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Well now, this is an interesting one isn't it? Six of us in the ring at the same time and I'm the least cunty one present. Who'd have thought we'd ever see the day again when I would probably be the least obnoxious person present in a match? I guess it's true what they say, anything can and will happen in a wrestling ring.
The problem is, with me being the the guy in the match who isn't a complete dick, that means the other five are. That means there's five other individuals who are bigger, more monumental bell ends than me and for me, that poses a problem. I ain't too fussed that three of them will be standing across the ring from me because frankly, it's my job to beat up dickheads and put people in their place, just ask Ryan. The problem I have is that with so many arseholes in the match, it means I have to team with two of them and honestly, when you look at the people involved in this main event, I can't decide whether or not I've been lucky with who I'm teaming with or not.
Sure, it's a reunion of sorts of the full strength British Invasion which, on the face of it is a good thing for us and a bad thing for everyone else. After all, I don't think anyone can really deny that us three firing on all cylinders and all being on the same page is nothing but trouble for the rest of the roster. The problem is, I don't know if we're on the same page. Not even for one match. It's not exactly a secret in this place that I'm a team player. It' doesn't matter who I'm forced to tag with, I can put any differences to one side once the bell rings and they'll stay out of the way until it rings again. But when it comes to Pandora and Halsey...I just don't know. Things went south pretty quick, we've said and done some unforgivable shit and honestly, while I could put things to one side for a few minutes just to have the chance to beat the shit out of our opponents, I'm really not sure if those two can do the same thing. It would be good if we could, because who wouldn't want to see The British Invasion back in all it's glory and kicking seven shades of shit out of Jake Smith? Will it happen? Probably not.
Sorry, should probably clarify there, the working together as a cohesive unit probably won't happen. We'll all still be kicking the shit out of Jake. I mean, who the hell wouldn't want to do that? I'm pretty sure at this point Everyone involved in the match wants to do that and most of us have a valid reason to. Even Damien could probably conjure up a half decent reason to so he can join in the fun. I actually find it quite sad in a way. I've keep ending up in matches with Jake this season one way or another and honestly, seeing him descend further and further into being a whiny little bitch is both humorous and a bit upsetting. Here we have one of the greats. Someone who has been there and done it all. He's won everything this company has to offer and if he really wanted to, could probably go out there and win it all again but instead, he's slowly becoming a whiny little bitch. Instead of relishing in the fact he's somehow become a world champion again and lauding it over his new kingdom, he's more interested in his petty little lovers tiff with Caroline. He's more worried about dodging fights and avoiding opponents. Rather than shut people up by doing what I'm doing and defending his title against anyone and everyone, he's trying to run and hide with it, just like he did before. It's pathetic.
Still, it's not quite as pathetic as someone who still follows him around like a little lost puppy because she's realised that without him, she's completely irrelevant. Ain't that right Caroline? There was once a time I called you a career killer and not in a good way. You latched on to whoever you thought could take you to the next level and you clung on for dear life until a better option came by and then you jumped ship to get to the next level. In my eyes anyone who does that is just showing that they have a lack of talent, but we all knew that about you already as the only thing you seemed to be able to do with any success was turn the lights on and off. But credit where it's due, you picked a path, you stuck to it and somehow you landed on Jake and somehow he dragged you up the card to the main event. The problem you now have though Caroline is that Jake is a cunt. He, more than anyone else I've encountered in this company, puts himself before anything else. He'll use people to get what he wants and toss them to one side once he's got it, much like you do. The big problem for you Caroline is that he's better at it and he's actually got the talent to back it up as well, even if his personality sucks. So this puts you in an awkward position, doesn't it. Jake is still clearly your meal ticket. We all know you'll plummet back into obscurity once he cuts you loose, so you have to try and somehow find away to make this lopsided partnership work, but Jake doesn't need you any more. So what's a girl to do? Stick around with the whiny little bitch and keep yourself vaguely relevant or strike out on your own and try to show the world that you didn't need him after all. We all know what option you're going to pick though don't we luv, because without Jake you're nothing. Still, at least you've had your moment in the sun. You've found a strategy that works for you and you've had a fair bit of time in other peoples spotlight. You can say that you were the driving force behind Jake becoming a world champion again, you can say you were the driving force behind the only time Solomon Stane was actually successful. You've picked a weird path but you've made it your own, unlike the third man in that mismatched team of yours, Damien Kutcher.
You see, while Jake is a whiny bitch, he's a world champion. While Caroline is a talentless leech, she latches on to those who can bring her some shared success. Damien...bruv....what the fuck are you? In this industry, tag teams or stables are almost always formed for mutual benefit. Either some big hitters who use each other to get back to or hold there place at the top table or they're made up of people who are helping each other rise up through the ranks. Look back through EAW and there's loads of examples of both. Fire and Ice, Elysium, Jaded Hearts, all big hitters teaming up to terrorise the roster. #Hashtag, The British Invasion and even MarrKade when we first formed, all dragging each other up and making each other better. Then there's Showtime. Akari doing all the work, putting the shifts in week in, week out, dragging himself further and further up the card, making himself impossible to ignore and you, holding him back. You, coming out week after week and moaning about how its your time to shine and how people need to focus on you as well as Akari. Bruv, people focus on him because he's a fucking beast. They focus on him because he's the future of this industry. They focus on him, because you are a waste of a fucking contract. Every good thing Showtime ever did was because of Akari, every bad thing that befell Showtime was down to you. Who showed out at Territorial Invasion and who shat the bed?
This match is a fucking weird one. I don't think I've ever entered something and been so confused as to who it is I dislike the most, my team or my opponents. It's messing with my head in a way I'm not entirely comfortable with, but, despite that, I'm still confident we'll be picking up the win. Is it because us three have more experience teaming together? Sure it's an advantage, but that's not the reason why. Is it because we're the more talented? Hard to say when the world champion is standing across the ring from me. No, the reason this pseudo British Invasion reunion will come out on top is simple. Even if we bicker and fight and turn on each other, we're still basically in a three on one against Jake. Caroline wouldn't be able to do fuck all against us even if she wasn't pissed at Jake and Damien has had so many chances and opportunities against us three at various times over the last year and he's never once looked like coming out on top.
The simple fact here is that even a fractured British Invasion who can't stand each other any more and have spent the best part of the last year wanting to kill each other is still going to be able to overcome the shit show in front of us.
The problem is, with me being the the guy in the match who isn't a complete dick, that means the other five are. That means there's five other individuals who are bigger, more monumental bell ends than me and for me, that poses a problem. I ain't too fussed that three of them will be standing across the ring from me because frankly, it's my job to beat up dickheads and put people in their place, just ask Ryan. The problem I have is that with so many arseholes in the match, it means I have to team with two of them and honestly, when you look at the people involved in this main event, I can't decide whether or not I've been lucky with who I'm teaming with or not.
Sure, it's a reunion of sorts of the full strength British Invasion which, on the face of it is a good thing for us and a bad thing for everyone else. After all, I don't think anyone can really deny that us three firing on all cylinders and all being on the same page is nothing but trouble for the rest of the roster. The problem is, I don't know if we're on the same page. Not even for one match. It's not exactly a secret in this place that I'm a team player. It' doesn't matter who I'm forced to tag with, I can put any differences to one side once the bell rings and they'll stay out of the way until it rings again. But when it comes to Pandora and Halsey...I just don't know. Things went south pretty quick, we've said and done some unforgivable shit and honestly, while I could put things to one side for a few minutes just to have the chance to beat the shit out of our opponents, I'm really not sure if those two can do the same thing. It would be good if we could, because who wouldn't want to see The British Invasion back in all it's glory and kicking seven shades of shit out of Jake Smith? Will it happen? Probably not.
Sorry, should probably clarify there, the working together as a cohesive unit probably won't happen. We'll all still be kicking the shit out of Jake. I mean, who the hell wouldn't want to do that? I'm pretty sure at this point Everyone involved in the match wants to do that and most of us have a valid reason to. Even Damien could probably conjure up a half decent reason to so he can join in the fun. I actually find it quite sad in a way. I've keep ending up in matches with Jake this season one way or another and honestly, seeing him descend further and further into being a whiny little bitch is both humorous and a bit upsetting. Here we have one of the greats. Someone who has been there and done it all. He's won everything this company has to offer and if he really wanted to, could probably go out there and win it all again but instead, he's slowly becoming a whiny little bitch. Instead of relishing in the fact he's somehow become a world champion again and lauding it over his new kingdom, he's more interested in his petty little lovers tiff with Caroline. He's more worried about dodging fights and avoiding opponents. Rather than shut people up by doing what I'm doing and defending his title against anyone and everyone, he's trying to run and hide with it, just like he did before. It's pathetic.
Still, it's not quite as pathetic as someone who still follows him around like a little lost puppy because she's realised that without him, she's completely irrelevant. Ain't that right Caroline? There was once a time I called you a career killer and not in a good way. You latched on to whoever you thought could take you to the next level and you clung on for dear life until a better option came by and then you jumped ship to get to the next level. In my eyes anyone who does that is just showing that they have a lack of talent, but we all knew that about you already as the only thing you seemed to be able to do with any success was turn the lights on and off. But credit where it's due, you picked a path, you stuck to it and somehow you landed on Jake and somehow he dragged you up the card to the main event. The problem you now have though Caroline is that Jake is a cunt. He, more than anyone else I've encountered in this company, puts himself before anything else. He'll use people to get what he wants and toss them to one side once he's got it, much like you do. The big problem for you Caroline is that he's better at it and he's actually got the talent to back it up as well, even if his personality sucks. So this puts you in an awkward position, doesn't it. Jake is still clearly your meal ticket. We all know you'll plummet back into obscurity once he cuts you loose, so you have to try and somehow find away to make this lopsided partnership work, but Jake doesn't need you any more. So what's a girl to do? Stick around with the whiny little bitch and keep yourself vaguely relevant or strike out on your own and try to show the world that you didn't need him after all. We all know what option you're going to pick though don't we luv, because without Jake you're nothing. Still, at least you've had your moment in the sun. You've found a strategy that works for you and you've had a fair bit of time in other peoples spotlight. You can say that you were the driving force behind Jake becoming a world champion again, you can say you were the driving force behind the only time Solomon Stane was actually successful. You've picked a weird path but you've made it your own, unlike the third man in that mismatched team of yours, Damien Kutcher.
You see, while Jake is a whiny bitch, he's a world champion. While Caroline is a talentless leech, she latches on to those who can bring her some shared success. Damien...bruv....what the fuck are you? In this industry, tag teams or stables are almost always formed for mutual benefit. Either some big hitters who use each other to get back to or hold there place at the top table or they're made up of people who are helping each other rise up through the ranks. Look back through EAW and there's loads of examples of both. Fire and Ice, Elysium, Jaded Hearts, all big hitters teaming up to terrorise the roster. #Hashtag, The British Invasion and even MarrKade when we first formed, all dragging each other up and making each other better. Then there's Showtime. Akari doing all the work, putting the shifts in week in, week out, dragging himself further and further up the card, making himself impossible to ignore and you, holding him back. You, coming out week after week and moaning about how its your time to shine and how people need to focus on you as well as Akari. Bruv, people focus on him because he's a fucking beast. They focus on him because he's the future of this industry. They focus on him, because you are a waste of a fucking contract. Every good thing Showtime ever did was because of Akari, every bad thing that befell Showtime was down to you. Who showed out at Territorial Invasion and who shat the bed?
This match is a fucking weird one. I don't think I've ever entered something and been so confused as to who it is I dislike the most, my team or my opponents. It's messing with my head in a way I'm not entirely comfortable with, but, despite that, I'm still confident we'll be picking up the win. Is it because us three have more experience teaming together? Sure it's an advantage, but that's not the reason why. Is it because we're the more talented? Hard to say when the world champion is standing across the ring from me. No, the reason this pseudo British Invasion reunion will come out on top is simple. Even if we bicker and fight and turn on each other, we're still basically in a three on one against Jake. Caroline wouldn't be able to do fuck all against us even if she wasn't pissed at Jake and Damien has had so many chances and opportunities against us three at various times over the last year and he's never once looked like coming out on top.
The simple fact here is that even a fractured British Invasion who can't stand each other any more and have spent the best part of the last year wanting to kill each other is still going to be able to overcome the shit show in front of us.
