Milli Banks
I got the pistol on me, I guess I went pop.
Staff member
EAW ROSTER
Universal Women's Champion
Thanksgiving was different this year for Milli Banks. She would be surrounded by her family, enjoying the grand meals, the drinks, laughter and everything else that such a day encompassed. However, for the first time, she’d be away from them, like most of the EAW talent as a good chunk of them were in Saskatoon to promote the upcoming shows for this weekend. It was bittersweet. She appreciated her popularity and how much she was seen as a star, but it came at a cost, and today, she was feeling an extra pang of homesickness. If only I had just this day, she thought to herself. Then again, she wondered if the food coma she would’ve been in would’ve prevented her from reaching her flight on time.
She chuckled as she sat on the couch in her hotel suite. Instead of some juicy ham and the best cornbread dressing ever made, she had to be saddled with some chicken salad. A good salad, granted, but it definitely couldn’t beat some homemade food. At least she had some Stella Artois to wash it all down with, so it wasn’t a completely miserable experience. She remained in nothing more than an oversized Pantera T-shirt and some sweatpants that were just a little loose but still comfortable. Stripped down and natural as can be. She flicked through the TV channels and took a sip of her beer before she heard some faint knocking on the door.
“Coming,” she called out. She pried herself from the comfy confinements of the couch cushions and opened the door. Her eyes widened slightly.
“Oh? Y’all texted me y’all were coming over?”
Bronson Daniels and Jon Kelton stood together, with Bronson in particular giving a sheepish grin.
“Yup! We totally made it!” said Bronson, quoting the words of Veena Adams back when the two first arrived at Milli’s hotel suite in Seoul a couple months back. This got a bright, and in a sense nostalgic smile out of Milli, that whole time period meant so much to everybody involved, not to mention how much it strengthened the bond between her and Bronson.
“Come on, you’ll make me blush reminding me of Territorial Invasion…” replied Milli in an appreciative tone, in a way flustered that either of them would remember that day so well, but that time period did mean a lot to everybody involved.
Milli welcomes the two inside, first enters Bronson who she hugs with no hesitation, then in comes Jon who receives a cold, serious stare from Milli – there’s still tension left, and though Devolution is no more, its effects can still be felt, something Jon has gotten accustomed to. He starts articulating with his hands that this is not what it seems before saying “Look–” but Milli quickly interrupts him by breaking into laughter, to which Jon is clearly relieved, he’d hate for his past to keep following him to the point it even brings tension to somebody else’s home – even if it’s a temporary one – as they’ve gotten used to when it comes to EAW’s schedule.
Jon reluctantly laughs back, before extending his fist for a fist bump, “We good?” he said, a little confused to all that’s happening. It’s become a little hard for him to tell who is honest to him and who is not, and in a way, sees anything coming to him taking into account his lowly actions as part of Devolution, which has had history with Milli Banks a year ago, back when she was Specialists Champion, that much he is aware of.
“Well, he trusts you, and I trust his judgement, so we’re cool in my book,” replied Milli, while moving her eyes towards Bronson to signal who she is referencing. Obviously, the sailing isn’t so much as it may appear, but from her perspective, watching Jon scratch and claw to redeem himself of the bloodshed he left behind and getting an even closer look at that over the course of this season by being a part of Showdown’s roster she slowly warmed up to him, and seeing as Bronson who she knows is a good judge of character would get as close to him as he did, she’s open to believing this is a different man than the one she knew a year ago, after all people can change, and she knows that very well given her controversial past.
“Good,” Jon said. “Would make things awkward if that wasn’t the case. I won’t let your trust in me go to waste.”
“I’m sure it won’t. Besides, everyone has doubted you and you’ve been able to push past many of those hurdle blocks, just like Bronson has. If he can break through them, so can you.”
Milli’s gaze fell to the bags they had in hand.
“You guys came bearing gifts?”
“Something like that. Might as well since we’re spending Thanksgiving away from loved ones. We figured we’d stop by and keep you company.”
“Oh? That’s awfully thoughtful of you guys.”
“Well,” Kelton chuckled. “It was Bronson’s idea.”
Milli looked at Bronson. “Word?”
“Yeah, haha. Plus it’s be a nice reprieve not having to look at this dude’s face all the damn time.”
“Hey,” Jon joked, feigning getting his feelings hurt. “My mother told me I have a lovely face.”
“It is—but after ten minutes, it becomes a sight for sore eyes.”
“Whatever, man.”
“Okay, save the bickering for later! What y’all brought?”
Jon and Bronson went ahead and sat the bags on the table. They pulled out some foil pans, clearly having food.
“Beats room service, I think,” Jon explained. “Was kinda hard to find some places here in this city, but I think we hit the jackpot. Got some mac and cheese, ham, and cornbread.”
“Oooooh, that sounds sweet!”
“Not as sweet as you, but we both know that’s an impossible bar to reach.”
“You giving yourself ceilings now? Quite the fall from the Bronson I knew…”
“Yeah, yeah. Look, I know we all got used to this schedule by now but I thought we might as well make this day special in the only way we can. I do know both of you would love to celebrate back home with your families, but that’s sadly out of the realm of possibilities, and honestly– compared to you guys I don’t exactly have anybody to go back home to, so I guess spending holidays alone inside hotel rooms has been something I’ve grown accustomed to.”
Milli and Jon have a sad expression on their faces hearing what Bronson’s had to say, but he quickly stops in his tracks so what he’s saying isn’t taken the wrong way, “Hold on, I’m not trying to dampen the mood here. The point is, y’all are my true family in this place, and there’s no other set of people I’d rather spend this day with, circumstance and all, than the two of you, even if we gotta celebrate Thanksgiving eating some takeout in a hotel suite. This is still special to me.”
Bronson takes one of the bags and puts it on the kitchen table, out of it he pulls out a bottle of white wine, “Mind bringing us some glasses?” he then asks Milli, who promptly responds: “Sure thing.”
Milli begins looking inside a cabinet, while Bronson occupies himself with opening the bottle as Jon takes a seat and makes himself comfortable. Moments later, Milli places three wine glasses on the table as Bronson opens up the bottle he brought, before pouring equal amounts in the three glasses. They all take one glass each, and then raise a toast.
“Here’s to a successful end of the year together,” Milli chirped.
“I can definitely cheers to that,” Jon grinned. “Along with putting Harper Lee and the Jaded Hearts in their place.”
“Actually, it’s Harp-ho,” Bronson emphasized.
“Oh, you’re right. You got that.”
The three laughed before taking a sip together. They ate together, shared in each other’s company, and talked about all sorts of things. Bronson had recently gotten back to taking MMA classes. Jon expressed the idea of wanting to go on a cruise. Milli was eager about seeing the Wicked movie after hearing all the hype and praise for it, and while musicals weren’t either of Elysium’s thing, they promised that they’d go and see it with her after Showdown ended for a late screening of the movie. They finished their meal off by eating a caramel apple tart Jon managed to spot at a local shop. It was the last one, he said. And seeing how delicious it ended up being, the three agreed it would’ve been a damn shame had someone else managed to snatch it up before he did.
Once they were done, the trio were stuffed to the brim, but their hearts were equally as fool. Milli comically was slumped backwards on the couch.
“Laaaaaawd, mi nuh know if mi can work off this food baby by Saturday. That was too good.”
“C’mon you child, you’ll be fine. We got a big match on Saturday, you know we all gotta be at the top of our game if we want that victory.”
“Alright B, you know I got your back when you need it, and if these bitches need a reminder, we are un-de-fea-ted when we team up, it’s just that right now, it’d be wise if I chill a little.”
“Kassidy did say this upcoming Saturday had a blockbuster main event, and you know, she isn’t right often, but this time around, she is, you’d think Super Showdown was a two-week event with a match like this one. You see though, this being the blockbuster main event it is, it just makes me that much more eager to get the victory. Maybe Bronson can take failure a whole lot better than I can, and maybe that’s something I need to work on still, but as of right now, The Last Stand left an extremely bitter taste in my mouth, one that won’t go away so easily. I can’t believe I missed the Spear on Charlie, and next thing I know, everybody in attendance had begun to leave the arena, there’s confetti everywhere, Charlie was somewhere fuming while struggling to get some handcuffs off, and there I was, in the middle of that ring, with barely any conscience, barely registering anything, and what woke me up, was seeing Bronson come towards me, visibly devastated, but worried for me, trying to get me up to my feet…”
Jon takes a breath of air, before going on, “That was the longest walk to the back I ever took, and I guess all that went down after that is documented now. I still can’t get over it. I’ve tried. I’ve tried to put it behind me. But it feels as if no matter how hard I try, I can’t move on from it. I can’t let that moment be what defines us. So we HAVE to get this victory. I know this won’t settle the score, I know this won’t make us champions. But if we can get this victory. We’ll be that much closer to our goal.”
“You’re right, but The Last Stand is never going to be what defines us. I mean, we got that close in our second match as a whole as a tag team, going up against opponents with unbelievable resumes, against the defending champions who just so happen to also be the greatest tag team to ever do it, perhaps failure is not an option but it is also not an impossibility, we have to live with what we put up and move forward, become better, test ourselves and our limits and if in a couple of days we can go as far as to pick up this victory, then what’s gonna stop us from doing it again if they’re still the champions in the future? This upcoming match will mark the rapid evolution of Elysium and since we already got a win over the current Answers World Champ on our tally, we’re already starting to build up quite the resume for the future. I’m also equally interested in taking down Harper. We picked up the victory over TLA and Roberto last week, and we both got the chance to step in the ring with Ruler one-on-one where we both had him beat before his druids swarmed in and ruined things, but as far as he’s concerned, I don’t believe we have anything to prove when it comes to him, we are on a different level with or without him taking shortcuts. With that being said, while you’ve technically got a victory over her, she handed it to you to stick it to TLA, so this time I’d prefer to see things get a proper conclusion and get the upper hand on the one last person standing in front of Elysium in this upcoming Chamber match.”
“Harper is unpredictable, but she’s also way in over her head. More often than not, she’ll be her biggest enemy no matter how far she gets in her pursuit, and you can point to multiple points in her career where this applies, and to me, if she couldn’t beat Minerva at Fighting Spirit, if she couldn’t dethrone Milli at Midsummer Massacre, and if she couldn’t dethrone TLA at Territorial Invasion, then what’s gonna change course here? You know, she can slander me all she wants, she can pose this superiority complex knowing exactly how little bearing she actually holds over this company’s food chain, but in my case, I’ve patiently awaited my moment ever since Reasonable Doubt, I’ve been honing my craft, perfected my game, atoned for my some of my sins, and even found someone like you, Bronson, to tackle challenges with and understand a different perspective on things, whether we were enemies or allies, all of these have leveled up my game a lot, and I’m infinitely more ready to chase the ultimate dream now compared to eight months ago, while she’s constantly aimed for these top prizes with every chance she got, getting the same result, and accomplishing nothing in the end. Getting more and more desperate with each move.”
“I agree. Harper’s still a tough one to put down, but she’s not an impossible challenge for us. And actually, you’ve shared a lotta time in the ring with her this season, Mills, got any tips to share with the class?”
“Hm,” she said, placing a finger on her chin. “She clearly looks down on you two. She and the Jaded Hearts are both notorious for letting their egos get the better of themselves. There will definitely be certain points where they’ll think they have the upper hand to end the match, but all we have to do is keep the pressure up and they’ll crumble. Harp-ho especially is going to be the first to crack.”
“Good point,” points out Jon, “I don’t think putting all our faith in them imploding is a good idea, because either of them are good enough to get the job done regardless of circumstance, and even since Harper’s *infamous* Brand Warfare performance she did go on to become Unified Tag Team Champion for quite a while. I believe the trick is as simple as *making* them crumble, instead of thinking it’d be a guarantee that they don’t coexist. We simply keep the offense going, we use our chemistry to our advantage, and you know what’ll happen? We either beat them with it, or we outsmart them and force them to cost one another. This is something “Harp-ho” hasn’t been shy of doing and it’s something we just saw TLA pull with Roberto last week. It’s mind games. And of course, what better way to get inside the head of The Jaded Hearts than putting a blemish on their record, something we all know very well they’d hate.”
“Mhm,” nodded Bronson, “All this talk about ‘levels to this, levels to that’, or how we’ve ‘failed’ to measure up to them, all this constant respect seeking from them, what better way of throwing it in their face than keeping track on what’s most important here? Getting this victory as a unit.”
“Exactly. I think we’ve got this match. But, we can worry about all of that on show day. For now…”
Milli brought out a controller and pointed toward her gaming laptop which she travelled with.
“Y’all wanna play some Mass Effect?”
She chuckled as she sat on the couch in her hotel suite. Instead of some juicy ham and the best cornbread dressing ever made, she had to be saddled with some chicken salad. A good salad, granted, but it definitely couldn’t beat some homemade food. At least she had some Stella Artois to wash it all down with, so it wasn’t a completely miserable experience. She remained in nothing more than an oversized Pantera T-shirt and some sweatpants that were just a little loose but still comfortable. Stripped down and natural as can be. She flicked through the TV channels and took a sip of her beer before she heard some faint knocking on the door.
“Coming,” she called out. She pried herself from the comfy confinements of the couch cushions and opened the door. Her eyes widened slightly.
“Oh? Y’all texted me y’all were coming over?”
Bronson Daniels and Jon Kelton stood together, with Bronson in particular giving a sheepish grin.
“Yup! We totally made it!” said Bronson, quoting the words of Veena Adams back when the two first arrived at Milli’s hotel suite in Seoul a couple months back. This got a bright, and in a sense nostalgic smile out of Milli, that whole time period meant so much to everybody involved, not to mention how much it strengthened the bond between her and Bronson.
“Come on, you’ll make me blush reminding me of Territorial Invasion…” replied Milli in an appreciative tone, in a way flustered that either of them would remember that day so well, but that time period did mean a lot to everybody involved.
Milli welcomes the two inside, first enters Bronson who she hugs with no hesitation, then in comes Jon who receives a cold, serious stare from Milli – there’s still tension left, and though Devolution is no more, its effects can still be felt, something Jon has gotten accustomed to. He starts articulating with his hands that this is not what it seems before saying “Look–” but Milli quickly interrupts him by breaking into laughter, to which Jon is clearly relieved, he’d hate for his past to keep following him to the point it even brings tension to somebody else’s home – even if it’s a temporary one – as they’ve gotten used to when it comes to EAW’s schedule.
Jon reluctantly laughs back, before extending his fist for a fist bump, “We good?” he said, a little confused to all that’s happening. It’s become a little hard for him to tell who is honest to him and who is not, and in a way, sees anything coming to him taking into account his lowly actions as part of Devolution, which has had history with Milli Banks a year ago, back when she was Specialists Champion, that much he is aware of.
“Well, he trusts you, and I trust his judgement, so we’re cool in my book,” replied Milli, while moving her eyes towards Bronson to signal who she is referencing. Obviously, the sailing isn’t so much as it may appear, but from her perspective, watching Jon scratch and claw to redeem himself of the bloodshed he left behind and getting an even closer look at that over the course of this season by being a part of Showdown’s roster she slowly warmed up to him, and seeing as Bronson who she knows is a good judge of character would get as close to him as he did, she’s open to believing this is a different man than the one she knew a year ago, after all people can change, and she knows that very well given her controversial past.
“Good,” Jon said. “Would make things awkward if that wasn’t the case. I won’t let your trust in me go to waste.”
“I’m sure it won’t. Besides, everyone has doubted you and you’ve been able to push past many of those hurdle blocks, just like Bronson has. If he can break through them, so can you.”
Milli’s gaze fell to the bags they had in hand.
“You guys came bearing gifts?”
“Something like that. Might as well since we’re spending Thanksgiving away from loved ones. We figured we’d stop by and keep you company.”
“Oh? That’s awfully thoughtful of you guys.”
“Well,” Kelton chuckled. “It was Bronson’s idea.”
Milli looked at Bronson. “Word?”
“Yeah, haha. Plus it’s be a nice reprieve not having to look at this dude’s face all the damn time.”
“Hey,” Jon joked, feigning getting his feelings hurt. “My mother told me I have a lovely face.”
“It is—but after ten minutes, it becomes a sight for sore eyes.”
“Whatever, man.”
“Okay, save the bickering for later! What y’all brought?”
Jon and Bronson went ahead and sat the bags on the table. They pulled out some foil pans, clearly having food.
“Beats room service, I think,” Jon explained. “Was kinda hard to find some places here in this city, but I think we hit the jackpot. Got some mac and cheese, ham, and cornbread.”
“Oooooh, that sounds sweet!”
“Not as sweet as you, but we both know that’s an impossible bar to reach.”
“You giving yourself ceilings now? Quite the fall from the Bronson I knew…”
“Yeah, yeah. Look, I know we all got used to this schedule by now but I thought we might as well make this day special in the only way we can. I do know both of you would love to celebrate back home with your families, but that’s sadly out of the realm of possibilities, and honestly– compared to you guys I don’t exactly have anybody to go back home to, so I guess spending holidays alone inside hotel rooms has been something I’ve grown accustomed to.”
Milli and Jon have a sad expression on their faces hearing what Bronson’s had to say, but he quickly stops in his tracks so what he’s saying isn’t taken the wrong way, “Hold on, I’m not trying to dampen the mood here. The point is, y’all are my true family in this place, and there’s no other set of people I’d rather spend this day with, circumstance and all, than the two of you, even if we gotta celebrate Thanksgiving eating some takeout in a hotel suite. This is still special to me.”
Bronson takes one of the bags and puts it on the kitchen table, out of it he pulls out a bottle of white wine, “Mind bringing us some glasses?” he then asks Milli, who promptly responds: “Sure thing.”
Milli begins looking inside a cabinet, while Bronson occupies himself with opening the bottle as Jon takes a seat and makes himself comfortable. Moments later, Milli places three wine glasses on the table as Bronson opens up the bottle he brought, before pouring equal amounts in the three glasses. They all take one glass each, and then raise a toast.
“Here’s to a successful end of the year together,” Milli chirped.
“I can definitely cheers to that,” Jon grinned. “Along with putting Harper Lee and the Jaded Hearts in their place.”
“Actually, it’s Harp-ho,” Bronson emphasized.
“Oh, you’re right. You got that.”
The three laughed before taking a sip together. They ate together, shared in each other’s company, and talked about all sorts of things. Bronson had recently gotten back to taking MMA classes. Jon expressed the idea of wanting to go on a cruise. Milli was eager about seeing the Wicked movie after hearing all the hype and praise for it, and while musicals weren’t either of Elysium’s thing, they promised that they’d go and see it with her after Showdown ended for a late screening of the movie. They finished their meal off by eating a caramel apple tart Jon managed to spot at a local shop. It was the last one, he said. And seeing how delicious it ended up being, the three agreed it would’ve been a damn shame had someone else managed to snatch it up before he did.
Once they were done, the trio were stuffed to the brim, but their hearts were equally as fool. Milli comically was slumped backwards on the couch.
“Laaaaaawd, mi nuh know if mi can work off this food baby by Saturday. That was too good.”
“C’mon you child, you’ll be fine. We got a big match on Saturday, you know we all gotta be at the top of our game if we want that victory.”
“Alright B, you know I got your back when you need it, and if these bitches need a reminder, we are un-de-fea-ted when we team up, it’s just that right now, it’d be wise if I chill a little.”
“Kassidy did say this upcoming Saturday had a blockbuster main event, and you know, she isn’t right often, but this time around, she is, you’d think Super Showdown was a two-week event with a match like this one. You see though, this being the blockbuster main event it is, it just makes me that much more eager to get the victory. Maybe Bronson can take failure a whole lot better than I can, and maybe that’s something I need to work on still, but as of right now, The Last Stand left an extremely bitter taste in my mouth, one that won’t go away so easily. I can’t believe I missed the Spear on Charlie, and next thing I know, everybody in attendance had begun to leave the arena, there’s confetti everywhere, Charlie was somewhere fuming while struggling to get some handcuffs off, and there I was, in the middle of that ring, with barely any conscience, barely registering anything, and what woke me up, was seeing Bronson come towards me, visibly devastated, but worried for me, trying to get me up to my feet…”
Jon takes a breath of air, before going on, “That was the longest walk to the back I ever took, and I guess all that went down after that is documented now. I still can’t get over it. I’ve tried. I’ve tried to put it behind me. But it feels as if no matter how hard I try, I can’t move on from it. I can’t let that moment be what defines us. So we HAVE to get this victory. I know this won’t settle the score, I know this won’t make us champions. But if we can get this victory. We’ll be that much closer to our goal.”
“You’re right, but The Last Stand is never going to be what defines us. I mean, we got that close in our second match as a whole as a tag team, going up against opponents with unbelievable resumes, against the defending champions who just so happen to also be the greatest tag team to ever do it, perhaps failure is not an option but it is also not an impossibility, we have to live with what we put up and move forward, become better, test ourselves and our limits and if in a couple of days we can go as far as to pick up this victory, then what’s gonna stop us from doing it again if they’re still the champions in the future? This upcoming match will mark the rapid evolution of Elysium and since we already got a win over the current Answers World Champ on our tally, we’re already starting to build up quite the resume for the future. I’m also equally interested in taking down Harper. We picked up the victory over TLA and Roberto last week, and we both got the chance to step in the ring with Ruler one-on-one where we both had him beat before his druids swarmed in and ruined things, but as far as he’s concerned, I don’t believe we have anything to prove when it comes to him, we are on a different level with or without him taking shortcuts. With that being said, while you’ve technically got a victory over her, she handed it to you to stick it to TLA, so this time I’d prefer to see things get a proper conclusion and get the upper hand on the one last person standing in front of Elysium in this upcoming Chamber match.”
“Harper is unpredictable, but she’s also way in over her head. More often than not, she’ll be her biggest enemy no matter how far she gets in her pursuit, and you can point to multiple points in her career where this applies, and to me, if she couldn’t beat Minerva at Fighting Spirit, if she couldn’t dethrone Milli at Midsummer Massacre, and if she couldn’t dethrone TLA at Territorial Invasion, then what’s gonna change course here? You know, she can slander me all she wants, she can pose this superiority complex knowing exactly how little bearing she actually holds over this company’s food chain, but in my case, I’ve patiently awaited my moment ever since Reasonable Doubt, I’ve been honing my craft, perfected my game, atoned for my some of my sins, and even found someone like you, Bronson, to tackle challenges with and understand a different perspective on things, whether we were enemies or allies, all of these have leveled up my game a lot, and I’m infinitely more ready to chase the ultimate dream now compared to eight months ago, while she’s constantly aimed for these top prizes with every chance she got, getting the same result, and accomplishing nothing in the end. Getting more and more desperate with each move.”
“I agree. Harper’s still a tough one to put down, but she’s not an impossible challenge for us. And actually, you’ve shared a lotta time in the ring with her this season, Mills, got any tips to share with the class?”
“Hm,” she said, placing a finger on her chin. “She clearly looks down on you two. She and the Jaded Hearts are both notorious for letting their egos get the better of themselves. There will definitely be certain points where they’ll think they have the upper hand to end the match, but all we have to do is keep the pressure up and they’ll crumble. Harp-ho especially is going to be the first to crack.”
“Good point,” points out Jon, “I don’t think putting all our faith in them imploding is a good idea, because either of them are good enough to get the job done regardless of circumstance, and even since Harper’s *infamous* Brand Warfare performance she did go on to become Unified Tag Team Champion for quite a while. I believe the trick is as simple as *making* them crumble, instead of thinking it’d be a guarantee that they don’t coexist. We simply keep the offense going, we use our chemistry to our advantage, and you know what’ll happen? We either beat them with it, or we outsmart them and force them to cost one another. This is something “Harp-ho” hasn’t been shy of doing and it’s something we just saw TLA pull with Roberto last week. It’s mind games. And of course, what better way to get inside the head of The Jaded Hearts than putting a blemish on their record, something we all know very well they’d hate.”
“Mhm,” nodded Bronson, “All this talk about ‘levels to this, levels to that’, or how we’ve ‘failed’ to measure up to them, all this constant respect seeking from them, what better way of throwing it in their face than keeping track on what’s most important here? Getting this victory as a unit.”
“Exactly. I think we’ve got this match. But, we can worry about all of that on show day. For now…”
Milli brought out a controller and pointed toward her gaming laptop which she travelled with.
“Y’all wanna play some Mass Effect?”
˚ ✦ . .
˚ . . ✦ . ˚ 
. ✦ 
. ˚ * ✦ . . ✦ ˚ ˚ . * . ˚ .
˚ ✦ . .
˚ . . ✦ . ˚ . ✦ . ˚ * ✦ . . ✦ ˚ ˚ . * . ˚ .
The S.S. Normandy drifts throughout the sea of stars. Inside, the low hum of the ship’s engine is heard in the background. Various crew members are at work, from checking the defenses to making sure the Normandy’s calibrations are up to snuff. The pilot keeping control of the vast ship is focused as can be, even if he is relaxed.
JOKER: We aren’t far off from our destination. Home, sweet home.
Outside, a view of Earth is seen. Joker has a faint smile on his face.
JOKER: I bet the crew can’t wait. Commander must be getting everything prepared for once we land.
The scene suddenly cuts to the private cabin, where loud music is heard blasting.
???: SEE ME AH SAY, UP TO DI TIME STILL ENUH, BABY!
For many, the person in question is a very familiar figure—Milli Banks. Her appearance is vastly different, though. Brightly-colored wigs are replaced with a low bun with her natural hair. Flashy garments are swapped for a casual attire fit more for an Alliance member aboard a spaceship. She holds up a brush, treating it like a microphone as she dances on top of the table.
COMMANDER BANKS: EDI, get ready my gyal!
EDI, the advanced AI on the ship, speaks out.
EDI: Of course, Commander Banks.
The music kicks into gear, and the two begin to sing.
COMMANDER BANKS: Picture me and you, you and me, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!
EDI: Now picture me and you, under the tree, F-U-C-K-I-N-G!
COMMANDER BANKS: How man fi bow, dem wicked eh? No S-U-C-K-I-N-G!
EDI: You are mi Q-U-E-E-N—
COMMANDER BANKS: So, me? I’m your K-I-N-G.
She hops down from the table and continues to dance, acting as if she was performing at a concert.
COMMANDER BANKS: The first time buddy go inna her, mi wake up to—
EDI: Good morning, sir!
Here is your breakfast, what you prefer? 
COMMANDER BANKS: Mi say, stop!
Baby, remain as you were. Mi nah eat inna bed, that won’t occur, because me nah gummy bear, nor kissyfur! 
EDI: But I like the way you shake it right thurr.
COMMANDER BANKS: So turn backway, make me get fi enter the center!
But just as they were about to get to the chorus, EDI stops.
EDI: Commander, I am getting a message from Joker. I am connecting you with him.
COMMANDER BANKS:
Wah him want!? We nuh reach Earth yet!?
EDI: We are near it, but according to him, something came up.
COMMANDER BANKS: Bruh, this shit better be worth it, him ah mess up Kartel tyme and mi wah be ready fi when we ah go to his concert, tuh bumboclaat. Patch him through.
EDI does as instructed, and within a few seconds, Joker’s voice is heard.
JOKER: Commander, we are getting transmissions from hostiles.
COMMANDER BANKS:
Meaning??
JOKER: Meaning that they are trying to communicate with us. It is a bit weird, but—
COMMANDER BANKS: So, they want to attack us, or what?
JOKER: I don’t know, but if they’re making an effort to talk to us, maybe you should find out?
COMMANDER BANKS: But wah type ah fuckery ah gwan here? Lawd, mi can’t bother. Hang on, mi ah come.
JOKER: Alright, Commander.
The transmission ends. Commander Banks puts on her N7 armor just in case. Once she was suited up, she leaves the cabin and goes to the CIC, where some of the crew members are gathered already. A woman with short, brown hair turns her attention towards the commander.
YEOMAN CHAMBERS: Commander.
COMMANDER BANKS: Kelly, sup bbygurl?
YEOMAN CHAMBERS: Not entirely sure. We are being contacted by a different ship, potentially hostile, which is strange since we aren’t within enemy systems.
Commander Banks opens her mouth to speak, but then, two people approach her, a turian and a quarian. The viewer upon closer examination can recognize the turian as Jon Kelton; he retains majority of his facial features, albeit with some subtle turian appearances, while the quarian…
BRONSON’ZORAH VAS NORMANDY: Commander, we heard about a potentially-urgent situation.
COMMANDER BANKS: Eh, likely some light shit. Let’s check it out though and get it out the way.
Commander Banks brings up the nearby fleet, and instantly rolls her eyes.
COMMANDER BANKS: What are Cac, Cac-er, and Caciest doing!?
JON VAKARIAN: Oh, brother. And here I thought we would’ve been able to touch down on Earth without a headache or three.
BRONSON’ZORAH VAS NORMANDY: Ha! Expecting that when it comes to Harper, Kassidy and Sienna is like expecting weather on board here. That’s never going to happen.
COMMANDER BANKS: Chiiiiile, chile, chile. I kinda just want to bust out the guns and blast their ship to hell, but whatever. Let’s see what we are working with. EDI?
EDI: Affirmative. Connecting us through to the S.S. Dumb White Bitches.
Holographic depictions of Kassidy Heart, Sienna Jade, and Harper Lee appear within the middle of the crew. Each one of them has an in-depth description which EDI begins to read off to the crew.
EDI: Kassidy Heart, multi-time World Champion, longest-reigning Answers World Champion, EAW Hall of Famer, extreme brain trauma, Dissociative Identity Disorder, whiny bitch that suffers from crippling main character syndrome and narcissism, overachieving underachiever, hypocrite at heart, drugged and kidnapped into becoming Mr. DEDEDE’s wife but at least she can get thirsty over him and get free tickets to the top to make up for the emotional damages.
EDI: Sienna Jade, three-time World Champion, EAW Hall of Famer, main evented Pain For Pride twice. eons ago, and lost both to figures in EAW history that shall not be named, one half of the greatest tag team of all time, currently keeps herself afloat by riding the coattails of the aforementioned Kassidy Heart and is an even whinier bitch than her. Notice how there’s no mention of The Jaded Hearts in the Kassidy rundown? Overall, once-in-a-lifetime attention seeker, crybaby, and irrelevant in today’s day and age.
EDI: Harp-ho Lee, the most forgettable Universal Women's Champion of all time, Iconic Cup Winner, notorious back-stabber, and betrayal merchant. Also suffers from main character syndrome and narcissism. EAWs equivalent of raw unseasoned chicken. The blandest of bland. Likes to stream her horrible gameplay to the two fans she has in the world. Still pretending to be a high school bully despite her rather short and both unintimidating and unimpressive stature and has an odd obsession with crew member Jon Vakarian though he has never given her the light of day, definitely a case of projections stemming from unresolved childhood trauma.
COMMANDER BANKS: Rasstaclaat!
!!! The new EDI update is amazing!
JON VAKARIAN: Hmm. It’s definitely accurate.
The crew cackle, but then holographic apparitions speak.
HOLOGRAPHIC KASSIDY HEART: I wouldn’t be joking around if I were any of you. You idiots are in no fucking position to do that considering Sienna and I hold wins over the three of you.
COMMANDER BANKS: And that’s great for you, beloved, but that isn’t going to mean much soon enough. You sure love to think that your word is law here and we’re supposed to care about how you view any of us, but that’s not how the real world works, Cacssidy. Yes, you and Sienna have the upper hand. However, we’ve been in this position before. We’ve had some of our biggest adversaries who had our numbers multiple times over, and yet, in the end, they came to find out we weren’t here to play any games. Isn’t that right, fellas?!
BRONSON’ZORAH VAS NORMANDY: Indeed, and Kassidy will learn very soon life ain’t always gonna be on your side.
HOLOGRAPHIC SIENNA JADE: Now don’t go talking about my Kassi-poo like this you disrespectful ROOKIES!! You all better learn your place and give us some respect, you are absolute nobodies in comparison to us and I’m done pretending otherwise!
BRONSON’ZORAH VAS NORMANDY: Ookaaaayyy, calm down grandma.
JON VAKARIAN: You sound very stressed about the opinions of “nobodies”. What that snobby attitude doesn’t come with thick skin? Or do we get that reaction because you only believe a fraction of what you say?
COMMANDER BANKS: Sis really called Jon that like he hasn’t been on the block longer and won titles before her.
HOLOGRAPHIC HARPER LEE: Did I just hear Jon Vakarian speak? Why do I have to hear his voice? Doesn’t he know he’s… MID?! He makes me sick! He hasn’t won a single World Championship! I have so much more to offer than him and I even have more to offer than these other two, and it’s about time I get to finally prove it.
COMMANDER BANKS: You go babe! It’s only your tenth attempt at this, might as well make it count before we run outta fingers to count on.
JON VAKARIAN: Calling me mid but the only World Championship she ever won came by a surprise cash-in. That’s cute. It’s cute to see her coming to Sienna’s aid too considering how many times Sienna's sonned her.
HOLOGRAPHIC KASSIDY HEART: Did you forget the part where Harper and I teamed together in that Davy Jones Locker match and won?
HOLOGRAPHIC HARPER LEE: I think they did, because sure enough, they’re trying to run with the “I’m not trustworthy” angle.
HOLOGRAPHIC SIENNA JADE: And THEY want to say that WE’RE not original?!
COMMANDER BANKS: Riiiiight, but that match was a good while ago and it was BEFORE you and the Jaded Hearts became enemies. Let’s not be deaf, dumb and blind, chile. Things can change drastically with enough time, and just because you two worked together two years ago at this point in time does not mean the same bit of magic can be replicated.
JON VAKARIAN: Is the sky blue? Is water wet? Rhetorical questions. Just like saying Harper Lee isn’t trustworthy is a rhetorical statement. Of course you’re not, but we’re not naive enough to put all of our faith in that.
COMMANDER BANKS: Deadass bruh, like I get being tired of people using the same talking points, but sis, YOU CONTINUE TO BE A SNAKE! It is a pattern with you! Of COURSE people are going to mention it, dumbass, and if you don’t want them to, maybe, I dunno know, don’t be a backstabbing whore? Just a thought!
BRONSON’ZORAH VAS NORMANDY: It’s funny how the best course of action to her is to complain about the quote, unquote low-hanging fruit being in use when this is what she’s become known for, what she’s made a career out of blindsiding people and stabbing partners in the back, pretending to be a know-it-all and everything, but this isn’t just a low-hanging fruit, it’s her trademark, it’s what first comes to mind when you think of the name “Harper Lee”, and it tells a whole lot about her character when she’d rather complain about the reputation *she* built, instead of taking accountability for her mistakes and trying to have an honorable and memorable career by fixing these glaring issues. And no, failed attempts like POTARA don’t count, that’s like going to rehab and relapsing on your first day out.
HOLOGRAPHIC HARPER LEE: Whatever. I’m still in a better spot than Elysium. You two definitely shouldn’t even try to make fun of me for all the times I’ve failed becoming world champion this year when your WHOLE stories are about you guys doing just that! At least Milli was able to get it on her first try, but Bronson, remind me again how many times it took you to become a world champion?
HOLOGRAPHIC SIENNA JADE: And we don’t even need to get started on Jon.
HOLOGRAPHIC KASSIDY HEART:
HOLOGRAPHIC SIENNA JADE: Seriously. Not only are they failed repetitive losers, but they’re also acting as if they didn’t just lose to us three weeks ago! Like, hello??? Earth to the stupid, fake-Canadian rat and his annoying “Finish the story!” merchant partner?! What’s going to make this match any different?!
BRONSON’ZORAH VAS NORMANDY: We’re closing in on the new year and we’re still rehashing material from 2023. Heartbreaking. You know, I’ve probably lost count of the amount of times I had to look at the lights by the end of a night, they’ve become faint memories in my head, especially when I go ahead and achieve my dreams at long last, creating moments not I or anyone else will forget for an extremely long time, and to me, that’s what makes the difference between stagnation and evolution, in my case, I’ve always evolved and become better, but to be blunt with Team “I Swear We’re Fine”, you’ve all stagnated. I mean, Harper brought up the 2021 Brand Warfare match and pointed out that me back then doesn’t measure up to me now, but you know what’s sad? That Harper Lee *does* measure up to the current one. I mean, we could point to that as simultaneously your best and worst performance in that ring, one that will forever be something you’ll be remembered by on that short list of memorable moments she’s got, but in her case, moments come and go, and that’s her fault. In that timeframe, I’ve become a pivotal piece resting at the top of this company, continuing to pull off historic feats, while in the current day she’s continuously scratching and clawing for some validation, she’s got this itch to prove that she’s truly the best but she just comes up short every time.
JON VAKARIAN: But it’s all forgotten to her. A speck of dust in the wind. Hanging onto one-time glory and parading around as if she’s God's gift to humanity. Hidden away in a bubble of her creation, because she’s too delusional to come to terms with the fact that she isn’t NEARLY as good as she believes herself to be.
COMMANDER BANKS: Also, let’s not forget Kassidy in particular has a nasty habit of underestimating her competition all because she may have beaten them before. She beat TLA at Road to Redemption three years ago only for him to burst her bubble at King of Elite; she had my favorite Elitist of all time Andrea GOATentine’s number and swore up and down she was finna snatch the UWC from her, but that didn’t happen, and Minerva? Well, we don’t need to elaborate further on that.
BRONSON’ZORAH VAS NORMANDY: If there’s one thing all three of them are gonna die over it’s their pride, but none of them is more hung up on her pride than Kassidy, which is why I find a lot of what she says ironic. Kassidy can never settle with anyone one-upping her, which I can *sort of* respect, but on the flip side it’s also self-deprecating, like I told her before, I look at nobody but being the best me possible, it’s not about being better than X or Y person to me, it’s about being better than yesterday’s version of myself, which is why Kassidy believing my purpose here is to prove to be better than her is nothing but a projection of how she views things, rather than actually reading my headspace, because if Kassidy has ever been incapable at something it’s been relating to another man or woman. I can even look back at the time we were both World Champions on Dynasty a year ago, while she was throwing constant shots, while she was calling my reign a fluke even multiple defenses into it, when she said I wouldn’t live up to the man I took the title from, I simply sat quiet and let the work speak for itself, while she was insecure over her spot, over having to play “second fiddle”, over being a better champion than me, I simply focused on being the best champion both I and the people deserved to see, it was about pushing my limits, it was about putting it on the line against the best that brand had to offer, it was about etching my name into history, and I succeeded. Sure, Kassidy was a great champion, she did great things with that championship but at the end of the day, only one of us could close the shows, only one of us could be front and center, while the other just had to play second fiddle. And that wasn’t me.
HOLOGRAPHIC KASSIDY HEART:
Imagine thinking I’d ever play second fiddle to you, or the rest of you for that matter, and that includes you, Commander Banks. Until you have beaten me one-on-one, you won't get to have the claim of being the best talent here. In fact, why don't you put your money where your mouth is and defend that championship against me or Sienna, and that is IF you are able to retain?
COMMANDER BANKS: Oh, word????
Commander Banks pulled out some money from her armor plate and throws it on the floor.
COMMANDER BANKS: Put it on the floor for 100 bands right now that WHEN I defend this title AFTER Road to Redemption and make another open challenge, I see one of you step up to me and I am as serious as a heart attack with that. Talking bout some damn, "you can talk the talk but you need to back it up". Bitch, I've been doing that consistently throughout my career. Meanwhile, either you OR Sienna coulda been slide up on me when I issued back-to-back open challenges but the entire female roster here in EAW wanted to be pussy all of a sudden after I beat your trios partner right there. For someone who LOVES to talk about how she never settles, you sure were having a ball being very cutesy and very demure beating up teams that aside from Fire & Ice and your crack-baby looking fuck-ass husband who was getting carried by Michael Machina were never shit. Coulda been fought me, and who knows? Maybe you could've been a double champion again already! First time ever an Elitist would be able to achieve such a feat more than once! Or for Sienna!! Hell, wouldn't that possibly make either of you two the woman with the most world championship reigns in company history?? But nooooooooooo, the Jaded Hearts like stat padding against obviously-lesser Elitists and swear they're doing something serious as a result! Or, maybe y'all are insecure about your chances aganst lil ol' Milli Mills.
BRONSON'ZORAH VAS NORMANDY: Oh, don't gag them too hard like that, Queen. 🫣
HOLOGRAPHIC SIENNA JADE: Ahahaha, seriously! Maybe all of that nasty yeast managed to seep into your mind because US??? SCARED?????
HOLOGRAPHIC KASSIDY HEART: Yeah, this bitch got brain damage that's even worse than mine.
!!!
HOLOGRAPHIC HARPER LEE: This is getting embarrassing at this rate, man.
COMMANDER BANKS: Snakes shouldn't talk.
HOLOGRAPHIC HARPER LEE: Do you have, like, anything genuinely SUBSTAINTIAL to say?
COMMANDER BANKS: Oh, like how I can trust Bronson and Jon? Because I do, bitch. You can say that you three are united because you hate to lose, but guess what? So are we! We LOVE momentum, baby, and when it comes to big-time matches, we're pretty good at picking that shit up. I trust both these men here to have my back and risk everything to win against you. Matter of fact, I trust them genuinely OUTSIDE of wrestling.
Commander Banks places a hand on Bronson's shoulder.
COMMANDER BANKS: I trust Bron-Bron so much, I could get through the entirety of Until Dawn, pass the controller to him when Sam needs to escape the Wendigos undetected, and he'll be able to have all of the gang survive!
BRONSON'ZORAH VAS NORMANDY:
Her other hand goes to Jon's.
COMMANDER BANKS: I trust Jon SO much? I could complete all the loyalty missions in Mass Effect 2, get to the suicide mission, pass the controller to him AND trust that he'll be able to get all twelve of the Normandy crew to survive that shit!
JON VAKARIAN:
HOLOGRAPHIC KASSIDY HEART: Corny ass forced plug in.
COMMANDER BANKS: Meanwhile, Sienna and Kassidy can't work with you without one of them threatening you to cooperate, and Ion even think they can trust you to remember putting on deodorant before the match.
HOLOGRAPHIC HARPER LEE: And I'm the childish one. Okay.
HOLOGRAPHIC KASSIDY HEART: What an idiot. But like I said, I'm not playing second fiddle to you or anyone on Showdown.
COMMANDER BANKS: You already are tho, but like I said, you ain't even cracking top ten in that department.
BRONSON’ZORAH VAS NORMANDY: Hmph. At the end of the day, what’s most unfortunate about Kassidy’s mentality is her unwillingness to adjust, her unwillingness to accept she’s wrong, her unwillingness to see reality for what it actually is, because it’s all one big irony coming out of this whole insecurity of hers over playing “second fiddle” to somebody else, when the truth is, no matter what she goes on to accomplish she will forever have to live in the shadow of her husband, whom she glorifies, whom she bows to, whom she looks at as not her equal, but her superior, so with a superior, how does she expect to be the “Greatest of All Time”? Isn’t this just one big dilemma she’s forever going to have to face her whole life, given how much stock she puts into being the best to ever do it, how can she be so blind to this painfully obvious aspect? It’s not like this manufactured relationship hasn’t led to a manufactured legacy either, because extremely horrible circumstances aside, it’s done its best to kill the integrity of this sport many, many times, with the most recent being Wicked Games, how can she be the recognized as the greatest at something she constantly spits on?
COMMANDER BANKS: Annoying, contradictory bitch. That’s why Veena is better than her unironically.
HOLOGRAPHIC KASSIDY HEART: Okay, now you’re lying.
COMMANDER BANKS: Her recent undefeated streak lasted longer than yours.
HOLOGRAPHIC KASSIDY HEART: Okay? And?
COMMANDER BANKS: Her Botox and boobs look better than yours.
HOLOGRAPHIC KASSIDY HEART:
JON VAKARIAN: Guys, we have to come to the understanding that no matter what we say or do, nothing is going to get through to her. She’s one of if not THE most stubborn person I’ve ever met. And you would think that after all this time, she would come to the realization that that trait does her more harm than good. You see three people capable of coming together and giving you a fight that not only pushes and challenges you, but altogether jeopardizes your beloved record, and you scoff at it. But at every turn, you give every indication that you understand exactly who and what you’re up against. Yeah Kassidy is delusional, and maybe she’s not all the way there in the head— but she's far from stupid. She can lie to Sienna and Harper, she can even lie to us— but actions are always telling. And the way you’ve gone about it, suggests you aren’t nearly as confident as you let on. The threats, the insults, the horribly tasteless accusations, everything about it screams uncertain and insecure.
HOLOGRAPHIC SIENNA JADE: Aren’t you hearing yourself? Matter of fact, wasn’t this the same angle you tried to throw at us a few weeks back? Kassidy’s pinky finger alone has more talent than any of you!
COMMANDER BANKS: Okay, dick rider, we hear ya.
HOLOGRAPHIC HARPER LEE: Didn’t you say during War Games though that if anyone criticized Bronson, you would have personally been on their heads? What does that make you?
COMMANDER BANKS: Uh, on the right side of history because we won the match!
HOLOGRAPHIC HARPER LEE: Off of a Joso interference.
HOLOGRAPHIC SIENNA JADE: I may have not won War Games, but I rather—
COMMANDER BANKS: Gonna stop you right there, boo, because since you FLOPPED as the LEADER for your team in 2018, you don’t get a stool to stand on in this conversation, respectfully.
HOLOGRAPHIC SIENNA JADE: AND WHO ARE YOU TO TALK TO ME LIKE THAT??
COMMANDER BANKS: Uh, a woman whose current reign as Universal Women’s Champion is longer than your own…? Or your Freeweight reign? OR your Unified Women’s Championship? National Elite Championship reign, too!
HOLOGRAPHIC SIENNA JADE: Ugh, you’re an even bigger numbers nerd than Harper!
HOLOGRAPHIC HARPER LEE:
COMMANDER BANKS: Funny since sis wanted to steal Myles’ insult word for word taking about some damn “what kind of ESPN stat is that!?” when she’s the SAME heffer who brags about how she was champion every season. Y’all can bring up the numbers to gas yourselves up, but when WE do it, you wanna try and poke fun at that? Me thinks someone is a little jelly since she can never be a part of such an exclusive club, but whatever! I’m just talking the truth—AND that’s me being fair not bringing up my Specialists reign, because the fact that my title reign during my rookie season was better than most of yours after you were no longer that is.. zkaahnsjdhdkskdjksks, you know what? Not gonna wake that conversation up for your sake.
HOLOGRAPHIC SIENNA JADE: Just go ahead and talk to this Hall of Fame ring then, bet you’d love to have one, too bad you never will! I’ve done everything you have and more back when you were a nobody stirring up shit and fucking up opportunities left and right, it’s about time you stop talking to me like you’re hot shit around here.
BRONSON’ZORAH VAS NORMANDY: It’s always about the past with you. Random, irrelevant grudges that last years, all this talk about “I’ve done this before you!”, it’s like your mentality remained stuck in 2020. I’m sorry the great Sienna Jade can’t handle an argument heating up and needs special treatment every time to make up for her insecurities, maybe her key to happiness is her own personal team of cock munchers to tell her just how majestic and good she is, since apparently, her tag partner isn’t enough. I hate to break the news to you Sienna, but there’s a reason you haven’t gotten far with just about anything all on your own in recent times and why the clock keeps ticking for you.
COMMANDER BANKS: I’m saying likeeee, just leave the game before the game leaves you, bro.
The women look offended, but the crew continues.
BRONSON’ZORAH VAS NORMANDY: If you’re just gonna remain stuck in 2020 then you might as well remain there, because this may sound shocking to you but we’re about to enter 2025, biiiiggg changes since then, so my problem with you comes with this completely wrong picture you’ve painted of my character, and believe me, I get it, not all of us can be good character judges and to one person I’m this wise guy, to another I’m just a child, you’re viewed entirely differently depending on the viewer’s eyes, but you’ve got it all wrong and I believe it’s about time you start fixing things up because if you truly believe I talk the same way I did back when I was a rookie, which you *should* know since we had a match back then and you seem stuck on our past, and if you truly, and I mean TRULY believe I haven’t changed then oh boy you’re quite the numbskull. I am quite tired of this discourse, I am tired of these insecurities you’re projecting just because they happen to line up with something that came out of my mouth an extremely long time ago and that I’d probably take back nowadays, because guess what, people change, and the truth is, I’ve given you flowers, I’ve acknowledged your legacy, it’s just that you’re not on any higher pedestal than I or anybody else is, and it’s not like WE don’t have undeniable legacies of our own, but of course, you’d rather ignore that, because you’re *so* special, too bad you’ve yet to prove that to us.
JON VAKARIAN: I keep telling you guys. Team miserable will never be able to see beyond their own shadow. And It’s to a point where you almost feel bad. I mean If you have to constantly tell people how great you are, and feel the need to do so in the presence of an imminent threat, what picture do you believe that paints? Level with me here. Sienna, out of the three of you, Kassidy and Harper, I feel as though I like you the most. The bar is obviously low— but it should count for something. Because unlike your partners, you’ve shown flashes of understanding and coherence. You’ve attempted to understand me and where I’m coming from. And in your own snobby and callous way you’ve shown some semblance of respect for me. That hasn’t gone unnoticed. It doesn’t change the fact that we have to step on you— but it definitely proves to me that you hail higher than Kassidy in regards to simple acknowledgment. And basic comprehension for that matter.
JON VAKARIAN: Allow me to once again acknowledge Sienna’s existence, before I continue to tell you about yourself— *again*. It doesn't take a genius to understand why the brunt of my attention is focused on you. In fact it’s actually quite simple to fathom. It's always you who just so happens to be the loudest in the room. It’s always you who has the most to say. And if none of this is enough for you to wrap your head around, then simply chalk it up to the fact that I was intrigued— until I wasn’t. For you to be someone who has reached a certain echelon of highs, ones in which even the most elite would have trouble reaching— I expected more. I expected substance. But what you’ve given me is nothing more than what I’d hear from Harper Lee, Raeangel Guzman or any other delusional bawd that gets aroused at the thought of themselves being the center of attention. It’s time to let it go. Calling me trash and attempting to downplay the impact I have in big 2024 is one thing, but attempting to revise history and act as if you didn’t barely survive a down-to- the-wire encounter with myself and Bronson not even a month ago, provides trace evidence of just how delusional and unserious you are. Not that there was ever a doubt about it.
Unlike you. Unlike Sienna. And definitely unlike Harper. I can acknowledge my flaws. I can acknowledge my shortcomings and inconsistencies. I’m not afraid to say that I’ve failed before. It doesn’t hurt my pride or my ego to acknowledge the prospect of defeat. I’ve lost before. I’ve failed before. And yes I’ve yet to win a World Championship. Yet even with information of all of this, Bronson still instilled his faith and belief in me. Counting me out and overlooking me hasn’t stopped me from finding success. It didn't stop me from winning the New Breed Championship. It didn’t stop me from winning the National Elite Championship. And it damn sure won’t stop me from reaching the next level— with or without your belief in me.
HOLOGRAPHIC KASSIDY HEART: Cool story. If only you were able to use all of that to help you become a world champion after all these years.
HOLOGRAPHIC HARPER LEE: Right? Nothing more than a bare minimum bum who will never truly matter here.
Jon, Bronson and Milli looked at each other, shaking their heads.
COMMANDER BANKS: Y’all can think whatever at this rate, including you, Harper. However, we aren’t going to be timid by any of you, and we sure as hell aren’t gonna be taking a bitch who wants to be a fake gangster now. You can’t even say a curse word! EDI?
EDI: Refer to the following screenshot that was taken within the now-deactivated POTARA Discord server.
EDI brings up a holographic image for everyone to see.
For many, the person in question is a very familiar figure—Milli Banks. Her appearance is vastly different, though. Brightly-colored wigs are replaced with a low bun with her natural hair. Flashy garments are swapped for a casual attire fit more for an Alliance member aboard a spaceship. She holds up a brush, treating it like a microphone as she dances on top of the table.
COMMANDER BANKS: EDI, get ready my gyal!
EDI, the advanced AI on the ship, speaks out.
EDI: Of course, Commander Banks.
The music kicks into gear, and the two begin to sing.
COMMANDER BANKS: Picture me and you, you and me, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!
EDI: Now picture me and you, under the tree, F-U-C-K-I-N-G!
COMMANDER BANKS: How man fi bow, dem wicked eh? No S-U-C-K-I-N-G!
EDI: You are mi Q-U-E-E-N—
COMMANDER BANKS: So, me? I’m your K-I-N-G.
She hops down from the table and continues to dance, acting as if she was performing at a concert.
COMMANDER BANKS: The first time buddy go inna her, mi wake up to—
EDI: Good morning, sir!
Here is your breakfast, what you prefer? COMMANDER BANKS: Mi say, stop!
Baby, remain as you were. Mi nah eat inna bed, that won’t occur, because me nah gummy bear, nor kissyfur! EDI: But I like the way you shake it right thurr.
COMMANDER BANKS: So turn backway, make me get fi enter the center!
But just as they were about to get to the chorus, EDI stops.
EDI: Commander, I am getting a message from Joker. I am connecting you with him.
COMMANDER BANKS:
Wah him want!? We nuh reach Earth yet!?EDI: We are near it, but according to him, something came up.
COMMANDER BANKS: Bruh, this shit better be worth it, him ah mess up Kartel tyme and mi wah be ready fi when we ah go to his concert, tuh bumboclaat. Patch him through.
EDI does as instructed, and within a few seconds, Joker’s voice is heard.
JOKER: Commander, we are getting transmissions from hostiles.
COMMANDER BANKS:
Meaning??JOKER: Meaning that they are trying to communicate with us. It is a bit weird, but—
COMMANDER BANKS: So, they want to attack us, or what?
JOKER: I don’t know, but if they’re making an effort to talk to us, maybe you should find out?
COMMANDER BANKS: But wah type ah fuckery ah gwan here? Lawd, mi can’t bother. Hang on, mi ah come.
JOKER: Alright, Commander.
The transmission ends. Commander Banks puts on her N7 armor just in case. Once she was suited up, she leaves the cabin and goes to the CIC, where some of the crew members are gathered already. A woman with short, brown hair turns her attention towards the commander.
YEOMAN CHAMBERS: Commander.
COMMANDER BANKS: Kelly, sup bbygurl?
YEOMAN CHAMBERS: Not entirely sure. We are being contacted by a different ship, potentially hostile, which is strange since we aren’t within enemy systems.
Commander Banks opens her mouth to speak, but then, two people approach her, a turian and a quarian. The viewer upon closer examination can recognize the turian as Jon Kelton; he retains majority of his facial features, albeit with some subtle turian appearances, while the quarian…
BRONSON’ZORAH VAS NORMANDY: Commander, we heard about a potentially-urgent situation.
COMMANDER BANKS: Eh, likely some light shit. Let’s check it out though and get it out the way.
Commander Banks brings up the nearby fleet, and instantly rolls her eyes.
COMMANDER BANKS: What are Cac, Cac-er, and Caciest doing!?
JON VAKARIAN: Oh, brother. And here I thought we would’ve been able to touch down on Earth without a headache or three.
BRONSON’ZORAH VAS NORMANDY: Ha! Expecting that when it comes to Harper, Kassidy and Sienna is like expecting weather on board here. That’s never going to happen.
COMMANDER BANKS: Chiiiiile, chile, chile. I kinda just want to bust out the guns and blast their ship to hell, but whatever. Let’s see what we are working with. EDI?
EDI: Affirmative. Connecting us through to the S.S. Dumb White Bitches.
Holographic depictions of Kassidy Heart, Sienna Jade, and Harper Lee appear within the middle of the crew. Each one of them has an in-depth description which EDI begins to read off to the crew.
EDI: Kassidy Heart, multi-time World Champion, longest-reigning Answers World Champion, EAW Hall of Famer, extreme brain trauma, Dissociative Identity Disorder, whiny bitch that suffers from crippling main character syndrome and narcissism, overachieving underachiever, hypocrite at heart, drugged and kidnapped into becoming Mr. DEDEDE’s wife but at least she can get thirsty over him and get free tickets to the top to make up for the emotional damages.
EDI: Sienna Jade, three-time World Champion, EAW Hall of Famer, main evented Pain For Pride twice. eons ago, and lost both to figures in EAW history that shall not be named, one half of the greatest tag team of all time, currently keeps herself afloat by riding the coattails of the aforementioned Kassidy Heart and is an even whinier bitch than her. Notice how there’s no mention of The Jaded Hearts in the Kassidy rundown? Overall, once-in-a-lifetime attention seeker, crybaby, and irrelevant in today’s day and age.
EDI: Harp-ho Lee, the most forgettable Universal Women's Champion of all time, Iconic Cup Winner, notorious back-stabber, and betrayal merchant. Also suffers from main character syndrome and narcissism. EAWs equivalent of raw unseasoned chicken. The blandest of bland. Likes to stream her horrible gameplay to the two fans she has in the world. Still pretending to be a high school bully despite her rather short and both unintimidating and unimpressive stature and has an odd obsession with crew member Jon Vakarian though he has never given her the light of day, definitely a case of projections stemming from unresolved childhood trauma.
COMMANDER BANKS: Rasstaclaat!
!!! The new EDI update is amazing! JON VAKARIAN: Hmm. It’s definitely accurate.
The crew cackle, but then holographic apparitions speak.
HOLOGRAPHIC KASSIDY HEART: I wouldn’t be joking around if I were any of you. You idiots are in no fucking position to do that considering Sienna and I hold wins over the three of you.
COMMANDER BANKS: And that’s great for you, beloved, but that isn’t going to mean much soon enough. You sure love to think that your word is law here and we’re supposed to care about how you view any of us, but that’s not how the real world works, Cacssidy. Yes, you and Sienna have the upper hand. However, we’ve been in this position before. We’ve had some of our biggest adversaries who had our numbers multiple times over, and yet, in the end, they came to find out we weren’t here to play any games. Isn’t that right, fellas?!
BRONSON’ZORAH VAS NORMANDY: Indeed, and Kassidy will learn very soon life ain’t always gonna be on your side.
HOLOGRAPHIC SIENNA JADE: Now don’t go talking about my Kassi-poo like this you disrespectful ROOKIES!! You all better learn your place and give us some respect, you are absolute nobodies in comparison to us and I’m done pretending otherwise!
BRONSON’ZORAH VAS NORMANDY: Ookaaaayyy, calm down grandma.
JON VAKARIAN: You sound very stressed about the opinions of “nobodies”. What that snobby attitude doesn’t come with thick skin? Or do we get that reaction because you only believe a fraction of what you say?
COMMANDER BANKS: Sis really called Jon that like he hasn’t been on the block longer and won titles before her.
HOLOGRAPHIC HARPER LEE: Did I just hear Jon Vakarian speak? Why do I have to hear his voice? Doesn’t he know he’s… MID?! He makes me sick! He hasn’t won a single World Championship! I have so much more to offer than him and I even have more to offer than these other two, and it’s about time I get to finally prove it.
COMMANDER BANKS: You go babe! It’s only your tenth attempt at this, might as well make it count before we run outta fingers to count on.
JON VAKARIAN: Calling me mid but the only World Championship she ever won came by a surprise cash-in. That’s cute. It’s cute to see her coming to Sienna’s aid too considering how many times Sienna's sonned her.
HOLOGRAPHIC KASSIDY HEART: Did you forget the part where Harper and I teamed together in that Davy Jones Locker match and won?
HOLOGRAPHIC HARPER LEE: I think they did, because sure enough, they’re trying to run with the “I’m not trustworthy” angle.
HOLOGRAPHIC SIENNA JADE: And THEY want to say that WE’RE not original?!
COMMANDER BANKS: Riiiiight, but that match was a good while ago and it was BEFORE you and the Jaded Hearts became enemies. Let’s not be deaf, dumb and blind, chile. Things can change drastically with enough time, and just because you two worked together two years ago at this point in time does not mean the same bit of magic can be replicated.
JON VAKARIAN: Is the sky blue? Is water wet? Rhetorical questions. Just like saying Harper Lee isn’t trustworthy is a rhetorical statement. Of course you’re not, but we’re not naive enough to put all of our faith in that.
COMMANDER BANKS: Deadass bruh, like I get being tired of people using the same talking points, but sis, YOU CONTINUE TO BE A SNAKE! It is a pattern with you! Of COURSE people are going to mention it, dumbass, and if you don’t want them to, maybe, I dunno know, don’t be a backstabbing whore? Just a thought!
BRONSON’ZORAH VAS NORMANDY: It’s funny how the best course of action to her is to complain about the quote, unquote low-hanging fruit being in use when this is what she’s become known for, what she’s made a career out of blindsiding people and stabbing partners in the back, pretending to be a know-it-all and everything, but this isn’t just a low-hanging fruit, it’s her trademark, it’s what first comes to mind when you think of the name “Harper Lee”, and it tells a whole lot about her character when she’d rather complain about the reputation *she* built, instead of taking accountability for her mistakes and trying to have an honorable and memorable career by fixing these glaring issues. And no, failed attempts like POTARA don’t count, that’s like going to rehab and relapsing on your first day out.
HOLOGRAPHIC HARPER LEE: Whatever. I’m still in a better spot than Elysium. You two definitely shouldn’t even try to make fun of me for all the times I’ve failed becoming world champion this year when your WHOLE stories are about you guys doing just that! At least Milli was able to get it on her first try, but Bronson, remind me again how many times it took you to become a world champion?
HOLOGRAPHIC SIENNA JADE: And we don’t even need to get started on Jon.
HOLOGRAPHIC KASSIDY HEART:
HOLOGRAPHIC SIENNA JADE: Seriously. Not only are they failed repetitive losers, but they’re also acting as if they didn’t just lose to us three weeks ago! Like, hello??? Earth to the stupid, fake-Canadian rat and his annoying “Finish the story!” merchant partner?! What’s going to make this match any different?!
BRONSON’ZORAH VAS NORMANDY: We’re closing in on the new year and we’re still rehashing material from 2023. Heartbreaking. You know, I’ve probably lost count of the amount of times I had to look at the lights by the end of a night, they’ve become faint memories in my head, especially when I go ahead and achieve my dreams at long last, creating moments not I or anyone else will forget for an extremely long time, and to me, that’s what makes the difference between stagnation and evolution, in my case, I’ve always evolved and become better, but to be blunt with Team “I Swear We’re Fine”, you’ve all stagnated. I mean, Harper brought up the 2021 Brand Warfare match and pointed out that me back then doesn’t measure up to me now, but you know what’s sad? That Harper Lee *does* measure up to the current one. I mean, we could point to that as simultaneously your best and worst performance in that ring, one that will forever be something you’ll be remembered by on that short list of memorable moments she’s got, but in her case, moments come and go, and that’s her fault. In that timeframe, I’ve become a pivotal piece resting at the top of this company, continuing to pull off historic feats, while in the current day she’s continuously scratching and clawing for some validation, she’s got this itch to prove that she’s truly the best but she just comes up short every time.
JON VAKARIAN: But it’s all forgotten to her. A speck of dust in the wind. Hanging onto one-time glory and parading around as if she’s God's gift to humanity. Hidden away in a bubble of her creation, because she’s too delusional to come to terms with the fact that she isn’t NEARLY as good as she believes herself to be.
COMMANDER BANKS: Also, let’s not forget Kassidy in particular has a nasty habit of underestimating her competition all because she may have beaten them before. She beat TLA at Road to Redemption three years ago only for him to burst her bubble at King of Elite; she had my favorite Elitist of all time Andrea GOATentine’s number and swore up and down she was finna snatch the UWC from her, but that didn’t happen, and Minerva? Well, we don’t need to elaborate further on that.
BRONSON’ZORAH VAS NORMANDY: If there’s one thing all three of them are gonna die over it’s their pride, but none of them is more hung up on her pride than Kassidy, which is why I find a lot of what she says ironic. Kassidy can never settle with anyone one-upping her, which I can *sort of* respect, but on the flip side it’s also self-deprecating, like I told her before, I look at nobody but being the best me possible, it’s not about being better than X or Y person to me, it’s about being better than yesterday’s version of myself, which is why Kassidy believing my purpose here is to prove to be better than her is nothing but a projection of how she views things, rather than actually reading my headspace, because if Kassidy has ever been incapable at something it’s been relating to another man or woman. I can even look back at the time we were both World Champions on Dynasty a year ago, while she was throwing constant shots, while she was calling my reign a fluke even multiple defenses into it, when she said I wouldn’t live up to the man I took the title from, I simply sat quiet and let the work speak for itself, while she was insecure over her spot, over having to play “second fiddle”, over being a better champion than me, I simply focused on being the best champion both I and the people deserved to see, it was about pushing my limits, it was about putting it on the line against the best that brand had to offer, it was about etching my name into history, and I succeeded. Sure, Kassidy was a great champion, she did great things with that championship but at the end of the day, only one of us could close the shows, only one of us could be front and center, while the other just had to play second fiddle. And that wasn’t me.
HOLOGRAPHIC KASSIDY HEART:
Imagine thinking I’d ever play second fiddle to you, or the rest of you for that matter, and that includes you, Commander Banks. Until you have beaten me one-on-one, you won't get to have the claim of being the best talent here. In fact, why don't you put your money where your mouth is and defend that championship against me or Sienna, and that is IF you are able to retain?COMMANDER BANKS: Oh, word????
Commander Banks pulled out some money from her armor plate and throws it on the floor.
COMMANDER BANKS: Put it on the floor for 100 bands right now that WHEN I defend this title AFTER Road to Redemption and make another open challenge, I see one of you step up to me and I am as serious as a heart attack with that. Talking bout some damn, "you can talk the talk but you need to back it up". Bitch, I've been doing that consistently throughout my career. Meanwhile, either you OR Sienna coulda been slide up on me when I issued back-to-back open challenges but the entire female roster here in EAW wanted to be pussy all of a sudden after I beat your trios partner right there. For someone who LOVES to talk about how she never settles, you sure were having a ball being very cutesy and very demure beating up teams that aside from Fire & Ice and your crack-baby looking fuck-ass husband who was getting carried by Michael Machina were never shit. Coulda been fought me, and who knows? Maybe you could've been a double champion again already! First time ever an Elitist would be able to achieve such a feat more than once! Or for Sienna!! Hell, wouldn't that possibly make either of you two the woman with the most world championship reigns in company history?? But nooooooooooo, the Jaded Hearts like stat padding against obviously-lesser Elitists and swear they're doing something serious as a result! Or, maybe y'all are insecure about your chances aganst lil ol' Milli Mills.
BRONSON'ZORAH VAS NORMANDY: Oh, don't gag them too hard like that, Queen. 🫣
HOLOGRAPHIC SIENNA JADE: Ahahaha, seriously! Maybe all of that nasty yeast managed to seep into your mind because US??? SCARED?????
HOLOGRAPHIC KASSIDY HEART: Yeah, this bitch got brain damage that's even worse than mine.
!!!HOLOGRAPHIC HARPER LEE: This is getting embarrassing at this rate, man.
COMMANDER BANKS: Snakes shouldn't talk.
HOLOGRAPHIC HARPER LEE: Do you have, like, anything genuinely SUBSTAINTIAL to say?
COMMANDER BANKS: Oh, like how I can trust Bronson and Jon? Because I do, bitch. You can say that you three are united because you hate to lose, but guess what? So are we! We LOVE momentum, baby, and when it comes to big-time matches, we're pretty good at picking that shit up. I trust both these men here to have my back and risk everything to win against you. Matter of fact, I trust them genuinely OUTSIDE of wrestling.
Commander Banks places a hand on Bronson's shoulder.
COMMANDER BANKS: I trust Bron-Bron so much, I could get through the entirety of Until Dawn, pass the controller to him when Sam needs to escape the Wendigos undetected, and he'll be able to have all of the gang survive!
BRONSON'ZORAH VAS NORMANDY:
Her other hand goes to Jon's.
COMMANDER BANKS: I trust Jon SO much? I could complete all the loyalty missions in Mass Effect 2, get to the suicide mission, pass the controller to him AND trust that he'll be able to get all twelve of the Normandy crew to survive that shit!
JON VAKARIAN:
HOLOGRAPHIC KASSIDY HEART: Corny ass forced plug in.
COMMANDER BANKS: Meanwhile, Sienna and Kassidy can't work with you without one of them threatening you to cooperate, and Ion even think they can trust you to remember putting on deodorant before the match.
HOLOGRAPHIC HARPER LEE: And I'm the childish one. Okay.
HOLOGRAPHIC KASSIDY HEART: What an idiot. But like I said, I'm not playing second fiddle to you or anyone on Showdown.
COMMANDER BANKS: You already are tho, but like I said, you ain't even cracking top ten in that department.
BRONSON’ZORAH VAS NORMANDY: Hmph. At the end of the day, what’s most unfortunate about Kassidy’s mentality is her unwillingness to adjust, her unwillingness to accept she’s wrong, her unwillingness to see reality for what it actually is, because it’s all one big irony coming out of this whole insecurity of hers over playing “second fiddle” to somebody else, when the truth is, no matter what she goes on to accomplish she will forever have to live in the shadow of her husband, whom she glorifies, whom she bows to, whom she looks at as not her equal, but her superior, so with a superior, how does she expect to be the “Greatest of All Time”? Isn’t this just one big dilemma she’s forever going to have to face her whole life, given how much stock she puts into being the best to ever do it, how can she be so blind to this painfully obvious aspect? It’s not like this manufactured relationship hasn’t led to a manufactured legacy either, because extremely horrible circumstances aside, it’s done its best to kill the integrity of this sport many, many times, with the most recent being Wicked Games, how can she be the recognized as the greatest at something she constantly spits on?
COMMANDER BANKS: Annoying, contradictory bitch. That’s why Veena is better than her unironically.
HOLOGRAPHIC KASSIDY HEART: Okay, now you’re lying.
COMMANDER BANKS: Her recent undefeated streak lasted longer than yours.
HOLOGRAPHIC KASSIDY HEART: Okay? And?
COMMANDER BANKS: Her Botox and boobs look better than yours.
HOLOGRAPHIC KASSIDY HEART:
JON VAKARIAN: Guys, we have to come to the understanding that no matter what we say or do, nothing is going to get through to her. She’s one of if not THE most stubborn person I’ve ever met. And you would think that after all this time, she would come to the realization that that trait does her more harm than good. You see three people capable of coming together and giving you a fight that not only pushes and challenges you, but altogether jeopardizes your beloved record, and you scoff at it. But at every turn, you give every indication that you understand exactly who and what you’re up against. Yeah Kassidy is delusional, and maybe she’s not all the way there in the head— but she's far from stupid. She can lie to Sienna and Harper, she can even lie to us— but actions are always telling. And the way you’ve gone about it, suggests you aren’t nearly as confident as you let on. The threats, the insults, the horribly tasteless accusations, everything about it screams uncertain and insecure.
HOLOGRAPHIC SIENNA JADE: Aren’t you hearing yourself? Matter of fact, wasn’t this the same angle you tried to throw at us a few weeks back? Kassidy’s pinky finger alone has more talent than any of you!
COMMANDER BANKS: Okay, dick rider, we hear ya.
HOLOGRAPHIC HARPER LEE: Didn’t you say during War Games though that if anyone criticized Bronson, you would have personally been on their heads? What does that make you?
COMMANDER BANKS: Uh, on the right side of history because we won the match!
HOLOGRAPHIC HARPER LEE: Off of a Joso interference.
HOLOGRAPHIC SIENNA JADE: I may have not won War Games, but I rather—
COMMANDER BANKS: Gonna stop you right there, boo, because since you FLOPPED as the LEADER for your team in 2018, you don’t get a stool to stand on in this conversation, respectfully.
HOLOGRAPHIC SIENNA JADE: AND WHO ARE YOU TO TALK TO ME LIKE THAT??
COMMANDER BANKS: Uh, a woman whose current reign as Universal Women’s Champion is longer than your own…? Or your Freeweight reign? OR your Unified Women’s Championship? National Elite Championship reign, too!
HOLOGRAPHIC SIENNA JADE: Ugh, you’re an even bigger numbers nerd than Harper!
HOLOGRAPHIC HARPER LEE:
COMMANDER BANKS: Funny since sis wanted to steal Myles’ insult word for word taking about some damn “what kind of ESPN stat is that!?” when she’s the SAME heffer who brags about how she was champion every season. Y’all can bring up the numbers to gas yourselves up, but when WE do it, you wanna try and poke fun at that? Me thinks someone is a little jelly since she can never be a part of such an exclusive club, but whatever! I’m just talking the truth—AND that’s me being fair not bringing up my Specialists reign, because the fact that my title reign during my rookie season was better than most of yours after you were no longer that is.. zkaahnsjdhdkskdjksks, you know what? Not gonna wake that conversation up for your sake.
HOLOGRAPHIC SIENNA JADE: Just go ahead and talk to this Hall of Fame ring then, bet you’d love to have one, too bad you never will! I’ve done everything you have and more back when you were a nobody stirring up shit and fucking up opportunities left and right, it’s about time you stop talking to me like you’re hot shit around here.
BRONSON’ZORAH VAS NORMANDY: It’s always about the past with you. Random, irrelevant grudges that last years, all this talk about “I’ve done this before you!”, it’s like your mentality remained stuck in 2020. I’m sorry the great Sienna Jade can’t handle an argument heating up and needs special treatment every time to make up for her insecurities, maybe her key to happiness is her own personal team of cock munchers to tell her just how majestic and good she is, since apparently, her tag partner isn’t enough. I hate to break the news to you Sienna, but there’s a reason you haven’t gotten far with just about anything all on your own in recent times and why the clock keeps ticking for you.
COMMANDER BANKS: I’m saying likeeee, just leave the game before the game leaves you, bro.
The women look offended, but the crew continues.
BRONSON’ZORAH VAS NORMANDY: If you’re just gonna remain stuck in 2020 then you might as well remain there, because this may sound shocking to you but we’re about to enter 2025, biiiiggg changes since then, so my problem with you comes with this completely wrong picture you’ve painted of my character, and believe me, I get it, not all of us can be good character judges and to one person I’m this wise guy, to another I’m just a child, you’re viewed entirely differently depending on the viewer’s eyes, but you’ve got it all wrong and I believe it’s about time you start fixing things up because if you truly believe I talk the same way I did back when I was a rookie, which you *should* know since we had a match back then and you seem stuck on our past, and if you truly, and I mean TRULY believe I haven’t changed then oh boy you’re quite the numbskull. I am quite tired of this discourse, I am tired of these insecurities you’re projecting just because they happen to line up with something that came out of my mouth an extremely long time ago and that I’d probably take back nowadays, because guess what, people change, and the truth is, I’ve given you flowers, I’ve acknowledged your legacy, it’s just that you’re not on any higher pedestal than I or anybody else is, and it’s not like WE don’t have undeniable legacies of our own, but of course, you’d rather ignore that, because you’re *so* special, too bad you’ve yet to prove that to us.
JON VAKARIAN: I keep telling you guys. Team miserable will never be able to see beyond their own shadow. And It’s to a point where you almost feel bad. I mean If you have to constantly tell people how great you are, and feel the need to do so in the presence of an imminent threat, what picture do you believe that paints? Level with me here. Sienna, out of the three of you, Kassidy and Harper, I feel as though I like you the most. The bar is obviously low— but it should count for something. Because unlike your partners, you’ve shown flashes of understanding and coherence. You’ve attempted to understand me and where I’m coming from. And in your own snobby and callous way you’ve shown some semblance of respect for me. That hasn’t gone unnoticed. It doesn’t change the fact that we have to step on you— but it definitely proves to me that you hail higher than Kassidy in regards to simple acknowledgment. And basic comprehension for that matter.
JON VAKARIAN: Allow me to once again acknowledge Sienna’s existence, before I continue to tell you about yourself— *again*. It doesn't take a genius to understand why the brunt of my attention is focused on you. In fact it’s actually quite simple to fathom. It's always you who just so happens to be the loudest in the room. It’s always you who has the most to say. And if none of this is enough for you to wrap your head around, then simply chalk it up to the fact that I was intrigued— until I wasn’t. For you to be someone who has reached a certain echelon of highs, ones in which even the most elite would have trouble reaching— I expected more. I expected substance. But what you’ve given me is nothing more than what I’d hear from Harper Lee, Raeangel Guzman or any other delusional bawd that gets aroused at the thought of themselves being the center of attention. It’s time to let it go. Calling me trash and attempting to downplay the impact I have in big 2024 is one thing, but attempting to revise history and act as if you didn’t barely survive a down-to- the-wire encounter with myself and Bronson not even a month ago, provides trace evidence of just how delusional and unserious you are. Not that there was ever a doubt about it.
Unlike you. Unlike Sienna. And definitely unlike Harper. I can acknowledge my flaws. I can acknowledge my shortcomings and inconsistencies. I’m not afraid to say that I’ve failed before. It doesn’t hurt my pride or my ego to acknowledge the prospect of defeat. I’ve lost before. I’ve failed before. And yes I’ve yet to win a World Championship. Yet even with information of all of this, Bronson still instilled his faith and belief in me. Counting me out and overlooking me hasn’t stopped me from finding success. It didn't stop me from winning the New Breed Championship. It didn’t stop me from winning the National Elite Championship. And it damn sure won’t stop me from reaching the next level— with or without your belief in me. HOLOGRAPHIC KASSIDY HEART: Cool story. If only you were able to use all of that to help you become a world champion after all these years.
HOLOGRAPHIC HARPER LEE: Right? Nothing more than a bare minimum bum who will never truly matter here.
Jon, Bronson and Milli looked at each other, shaking their heads.
COMMANDER BANKS: Y’all can think whatever at this rate, including you, Harper. However, we aren’t going to be timid by any of you, and we sure as hell aren’t gonna be taking a bitch who wants to be a fake gangster now. You can’t even say a curse word! EDI?
EDI: Refer to the following screenshot that was taken within the now-deactivated POTARA Discord server.
EDI brings up a holographic image for everyone to see.
The Normandy crew begins cracking up.
HOLOGRAPHIC HARPER LEE: …
HOLOGRAPHIC SIENNA JADE: …
HOLOGRAPHIC KASSIDY HEART: Okay, I’m not even going to lie, that is pretty pathetic.
Harper is not impressed. She narrows her eyes.
HOLOGRAPHIC HARPER LEE: You know what? Fuck this.
COMMANDER BANKS: And I oop!
JON VAKARIAN: Would you look at that? She’s growing up now. I could almost shed a tear.
HOLOGRAPHIC HARPER LEE: Shut up!!!
BRONSON’ZORA VAS NORMANDY: Uh oh! She’s really angry, guys!
HOLOGRAPHIC KASSIDY HEART: Actually, she’s right. Nothing but bullshit has been coming out of your three, arrogant lips and it has been nauseating, to say the least. The time for talk is over. This ends now. Sienna?
HOLOGRAPHIC SIENNA JADE: Already pressed the button, Kassi-Poo!
With that, transmission ends as they cut the feed.
EDI: Commander, I have activated the Normandy's defensive barriers.
The S.S Dumbass White Bitches’s beam cannon powers up. It looks dangerous, and understandably, many would be concerned. However, the Normandy crew walk over to the nearest window to see it in action, calm as can be. Once the cannon generates enough power, it fires off, going straight for the ship… But with the defense system activated, the Normandy’s barrier repels the beam. It bounced off and straight towards the attacking ship, eviscerating it in a flash. All three women were killed immediately.
COMMANDER BANKS: Zamn. Sad stuff, yo. Ah, well, I can tell the folks back home it was all in self-defense.
And so, the crew return to their duties and/or relaxation, while the broken remnants of the ship slowly but surely fade off behind them into the ever expansive distance....
HOLOGRAPHIC HARPER LEE: …
HOLOGRAPHIC SIENNA JADE: …
HOLOGRAPHIC KASSIDY HEART: Okay, I’m not even going to lie, that is pretty pathetic.
Harper is not impressed. She narrows her eyes.
HOLOGRAPHIC HARPER LEE: You know what? Fuck this.
COMMANDER BANKS: And I oop!
JON VAKARIAN: Would you look at that? She’s growing up now. I could almost shed a tear.
HOLOGRAPHIC HARPER LEE: Shut up!!!
BRONSON’ZORA VAS NORMANDY: Uh oh! She’s really angry, guys!
HOLOGRAPHIC KASSIDY HEART: Actually, she’s right. Nothing but bullshit has been coming out of your three, arrogant lips and it has been nauseating, to say the least. The time for talk is over. This ends now. Sienna?
HOLOGRAPHIC SIENNA JADE: Already pressed the button, Kassi-Poo!
With that, transmission ends as they cut the feed.
EDI: Commander, I have activated the Normandy's defensive barriers.
The S.S Dumbass White Bitches’s beam cannon powers up. It looks dangerous, and understandably, many would be concerned. However, the Normandy crew walk over to the nearest window to see it in action, calm as can be. Once the cannon generates enough power, it fires off, going straight for the ship… But with the defense system activated, the Normandy’s barrier repels the beam. It bounced off and straight towards the attacking ship, eviscerating it in a flash. All three women were killed immediately.
COMMANDER BANKS: Zamn. Sad stuff, yo. Ah, well, I can tell the folks back home it was all in self-defense.
And so, the crew return to their duties and/or relaxation, while the broken remnants of the ship slowly but surely fade off behind them into the ever expansive distance....
˚ ✦ . .
˚ . . ✦ . ˚ . ✦ . ˚ * ✦ . . ✦ ˚ ˚ . * . ˚ .
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