MATCH PROMO Burnin' Down Da Casa

TLA

La Pantera Sexual
EAW ROSTER
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The camera cuts to TLA sippin’ that drank as he chills out with the vatos. TLA decked out in that REVOLT! merch they got him wearin’ like they own he ass. He schemin’ tho gettin’ out they control ‘bout to burn all this shit down.

TLA: IMMA BURN THIS SHIT DOWN BITCHES! YOU AIN’T CONTROL ME!

TLA lights a match as his homies physically restrain him down on the couch.

Esteban: TLA por favor you sauced ese! Calm the fuck down!

TLA: Never.

Esteban: You gotta chill out homie you gettin’ mad green out these merch deals you ain’t wanna burn no more bridges.

TLA: You right Esteban. I ain’t gonn’ burn no bridges. Imma burn down the bodega!

Esteban: Let’s not burn anything right now dawg. You just won yo debut match in REVOLT! but that shit ain’t even count for shit it ain’t even an official show?

TLA: U wut m8?

Esteban: You gotta save that energy up for Resurgence cuz you got two other hungry ass motherfuckers to deal with.

TLA: Oh y’all mean Chris Elite and Diamond Cage? Them two pussy bitches who ain’t even had the cojones to compete at Terminal 5?

Esteban: Indeed TLA but don’t underestimate them dawg. They serious competition!

TLA: I ain’t underestimate shit. I call them facts like I sees them and I hears them. I hear Chris Elite runnin’ he mouth callin’ out TLA like he ain’t doin’ shit when he ain’t even throwin’ down in the fights y’all coulda volunteered for. Y’all best keep that mouth shut holmes, you ain’t got the chops to talk shit ‘bout me when Jacob Steele has bigger cojones than you.

TLA brushes the smoke from the match out his face as he sits back on the couch all spread out. Feminazis gettin’ mad as TLA manspreads the fuck outta that couch.

TLA: So we got that Resurgence comin’ up on REVOLT! that debut show comin’ up even before that red show Rebellion comin’ up. REVOLT! lurin’ ya boi in with them promises to fight but Chris Elite ain’t wrong when he spittin’ that REVOLT! all ‘bout that future. Inevitably homies fixin’ to question just where the 10 year veteran of the game La Pantera Sexual fits in with any company that be all ‘bout that future. Well imma tell y’all. I fit in as that no fucks given motherfucker I always been! Lil hoppas wanna come on up and put TLA back on the shelf but I ain’t gonn’ let that happen. You want a company about the future? You gotta run straight on thru TLA to get there. Cuz otherwise imma run straight through all you “potential” motherfuckers and jack that future straight out from under yo ass like it a certainty.

Esteban: But you facing off against people who are just as experienced as you if not more so this week.

TLA: Damn straight. This shit a clash of them veteranos. Let’s talk ‘bout mah old homie Chris Elite first. He takin’ them shots and I be takin’ them shots back. But I gotta admit I be mad proud of this lil chico. He really comin’ all up into he own. Got the big bodyguard homie got the gang banging homies, chillin’ up on them streets. Boi finally be reppin’ that life instead of hidin’ from it. Chris Elite finally gettin’ raw gettin’ real takin’ all he shit straight out the TLA playbook. Imma sue his bitch ass for gimmick infringement if he start runnin’ bitches out the bogeda and start puttin’ he dawg on steroids. Nah nah I’m fuckin’ wit da lil homie. He finally grew up and became the man that I and errybody else knew he could be. The last time we beefed y’all was runnin’ with some Iconomy faggots. Y’all remember them? Ye nobody else does either. Pero what you should remember, and what you should recognize is that it ain’t ‘bout where you been.

It’s where you goin’.

TLA: So you can forgive me for not giving a single fuck about 2017. In the case of Diamond Cage y’all can forgive me for not giving a single fuck about 1995 or whenever the last time he was relevant was. Nah tho I fuck with Diamond Cage too. I ain’t been fuckin’ with Diamond Cage as long or as hard as I been fuckin’ with Chris Elite but that don’t mean that our fuck together ain’t also important to me. Just like with Chrissy we beefed, we been side by side, I beat you, you beat me, but fuck all that shit cuz we in REVOLT! now. As far as Chrissy goin’ on ‘bout rumors of TLA gettin’ run out he company go believe what you want to believe. I been fired from more companies than yo community college ass can count! Ain’t got no shame about it. Dem white boiz in they suits be all like “you unprofessional” cuz I wanna show ‘em a lil passion. I wanna go a lil gangsta on they mansion livin’ suburban bitch asses. These pampered bitches would never survive in the real world if they can’t handle what lil old La Pantera Sexual be spittin’. Let’s hope the brass up here in REVOLT! can handle it cuz if y’all thought I was unprofessional before…

You ain’t seen shit yet.

TLA gives two middle fingers to the camera as he lights another match and starts a Jacob Steele t-shirt on fire as the vatos run for the fire extinguisher.

Esteban: What the actual fuck TLA? THIS IS MY FUCKING HOUSE!

TLA: I am mad unprofessional and give no fucks Esteban. You shoulda thought ‘bout that before you invited the dragon all up into yo entirely flammable casa.

Esteban: You are lucky that I don’t block you on my side chat TLA. You are so fucking lucky.

TLA: You right Esteban I’m not sure I could survive that. Pls bby no block me bby.

Esteban: I will unblock you on one condition TLA. You must win your match on Resurgence!

TLA: Damn those stakes tho… This is more intense than any world title match I have ever been in.

Esteban: Our friendship is on the line TLA. You best make it count.

TLA: Did you hear that Chris and Cage? Shit just got real. Imma whip both yo bitch asses for my homeboi Esteban. He’s like my old homie Steve from years back except less racist and more Mexican so he is far superior.

Esteban: I told you I don’t even know who this Steve guy is…

TLA: You will become him Esteban. Then you will know all!

Esteban: I just want you to stop starting my house on fire.

TLA: I can’t promise that Esteban. However, I can promise you that Chris Elite and Diamond Cage will receive the asswhipping of a lifetime. So until then I will be focusing on setting they bitch asses on fire. However, when that is complete I may need to bring my flamethrower into yo backyard and pay a visit to yo garden.

Esteban: NO! That’s my mom’s garden! She will kick me out the basement!

TLA: Don’t worry dawg you can live in my basement.

Esteban: Do you even have a basement?

TLA: No, I’ll dig a hole for you next to the other bodies.

Esteban: …

TLA lights another match as he blows the smoke into the camera which fades to black.
 
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