Xander Payne

you are a
Staff member
World Heavyweight Champion
"With the entire world of professional wrestling actually giving a fuck about what Andrea Valentine has to talk about for the first time in nearly a season and a half, this is what you have to offer? I have been forced to sit and watch all of these narratives peddled towards me to the point where it has been beaten to death—just as beaten and battered as your seafood vagina if that analogy makes your dumbass understand better—why people don’t learn what has happened right before their very own eyes. I know that you have done enough homework to understand that, Andrea—to understand that Charles, Karl, and Henderson have made their attempts at my career pulling up with the same rubbish. You have made your case about how you are going to enter this battle head-on with multiple victories over multiple hall-of-famers, as that is enough to even consider you as a potential candidate to the heiress to this throne? That alone isn’t even remotely close to convincing me that Andrea Valentine, in her current mentality and physical condition even deserves to place that jewelled crown around her synthetic, fake-ass bobblehead. All of the previous contenders to this championship have eventually made their way to bragging about accomplishments because they were backed against the corner with all of their bullshit propaganda all debunked. All of these adversaries that have been constantly brought up over and over again, by me, have been ridiculously annoying with shoving their accomplishments into my face like it was a bigger bang for their back, but it all accomplished the complete opposite of that. Impact went for the easiest avenue in starting a dick-measuring contest between our accomplishments, and any avid wrestling fan would instantly recognize his transcendence over me. Impact has and continues to be statistically superior to me until I catch up, nonetheless, those accomplishments meant absolutely nothing when the bell rang. The bell rang and he got knocked into another dimension. Henderson was fresh off defeating Chris Elite, and thought that was enough to silently get him into the main event of Operation: Doomsday, but was it? Andrea, there is nothing to gain from embroidering your victories so far in this season because they all pale in comparison to yours truly. I have been laying the beating onto hall of famers this whole time while you were sitting on the sidelines, on the backburner for more than a year and a half making zero fucking noise in the atmosphere. There isn’t a single individual you can find on this entire planet that still talks about what you want accomplished last season. No one even remembers your horrific performances with Reichert, and this mention of it is probably making the people viewing the video think of it for the first time since these matches happened. Maybe it was an exaggeration to say that none of your performances this year has been memorable because shit, only important things with your name had your ass ended up on stretchered. Allowing Xavier Williams to shatter your ankle, being crushed under a chamber pod, or being thrown out of the ring in your grand return! You haven’t done anything in the past year, and all of a sudden, all of these victories here and there cancel that out? I will not hesitate from mentioning how there was no heart and soul on Showdown because it is the unvarnished truth about that brand. Desperate neanderthals who stumbled into my brand from there are going to constantly chit-chat about how based on your time on that brand, you are apparently destined to usurp me of my rightful place at the head of the table? Don’t pretend like you weren’t standing in the shadows of Ryan Wilson and Ronan Malosi on a week-to-week basis. Don’t act like you haven’t been irrelevant and forgotten since the second that your world championship was pried off your dead hands."

"It has become more apparent that my profession has reached beyond a professional wrestler. My hobby isn’t only professional wrestling, but it seems like my responsibility has spread to freeing these lost souls. Lost souls who wander this landscape who confuse self-consciousness with self-confidence. Lost souls who are drowning in their various complexes and offline from reality. It isn’t surprising to see Andrea Valentine easily squeeze into that category because with every statement that she elaborates on, further proves the evidence that she is another lost soul that is in desperate need to be healed and absolved of their sins. You need to come out of your own world and reintroduce yourself into reality because there is zero sense of it within your words. You don’t deserve to be world champion—I am not bringing up such a basic argument because you are my opponent—I am saying this based on merit. You’ve only been successful for three months, while I've been like this for a whole year. You've been dogshit for like two years and now you think you can take this away from me? The breakfast, lunch, and dinner for my family and I? My humble abode? The queen-sized bed in my living room? You ain’t taking anything from me. There is a reason why I have constantly admitted that this championship reign will eventually come to its end. Any other championship holder would be unrealistic and claim that their reigns are going to last forever. They will say that because they will currently believe they are the best in their league, and there is nothing wrong with being confident. I recognize this championship reign is going to see its last hour, but I am going to make sure, to do everything in my power that it will be on terms. As long as I am content, satisfied, and happy that the next heir or heiress to my throne will be most certainly reliable and prideful with the reins, then there will be no doubt in my eye that I will be proud with what I accomplished from the first day to the last. With that being said, it means that I am patiently waiting for the day when that person does step up to the plate, but the day doesn’t seem to be any soon. All of those who tried to fit that mould were all saturated with delusions and miscalculations, and I don’t think that really qualifies as someone who deserves to hold this champion. I like to think that I am a truthful person. I don’t outright deceive the EAW Universe, and the only time that I do anything remotely wicked or evil, it is for the interest of the future of this company. This world championship was buried deep into irrelevance in the hands of Jeff and John. I invested so much of my life into making sure that their reign of terror ended and that this championship would be transferred into reliable hands, and you can’t deny that this championship has been consistently the best. No need to elaborate on how the other world champions are easily lagging behind me because it ain’t that hard to fathom how better I am. I should be heralded as a hero, maybe even the closest thing to an Avenger for stopping this championship gold from experiencing another fall of grace. My past opponents claimed that they would have taken this championship to another level, but those were huge “ifs”, and were complete and utter lies at the end of the day. Quite hilarious how they all said they would’ve easily bounced back after getting eviscerated by yours truly, but I don’t see them doing anything that impressing other than shit for the sake of yearly traditions. The point is; does anyone know that this championship would have been dragged through mud and shit if it had fallen into those hands. You’re welcome for stopping mediocrity from being forced into the forefront of your television screens. You’re welcome for guaranteeing this championship didn’t get its prestige shitted and pissed on. You’re welcome for actually presenting a proper world champion to your programming. You’re welcome for anything. Y’all don’t even need to say thank you because I know deep down in your heart of hearts, that you all love me. Everyone loves Xander Payne."

"Since you want to go and reminisce about my hot and cold history, since you want to pile on dirt onto my past, how about we talk about what you have said to these people before? Because in this industry, all of us are bound to make promises and fail to even live up to a fraction of it. Like how SOSA Henderson said he was going to bring the championship back to the streets of Philadelphia, or how Impact thought he was going to etch his name into the history books once more, but they were all lies. These were all lies designed with the intent to deceive because let us be honest for a quick second; I don’t think anyone thought those two had the facilities to really commit. I warned them. I said so. I berated management for how clueless they are to sanction such a beating; they didn’t listen. I scolded those in dissent that the truth is bound to prevail over dishonesty; they didn’t listen. They didn’t listen and where did that get them? It didn’t take them to the place they were looking for; the pinnacle, the crown jewel, the head of the table. Lost souls aren’t purposefully misguided—nah, not to me. Your kind of people always get around to grasping the truth and drawing up the myriad of conclusions fate has in store for them, but they end up ignoring and pursuing their dreams of materialistic possessions either way. They willingly go against the impossible percentages, and they pour every ounce of energy they have remaining in their body to hope that the lie they broadcasted to the millions and millions watching will stick and actually matter at the end, but they fail. They have the resources to acknowledge and fully understand the truth, but they choose to be ignorant. They aren’t blinded by the lights, they aren’t actually misguided; they intentionally lead themselves into the wrong direction, into the black without a clear strategy, and that is a gigantus reason why the elitists before you have fallen to my hands. Mendacity leads you into the abyss, and with what you are promising to the people—The Andrea Valentine era, dynasty, reign, sega, or however fancy moniker you imagine it being referred to—has you southbound towards repeating history. Lies—some are born to lie here and there, others were brought into this earth to be pathological and compulsive liars. Mythomania is what they call it, isn’t it? Everyone is suffering from it, including you, Andrea. You love to tell lies, don’t you? Don’t you remember when you claimed that you were going to dethrone The Visual Prophet? Remember when you guarantee to your fanbase that no more Andrea Valentine will be pushed around, no more will Valentine be the middleman, or the middlewoman in this case! No more will you assume the role of the doormat and be stepped all over. No more will you be suffering from that fall of grace. I partially remember these words; you were exhausted—I don’t blame you—of being caught in the middle of so much crossfire. Even as world champion, you weren’t the topic of the day, it was always the drama that you weren’t even originally a part of, but somehow got dragged into. Serena and Minerva, Bethany and Alexis, Malcolm and Charlie—but it is rather ironic how after you made this promise; you immediately shattered that verbal contract right in front of our very eyes. You willingly sucked yourself into the controversy surrounding Xavier, eventually getting your limbs torn to pieces. Spending months in the medical room sucks, doesn’t it? Then, you broke it yet again, essentially ripping and tearing it into pieces, by dragging yourself into Beating Hearts drama. Girl, you most definitely stuck it to your opposition when you lived up to your promises!"

"I don’t fancy lost souls, which pretty much summarizes why I don’t like anyone here at all. If you have the audacity to mention The Wildcards or Andre Walker; those were purely business relationships and nothing else. I do not think highly about how you are intending to undeservingly usurp me of my throne. I do not appreciate at all why you are intentionally leading these people astray and lying right through your damn teeth—deceiving the very people that are supporting you, encouraging you, and lifting your damn feet off the ground, who are the reasons why you are filthy rich. I do not like individuals who don’t have what it takes to live up to their promises to any extent. I most definitely do not treasure slithering python snakes who turn their back when shit hits the fan. Fine by me because we don’t have to value or respect each other. We don’t have to see each other eye to eye because I don’t see myself ever lowering my esteem to such grimy standards. I don’t see what is possessing you to be this confident with your abilities with such little credentials to back it up, but I am going to do exactly what I did in the past. I am going to put you on that pedestal. I will allow you to experience what it is like to have this momentum and let you feel like you deserve this spot on the card. I could break into your apartment room and beat the living daylights out of you to teach a lesson, but my beatings only take place within that squared circle. I could see myself barging into Starrstan’s office to save your life, but I rather end your life myself. I am not going to encourage you to prematurely throw in the towel, wave the white flag, or tuck your tail between your legs to coward away because I want you to be prepared. I want you to properly calibrate yourself beforehand, and I want you to get your hopes up because when the truth comes to light—and I promise you, it always does—I want to see how shit you will feel after it does. The truth will set the lost souls free. It will set you free. Either embrace it, or I will have no other choice but to pummel it out of you. I will leave The Tiger Stadium with the same status I entered it with. I might walk out of the settled dust all roughed up because the cliche of how looks can be deceiving definitely can be applied to you, but no matter what, this EAW World Heavyweight Championship is staying around my waist. I will take this championship to House Of Glass, to Road To Redemption, to King Of Elite, and beyond until fate doesn’t want to. Territorial Invasion, how fitting of name for an event because you, my friend, are overstepping. You are stepping into uncharted territory. You don’t know what you are truly dealing with. Don’t you find it a tad bit worrisome that I bodied you in our first counter while I was down tremendous, and now lo and behold—you’re about to go pound-for-pound with the best Xander Payne of all time? Shouldn’t that be a threat? Shouldn’t that be something to consider? I don’t know, I am just throwing it out there. This weekend is going to be the same as any other weekend. It will be the night before my 168th day as World Heavyweight God. It will solely be another successful defense; a product of the predetermined destiny. Meanwhile, it will be your last hurrah. Your swan song. Your endgame. Hoe."
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