W I L D H E A R T
Chapter Two: Start Again
Shock Value, March 7th, 2020
None of it rests on my shoulders.
None of it.
Do we consider our wishes?
Or do we blindly hope, pray, desire...wish irrespective of the consequences that come?
Nothing in this life is delivered lopsided. Hope isn’t delivered without despair, happiness does not exist without sadness, joy does not emerge without sorrow. A university exam passed with flying colors isn’t possible without exams failed, slashed with red ink across every page. A job isn’t obtained without previous rejections. A sports team doesn’t achieve greatness without first tasting failure. Life itself is almost a pointless, worthless endeavour without the looming and inevitable arrival of death. Do you understand? Nothing in this world - both materialistic and abstract, tangible and intangible - exists without a ‘negative asset’ attached and even the words ‘negative asset’ is admittedly a struggle to define the very existence of this dark side. Calm down, I’m not Gates about to venture to a ‘darker side’ or whatever that was. But still, darkness is something that can be seen as an umbrella for these ideas, these concepts, these facts, these reactions, these moments that arise to shock up each time we plead for only good, only great things, for things that belong bathed in light and such opposite associations to the dark. When we wish for things, we wish for perfection. To pass that exam not simply to pass itself, but to ace it. To never be rejected and find ourselves suddenly in our dream position. To win championships at the end of a perfect, undefeated season. Of course these are all possibilities within our world, to some degree they unfold on a daily basis but none of those are achieved through wishing. Through desire, through intent, through purpose yes but never on the ideal of a ‘wish’. You may wish for something, but it’s not like rubbing the bottle of a genie and having it grant you three wishes. No. A wish emerges from desire. A wish is fuelled by intent. A wish is driven forward through the conceptual purpose. The exam is aced through study. The job is achieved by being excellent in the position. A team is undefeated through talent and dedication to be the best physically and mentally. You simply don’t wish for something to come into existence, for a result, for an outcome without that effort. Because when you do? Your wish becomes a nightmare. Your wish abandons you. Your wish tries to lift you beyond the clouds and into the stars above only to falter, only to fall back and leave you burning up in the atmosphere before you plummet to the earth.
You know the saying.
To be careful.
When you rise and rise and rise, there comes a point where your head sticks out at the front of the pack. A discombobulated mass of bodies all trying to strive for the precious few opportunities to achieve some form of relevance, of success, of pride and accomplishment. And in a moment you’re no longer just another member of this rat race but the target. You become the one who threatens their futures, their success, their opportunities, their moment to shine. You become the obstacle they have to fight, the one they have to challenge; don’t care about your back, they won’t stab you there, they’ll slice your fucking head off the first chance they get. The moment you stick your head out, you become both the hunter and the hunted - the rifle itself and the beast who tries to avoid it. Your opportunity is what they desire but your opportunity is yet to arrive, you still have to hunt, still remain as aware of what lies ahead than ever before. Alas, it’s a difficulty that divides those destined for greater things and those who are destined to descend back into the pack. Fortunately this is what training has been for. These difficult times where I care not for the opponent cast between me and my goal. A calibre unreachable, a sliver for form unmatched and unattainable. WildHeart. An unmatched state of mind where the heart beats harder and louder. More than a nickname. More than just a moniker slapped on. It’s an arrival of something greater than simply being Jalyn Garcia. It’s every fibre of my being becoming finely tuned to execute and achieve victory no matter the physical and mental stress. No matter the opponent, no matter the match, no matter the obstacle, everything is irrelevant, everything else is obsolete in my presence. Nothing measures up. Not fledglings, not champions, not Aces nor Gawds. Nobody. My path towards being crowned the New Breed Champion faces an obstacle but it’s more of a bump in the road rather than a full blown limiting and challenging obstacle. Still, a prelude to an inevitable victory is almost worth the price of focus alone, added the opportunity to show the world just why you don’t challenge Jalyn Garcia to begin with. Why, I could tack on the sickening self-belief my opponent showed me last week as additional justification and reasoning to prove that one simply does not walk into a match with the WildHeart expecting anything more than a fight for their life; a desperate struggle to achieve victory. It’s delightful, everything has fallen my way so perfectly, so ideally that I didn’t even realise. Size and strength proved to be nonexistent. Ah, but that’s what happens when your heart fails to beat loud enough, when you heart fails you and collapses. I never wished for my success or my fortune thus far in EAW; I simply worked tirelessly and relentlessly to achieve it as it was a necessity. Your wish is never heard, so why utter it into existence? There is no God, no immortal being ready to hear your prayers. Maybe I did wish, but I wished to myself. Uttered a prayer, a desire to not a God but my soul. To my heart, to my mind, to every fabric of my existence.
Maybe that’s why you’re the one challenging me, Sarah.
Hope and desire wrapped in a wish to succeed. You wish to challenge me. It’s a bold challenge, I admire it, but it’s still a challenge stained by the idea of being a ‘wish’. What do you ‘wish’ to achieve in beating me? There has to be a reason otherwise I would be sitting at home, continuing to train and study and train and study and train and study every single day and night until Grand Rampage. Imagine what would happen if Sarah Price defeated the WildHeart? I would have to defend my contendership! And having already beaten me, you would be beaming with confidence while I swam in distrust in myself, a lacking self-belief that I’m ready to ascend to the New Breed throne. Hypotheticals are fun to entertain given they’re purely imaginary but that truly is what’s at stake. Even if SASS is a focus, a long term vision there’s always underlying reasons and motivations that aren’t beholden to it. Stagnation is not something we directly welcome so why wouldn’t you want to take an opportunity to be a contender with both hands? The sake and spirit of competition are false ideals that hold no place; we all fight, we all beat one another to a pulp or do our damn best to for the sake of our own selfish fulfilment. No good or innocent parade is capable of turning that into a myth. It’s reality, it’s true, we all have that desire to move forward and we all take our chances in order to do so. Disconnect ourselves further and further from the pack. Throwing yourself into this match, carelessly challenging me is a borderline idiotic endeavour in which your pain and suffering the moment your body collides with that electrified floor exists as your own undoing - your mistake, your wrongs, your consequences - not mine. Even if I take kindness and do as little as humanly possible, still, that torment of what signals defeat will far surpass what I could do. Or, perhaps the idea of being distracted ahead of a more important and worthwhile match in San Francisco is enough of a reason to care, to invest and show little remorse. It’s in that moment the volts running through your body will be a brief, momentary relief. Where your mind and body rests knowing the worst has passed. Casting yourself against that floor a thousand times would be far more bearable. I’m kidding, truly. I could never be so merciless to anyone, let alone someone who hasn’t done anything to deserve it. You’ve simply wished for something. A wish with such grave consequences. Like I said, I find it admirable not simply for the challenge but the circumstances. This world is unforgiving Sarah. Surrounded by despair. Did you wish for this? Wish to risk your health? Wish to suffer? No. Nobody does. Nobody wishes for the doom that arrives. Nobody wishes for the suffering, nobody wishes for the pain, nobody wishes for the struggles they endure. And yet you’ve done just that. Not through any form of intent or desire, simple foolishness and over-eagerness to have a match and have a match against someone of my calibre, of my nature, of my place among the New Breed ranks. I don’t need this match, I don’t need to face you, I don’t need to be at Shock Value period, but this simply reaffirms my belief that the moment I became the Number One Contender, the moment my head poked through ahead of the rest, someone was going to be willing to try and seize it and the opportunity I earned.
That is my motivation for this match.
That is the wish I tell my mind, my soul, my WildHeart.
That nobody who dares to try and bring me back, I’ll never return from the pile I’ve emerged from. I’ll never be dragged back down into the depths where I’m once again struggling to thrive, to live freely without such pressures. Sarah, this mentality and this reasoning extends beyond you, right through to Justin Windgate and Grand Rampage. Winning the New Breed Championship isn’t an option I get to simply choose, it is a necessity burned right into my skin, lodged deep within that no other result other than absolute victory is acceptable. No matter how much you fight, I’ll fight longer. No matter how hard you punch, I’ll punch a little harder. No matter your personal will or desire, I’ll push WildHeart further and further into unforeseen extremes simply to find that victory at the end. No, you cannot win. No, you cannot live to see the next day without electricity flowing through your body. And in the end, you will at least come to understand the idiocy of your challenge, of your wish.
Be careful for what you wish for.