other......

Victor: "Angel is that you?"

Angel: Victor! Oh my gosh how have you've been?"

Victor: "I've been good and yourself?"

Angel: "Oh just working for this big investment firm. How about yourself?"

Victor: "Well I own Vision's nightclub and other business endeavors. You should come by so I can buy you a drink."

Angel: "I might have to do that. Need a little stress reliver since my sister was murdered."

Victor: "Murdered, what was her name?"

Angel: "Maria Rodriguez!"

Victor's eyes get big as he begins to quiver a little. He then tries to find out more information....

Victor: "Have they got any suspects?"

Angel: "No not yet they found her body in the river but no prints or anything. Its weird cause her boyfriend has been missing too."

Victor: "Damn, well if there's anything I can do just let me know."

Angel: "Thanks Victor, that drink will be the start and we will see how it goes."

Victor: "Alright I'll see you soon."

Victor and Angel hug as they go their separate ways. Watching her walk away he then grabs his phone and texts everyone to meet at the warehouse for a meeting...

20 minutes later.........

The crew arrives at the warehouse for the meeting. Victor speaks........

Victor: "We have a situation, It seems the girl we killed the other day is the sister of Angel Rodriguez."

Andre: "You mean Angel from the block Rodriguez?"

Victor: "Yeah, I just ran into her at the coffe shop and she said they are investigating the murder but have no leads as of right now."

Tommy: "Fuck!"

Tony: "So whats the plan?"

Victor: "Nothing changes, we keep doing what we are doing and there wont be any heat."

Andre: "What about Angel?"

Victor: "Leave her alone. If it gets out of hand I'll take care of that one."

Everyone stands up and leaves the warehouse. As Victor is getting into his car he gets a notification on his phone from the EAW. He opens the message and sees he has a match against Lucas Johnson. Smirking he closes the message and opens the next. The next message is Lucas Johnson talking about his upcoming match and how he calls himself the Emperor of Showdown. Laughing, Victor closes the message and drives off to the club to get ready for tonight.....


7 hours later..........

Victor is standing on the balcony overlooking a packed house at Visions. Smiling with delight he heads down to the bar to get a drink. As he heads down the stairs he spots Angel walking into the club looking amazing. Adjusting his suit he walks over and greets her.....

Victor: "I see you made and might I say you look amazing."

Angel: "Why thank you Victor and I love the look of this club."

Victor: "Well let's get you that drink."

Bartender: "Hey boss, you having the usual?"

Victor: "Yes and a Grey Goose Martini for the lovely lady."

Angel: "You remembered my drink."

Victor: "How could I forget."

The night goes on smoothly as Victor and Angel reminisce about the past. Eventually they leave the club and head back to Victor's place for a nightcap. In the middle of the night Victor wakes up and looks over at Angel. Staring he then puts his hands on his head as if to question his intentions. He then looks at his phone and sees its 4:30 am. Getting up he heads into the living room and looks out the window overlooking the city.....

Victor: "Most people dream of one day having the riches and lifestyle I have. Some people work a lifetime and still don't reach that goal. I was luck enough to reach these goals through hard work and determination and building a street cred that makes the everyday gangster look like a childs book. Peoples dreams have become my reality and now I have to once again claim the throne of being the best and most feared. This week on Showdown I face another unknown wrestler in Lucas Johnson. Last week I lost to Alexander Cage because of my mere stupidity and arrogance. I let the match slip out of my grasp at the end and I won't let it happen again! You see Lucas your talk about being the emperor or whatever it is you want to call yourself honestly is comical in a sense. You talk about how your royalty and I don't deserve to be in your presence it kind of reminds me of the movie Elf where we have a grown man thinking he's some sort of person from a fantasy realm. Plus you talk about this castle you live in New York, but I've owned these streets and this city and I've never even heard of your weirdo ass. Honestly looking at the match card was the first time your name has even came accross my periphial, but enough with the slander and bullshit. Come Saturday at Showdown, two men will enter in that ring but only one will be crowned victorious. I vow that win or lose you will feel pain and despair and that royalty you claim that you are will be a mere glimpse of the past as I show you what your future is here in the EAW. Prepare to meet your Judge, Jury and Executioner and ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE ME!!!"

Victor continues to stare out the window as Angel comes behind him wrapping her arms around him. He embraces her arms as they both stare out at the city lights. The camera fades away..........

Location: Saint Antoninus Catholic Church
Time: 4:30 am Saturday Morning


The scene opens as Victor is heading down 337 S Orange Ave, Newark towards Saint Antoninus Catholic Church. While driving he gets a on his cell from Vincent Moretti.....

Victor: "How's everything going Vincent?"

Vincent: "Thought I give you a heads up. After about 6 teeth and 5 fingernails later, Mr. Finch finally gave up all his information about his business. We got delivery routes, dates and times. Plus we got all his stash house areas and where he cleans his money too."

Victor: "Good deal and what about his connect?"

Vincent: "Yeah he's in good with the Columbians, but I got some guys working on that to smooth over relations so we can move forward with the takeover."

Victor: "That military a**hole was in good with the Columbians. Damn he was good no doubt."

Vincent: "Me and some of guys are heading out to Chicago first thing in the morning to get settled and get things running. I'll let you know when we land and keep you informed on the day to day."

Victor: "Sounds good brother. Be careful and god bless."

Victor hangs up the phone just as he pulls up to the church. He gets out and walks in heading straight towards the confessional. Once in the booth he speaks to the priest......

Victor: "Father I'm here to confess my sins."

Father Jacobs: "Tell me son what do wish to confess?"

Victor: "Father my life hasn't always been perfect, in fact growing up I never knew I would be in the position I am today, but I can't change that anymore. This life I live I strived and worked harder than ever to achieve, but I still fill empty."

Father Jacobs: "It sounds to me son you are hiding or running from something. Tell me more."

Victor: "Well father I have done things I am ashamed of. I have hurt a lot of people, but in my line of work that comes with the territory. You are either the wolf or the sheep. I chose to be the wolf and now I'm the leader of the pack and with that comes great turmoil and heartache. I need to know if God will forgive me of my sins one day."

Father Jacobs: "As long as you confess him as your Lord and Savior, he will forgive and bless you all the days of your life. You see we as humans are not perfect nor are we saints, but God knows that and all he wants is us to try and be perfect. Try to make the right choices and spread his word amongst the people. Son I don't know what it is you do and I'm not asking you to unveil everything to me, just be humble and steadfast and what ever it is will soon come to past."

Victor: "Thank you father and god bless you."

Victor stands up and heads out of the confessional. as he walks away, Father Jacobs steps out trying to get a glimpse of Victor as he leaves but all is sees is the back of his coat as he walks out the double doors. Once outside Victor stands at the top of the stairs. Looking both ways down the empty street, he walks down and gets into his car. Once in his car he gets a update on his phone from EAW network. He opens the update and sees the interview with Alexander Cage. He watches it and smirks. Once its over he shuts his phone and starts the car. The rumbling of the Maserati engine screams as he revs it over and over before heading north on Orange Ave. He takes a right at the stop light and continues to drive for a bit before reaching a cemetery. Driving around the cemetery he stops at a specific area and parks. Getting out of the car he lights a cigar and heads towards a plot. Once at the plot he stops at a headstone that reads "Here Lies Christopher Big Baby Williams". Victor kneels down and speaks......

Victor: "Damn bro I know its been a while since I last saw you but the pain of you being gone hurts still. Waking up in cold sweats and breathing really hard, I just realize that it should be me in that grave and not you. You saved my life, but I had to watch you die in my arms, but I told you that this empire we started I wouldn't stop building until we was on top. I made that promise to you when we joined this game and I kept my promise when you died. Its just harder now but I'm still here surviving and fighting for what's ours. I stopped by Mom's the other day and gave her some money like I promised I would. she's doing good, missing you though but doing good. Baby sis is doing her thing at Penn State, making moves. I miss you bro, really I do. This was supposed to be me and you doing this. When you died in my arms I felt like I died that night to bro. I never have forgave myself for setting up that deal. I knew it was a bad idea and you knew too, but you had my back from day one and if I failed then you failed but we would never leave each other high and dry. I wish I could take it back but I know I can't now, all I can do is move forward and keep the Vision and dream alive, but I promise you your name will live forever. Ride or Die till the wheels fall off my brother. Rest In Peace......"

Victor stands up and stares at the headstone. He then take his phone and turns it on live recording making sure he adds EAW Network and others to his live stream.....

Victor: "Fight Grid. Newark, New Jersey is where I will face an Unknown enemy Alexander Cage. I find it ironic that this unknown opponent questions my will to fight, my fortitude so to speak. He says that he's the perfect storm and plans to bring all the destruction and pain that involves a storm. What he doesn't realize is there is no storm capable of being more destructive or painful then the life I have grew up to see. You see Alexander I could careless about you skill, your experience, your will to fight. I honestly hope all that you say about yourself is true cause I want the best Alexander Cage money can by, so that when I beat your a** in that ring, there won't be any excuses. You see Cage, I'm not your son and I won't be your b**ch in that ring and yes we may be an undercard, a filler, but by the end of the night we won't be just some names on a program. When you speak my name, you better speak with conviction, with soul, with power. My name shouldn't be taken lightly and my skill should be feared. I don't play nice with anyone and I always get what I want and right now I want your head on my mantle. Come Saturday you better be praying to your Lord and Savior cause in that ring I will be your Executioner and after all is said and done. ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE ME! See you soon Mi Compadre!"

Victor smirks at the screen as the scene fades away.................
 
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