Recent content by Impact

  1. Impact

    MATCH PROMO Forgot About Imp

    I love how motherfuckers try and act like Pain for Pride is the ultimate barometer of excellence in wrestling. Nah, the EAW machine has deluded ignorant trashcans like Charlie Marr into thinking Pain for Pride is just that, so they put it on a pedestal and either experience a high from which the...
  2. Impact


    Congrats wifey, they all doubted you, wrote you off, forgot about you, and you did it. There's no greater feeling in e-feds than that.
  3. Impact

    MATCH PROMO "Poetic Justice." -- Pain for Pride III

  4. Impact

    MATCH PROMO Return of the Moon Man

    Genuinely so depressing. I would love to address Serena Bennett's insatiable need for attention -- scratch that, no I wouldn't, I'd rather never face her again -- but of course I'm going to be subjected to it at Pain for Pride in what's going to be a shitty match against shitty-ass wrestlers...
  5. Impact

    MATCH PROMO False Prophets

    Let me make it abundantly clear for all of those confused: this match at Pain for Pride isn't the match I want at Pain for Pride. When the Visual Prophet went after me a few weeks ago commenting that I've been relegated to the "we have nothing for these people so let's just put them all...
  6. Impact

    MATCH PROMO #WashedKing

    Cocksucker, your Grandma's ashes have not even been spread yet and already you're banging the same drumbeat as all of your peers that preceded you, one that nearly cost The Visual Prophet his match against me this past week. Three years ago winning against me would be a gamechanger for you...
  7. Impact

    MATCH PROMO Mmmmmmuuummmmhhhhammmauuuuu

    Went to bed for a slumber and now look what I done did, woke y'all asses up, but my work is not finished here. The eyes are still heavy, the caffeine in the coffee hasn't set in yet, and there are those in EAW that still think Impact can be touched. Private investigator, sorry to throw a wrench...
  8. Impact

    What is your style?

    I have a pretty good memory of things I observe, so I just read my opponent's promo start to finish and compartmentalize the details in my head, then find a way to expand on them as I get into a rhythm when writing. Sometimes I don't read their entire promo before I start writing, I'll read...
  9. Impact


    Half man, half amazing. Take the edge off with Perrier. #thirstquencher
  10. Impact

    MATCH PROMO The Gift and the Curse

    (Camera fades from black into a living room, the sound of Tupac's posthumously released "Do for Love" featuring vocals from Bobby Caldwell in the background before we see the silhouette of a broad-shouldered, refrigerator-shaped man adjusting the volume of the music lower on his Klipsch RP-150M...
  11. Impact

    MATCH PROMO Masterstroke: Pen-is Mightier than the Sword

    Judge by content of character, or color of skin? Authentic people move in silence, particularly fair-skinned people when dealing with sensitive issues concerning race. At a time like this, no one wants to hear me, a white man, speak as if I'm an expert on black issues. No one wants to hear...
  12. Impact

    MATCH PROMO Retard Strength 💪

    Let's save the allegories for the medieval fantasy novels, trying to undercut me by saying I've never been King of Elite is like trying to undercut Mr. DEDEDE by saying he's never won the Grand Rampage. Who gives a fuck? The success rate on Grand Rampage, CITV, and especially KoE winners is far...
  13. Impact

    MATCH PROMO And you will know I am the lord

    While you were banging that garden metaphor into the ground and pandering to the lowest brow among EAW's demographic, I was already plotting ways I could walk into the main event of Dynasty and once again shock everyone. I say shock everyone, but in reality nobody should be surprised about the...
  14. Impact

    MATCH PROMO See, I've been on a quest for the next wave, but nevermind that was just a segue

    I'm just going to get this out of the way before I go any further, these last two losses I've taken were both a bunch of fucking bullshit and everybody in EAW knows that except the subhuman Ru Paul drag queens that defeated me by way of a low blow at Gateway to Glory and Xander who managed to...