@TheGawd

[Methuselah]

Do you know why you abuse your free will like this?

It’s because your parents have failed you

Your parents held you to a low standard because they hold THEMSELVES to a low standard

THAT is why you troll on the internet

THAT is why you waste precious time

Your parents have completely fucked you. ONLY I can unfuck you. #BigAnnouncementSoon #Gawdverbs #Gawdzillapro

 

[Methuselah]

Many of you were born because your mama was a slutty hoe too lazy to abort you

I am the king of abortions

My concubines are like dead baby factories

But NO MORE

I will repopulate this planet to weed weak pieces of shit like YOU out #Gawdverbs #Gawdzillapro

 

[Methuselah]

Walked in on my son watching S1 E1 of Game of Thrones

Naturally, I beat him unmercifully

However deep down inside, I wept

No son

No

No Game of Thrones

 

[Methuselah]

I was hit as a child and I’m grateful for it

Of course I hit my child

You defy me,

NO WARNINGS. Life does not give warnings

The stock market does not give warnings before it crashes

“Good parents can reason—“ SILENCE

I do not negotiate with FUCKING CHILDREN

OBEY

#Gawdverbs #Gawdzillapro

 

[Methuselah]

“You’re fucking them up for life!”

- someone who’s fucked for life

I was hit

And I am more successful than you by every conceivable metric

More famous. More wealthy. More in shape.

And God forbid if I cried while I was hit, GOD FORBID #Gawdverbs #Gawdzillapro

 

[Methuselah]

In the real world there is no time to cry

There is only time to live or to die

All I see are spoiled ass kids with pathetic ass parents

Fat as fuck, living off of gushers

I THANK GOD I was raised differently

So that I’m not as weak as all of you (no offense) #Gawdverbs #Gawdzillapro

 

[Methuselah]

I beat my son because I love him

I never touch my daughter

YES, life is easier for women

YES, life is harder for men

But life is INFINITELY MORE PLEASURABLE if you are a powerful man

Which is what my son WILL BE

BY WILL OR BY FORCE #Gawdverbs #Gawdzillapro

 

[Methuselah]

World changing, tectonic plate shifting, interplanetary affairs altering announcement coming NEXT MONDAY 5/20

#Gawdverbs #Gawdzillapro

 

[Mark Michaels]

@PicPerfectMichaels: How long you gonna hide? What do I gotta do to get you face to face? GIVE ME WHAT I WANT! GIVE ME WHAT I WANT!
#GIVEMEWHATIWANT

 

[Methuselah]

Currently at NSA headquarters

I can see your every move

I am looking at your browsing history

I’ve got to say, I’m disgusted

Remember no matter where you go

GAWD IS WATCHING YOU

#Gawdverbs #Gawdzillapro

 

[Methuselah]

Mood.

#Gawdverbs #Gawdzillapro

 

[Methuselah]

Many of you were born because your mama was a slutty hoe too lazy to abort you

I am the king of abortions

My concubines are like dead baby factories

But NO MORE

I will repopulate this planet to weed weak pieces of shit like YOU out #Gawdverbs #Gawdzillapro

#TBT to the time I impregnated Cleopatra

As the king of abortions, naturally I forced her to get rid of it

Any woman I breed with is AUTOMATICALLY housing a future king in her womb

At the time she simply was not yet ready for the responsibility

Perhaps next time @Cleopatra

#Gawdverbs #Gawdzillapro

 

[Methuselah]

Fornicating with endless girls is fucking easy

Uninteresting kinda

Boring, really

That level of sexual access is considered trivial for me

Here’s a fun social experiment:

Show me how many of them are devoted to you COMPLETELY despite your infidelity

How many wait outside of the place you work every day?

How many of them BEG for you to give them children?

Cry when you ignore them for too long?

Then I’ll be impressed. #Gawdverbs #Gawdzillapro

 

[Methuselah]

My girlfriends cry when I go overseas

Been with some of them for 5 years

I’ve slept with hundreds of women throughout that time

They hang on my every move

Meanwhile you don’t even fuck other girls and your woman still disrespects you. #ThinkAboutIt #Gawdverbs #Gawdzillapro

 

[Methuselah]

Money IS happiness, dumbass

You don’t believe me?

Go to your banking app right now

Look at the minuscule numbers

Now imagine if 3 extra zeroes were added to it

Still not convinced?

Look at your banking app again

Now imagine if your balance was 0.00

Wouldn’t be too happy, now would you?
#Gawdverbs #Gawdzillapro

 

[Methuselah]

Literally nothing in my life ever goes wrong

Every single day is beautiful

My daughter bought me an Aventador coupe with her allowance money

My children my family my fans my employees my concubines all adore me

Im the most brilliant most smartest most kindest most humblest most sexiest most giving man who has ever lived EVER

Views from my mansion in South Korea #Gawdverbs #Gawdzillapro

 

[Methuselah]

PRE-ORDER THIS SATURDAY 12pm PST #Gawdverbs #Gawdzillapro

 

[Methuselah]

Women are the biggest liability in the history of EAW

That’s why the board gave you your own brand to fuck off to

And EVEN THEN

You aren’t happy

#Gawdverbs #Gawdzillapro

 

[Methuselah]

@FOXTV I allowed you unmitigated control over Empire

And I am still forced to get involved

THIS IS NOT PART OF THE DEAL

Pay me more money RIGHT NOW

#Gawdverbs #Gawdzillapro

 

[Methuselah]

“I need to speak to the Chairman!”

About WHAT bitch

I AM NOT HR

I GAVE @FOXTV A GREAT DEAL

EAW IS WORTH BILLIONS

MY TIME IS WORTH BILLIONS

DO NOT EXPECT ME TO DO YOUR JOB FOR YOU

#Gawdverbs #Gawdzillapro