MATCH PROMO The Joy of Cooking (Up A Win) // Voltage 01 // 11.10.2019


Il Principe
Providence, Rhode Island
The scene opens on Ezio, splayed on a sofa, swiping left and right on his phone. He swipes so effortlessly, almost mindlessly, like this process is ingrained into the foremost spot of his muscle memory. His finger stops abruptly when a text from Joy Cheree comes through. A slightly wicked, slightly aroused, completely admiring grin comes over his face.

Work hard today? (flex emoji + eggplant emoji)

Always. (winky face emoji)

Keep at it. (heart emoji + clapping hands emoji)

For you? Always. (heart emoji)

Ezio clicks his phone to sleep, then places it on his chest briefly. He takes a deep, relaxed breath before starting to sit up. He rolls his head around his shoulders, stretching it a little side to side in between rolls. He looks up. Determined. Completely entrenched in focus.

Joy’s such a peach. Isn’t she? I mean, who couldn’t fall in love with such a woman. She’s got it all. Beauty. Brains. Even more beauty. Talent. Tenacity. Everything you really want in a partner. And how lucky am I to be her partner this week? I’m the most hashtag-blessed I’ve ever been. Not only do we make a perfect pair of eye candy, but she consistently brings after day...week after week...month after month...year after year. She puts in the work. And it shows. And now…*points to himself*...this lucky slut gets to ride the wave of success with her here in the EAW.

Ezio stands up and begins rolling his neck again while shaking out his arms and legs. He lets out a few puffs of air as he folds elbow over arm, stretches deeply, then repeats on his other side. It’s just like his former football days. Standing in the tunnel, getting amped before you run out on the field to a screaming, almost rabid crowd. He feels the same way now, prepping for his first tag team bout with one of his best friends.

Now, on to one of my smaller*winks*...regrets recently. Provençal. You silly “magnificent” bastard. I forget why I even wasted my time trying to get your attention. I must have been high after my first win on Voltage. Because you aren’t worth two specks of dirt on my boot. You won’t hit a woman? It’s 2019, fucko. Put your misogynist, heteronormative bullshit aside for a minute...if you’re man enough to do so. You think you’ll hurt Joy Cheree? You’ll barely put a hair on that perfect head of hers out of place, you goon. Not only do you have that goddess to contend with: You. Have. ME. And I’m always ready to put my best stuff on display for my amazing EAW fans. I may have had some temporary blindness going when I hit on you, because you are clearly not my type. I don’t have a thing for hopeless losers. I don’t want to kink-shame anyone who does like that kinda thing, but it really doesn’t get me going.

Ezio heads over to a weight rack, running his finger along the cold metal. He runs it along the top line of weights a few times before clenching his hand around a weight for some bicep curls. He steps over to an incline bench, beginning a set of curls.

And Shortfuse PAKA. How could I possibly forget about you? Oh yeah. You’re forgettable. Now, I get the whole “family, even chosen family, is important” thing. But really? HIM? There’s gotta be a better project you could take on in your family. Or even, just bet on one that's not even born yet. I’m sure they’ll be better suited no matter how they come out than your weak-ass brother-in-law. You should really take some time and focus on yourself, man. I mean, come on. It’s like you don’t even care about winning. Or even excellence in the ring for its own sake. You say you want to just fight, and I get that instinct. But why waste your time here? Couldn’t you just do that...well...anywhere else you wanted? Why waste our fans' time and money by coming to the ring and putting on a literal shit show, week after week. If you want to just get your rocks off and fight, do it somewhere else, bro. This isn’t the place to just mail it in like you’ve been doing. You made a mistake touching me last week on Voltage, so now...YOU'RE. ALL. MINE.

Ezio finishes his curls and puts the weight back on to the rack. He’s a little steamed now, thinking about sub-par talent and motivation like the Arch Enemies taking an EAW spot away from a wrestler that really wants it. Who works hard and cares about the organization in a pure, fiery way. He stares dead at the camera.

So come Sunday, I’m bringing everything I’ve got. And so is Joy. She always does. Never let me down a second in my life. And we’re going to show you what real champions...real athletes...real lovers of this fed bring to the ring. And before the night is over, I really hope Provençal finally works up his wittle-bwaby courwage to hit the toughest woman I know.

Likes: Kassidy Heart

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