Fuck all ya’ll.
C’mon people, what did you expect? You really had yourselves convinced that either duo of decrypted dunces was walking out with these babies? Not a chance. Y’all didn’t want to give the love to Off-Brand Amphetamines. You were giving it all away to High Rollerz and The Haircare Kings. But I knew what was going down at the FPV. Well…mostly knew. See, I promised that we were going to leave with the gold. I knew we would. But how said gold was acquired was part that threw me. Certainly wasn’t expecting The Jaded Hearts to get involved. Ain’t going to hear me complain about it. At the end of the damn day, we did exactly what we said we would. Shit, the only downside is all the whining and crying Jackie and Davey are going to do. How long until we hear “we would’ve won if it wasn’t for The Jaded Hearts”? It’s gonna be the new single they play on repeat. Just like how it was when Davey couldn’t beat Kirk. The truth is that our success was not contingent on the outside party. It was the inevitable man. With or without the Jaded Hearts, we would’ve turned their asses to grass. Nobody needs to be hung up on that. Kirk Redwood and Solomon Stane delivered. The two assholes you didn’t want to win…won. But see, now that the gold is secured around our waists, we have to answer the question of “what’s next?”. The obvious answer to this query would be defending the titles. Despite the division being in shambles, I’m sure there’ll be some pricks crawling out of the woodworks in no time. Now, of course, the division being in its current condition, it may take a while for someone to nut up. Off-Brand Amphetamines swore that we’d ruin this division…and it seems like we accomplished that pretty swiftly. It’s sorta an odd predicament, right? I don’t want to have to seek out challengers myself, but I will. EAW loves its impromptu tag teams anyways. However, that’ll have to wait. Unfortunately for Kirk, it looks like I got an opportunity on the table. This week on Dynasty, I got a shot at entering the Cash in the Vault match. That shit is a guaranteed game-changer for anyone who gets their hands on it. See, right now, I got one strap ‘round my waist. With that briefcase…it’s only a matter of time before it’s two. So yeah, this one’s got my undivided attention. Dynasty ain’t about the Off-Brand Amphetamines…it’s about the Solider of Sanity.
Sorry, Sosa. That’s just the way it is. It’s how the cookie crumbles if you will. You see, I feel like we should delve into the obvious first. Battle of Egypt was a fucking fantastic night for me. Crossed four big names off all in one fell swoop. Got myself my first taste of gold. Now…how was your night bud? Yeah…not so good was it? You see, I was sitting backstage doing some celebratory shots with Kirk and Trix when your match popped on the monitor. Boy oh boy, did you go out of your way to disappoint. I mean, after all that crap about passing the torch…you didn’t even get a finger on it. Christ man that is about as embarrassing as it gets. Please, for the love of God, don’t say your foot was under the rope. That makes none the difference. You stood all the chance of grabbing that torch that a pig does of sprouting friggin’ wings. The truth is Sosa, the future of EAW is here…and it just ain’t you. It’s me kid. It was me the whole time. That was proven at the Battle of Egypt. One of us grabbed the torch and one of us didn’t. One of us back our words up and one of us didn’t. In both scenarios bucko, you’re the latter. This puts me in a part of the woods I’m not too familiar with. For the first time, I don’t need to justify why I’m going to stomp your skull in. That testimony is already written. You’re in the hot seat. So Sosa, what’s the game plan? How are you going to get past the tag team champion and into Cash in the Vault?
Seriously, son, you ain’t got a prayer. I’ve been hearing it all since I got here. What are you going to say differently? “You’re a rookie.” That’s the funniest one right there. There are plenty of people around who think longevity is tantamount to nobility. You’ve been here four years, right? Bulletproof since 2018? Yet you’re still waiting for the torch…that’s funny as fuck. When I’m in my fourth year, reflecting on my time here, I’ll see a road paved in broken bones and plenty of gold. All you got is a single belt and definitely some broken dreams. What else could you say? You were champ once? You’ve beaten bigger names than me? Do you want it more? You’re better than me? I mean, there is an infinite amount of bullshit that could come flying out of your mouth. None of it would make a difference. Look at The High Rollerz and The Haircare Kings…they said all that. They dropped every insult they could and came up with every reason imaginable for how and why we’d lose. Didn’t do anything for ‘em, did it? No matter what they thought, they were wrong. No matter what they did, they were outdone. That’s what you got to look forward to you Sosa. That’s what you have in your future. We’re stepping into the ring together and I’m stepping out one step closer to the Cash in the Vault.
Everything I’ve been saying since I got here is finally manifesting. Even the mambo-jumbo from way back when. There is not a wrestler in this world that Solomon Stane can’t beat. There is no that I cannot rise above. You sons of bitches haven’t seen jack-diddly yet. Right here, this belt, this is step one. This is the genesis of a biblical beatdown that I’m dropping on every motherfucker that gets in my way. Sosa, that’s the unfortunate position you find yourself in. One of those motherfuckers. For you, there is no redemption coming from a cashed-in case. There’s no torch to be grabbed via spontaneous title match. You just get to be stepped on and over. But for me? Oh man, oh man…the hot streak is going to live on. I’m going to run you over and get into that match. Then I’ll beat the holy hell out of whoever else they got in there. I’ll climb up, take destiny by the nutsack, and pull down that case. For those of you who might be thinking about betting against me again…who are thinking that this seems like a whole lotta hot air coming from Solomon, get bent. Nobody is better at proving people wrong than me. I break jaws and drop ‘em.
And this Friday…I’ll be doing both again.