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  1. Kirk Redwood

    MATCH PROMO Life Ain't So Simple, Life Ain't So Kind - Dynasty Promo II

    (The camera fades in on outside of a bar. Off to the alleyway, the sound of a man taking bets is heard. As the camera goes around the corner, it is revealed to be Kirk Redwood. As the final person leaves, Redwood turns to address the camera.) Every cat hisses like a lion when you kick it, but...
  2. Kirk Redwood

    MATCH PROMO Dongzilla's vs Gothra - Dynasty Promo

    (The camera fades in on the roof of an apartment building. Kirk Redwood is tanning on the roof in a lawn chair. As the camera approaches him, he makes a grunt to acknowledge that it’s there.) Oh, y’all bitches didn’t hear? Well, then let me fill you shitbirds in on the news that didn’t make it...
  3. Kirk Redwood

    MATCH PROMO Shooting Clay Shitbirds - Dynasty Promo

    (The camera fades in on an open prison cell containing Kirk Redwood. He lies on the cot, looking almost comfortable. From his eyes, it’s obvious that he isn’t sober. Yet, he speaks.) Kris Kristofferson said it best: “Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose." And what are we now if...
  4. Kirk Redwood

    MATCH PROMO A Short Break from Shitposting - Midsummer Massacre Promo

    “I've got a little darkness in my heart I know one day the world will fall apart But until it falls to pieces and there's fire in the sky I'm gonna take my heart and let it shine, shine, shine I'm gonna take my heart and let it shine I've got a little darkness in my soul No Jesus, pills, or...
  5. Kirk Redwood

    MATCH PROMO When Jekyll Becomes Hyde - Midsummer Massacre Promo

    (The camera fades in the inside of Kirk Redwood’s apartment. More specifically, it spans a coffee table in the center of the room. On the table is a series of bandages, pain pills, needles, and thread. The blood indicates that Redwood has been doing his own healthcare as his premium would be...
  6. Kirk Redwood

    MATCH PROMO Rise of the UnderDonger - Dynasty Promo

    (The camera fades in the outside of Disney World. Redwood is arguing with two security guards who explain that being an employee does not mean he can piss off the roller coasters. Finally, Redwood seems to agree and walks away from the park towards the camera.) Magic is in the air eh? Our new...
  7. Kirk Redwood

    MATCH PROMO The Sun Don’t Shine On the Same Dog’s Ass Everyday - Dynasty Promo

    (A camera fades in on a museum exhibit celebrating Teddy Roosevelt. There are various plaques talking about his life and achievements, but in the midst of it all is a statue of Teddy. From behind the statue, a drunk and disorderly Kirk Redwood emerges.) Teddy Roosevelt once said: talk softly...
  8. Kirk Redwood

    MATCH PROMO Big Win for the Ableist Community - Pain for Pride Promo

    (The camera fades in on a lively bar. People are enjoying themselves. Men are hitting on girls, people are dancing and enjoying their lives, and in the corner of the room is a barely conscience Kirk Redwood sitting in a booth. As the camera approaches him, Redwood stands up and tells everybody...
  9. Kirk Redwood

    MATCH PROMO 'Round & 'Round Until You're In the Ground - Pain for Pride Promo

    (A camera fades in on a hamster in a wheel. It runs and it runs, achieving no result. As the camera zooms out, it is revealed to be in Kirk Redwood’s apartment. On the tank is a label that simple reads: Usagi. Suddenly, Redwood walks onto the screen and puts another toy in the exhibit which the...
  10. Kirk Redwood

    MATCH PROMO Mirror Mirror on the Wall, Who's Got the Biggest Dick of 'em All? - Pain for Pride Promo

    (A camera fades in on an alley. Around a trash can fire, a bunch of hobos are passing around a crack pipe and speaking gibberish to each other. Numb to reality, they speak of things through their small lens of drug hallucinations. And standing their and taking notes is Kirk Redwood.) So this is...
  11. Kirk Redwood

    MATCH PROMO Google Social Disruption Shitbirds - Voltage Promo

    (A camera fades in on an abandoned church. Dust covers almost every surface. Most of the decorations have either been stolen or smashed. Yet, one stained glass window above the altar remains untouched. As the light shines through it, the camera traces the rays down to where the land: on Kirk...
  12. Kirk Redwood

    MATCH PROMO Dongzilla vs Tokyo - Voltage Promo

    (The camera fades in on quite a scene. A small acting school is shown, but Redwood is being tossed out the door. As he hits the sidewalk, he lays there for a moment before cracking a smile and climbing to his feet. He takes a flask out of his pocket and sips it before he speaks.) It’s hard...
  13. Kirk Redwood

    MATCH PROMO Shit-slinging Without a Paddle? Bummer. - Voltage Promo

    (The camera fades in on another disgusting scene: an old and empty bar covered in dust and mold. At a table with a flickering light overhead sits Redwood. As he sips out of what appears to be a well-expired bottle, the camera rotates to face him head-on.) Will they or won’t they…again? It...
  14. Kirk Redwood

    MATCH PROMO Filler Promo? Filler promo. - Voltage

    (The camera fades in on Kirk Redwood’s apartment, a truly disgusting sight. Instead of wallowing in his filth alone though, there are multiple plus-sized hookers scattered around and sleeping off some serious nasty shit. As Redwood crawls from behind the couch to face the camera, he has nothing...
  15. Kirk Redwood

    MATCH PROMO Bringing Home the Rain - BoE Promo

    (A camera fades in on a very pleasant scene. The sun is shining over a beautiful park. The birds are chirping, the bees are buzzing, all is right in the world. Then Redwood arrives. As he walks through the park, sipping out of a flask and approaching the camera, the life seems to die down.)...
  16. Kirk Redwood

    MATCH PROMO Pull. Aim. Click. Bang. - BoE Promo

    (A camera fades in on Redwood’s disgusting apartment. Bottles line the floors, cabinets, and even the tables. As the camera pans around the room, it lands on Redwood drinking on his couch. In one hand is a bottle and in the other is a phone playing a re-run of Voltage.) My my how the shitbird...
  17. Kirk Redwood

    MATCH PROMO End of the Rainbow Fuck-O - Voltage Promo

    (A camera fades in a classroom. A dozen or so eager kids gather around a reader who’s face is hidden behind a book. A nervous looking teacher stands in the corner. Suddenly, the reader slams the book shut revealing himself to be the lovable Kirk Redwood. He motions for a kid to hand him his...
  18. Kirk Redwood

    MATCH PROMO Sad Song of a Shitbird - Voltage Promo

    (The camera fades in on an old storage locker. From the stacks of bottles and tapes, it can only belong to Kirk Redwood. As a TV flickers on, the tape is playing the Grand Rampage footage. Over and over, as if on skip, the scene of Redwood being eliminated by Gates plays over and over. Out of...
  19. Kirk Redwood

    MATCH PROMO Fuck King Kong, I’m King Dong - GR Promo

    (The camera fades in on the outside of an arena. There are posters for Grand Rampage featuring many marquee performers, but of course there aren’t any of the High Rollerz lol. Instead, there are many posters of the singles champions and well-known participants in Grand Rampage. Suddenly, a...
  20. Kirk Redwood

    MATCH PROMO A Showdown for Pants-Shitters - Grand Rampage Promo

    (A camera fades in on Kirk Redwood’s apartment. It is still absolutely filthy, but a half-eaten birthday cake lies on a table next to an open bottle of scotch. With a grunt, Kirk Redwood seemingly pulls himself off the ground from behind the table looking pretty lit.) For the last few months, I...