MATCH PROMO I'm supposed to promo against The Realm, instead I will promo against Grandpa Imp | Dynasty 2

Sarah Price

PG Patrol Commander Price, reporting for duty
The more I insult Grandpa Imp, the more motivated he becomes.

The more motivated Grandpa Imp is, the better his promos are.

Do you see now why I am the Captain of the Task Force Dynasty?

Be honest with me, Imp. You can’t stand me. I trigger you. You want me dead. It’s not just promo talk, there’s legitimately something you don’t like about me and I get that. It’s one of the only things I hate about this business. Doesn’t matter how hard I try to be liked by everyone there will always be someone who hates me for whatever reason. However, as the team leader I am, I will use this to my… pardon, OUR advantage. I want this grit, this determination. And that is I will dedicate this promo to you.

That is exactly the energy we need if we want to beat Voltage in the “who is gonna pin Justin Windgate first” match at Territorial Invasion. Man, you gotta love the intensity that grandpa Imp is displaying here this week. Nobody triggers Grandpa Imp like I do. I am the best at triggering him. Matter of fact, the only times this year that he has dropped more than one promo was when he was booked either against me or with me. That’s very telling. Am I that inspirational, Impact? Thank you. I know I am. I could say that I am his viagra but that wouldn’t be very PG and therefore I won’t say it.

Liquid Swords might very well be a metaphor for their erectile dysfunctions. I mean, it’s true. You know what they say about men who constantly feel the need to flaunt their wealth and flex their high style lifestyle? Exactly. They feel the need to compensate for something. What’s that something? You get the point. It is my duty to make sure the Liquid Swords are tough enough to cut through our opposition come Territorial Invasion and triggering Grandpa Imp with my obsessively annoying promos is the right way to do it. Think about it. I’ve never seen Impact so mad and so eager to ether someone than he was this week. I can’t wait to see this anger blow up at Territorial Invasion.

Grandpa Imp says that I am looking for attention because I’m a girl but frankly I’ve never heard of a dumber statement before in EAW. First of all, I’m not the only girl around here so I don’t really see how that makes me special. In fact, I’m not even the only girl booked for this match so… how is that even a point? I’m not sure. The fact and the matter is that I don’t feel like I’m special because simply put I am not special. And even if I was special, it surely wouldn’t be because of my gender. I wouldn’t want that to happen to me, not in a million years. If anything, I want to be remembered because of my skills and my accolades, not because of my gender. Second of all, I don’t chase clout nor popularity. Impact has been around EAW since, literally, the dawn of times so he should know this world better than anyone else. Is EAW all about popularity and attention? I mean, it kinda is. The “Answers” in Elite Answers Wrestling refer to our ability to captivate the crowd with intriguing promos and that’s popularity, in a way. How do you get popularity in EAW? Simple, name dropping Elitists in your promos for now reason whatsoever, calling them out on the Social Feed and overall acting as an insecure middle schooler at all times. Have I ever done any of the above mentioned things? No. Have I ever name dropped someone who hasn’t name dropped me before? No. Have I ever started beefs in the social feed? No, never. I keep to myself all the time. Now sure, I am poking you because I want to see the best Impact can bring to the table this Friday on Dynasty. But that’s just the short end goal. Do you really see me as a clout chaser? Well, that’s sad because it’s something I’m not. I’m not special, I don’t see myself as a big deal. I’m not the face of Dynasty, that’s our World Heavyweight Champion or our Universal Women’s Champion if you prefer. I don’t have a problem admitting this, I’ve said it multiple times. Would that fall into the “girl who feels special for no reason” energy you mentioned? Man, I hope not because to me it sounds like the exact opposite type of energy. I’m serious, Impact. You took all the time in the world to show me how miserable and pathetic yours and DEDEDE’s lives are, yet you can’t take a few hours of your life listening to my promos and get an idea of who I REALLY am on screen? Sad!

And again with that double clothesline spot. Man, you are obsessed with it. It’s okay though. You want me to say that you “still got it” like some of the forty year old basement dwellers were chanting the last time we met? Sure. You still got it, Imp. Happy now? You still got it. Yeah. Now let me tell you one more thing. Both me and Harper Lee weigh 100 pounds each. 100 pounds. One hundred. UNO hundredo. Get it? You weigh FOUR hundred thousands pounds and somehow you find a double clothesline impressive? Congratulations. I assume your dementia has hit a new record level. How is that impressive? On what planet? I don’t get it. The funniest bit is that you ran your mouth all week long and we STILL won the match, yet you are here running your mouth as if that move won you the match when it didn’t, you lost, that’s the end of the story. Cherry on top is you making a whole point in Sierra and Harper Lee being obsessed about promos and word count, when you were the one who outpromoed me and Harper Lee last time for no particular reason other than your will to outpromo us and where did that get you? NOWHERE.

Grandpa Imp says I’m making too many grammar mistakes but that’s not fair. See, technically speaking I am from London, England. However English is my second language. How is that even possible? Well, that’s a bit meta, I can’t explain it to you without breaking the fourth wall. Let’s just say that if EAW was in Germany and if we were tasked to promo in German, I’d be a much better talker. Unfortunately, we all have to speak English and therefore you will have to bear with my choppy grammar. Is that okay with you? I hope so.

If I wasn’t a girl, I’d be a Mark Macias. Well, thank you. Last time I checked, Mark Macias was Tag Team Champion and according to the Championships food chain, that title is more prestigious than mine as it technically is a world title. So basically what you are trying to say is that, if I wasn’t a girl, I’d be even more successful than what I already am? Was that the point you were trying to make? It made me laugh for just how utterly dumb it is. I get it, you are uninformed and only care about the National Elite Championship for whatever reason, but please Mark Macias is on Dynasty and you should at the very least be familiar with those who are on your same brand. How hard can it be?

Impact needs to understand that I am the Captain here. I am very humble, I could take orders from anyone. For example, if the Team Captain was someone relevant in the EAW landscape such as, for example, Sierra Bradford and Harper Lee, then sure, I would have no problem listening to their orders. Instead, this time around the two guys giving me orders are Impact and Mr. DEDEDE, two men who literally serve no purpose in today’s EAW because they are terrible role models for kids and they are not marketable whatsoever. Can you imagine Mr. DEDEDE at a Meet & Greet convention signing autographs to young fans? No, I can’t. I can’t because a) nobody in their right mind would ask for a Mr. DEDEDE autograph and b) He would spend the time drinking alcohol or doing drugs or whatever it is that rich people do in their free time, I don’t care to know. I don’t need you two, you two NEED me. You need me to guide you to a win you desperately need more than what you claim openly, more than what you THINK. You need this win to get your REMIX going. Let’s face it, Impact. You’ve been trying to repackage your image for the past few months but did it work? No. I don’t think it did. You need this win more than me. Do I need it? Sure. Am I going to win? Sure. Are WE going to win? YES. And I’ll make sure that happens. But let’s not forget what you two told me in that private plane or jet or airbus or whatever that was. You claimed that all I have to do is to sit back and watch you two win the match for me. Well, that’s not going to happen. The last time I’ve seen Mr. DEDEDE wrestle he was taking Ls left and right. He couldn’t put Bhris Elite away clean and let’s be honest, that’s not a good look. He lost in the most pathetic way possible to Andrea Valentine who, to her credit, was at the top of her game, but that’s still a big fat L in my book. On top of that, he took yet another L at Pain for Pride, this time from Jamie O’Hara or whatever. And you Imp? Well, your career has been trash lately. The last time you won a match is at around the same time you were relevant in this industry so decades ago. You two NEED me. All I’m asking you is to trust me and play your role, how simple is that? I don’t need you to bow down to me, I don’t need you to worship me or anything. All I need is for you and DEDEDE to respect me for the Elitist I am and understand that 2020 Sarah Price is BETTER than 2020 Impact and 2020 DEDEDE. And that’s not an opinion, it’s a fact.

I know, I know. I messed up this week. I should’ve promoed against the Realm but I completely ignored their promos and only focused on Grandpa Imp. The truth is I have nothing to say that hasn’t already been said. Harper Lee and I had a strong back and forth back at Operation Doomsday. I told her how I felt about her Championship dreams and she understood everything I told her with no drama, no hatred, no salt, no nothing. We had a stellar match and here we are, one month later, now in the same Tag Team. Sierra Bradford is my best friend and the future Tag Champion. Are her promos boring? Sure, everyone could agree on that. Are they better than the Grand Athlete’s ones? You are damn right they are. Sierra and Harper are going to be Tag Team Champions by the end of the month, Mark my words. The Grand Athletes are done for. As for me and Impact, well. If he’s as tough as he says he is, then he’s going to prove it on Dynasty by winning this match “for me” much like he THINKS he’s going to do at Territorial Invasion.

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