PROMO ASSISTANCE & SERVICES THREAD

Methuselah

GAWDZILLA KHAN.
Staff member
Zadddyyyyy
EAW ROSTER
EAW Hall of Famer
Messages
779
Points
93
Location
Bridgeport, Connecticut
Victor woke up in a cold sweat days after his match against Alexander Cage. Phone buzzing on the nightstand next to his bed, he quickly answers it...

Victor: "Hello?"
Andre: "Man you coming down to the club today, there's a whole bunch of key figures saying that you had a press conference today."


Forgetting he had prior engagements today, Victor looks at his watch and sighs....

Victor: "Damn bro is it really 3:30 in the afternoon?"

Andre: "Yeah, you okay cause I can handle this if I need to."

Victor: "Yeah go ahead and take this one bro, I gotta figure some things out."

Andre: "Alright, you sure you okay?"

Victor: "Yeah I'm good man I promise."

Victor hangs up the phone and begins to move around. Heading to the bathroom he stands in front of his mirror looking at himself. Shaking his head, he reaches down and splashes water on his face. He then goes into his closet and picks out a suit. Getting dressed he heads down from his penthouse to the parking garage. Getting into his Maserati he drives off heading down Main St. towards the local coffee shop. As he steps out he bumps into a beautiful Puerto Rican woman.....

Victor: "Sorry, I didn't see you there."

Woman: "Its okay I should've been watching where I was going I was just in a hurry."

Making eye contact the two realize they know each other......

Victor: "Angel is that you?"

Angel: Victor! Oh my gosh how have you've been?"

Victor: "I've been good and yourself?"

Angel: "Oh just working for this big investment firm. How about yourself?"

Victor: "Well I own Vision's nightclub and other business endeavors. You should come by so I can buy you a drink."

Angel: "I might have to do that. Need a little stress reliver since my sister was murdered."

Victor: "Murdered, what was her name?"

Angel: "Maria Rodriguez!"

Victor's eyes get big as he begins to quiver a little. He then tries to find out more information....

Victor: "Have they got any suspects?"

Angel: "No not yet they found her body in the river but no prints or anything. Its weird cause her boyfriend has been missing too."

Victor: "Damn, well if there's anything I can do just let me know."

Angel: "Thanks Victor, that drink will be the start and we will see how it goes."

Victor: "Alright I'll see you soon."

Victor and Angel hug as they go their separate ways. Watching her walk away he then grabs his phone and texts everyone to meet at the warehouse for a meeting...

20 minutes later.........

The crew arrives at the warehouse for the meeting. Victor speaks........

Victor: "We have a situation, It seems the girl we killed the other day is the sister of Angel Rodriguez."

Andre: "You mean Angel from the block Rodriguez?"

Victor: "Yeah, I just ran into her at the coffe shop and she said they are investigating the murder but have no leads as of right now."

Tommy: "Fuck!"

Tony: "So whats the plan?"

Victor: "Nothing changes, we keep doing what we are doing and there wont be any heat."

Andre: "What about Angel?"

Victor: "Leave her alone. If it gets out of hand I'll take care of that one."

Everyone stands up and leaves the warehouse. As Victor is getting into his car he gets a notification on his phone from the EAW. He opens the message and sees he has a match against Lucas Johnson. Smirking he closes the message and opens the next. The next message is Lucas Johnson talking about his upcoming match and how he calls himself the Emperor of Showdown. Laughing, Victor closes the message and drives off to the club to get ready for tonight.....


7 hours later..........

Victor is standing on the balcony overlooking a packed house at Visions. Smiling with delight he heads down to the bar to get a drink. As he heads down the stairs he spots Angel walking into the club looking amazing. Adjusting his suit he walks over and greets her.....

Victor: "I see you made and might I say you look amazing."

Angel: "Why thank you Victor and I love the look of this club."

Victor: "Well let's get you that drink."

Bartender: "Hey boss, you having the usual?"

Victor: "Yes and a Grey Goose Martini for the lovely lady."

Angel: "You remembered my drink."

Victor: "How could I forget."

The night goes on smoothly as Victor and Angel reminisce about the past. Eventually they leave the club and head back to Victor's place for a nightcap. In the middle of the night Victor wakes up and looks over at Angel. Staring he then puts his hands on his head as if to question his intentions. He then looks at his phone and sees its 4:30 am. Getting up he heads into the living room and looks out the window overlooking the city.....

Victor: "Most people dream of one day having the riches and lifestyle I have. Some people work a lifetime and still don't reach that goal. I was luck enough to reach these goals through hard work and determination and building a street cred that makes the everyday gangster look like a childs book. Peoples dreams have become my reality and now I have to once again claim the throne of being the best and most feared. This week on Showdown I face another unknown wrestler in Lucas Johnson. Last week I lost to Alexander Cage because of my mere stupidity and arrogance. I let the match slip out of my grasp at the end and I won't let it happen again! You see Lucas your talk about being the emperor or whatever it is you want to call yourself honestly is comical in a sense. You talk about how your royalty and I don't deserve to be in your presence it kind of reminds me of the movie Elf where we have a grown man thinking he's some sort of person from a fantasy realm. Plus you talk about this castle you live in New York, but I've owned these streets and this city and I've never even heard of your weirdo ass. Honestly looking at the match card was the first time your name has even came accross my periphial, but enough with the slander and bullshit. Come Saturday at Showdown, two men will enter in that ring but only one will be crowned victorious. I vow that win or lose you will feel pain and despair and that royalty you claim that you are will be a mere glimpse of the past as I show you what your future is here in the EAW. Prepare to meet your Judge, Jury and Executioner and ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE ME!!!"

Victor continues to stare out the window as Angel comes behind him wrapping her arms around him. He embraces her arms as they both stare out at the city lights. The camera fades away..........

Location: Saint Antoninus Catholic Church
Time: 4:30 am Saturday Morning


The scene opens as Victor is heading down 337 S Orange Ave, Newark towards Saint Antoninus Catholic Church. While driving he gets a on his cell from Vincent Moretti.....

Victor: "How's everything going Vincent?"

Vincent: "Thought I give you a heads up. After about 6 teeth and 5 fingernails later, Mr. Finch finally gave up all his information about his business. We got delivery routes, dates and times. Plus we got all his stash house areas and where he cleans his money too."

Victor: "Good deal and what about his connect?"

Vincent: "Yeah he's in good with the Columbians, but I got some guys working on that to smooth over relations so we can move forward with the takeover."

Victor: "That military a**hole was in good with the Columbians. Damn he was good no doubt."

Vincent: "Me and some of guys are heading out to Chicago first thing in the morning to get settled and get things running. I'll let you know when we land and keep you informed on the day to day."

Victor: "Sounds good brother. Be careful and god bless."

Victor hangs up the phone just as he pulls up to the church. He gets out and walks in heading straight towards the confessional. Once in the booth he speaks to the priest......

Victor: "Father I'm here to confess my sins."

Father Jacobs: "Tell me son what do wish to confess?"

Victor: "Father my life hasn't always been perfect, in fact growing up I never knew I would be in the position I am today, but I can't change that anymore. This life I live I strived and worked harder than ever to achieve, but I still fill empty."

Father Jacobs: "It sounds to me son you are hiding or running from something. Tell me more."

Victor: "Well father I have done things I am ashamed of. I have hurt a lot of people, but in my line of work that comes with the territory. You are either the wolf or the sheep. I chose to be the wolf and now I'm the leader of the pack and with that comes great turmoil and heartache. I need to know if God will forgive me of my sins one day."

Father Jacobs: "As long as you confess him as your Lord and Savior, he will forgive and bless you all the days of your life. You see we as humans are not perfect nor are we saints, but God knows that and all he wants is us to try and be perfect. Try to make the right choices and spread his word amongst the people. Son I don't know what it is you do and I'm not asking you to unveil everything to me, just be humble and steadfast and what ever it is will soon come to past."

Victor: "Thank you father and god bless you."

Victor stands up and heads out of the confessional. as he walks away, Father Jacobs steps out trying to get a glimpse of Victor as he leaves but all is sees is the back of his coat as he walks out the double doors. Once outside Victor stands at the top of the stairs. Looking both ways down the empty street, he walks down and gets into his car. Once in his car he gets a update on his phone from EAW network. He opens the update and sees the interview with Alexander Cage. He watches it and smirks. Once its over he shuts his phone and starts the car. The rumbling of the Maserati engine screams as he revs it over and over before heading north on Orange Ave. He takes a right at the stop light and continues to drive for a bit before reaching a cemetery. Driving around the cemetery he stops at a specific area and parks. Getting out of the car he lights a cigar and heads towards a plot. Once at the plot he stops at a headstone that reads "Here Lies Christopher Big Baby Williams". Victor kneels down and speaks......

Victor: "Damn bro I know its been a while since I last saw you but the pain of you being gone hurts still. Waking up in cold sweats and breathing really hard, I just realize that it should be me in that grave and not you. You saved my life, but I had to watch you die in my arms, but I told you that this empire we started I wouldn't stop building until we was on top. I made that promise to you when we joined this game and I kept my promise when you died. Its just harder now but I'm still here surviving and fighting for what's ours. I stopped by Mom's the other day and gave her some money like I promised I would. she's doing good, missing you though but doing good. Baby sis is doing her thing at Penn State, making moves. I miss you bro, really I do. This was supposed to be me and you doing this. When you died in my arms I felt like I died that night to bro. I never have forgave myself for setting up that deal. I knew it was a bad idea and you knew too, but you had my back from day one and if I failed then you failed but we would never leave each other high and dry. I wish I could take it back but I know I can't now, all I can do is move forward and keep the Vision and dream alive, but I promise you your name will live forever. Ride or Die till the wheels fall off my brother. Rest In Peace......"

Victor stands up and stares at the headstone. He then take his phone and turns it on live recording making sure he adds EAW Network and others to his live stream.....

Victor: "Fight Grid. Newark, New Jersey is where I will face an Unknown enemy Alexander Cage. I find it ironic that this unknown opponent questions my will to fight, my fortitude so to speak. He says that he's the perfect storm and plans to bring all the destruction and pain that involves a storm. What he doesn't realize is there is no storm capable of being more destructive or painful then the life I have grew up to see. You see Alexander I could careless about you skill, your experience, your will to fight. I honestly hope all that you say about yourself is true cause I want the best Alexander Cage money can by, so that when I beat your a** in that ring, there won't be any excuses. You see Cage, I'm not your son and I won't be your b**ch in that ring and yes we may be an undercard, a filler, but by the end of the night we won't be just some names on a program. When you speak my name, you better speak with conviction, with soul, with power. My name shouldn't be taken lightly and my skill should be feared. I don't play nice with anyone and I always get what I want and right now I want your head on my mantle. Come Saturday you better be praying to your Lord and Savior cause in that ring I will be your Executioner and after all is said and done. ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE ME! See you soon Mi Compadre!"

Victor smirks at the screen as the scene fades away.................
I’m not a very good judge at these but they were enjoyable reads. Good job.
 
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Serena Bennett

rocketeer 🚀
EAW ROSTER
EAW Hall of Famer
Messages
332
Points
93
Location
Compton, California

ahem, so, after reading your sign up, I will say that it might be helpful for you (and your writers) to add a little more to your Gimmick/Background. I promise you that this will be a lot more fun if you dig into those character layers just waiting to be uncovered. You'll also stand out a bit more if you go beyond just being "a cool high flyer." What makes Christopher Cool tick? Why does he want to be in EAW? What's his backstory, how did he get to this point in his career to sign with the most prestigious professional wrestling company in our made up universe in the world?

As for your promo, you're off to a decent start, especially for someone who hasn't participated in an efed like this one before. Best piece of advice I have for you: RESEARCH YOUR OPPONENT. IN DEPTH. You kind of did this already, and I know it's a lil' difficult when you're both brand new, but it's still a good habit to adopt when you eventually face someone with some more history.

TALK YOUR SHIT. What makes you so sure that your opponent "is going to be easier than expected?" Dive deep into that. This would be a good opportunity for you to develop your own character some more as well. Talk about Christopher Cool's history and why he's so sure of himself, why he believes that this is going to be an easy victory for him. Make your readers believe it.

When it comes to your scene bits, give the reader a little more. It's better when we don't have to use our imagination fully, give us some more to work with. Kassidy Heart is the uncrowned QUEEN of scene promos if you want a good example of what to add to your own scenes.

And it's always always helpful to read other promos/take a look at people's style and do all that you can to get yourself to that high level of standard I like to think EAW is known for!
 

Raven Roberts

The Bird of Prey
EAW ROSTER
Messages
1,394
Points
113
Location
Atlanta, GA
Just bumping this thread again since we’ve had so many new members sign up recently. This is the place to ask for advice and perspective on your promos. I’ll admit I promote this thread a lot but I’m one of the worst to remember to actually check it, but we have an amazing community here that’s willing to help everyone learn and grow. Feel free to link promos here and see what people have to say, always be willing an open to what people have to say about it because you never quite know what will come of it. I personally remember early on when Mr. DEDEDE told me to drop a gimmick I was running because it wouldn’t last and wasn’t original. I ignored that advice and within two weeks I saw how very correct he was, and I wound up doing exactly as he said.
 

Zak Simmons

The Redneck Destroyer
EAW ROSTER
Messages
101
Points
43
I feel like Im lacking. Any Guidance would be greatly appreciated.






We open to a decent sized conference room in downtown Lexington, the room is set up to record the Blade Job podcast with Duke and Rachel. Zak Simmons is their special guest this week, Simmons walks in wearing jeans and a long sleeve black shirt that reads “Fear the Machine” with a bull skull made out of twisted steel, the smae logo is on his black ball cap.

Duke
Mr Simmons, please have a seat.

Simmons
Yep.

Zak sits down and puts on his head set.

Rachel
Alright 3. 2. 1. Hey everybody welcome to another Blade Job special request interview. We are sitting down with the current Big Bak Bhampion The Machine Zak Simmons. Zak Simmons we are beyond honored that you have carved out some time for us in your busy schedule.

Simmons
No problem, my flight doesn't leave for another few hours, so this is a good alternative to just sitting and waiting.

Duke
I hear ya, I hate going to the airport. You’ve been doing alot of traveling back and forth to Canada recently, so I'm sure you’ve had your feel of it.

Simmons
Flying isn't that bad actually, it gives me time to sit back and relax a little, which is something I don't usually allow myself to do, I watch a movie or two if it's available, I've even used that time in the air to do a little last minute prep on my opponents. In this business you are always looking for that one weak spot in your opponents game that you can use to your advantage.

Rachel
Well speaking of your opponent, in a few days time you will be defending your Bhampionship for the first time against the man that you took it from. How do you feel about going one on one with the Woogieman?

Duke
WOOGIEMAN!!!!!! I won't lie to you Machine, Im probably the biggest Woogieman mark you will ever meet, I have bought every piece of merch that has ever had his name or likeness on it, I’ve even bought a pair of his ring worn boots at auction.

Rachel
Yeeaaahhh, He has them displayed right in the middle of the entranceway to our home.

Zak Simmons looks back and forth between the two of them.

Simmons
Damn boy, you like just throwing money away dont you? Maybe after I beat him and send him packing back to his day job I'll sell you the boots that I kicked his ass with, give you a little authentic Woogieman shit to add to your collection. Ever since the first time that he inserted himself into my path all I've heard about his how great this man is, both inside and out of the ring, I swear from the way people talk about him you would think that the Pope and Mother Teressa hooked up while the all mighty God sat in the corner beating his meat, and all that created the blessed Woogieman. This is a man that was so upset that the spotlight wasn't on him for a few minutes he started interfering in my matches, then to beat it all people like you treat him like a hero, I get booed every week by you idiots for just being honest about who I am and what I want.

Duke
Oh wow, I wasn't trying to set you off or anything.

Rachel
Kinda sounds like there's a little jealousy there.

Simmons
There's no jealousy here, I have nothing to be jealous about. He has nothing that I want Rachel, I don't give a shit about merch sales or people like Duke here spending their last dollar to stroke my ego, which is all its about for ol Woogie.

Duke and Rachel exchange disgusted looks.

Duke
Woogieman is nothing….

Simmons
Exactly!! Woogieman is nothing, but mindless fools like your self slobber all over yourselves every time he’s around.

Rachel
Ok lets all calm down just a little bit.

Duke
Yes sorry, Let's get back to our questions. Zak, what comes after the Big Bak Bhampionship for you?

Simmons sits silently for a second, burning a hole through Duke with his eyes.

Simmons
Fuck that! How about this, I dont give a shit about these stupid questions, so im going to say what I have to say and them im gone. Woogieman, I have only begun my reign as Bhampion and I will be damned if im going to let it come to an end now, and it damn sure won't be to you. In our triple threat match I took the best that you and Shawn had to give and I was still the last man standing, after every hit I took I got right back up like the Machine that I am, now this Sunday on Voltage I will walk into the Scotiabank Arena in Toronto, Ontario as YOUR Big Bak Bhampion, and after the match is over and those fans of yours are standing on their feet booing as loud as they can, I will walk out as Bhampion. Now I could sit here and talk about how bad I'm going to beat your ass and talk about putting you out of your misery, but i'm not going to do that. I am simply going to tell you that on your best day of the best week of the best month of your best year you will not be good enough to beat me for this title, the Bhampionship is not going anywhere. Ill see you Sunday Woogie boy.

The scene fades as Simmons throws his head set across the room and hits Duke across the nose, busting it open.
 

Justin Windgate

The Xtreme Classic
EAW ROSTER
Messages
511
Points
93
Here is my newest promo, tell me what you think. I think I am getting better.

http://eawnetwork.com/index.php?threads/showdown-promo-1-no-mercy.10361/
I’ve been reading your promos here and there for a while and I’ll say that this was pretty good and I can see that you’ve improved a lot. Now idk how credible I am for advice, but in my opinion it was good, but you could always make it better.

When you talk about King of Elite and how you’ve wanted that match for a while, you could go more in depth as to why you want it. For example, you could talk about why it is so important to you. Like did a previous winner inspire you to want to compete in it? What makes King of Elite so special to Shaker Jones?

Then with Lance, you could definitely go more in depth as to why you’ll beat him again. You stated that you’ve beaten him once before, but what makes this time different? Since your last encounter with him, what experiences in the ring or backstage has Shaker Jones been through that makes him better than he was last time him and lance faced each other? Did you pick up a significant win, compete in a big match, etc. just something that adds more layers and brings out the character and story of Shaker Jones. Anyone can say that they can beat someone again, but it’s extra information on explaining why you’ll do it again that adds that depth. Someone like Darcy May Morgan is really good at telling her story and bringing out her character in promos. Facing her is when I started to understand that, because her promos against me that week had so many layers to it and since then, I’ve tried to go into my promos like that with my own little twists, and my promos have definitely gotten better. So yeah, if you haven’t, check out Darcy May morgans promos because she is really good at adding those layers and information that makes her promos stand out.

And that’s another thing too. Read a lot of other promos and see what stands out to you, and implement what you like, in your own way, in your promos. If you face someone that is a great promoer, pick apart their brain and see what they do to get themself over in their promos. It’s really just practice over time. You’re doing great though and I’m sure within a month you’ll be even better than you are now. Just keep up the good work! You’re definitely on the right track and improving a lot my friend

Also, that paragraph about why they call you the Canadian wolf was great! That’s adding layers to your character. The explanation and everything was good.
 
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NvL

Member
EAW ROSTER
Messages
33
Points
18

I'll take a stab at this. But am I wrong in thinking that this was only your second promo of the week? At least I could only find two.

I think the strongest thing you have going for you is your voice. Characters like Impact, Charlie Marr, Serena Bennett and Sienna Jade all come to mind when I talk about this, handlers whose dialogue has distinct flows and feels to them. SKA already has that same distinction when I read your work, which in turn strengthens your everything you do in a promo.

The character dissection and general shoot was strong in this piece. You've proven yourself very capable of breaking characters down over a series of promos with discourse that is more than surface level, which will take you far, so kudos there.

Don't want to leave you without any constructive criticism, but I don't have any on this particular promo. One thing that stood out last week, though, in our four way match was the strength of your shoot prior to all of us posting our first promo. To be fair, Chris and I were both new characters with very little info at the time to work with, but I found the shoot on NvL especially to be rather shallow and cheap compared to the rest of your work in EAW. From a IC perspective it fits SKA, but from the OOC side I don't know how viable it was competition wise. When the timing and character is right. I'm curious to see how SKA reads when he's posting first with nothing to respond to from the opponent.

Overall, a very strong character that I think stands out in this new batch of faces in EAW and someone I go out of my way to read when I see that they've posted
 
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SKA

Well-known member
EAW ROSTER
Messages
241
Points
63
Location
Amsterdam / Vantaa
I'll take a stab at this. But am I wrong in thinking that this was only your second promo of the week? At least I could only find two.

Oh dear you are right hahahaha, I thought I did more. Honestly I tell you, the plan was to do a promo on each of my three opponents but I got sidetracked and had to cut it short. I wanted to write more but had to summerise.
 
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Zak Simmons

The Redneck Destroyer
EAW ROSTER
Messages
101
Points
43
I have fought my way through multiple continents just so I can learn to be better than I was the day before, I have taken more than my fair share of ass whippings because that is how you learn to not take another one. I have put myself through years of punishment so that I can become a fighting Machine and guess what boys and girls I may not be the terminator level Machine I want to be, but you better damn well believe that i am getting closer everyday. When I won the BBB title from Woogieman that showed me that my hard work has been paying off for me, all the days in the gym, all the hours I've spent getting my ass beat, all the blood I've shed in the ring, so i will be damned if I am going to let him walk away with it Sunday night. I'm not going to stand here and use the same old cliches of people or titles being stepping stone, they have been said over and over again by countless men and women trying to make something of themselves in this business. What I am going to say is that I will use this match as I use every match, as a way to discover what my own flaws are and what I need to do to fix them, that is how a man goes from just another fighter to a fighting Machine.

You have made yourself a lot of friends in your career Woogieman, as I’ve stated in the past I hear in an unabating barrage of support and love for you from most of the roster everytime I speak about you in a negative light. I have walked through the halls of many arenas and have heard threats shouted from every dark corner because I don't show you the level of respect as your peers, but they all make sure that I can't see those dark corners just incase I ever do decide to turn around and call their bluffs. You’re supporters know the threat I posses, they know that harm will come to whoever is in the ring opposite me because that IS what I train myself to do. My record thus far here in Elite Answers Wrestling has not been the most impressive, I have zero shame in admitting that to anyone, but every week I push myself both in the ring and in the gym transforming myself to be the man that others fear. Those unrevealed cowards prove to me that all my efforts are being noticed amongst my contemporaries, and those who do show themselves will be the ones I make examples out of. You have showed that do not fear me from our previous encounters, you willingly climbed in a cage and struck first, in a failed attempt to get yourself an advantage against me you rushed into my ring during a tag match, and you willingly put yourself back in my path for this rematch for the BBB title.

I suppose most people would say that I should show some respect someone who would be willing to stand toe to toe with me, knowing the level uncertainty of their well being afterwards, I personally take it as an insult. You have already seen how I react when I am in a rather foul mood, my already low level of concern for others wellbeing tend to all but disappear, that level of concern ceases to exist entirely when I am being disrespected. Only a true fool would think it wise to provoke The Machine when their own body and future is on the line, or could that have been the point of all of this? I would be being polite in saying that your career has reached its twilight faze, potentially even past the twilight faze and straight on to the darkness that awaits us all eventually. I on the other hand am coming upon my prime, for you the Bhampionship was a final grasp at longevity but for me this still the prologue. The story of Zak Simmons rise has just started its first chapter and it will not end until I am regarded as the greatest Champion Elite Answers Wrestling has ever had the pleasure of being in the presence of. You will be remembered as an entertaining hand by a select few fans that fail to put a name to the memories, you’ll be remembered simply as that guy with the funny sounding name that should have known better on December 8th, 2019, when the end of his career was cemented at Scotiabank Arena in Toronto, Ontario.

Fear The Machine Woogieman, because he is coming for you.

The first one was crap so here's a better one.
 

A.W.J.

Member
EAW ROSTER
Messages
30
Points
18
Hey, I was just wondering if anyone's got time free if I could please get some feedback on this?

Know I haven't posted much, but this is my first promo in an efed for about six years I think...?

Strangely, I got a feeling it's better than most of the rubbish I used to post back in the day but feel it's defo rusty. I'm used to the 'one and done' feds so I feel I crammed waay too much in. I love doing the 'slice of life' style promo with the traditional bit at the end. The possibility of doing multiple RP's really excited me about this place and I may learn to use that over making an unbearable meat feast pizza of a piece.

Grammar is also a weak point of mine. Reading back I can see a few mistakes already which I need to be more careful of going forward.

If there's anything else though I've missed please do point it out - I've come back to improve my skills as a writer so the more feedback the better! In return I'll try to contribute here more as well for those who ask, I'm no expert in efedding by a mile shot but if I can help more than willing to oblige!
 

Oliver Queen

Emerald Archer
EAW ROSTER
Messages
12
Points
3
Dude I know we're opponents but I just read that and I was captivated. You've literally forced me to have to really think of a comeback for that. honestly, that was really good. The speech was a little long but shit, somehow it worked. I'm f*cked if I cannot come up with a better promo. Good Job.
 

Ronn Bank$

The Culture
Staff member
EAW ROSTER
EAW Hall of Famer
The Big Woo💫
Messages
1,288
Points
113
Hey, I was just wondering if anyone's got time free if I could please get some feedback on this?

Know I haven't posted much, but this is my first promo in an efed for about six years I think...?

Strangely, I got a feeling it's better than most of the rubbish I used to post back in the day but feel it's defo rusty. I'm used to the 'one and done' feds so I feel I crammed waay too much in. I love doing the 'slice of life' style promo with the traditional bit at the end. The possibility of doing multiple RP's really excited me about this place and I may learn to use that over making an unbearable meat feast pizza of a piece.

Grammar is also a weak point of mine. Reading back I can see a few mistakes already which I need to be more careful of going forward.

If there's anything else though I've missed please do point it out - I've come back to improve my skills as a writer so the more feedback the better! In return I'll try to contribute here more as well for those who ask, I'm no expert in efedding by a mile shot but if I can help more than willing to oblige!
Pretty good for a first promo back in 6 years. You have a style and a voice, and that's something that puts you ahead of the pack compared to most people starting out here so as your character continues it's journey in script and has more matches and angles you'll have even more to explore and talk about. Definitely a good base to build off of.
 
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Ronn Bank$

The Culture
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The Big Woo💫
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@Lisa Wren
http://eawnetwork.com/index.php?threads/a1s-half-ways-and-shit-stains.11294/
http://eawnetwork.com/index.php?threads/the-debut-on-friday-night-dynasty.11315/

My biggest issues with you isn't the actual promo itself as you're a good writer and tell a good story. But the formatting of it all just throws everything out of whack. Some of the color choices are unflattering such as that purple, and the way everything is put together makes it hard to wanna continue reading. You seem to be a more story/character development/roleplay driven promoer which is cool because we have a few of those here all whom have gone onto become successful. @Kassidy Heart, @Ms. Extreme and @Raven Roberts are three people who promo like that but they make it look readable so perhaps take a look at some of their stuff for reference. Like when you're describing something that is happening outside of actual dialogue, that should be a different color from the dialogue itself, preferably white. Also, the promos are either in real time or in past tense, so like if you're promoing about an upcoming match on Dynasty and the day OOC is February 20th, you can't promo as if the day is February 21st and you're backstage minutes before your match. You can do that AFTER the fact but not before it. Oh and when you get an official banner made, use that instead of the one you currently use, it's only needed at the top not the bottom. Tbh, it's not needed at all but it's a cool extra touch I guess, but the one you currently use please burn with fire. :lupe:
 

Ronn Bank$

The Culture
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The Big Woo💫
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@Arrow Thunderman I'm not gonna link your 4 promos but you get the point. It's not a character development promo if all you're doing is posting 4 sentences repeating the same thing. Please stop posting those everyday and work on an actual promo. Look at other peoples promos, click on one of the champion banners and go to their profile and see what an acceptable promo in EAW looks like. I hope that when you get booked into an actual match, you make sure to do research on your opponent, expand on talking points about them, talk about yourself and your background, where you come from, what you're about, why you're going to win, why you should be taken serious, and post paragraphs, not sentences. Based on your work so far you haven't shown any of that.
 

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