- Messages
- 1,017
- Points
- 113
°*”˜▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۞۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬˜”*°•
"I don't care about being eternal.
I don't care about being a hero.
I don't care about being special.
I just want to feel like I contributed something.
I’m not going to deny that I haven’t given up on some of my wildest dreams. I’ve given up on the idea that I might very well be the next Minerva, I’ve given up on the idea that I can be a world beater, I’ve given up on the idea of being one of the biggest, winningest Elitists in the company, because that just isn’t the cloth I was cut from. Nor was it ever the cloth I was cut from. The cloth I was cut from hasn’t eroded, it hasn’t fallen apart, it’s the same cloth from all those years ago – now, I just understand it better. I spent so, so long trying to convince myself otherwise, and maybe I had reason to. Maybe I did have potential, maybe I did come close to reaching the top, but the truth is, I spent so long insecure of everyone around me, that I always would have fallen apart. It wasn’t the neck injury, it wasn’t the identity crisis, it wasn’t betraying Mary, it wasn’t being betrayed by Harper, it was my inner most desire to be just like everybody who was at the top, but that just wasn’t who I am. I’ve spent so long in this company and like, I’ve always been emotional. I’ve always done things that are irrational, I’ve always worn my heart on my sleeve, and I’ve never had the killer instinct that all those top names have. I don’t have what Minerva has. I don’t have what Kassidy Heart has. I don’t have what Ms. Extreme has. I’m nothing like them, and I can accept that. I was never supposed to be like them. I was never supposed to be like you, Limmy. I’ve shot myself in the foot so many times now that it isn’t funny. I could have become Specialists Champion but I foolishly let KASAI into the match because I got emotional. The same thing happened with Chris Elite and Jay Jerry Johnson. I could have dethroned Jay, but I got emotional, cocky, egotistical, and let Chris into the match, which resulted in him becoming Champion. I’ve done it time and time again, I’ve let this industry change me, hurt me, cut me deep, and that’s why I simply CAN’T be a world beater, I CAN’T be an industry titan, because I’m in active competition with myself, and that’s something you don’t quite understand. We’re nothing alike, sure we entered this company in the same way, in the same year, and maybe if I wasn’t as emotional as I am, if I was cold and calculated like you, maybe I’d have your resume. Maybe I’d have beaten Harper, become Specialists Champion, National Elite Champion, Universal Women’s Champion, Brand Warfare winner – I’d have YOUR resume. Arguably even more successful since I didn’t lose the Unified Tag Team Championships after a month. But that’s just a what-if. That’s not Holly Arrow. That’s me if I was an entirely different person. That just isn’t who I am.
But I’m not someone who gives up, either. My goal to try and be a ray of light for people just like me, isn’t because I want to be a hero, or because I expect to change the industry, for all I know, literally no one could follow in my footsteps, everybody could fail, even after I spent so long trying to prove that they have what it takes too – this isn’t about creating a whole new generation of talent like you want to, Limmy. I’m not trying to be the “MoThEr Of ThE nEw ErA,” I’m not trying to condition Elitists into following in my footsteps, I’m not trying to set any example other than being proof that even people who have been written off for years can still get the job done. Doesn’t that in of itself disprove the whole notion that I’ve been failing at my goal? It doesn’t matter how long it takes, I’m not struggling to prove my point, I’m not showing that it’s impossible, I WILL become Champion sooner rather than later, and that’s just going to show people that no matter how long it takes, they too can find satisfaction in their careers. I’m not doing it to be a hero, I’m not doing it to be eternal, I’m doing it so the message surrounding my career can finally be defined, so I don’t need to be followed by a gloomy cloud telling me “what if?” forever, I’m doing it because I actually want to define myself. I’m not like you. I don’t get to parade around calling myself The Ace because I was “handpicked” by someone, I don’t get to parade around calling myself the founder of a new era, I don’t get to walk around, carrying myself like I own the place, because I KNOW I don’t; I just want to be myself. I just want to feel happy when I’m at home, feel like I’ve got a story to tell my kids, my grandkids, a story that will actually make the Viola family name – or whatever my future husband and/or wife’s name is – actually mean something. Because it never fucking has. It didn’t mean anything when I was 18, going around partying, getting drunk, hooking up with fucking supermodels, and throwing my life away. It didn’t mean anything when myself and my siblings were watching people like Kendra Shamez on the television, dreaming that it’d be us one day. It didn’t mean anything when I was younger, and maybe I can just feel like I mean something to this planet, even if it’s small, by proving my point, by fucking contributing, by doing something that actually means something to me, even if it doesn’t mean anything to you. Because I’m not like you. This is your life, this is just my passion, my hobby, my dream, I actually touch grass, I actually go outside, I actually interact with the world who simply find it impressive that I’m a rich, famous athlete, all the while I feel shame knowing that this hobby of mine is something I take for granted.
I’m privileged as fuck and I’m bitter about it because I’m not quite good enough, and if anything, that makes me more narcissistic and egomaniacal than everybody else you mentioned – at the very least I can make that egotistical, narcissistic, selfish desire actually mean something to other people, so my desire to feel pride whenever people bring up my occupation isn’t rooted in my head being up my ass, and it actually feeling like an accomplishment. My star isn’t fading, far from it, and you sure as hell won’t outlast me until I accomplish my goal; just as there’s nothing you can do to stop me. I might have lost to Drake last week, and I might have participated in your no contest, but at the end of the day, I’ve proven I can beat people like you, and heading into Road To Redemption, this victory will just show that I’m ready to become Universal Women’s Champion. This isn’t about an obsession anymore, this isn’t about being the next Ms. Extreme nor is it about beating her; I’m doing this so I can actually feel satisfied, I can actually feel happy, I can actually feel proud of an occupation that anybody wishes they reaped the benefits of, instead of feeling like a fucking loser. Because those people would kill to be in my shoes, and I hate that. I hate feeling like I’m taking people’s money, taking paychecks they deserve more than me, and crying about it. I just want to overcome this hurdle. I just want to get it over and done with, by any means necessary. I might not have the killer instinct. I might not be an industry titan. I might not be cut from the same cloth you are, but I guarantee you, I’m far more determined than you, and I WILL persevere; you’re just not going to expect it, and the world is going to call it an upset. But it won’t be. It won’t be an upset. It’ll be a deserved win, an earned win, it’ll be indicative of how good I truly fucking am, and it’ll be in your backyard. I’m sure that’ll feel familiar, won’t it? You mention all these people who overcame these droughts, leaped over their hurdles – your World Championship reign came to an end at the hands of Bronson Daniels, and it was in your own country. Everybody doubted him, nobody believed he’d do it, but he fucking did it, because he was far more determined than you were, and he overcame the odds. I’m gonna do the same thing. I’m gonna overcome you, in your backyard, your residence in Florida, and I’m going to move on and become Universal Women’s Champion. I’m going to do what you’ve spent a year trying to do, and I’m going to show the world that Holly Arrow is finally complete, Holly Arrow has finally accomplished everything she said she would, Holly Arrow has finally put an end to her excruciating Revenge Tour.
You’re disillusioned. You’re far more egotistical than me. Your head is up in the clouds and you don’t see reality; you are underestimating me ahead of one of the biggest matches of my career, one of the biggest wins of my career, the greatest moment of my entire life. Maybe this is personal to you, maybe everything is personal to you, because this business is your life. It’s all you have. You wanna be here forever, and I’ll be here as long as I need to be. I’ll be here until I win that gold, and after that, my career will play out as it needs to. Maybe I last years, decades, who knows? I want this hunt to be over, I want to move past this half-a-decade long struggle, I want to enjoy my passion, I want to go right back to being that girl who is just happy to be here, the girl that signed pen to paper, the girl that deep down truly felt as if that’s who she was, I want to exist as a girl who is just happy to be here, and it not be a mask, it not be a facade, it be the entire truth, the whole truth, everything that I am. That’s what I want at the end of my dream. To be able to enjoy this industry. To be able to enjoy my passion. I want my occupation to be a hobby again. Because I’m not cut from the same cloth as you, Limmy. ***I don’t want to be.*** I don’t want to be swallowed up by my work, consumed by the industry itself, I don’t want this place to be all that I have, I want it to be my escape, I want it to be the place where I can be myself without shame, where I can simply be happy, and enjoy showcasing my talents. I don’t want to sink further and further into depravity, I don’t want to lose myself, and succumb to this business. I want to enjoy professional wrestling again. I’m not like you. I don’t want to be like you. I’ll never be like you. Tired, old, jaded. Depressed. A meaningless life beyond this industry, and a meaningless life once your career comes to an end; I’m not going down the same path. I want to end this year with a smile on my face. I want to walk into the New Year with the Universal Women’s Championship around my waist, having fulfilled all my promises, and I’m going to do it at the expense of people like YOU. If you’re the embodiment of the cruel nature of this industry, I’m going to be the embodiment of the hope this industry brings. The bliss every Elitist feels when they compete for their first title, when they sign pen-to-paper, when they imagine themselves as superstars. That’s what I’ll embody. You can embody the unforgiving nature of professional wrestling, you can be the hurdle. I’ll show the world what it means to overcome it.
My star isn’t fading.
It’s growing brighter and brighter by the day."
"I don't care about being eternal.
I don't care about being a hero.
I don't care about being special.
I just want to feel like I contributed something.
I’m not going to deny that I haven’t given up on some of my wildest dreams. I’ve given up on the idea that I might very well be the next Minerva, I’ve given up on the idea that I can be a world beater, I’ve given up on the idea of being one of the biggest, winningest Elitists in the company, because that just isn’t the cloth I was cut from. Nor was it ever the cloth I was cut from. The cloth I was cut from hasn’t eroded, it hasn’t fallen apart, it’s the same cloth from all those years ago – now, I just understand it better. I spent so, so long trying to convince myself otherwise, and maybe I had reason to. Maybe I did have potential, maybe I did come close to reaching the top, but the truth is, I spent so long insecure of everyone around me, that I always would have fallen apart. It wasn’t the neck injury, it wasn’t the identity crisis, it wasn’t betraying Mary, it wasn’t being betrayed by Harper, it was my inner most desire to be just like everybody who was at the top, but that just wasn’t who I am. I’ve spent so long in this company and like, I’ve always been emotional. I’ve always done things that are irrational, I’ve always worn my heart on my sleeve, and I’ve never had the killer instinct that all those top names have. I don’t have what Minerva has. I don’t have what Kassidy Heart has. I don’t have what Ms. Extreme has. I’m nothing like them, and I can accept that. I was never supposed to be like them. I was never supposed to be like you, Limmy. I’ve shot myself in the foot so many times now that it isn’t funny. I could have become Specialists Champion but I foolishly let KASAI into the match because I got emotional. The same thing happened with Chris Elite and Jay Jerry Johnson. I could have dethroned Jay, but I got emotional, cocky, egotistical, and let Chris into the match, which resulted in him becoming Champion. I’ve done it time and time again, I’ve let this industry change me, hurt me, cut me deep, and that’s why I simply CAN’T be a world beater, I CAN’T be an industry titan, because I’m in active competition with myself, and that’s something you don’t quite understand. We’re nothing alike, sure we entered this company in the same way, in the same year, and maybe if I wasn’t as emotional as I am, if I was cold and calculated like you, maybe I’d have your resume. Maybe I’d have beaten Harper, become Specialists Champion, National Elite Champion, Universal Women’s Champion, Brand Warfare winner – I’d have YOUR resume. Arguably even more successful since I didn’t lose the Unified Tag Team Championships after a month. But that’s just a what-if. That’s not Holly Arrow. That’s me if I was an entirely different person. That just isn’t who I am.
But I’m not someone who gives up, either. My goal to try and be a ray of light for people just like me, isn’t because I want to be a hero, or because I expect to change the industry, for all I know, literally no one could follow in my footsteps, everybody could fail, even after I spent so long trying to prove that they have what it takes too – this isn’t about creating a whole new generation of talent like you want to, Limmy. I’m not trying to be the “MoThEr Of ThE nEw ErA,” I’m not trying to condition Elitists into following in my footsteps, I’m not trying to set any example other than being proof that even people who have been written off for years can still get the job done. Doesn’t that in of itself disprove the whole notion that I’ve been failing at my goal? It doesn’t matter how long it takes, I’m not struggling to prove my point, I’m not showing that it’s impossible, I WILL become Champion sooner rather than later, and that’s just going to show people that no matter how long it takes, they too can find satisfaction in their careers. I’m not doing it to be a hero, I’m not doing it to be eternal, I’m doing it so the message surrounding my career can finally be defined, so I don’t need to be followed by a gloomy cloud telling me “what if?” forever, I’m doing it because I actually want to define myself. I’m not like you. I don’t get to parade around calling myself The Ace because I was “handpicked” by someone, I don’t get to parade around calling myself the founder of a new era, I don’t get to walk around, carrying myself like I own the place, because I KNOW I don’t; I just want to be myself. I just want to feel happy when I’m at home, feel like I’ve got a story to tell my kids, my grandkids, a story that will actually make the Viola family name – or whatever my future husband and/or wife’s name is – actually mean something. Because it never fucking has. It didn’t mean anything when I was 18, going around partying, getting drunk, hooking up with fucking supermodels, and throwing my life away. It didn’t mean anything when myself and my siblings were watching people like Kendra Shamez on the television, dreaming that it’d be us one day. It didn’t mean anything when I was younger, and maybe I can just feel like I mean something to this planet, even if it’s small, by proving my point, by fucking contributing, by doing something that actually means something to me, even if it doesn’t mean anything to you. Because I’m not like you. This is your life, this is just my passion, my hobby, my dream, I actually touch grass, I actually go outside, I actually interact with the world who simply find it impressive that I’m a rich, famous athlete, all the while I feel shame knowing that this hobby of mine is something I take for granted.
I’m privileged as fuck and I’m bitter about it because I’m not quite good enough, and if anything, that makes me more narcissistic and egomaniacal than everybody else you mentioned – at the very least I can make that egotistical, narcissistic, selfish desire actually mean something to other people, so my desire to feel pride whenever people bring up my occupation isn’t rooted in my head being up my ass, and it actually feeling like an accomplishment. My star isn’t fading, far from it, and you sure as hell won’t outlast me until I accomplish my goal; just as there’s nothing you can do to stop me. I might have lost to Drake last week, and I might have participated in your no contest, but at the end of the day, I’ve proven I can beat people like you, and heading into Road To Redemption, this victory will just show that I’m ready to become Universal Women’s Champion. This isn’t about an obsession anymore, this isn’t about being the next Ms. Extreme nor is it about beating her; I’m doing this so I can actually feel satisfied, I can actually feel happy, I can actually feel proud of an occupation that anybody wishes they reaped the benefits of, instead of feeling like a fucking loser. Because those people would kill to be in my shoes, and I hate that. I hate feeling like I’m taking people’s money, taking paychecks they deserve more than me, and crying about it. I just want to overcome this hurdle. I just want to get it over and done with, by any means necessary. I might not have the killer instinct. I might not be an industry titan. I might not be cut from the same cloth you are, but I guarantee you, I’m far more determined than you, and I WILL persevere; you’re just not going to expect it, and the world is going to call it an upset. But it won’t be. It won’t be an upset. It’ll be a deserved win, an earned win, it’ll be indicative of how good I truly fucking am, and it’ll be in your backyard. I’m sure that’ll feel familiar, won’t it? You mention all these people who overcame these droughts, leaped over their hurdles – your World Championship reign came to an end at the hands of Bronson Daniels, and it was in your own country. Everybody doubted him, nobody believed he’d do it, but he fucking did it, because he was far more determined than you were, and he overcame the odds. I’m gonna do the same thing. I’m gonna overcome you, in your backyard, your residence in Florida, and I’m going to move on and become Universal Women’s Champion. I’m going to do what you’ve spent a year trying to do, and I’m going to show the world that Holly Arrow is finally complete, Holly Arrow has finally accomplished everything she said she would, Holly Arrow has finally put an end to her excruciating Revenge Tour.
You’re disillusioned. You’re far more egotistical than me. Your head is up in the clouds and you don’t see reality; you are underestimating me ahead of one of the biggest matches of my career, one of the biggest wins of my career, the greatest moment of my entire life. Maybe this is personal to you, maybe everything is personal to you, because this business is your life. It’s all you have. You wanna be here forever, and I’ll be here as long as I need to be. I’ll be here until I win that gold, and after that, my career will play out as it needs to. Maybe I last years, decades, who knows? I want this hunt to be over, I want to move past this half-a-decade long struggle, I want to enjoy my passion, I want to go right back to being that girl who is just happy to be here, the girl that signed pen to paper, the girl that deep down truly felt as if that’s who she was, I want to exist as a girl who is just happy to be here, and it not be a mask, it not be a facade, it be the entire truth, the whole truth, everything that I am. That’s what I want at the end of my dream. To be able to enjoy this industry. To be able to enjoy my passion. I want my occupation to be a hobby again. Because I’m not cut from the same cloth as you, Limmy. ***I don’t want to be.*** I don’t want to be swallowed up by my work, consumed by the industry itself, I don’t want this place to be all that I have, I want it to be my escape, I want it to be the place where I can be myself without shame, where I can simply be happy, and enjoy showcasing my talents. I don’t want to sink further and further into depravity, I don’t want to lose myself, and succumb to this business. I want to enjoy professional wrestling again. I’m not like you. I don’t want to be like you. I’ll never be like you. Tired, old, jaded. Depressed. A meaningless life beyond this industry, and a meaningless life once your career comes to an end; I’m not going down the same path. I want to end this year with a smile on my face. I want to walk into the New Year with the Universal Women’s Championship around my waist, having fulfilled all my promises, and I’m going to do it at the expense of people like YOU. If you’re the embodiment of the cruel nature of this industry, I’m going to be the embodiment of the hope this industry brings. The bliss every Elitist feels when they compete for their first title, when they sign pen-to-paper, when they imagine themselves as superstars. That’s what I’ll embody. You can embody the unforgiving nature of professional wrestling, you can be the hurdle. I’ll show the world what it means to overcome it.
My star isn’t fading.
It’s growing brighter and brighter by the day."
