MATCH PROMO neaux, im going to do my own thing

Bea Valentine

The Eternally Depressed
I don't know, maybe KASAI needs to be inside an institution, she needs to be kept away from society due to how much of a detriment she is, putting Gloria on a pole is TERRIFYING. But I trust Gloria, she hasn't had any real fears since the incident, and I think we all know what that incident was. It definitely made me wipe the sweat off my forehead, but anyways, yes. KASAI, I don't care Grand Rampage will be a film, and beautiful film about climbing the pole of success and getting Gloria down, but anyways regardless of that–

I just want to enter this by saying–

IMAGINE MY PANIC, OKAY? I looked and saw the words “La Familia” and my heart sank. I thought it was over, you'll never guess the actual panic that I had, I thought I was gonna have to face that imbecile Valerie Hellstorm again, but admittedly there is some drama going on there between herself and the La Familia harem, I expected it though, Brianna Hill is probably sharing Roberto too much, and she is getting stuck with Luis, you know, Valerie doesn't want that yadda yadda, ANYWAYS. Can we talk about how butlers are wrongfully treated in this society? I have witnessed so many bad things happen to my beautiful Cornelius! And it's started with that WOMAN KASAI, if you can even really call her a WOMAN. Because she is a DEMON. From the furthest pits of Detroit, Michigan. I'll have you find out, Cornelius’ suit will be at the dry cleaners for the next week, you know what a butler looks like without his best suit? KASAI is already trying to sabotage me within tempo, due in part to Cornelius being practically NAKED without his best suit, and she has to be my tag team partner?

Neaux, I'm going to do my own thing here!

And when I say my own thing, I mean we are going to win this match, and we are going to WIN big. I am not really the beat tag team wrestler, but that isn't due in part to my own fault, I am Bea Valentine and my only partner is Gloria, and we get this done dear. I think as KASAI doesn't do all the freaky things, we'll be fine though. If she is going to spit mist, spit it at someone else darling. Anyways, enough yapping about that. I just want to say, again I am grateful that this isn't another week of putting up with Valerie Hellstorm, she's the worst of the worst of the worst. The most grotesque competitor in the game, and never in my life have I been so happy to see woefully average and exceptionally mediocre, Brianna Hill! Because at least when it comes to Brianna, she only half tries. And at least she makes more sense with the words that she will depict! Remember the brawl a couple weeks back? Fun wasn't it? I had a lot of fun. We definitely revolutionized the culture, but at the end of the day, can you remind me what happened? My memory is a little shaky. If I remember properly, didn't I defeat you and Mia Santoro, AND FINALLY BREAK THE CURSE OF MY MAIN EVENT FAILURES. Feels nice dear, feels real nice. Losing sucks though, but it seems as if La Familia has been a victim of failure lately, so I'm not really trusting the process. Things are going a little bit too terrible for them, if we aren't careful enough — Something might implode! I'm talking, Luis De La Rosa forms from mid-air, because statistically he doesn't exist. And he can appear whenever he wants! Cornelius, I dunno if he will help me 😞, he is currently out without his favorite suit. SEE WHAT I MEAN THOUGH, KASAI SCREWING US OVER. WHAT SORTA TAG TEAM PARTNER IS SHE MAN! If it had been me, I would have waited before using the mist, but it's whatever, and it really is the kitchen sink too, but you know what. We are going to come up huge in this one. Brianna Hill and Roberto won't even know what hit them when they go one on one with— THE STINGING HUNTRESSES! Or whatever sounds nice. But yes. Brianna Hill, yadda yadda, I am mostly just grateful that you are here to fill a spot in the tag team match. I don't have to see Valerie Hellstorm, and for that? I am FOREVER grateful to you. It is so important that it is established. You may say that "I am a tough fighter too". But I don't believe that, seeing as I have already wiped you twice now. I have blown my nose with La Familia and threw away the tissue a gazillion times now, glorified harem for Roberto darling, all he does in succession is allow these women to believe fake prophecies. Mental. But you know what, Roberto though? I still remember my first match on Voltage, all the way back forever ago, gosh. It's funny how things turn out, neaux? I am the mother of Gloria, I have defended her on so many special events against the toughest up and comers EAW has to offer!!!!! And you... haven't made it out of a Voltage show defending your Hardcore Championship. There is definitely a particular skill set there, so I've noticed and seen. Let's examine it — TLA the champion before you darling, he was facing Charles Marr, he was beating all these spectacular Elitists. But it isn't the same for you. Matter of fact — He even defeated me when he was Hardcore Champion. You see the gist here? He managed to do all that Roberto, and you have done nothing but pick apart the losers of Voltage. You beat Hayley Moron, Captain America Scotty and you expect me to give a stupendous exclamation about you? You have the most fraudulent championship run man has ever transcended! You are a global failure to the Hardcore division, there is nothing even hardcore about you! I can be hardcore in my sleep dear, I actually did once. I was walking and fell from a sizable distance, skinning my elbow. Only cried twice. BUT LOOK, I am just trying to say here why the bloody fuedahuedawitz should we give a philosophical poop about Roberto and his time as Hardcore Champion, when nearly every single match in EAW usually has some wackadoo mac and cheese stipulation, I NEVER ONCE SAW ROBERTO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH AN ELECTRIC EEL! Fraudulent champion who is running a harem in 2024, he needs to be exiled from society for his crimes!

I am just saying, I am surrounded by war criminals. And I don't say that as a good thing, THAT IS A HORRIBLE THING. I am surrounded by some of the worst people this company pays, and I feel threatened. I am going to keep HR aside in case Brianna and Roberto start offering me a residence within your harem, and I ugh… KASAI, I don't trust her because she seems like the type of woman to carry a spork around, and when presented with the spork, she seems like the type of woman to stab someone with it. I wouldn't put that past her but regardless whatever dear, we will compete in this match as a team, and I don't know if it will be good or bad, but at the end of the day we are facing La Familia, and if we don't absolutely fail at everything we have ever loved in life, it's nearly a guaranteed win usually, I know you want the win KASAI, I want the win too. Just so I can mention again how I always wipe my butt with La Familia, it seems. But anyways, I want to spend my last little bit talking about how butlers are wrongfully treated in today's society. La Familia AND KASAI are both at fault for the mistreatment of butlers in today's modern society, and I hope that vocally I can use my voice to speak out against it, working with the enemy is insane. But to speak out against Butler abuse in a match like this, it is natural that you align yourself with a confirmed offender of the thing you are standing against, this is just how modern society works nowadays! It's ridiculous, but it's life. I am going to tag team with KASAI and we are going to get into the thick of it, on La Familia. The only familia is myself and Gloria nowadays, so tell me this. How much of a fraud is Roberto De La Rosa, man!? He has NEAUX idea what a familia is, when he hasn't even named his championship! And he doesn't even really have the right to call himself Hardcore Champion, because he isn't even doing wrist locks in explosive matches dear, Roberto needs to be studied for how he is bamboozling the industry, Brianna Hill isn't his tag team partner – SHE IS HIS VICTIM! But she'll just be like “Yeah. I will ignore that however Bea, remember when you beat me?” go over that and not address the elephants in the room. I see a lot of elephants when I look at La Familia, because that is what they are, one big voluptuous circus, Roberto is the ring leader and the rest of La Familia are the prisoners, you are being lied to! At least you have me to tell you the truth though, and that is what matters. Now I will end this off again with another consistent reminder. Please… please end butler abuse.


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