MATCH PROMO Xander, You ALMOST Hurt My Feelings.

Jordan Payne

idk
EAW ROSTER
Messages
76
Points
33
Wow, nice roast. But can I give a few tweaks to make sure it's a great promo? So you say that I could only talk about your weight, yet you make dozens of corny and mundane references, from the New York Knicks to a squid, that if you take out all of them, your "promo" won't last two minutes. You say that I'm a human trash can, yet you can't fit in one. Xander, when I caught wind of your promo and read it for myself, I heard one word whilst you were listing your PAST achievements (oops I gave it away): former. Are you STILL New Breed Champion? Are you STILL Tag Team Champion? No. Because your partner finally exposed you for the cuck you know you are, and someone came who's better than you, and fucked you up in the middle of the ring, like I'm going to do for Showdown, so try your best, but I'm still convinced that I will bury your face so far into the ground, that you'll be licking your splinters under the mountain of chairs.

It turns out that Peyton Payne will be refereeing. Don't care. Just one more person to watch the massacre and absolute annihilation of Xander Payne, which is no sweat off my back, only your blood on my fists. And as it is my honour to beat your motionless body within an inch of its life, I'm glad to have someone who's probably related to you count your burial. And the reason why I said probably is because, contrary to what you believe, I had no idea who the fuck you are until you beat DDD at Under Siege. I had absolutely no idea who this shitbrick was who was saying "hi" in the comments below my contract thread. And I still don't care about you, believe it or not. Because if you can't even hold the New Breed Championship for more than 2 months, than you're an even more of an embarrassment than I made you to look in my LAST promo. Because you gave yourself away. Xander, you and I (as well as everyone else in the Discord server) know that I got under your skin like the "parasite" I'm supposed to be, but there is only one truth. And I'm not going to pander to the hypothetical, so that all the remaining Xander Payne fans can type "Jordan Payne sucks, Xander's going to be World Champion and you're going to be a jobber". No, I WILL obliterate you at Showdown, and I WILL reveal you as the pathetic mongrel you truly are. But Xander, I have to congratulate you. I never thought I would have this much fun roasting (sorry, wrong choice of words) someone as weak as you, as these hilarious results have brought a wholesome catharsis I have never experienced in my life. So, I implore you to come to Showdown. Because you will finally learn how to tuck YOUR tail, shut YOUR mouth, and know YOUR place under my feet, as my fists drip with the same blood that gushes from your skull unto the repulsive and hideous wretchedness known as your merchandise, and you will understand what your kids will understand: who the REAL daddy is. And spoiler alert, it isn't and will never be from YOUR side of the family.
 

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