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I'm sorry, you what bruv?
I have the decency to turn up to Showdown and take part in a very awkward interview even though I wasn't scheduled to be on the show. I act like a true gentleman and help out Pandora in her match, something I'd like to point out her former stable 'leader' would never do. I'm even nice enough that during the aforementioned awkward interview, I add a splash of much needed star power to the Grand Rampage match by announcing that I'll be entering and winning the thing. So, the next logical step is for those in charge to make a 'preview' match. Fuck knows how a one on one match can be considered a preview for a 30 person over the top rope match, but hey ho, here we are. Me, in a preview match for Grand Rampage, a sneak preview of me having my hand raised in victory at the end of the month. Seems a bit unfair spoiling the result for everyone this far away from the actual thing, but I don't make the rules, I just turn up, beat the crap out of people and cash my paycheck. Let's play pretend for just a second though. Let's make like a one on one match can actually serve as a reliable preview to the Grand Rampage. Let's act like two Elitists going at it can actually be a decent preview for what will go down in the big one itself. If we're going to do this, you're going to want the big name stars in the match., the legitimate threats, the favourites. You're going to want the names in these preview matches who can not only be a threat and put on a good performance but actually be genuine contenders to win the whole thing. These previews need to be the best of the best showing the EAW universe just who could be standing tall at the tend of the match, because lets face it, the dumb arses in the crowd need to be told who to cheer for.
And so, I'll repeat the first thing I said. I'm sorry, you what bruv?
You want a Grand rampage preview, you want the big names, so you have me, future Grand Rampage winner and future world champion against...Clayton Golde? What? Who?
At first I thought it was a typo on the card. The graphic was a little bit off and this wasn't a Grand Rampage preview match. I checked with management and they assured me that this was indeed a preview match. So I assumed I was facing some jobber they'd pulled in from the indies. Put me in with some worthless bum who I can dispatch pretty quickly to show what a threat I am, not that I need any help in that area, but I appreciate the thought. So I was like, OK, cool, how quick do you want me to finish this and how pissed off are this indie company going to be if we send one of their stars back in a wheelchair? Turns out I was wrong again and I was informed that Clayton Golde is actually an active member of the Showdown roster. Well, I was told the look of surprise on my face matched that of Jon's when he realised his darling girls had decided to strike out on their own and follow someone who was actually capable of delivering some gold. I couldn't get my head around what I was being told. This guy actually has a contract in EAW, he's on the same brand as me and someone thought this would be a good preview of what would happen at Grand Rampage.
I don't know what our bookers are smoking, but I want some of it!
You see guys, the whole point of this sort of match, as I've already said, is to give the crowd an idea of what could go down at Grand Rampage amongst the big names and the favourites. It's specifically a chance for each brand to show off their biggest stars. It's a chance for each brand to flex their muscles a bit and let the other two brands know that the Grand Rampage winner will be coming to, in this case, the blue brand. What it isn't a chance to do is give some rookie a chance to face one of the biggest stars in EAW and label it like he might be a threat in the Rampage! Because let's face it, that's all we're doing here, we're giving Clayton a chance to upgrade the biggest match of his career so far. Outside of Clayton, his little band of adoring teenage boys and maybe his mum, no-one is seeing him as a threat in the Rampage match. He is there to do one thing. Make up the numbers. That's it. So putting him in a 'Preview' match against me where it's implied he could be a threat in the match itself is unfair for getting his hopes up and insulting to me.
Now Clayton, You may think I'm being a bit disrespectful to you and you know what, that's totally my intention bruv. I'm dismissing you out of hand for a reason. Here in EAW, there are levels. There is a distinct hierarchy in this place. There are those of us on the very top level, who spend all our time looking down on those below us and wondering why we have to deal with anything below us. I'm on that level Clayton. It took me a while to get here, I'm not going to deny that one, but I'm here now. I sit at the top table alongside Pandora and Halsey. There are a few others who insist that they deserve to be here as well and honestly, its just too much of a hassle to try and convince them they aren't but the point is Clayton, this is a very select group of Elitist sat at this table. Once you leave this level, its all very much of a muchness to quote a phrase from my dear old mum. There's not much to choose between the rabble who think they should be here, those who should be here but are missing that something and those who used to be here but can't accept the sad truth that they just don't have it any more. Once you sift through that mass of has beens and never weres you find yourself at the bottom. The proper dregs. Here you find the self important, delusional fuck wits who think they're something special but couldn't wrestle their way out of a wet paper bag if their life depended on it. Here you find those utter prats who maybe fluked one big win and decided they were 'it'. The ones who, in a out three months time will be hanging out on the alumni page of the EAW website. They will live on for eternity as nothing more than a footnote in the summary of Season 17.
And then Clayton, we have you.
Once you've reached the very bottom level in EAW, when you think you can sink no lower, you find this secret hidden level. This level is reserved for the likes of you. You don't have any big wins to your name. You don't stand out from the crowd in any way, shape or form. You're not completely delusional about your chances or abilities. You don't rile anyone up. You're just...there.
Now, if you were a new face around here, I could forgive that. I remember what it was like being the new guy and I know it sucks. You have to fight and scarp and earn every little bit of respect you can. You have to work your bollocks off just to get your name on the weekly card. No-one gives you a hope in hell of doing anything...but, you're not a new face Clayton. You've been here, what, five, six months now? You've made such an impression that not only did I not know who you were, I didn't even know you were part of the company. And that is the difference between us Clayton. That is why this match isn't so much a preview for Grand Rampage, but more of a free week for myself and something you can dine out on for years to come. While you've been valiantly battling away at the bottom of the card with the other rookies and struggling to get noticed, I've been the name on everyone's lips. While you've been having a bit of time off to recover from the booboos you picked up at Reasonable Doubt, I've main evented two of the three Showdowns since. Things didn't go my way at Reasonable Doubt either Clayton, but unlike you I didn't take time off. I took stock of what was going on and I regrouped. I killed off Devolution and from the ashes formed something deadlier. I beat Jon Kelton. I lost to ARIA on a technicality, otherwise I'd have had her. I even came into work on my day off and gave a very polite interview and instantly increased ticket sales for Grand Rampage. You cried off and vanished for a couple of weeks.
We're not cut from the same cloth Clayton. While you're off 'chasing clout', whatever the fuck that means, I'm chasing gold. While you're trying to influence young boys, a very weird thing to be proud of it you ask me, I'm standing side by side with two of the most talented females in this industry and moulding it into a better, more respectable image...ours. So Clayton, this won't be a preview of what will happen at Grand Rampage, this will be more like that shitty arse podcast of yours. Short lived, painful and totally pointless.
I have the decency to turn up to Showdown and take part in a very awkward interview even though I wasn't scheduled to be on the show. I act like a true gentleman and help out Pandora in her match, something I'd like to point out her former stable 'leader' would never do. I'm even nice enough that during the aforementioned awkward interview, I add a splash of much needed star power to the Grand Rampage match by announcing that I'll be entering and winning the thing. So, the next logical step is for those in charge to make a 'preview' match. Fuck knows how a one on one match can be considered a preview for a 30 person over the top rope match, but hey ho, here we are. Me, in a preview match for Grand Rampage, a sneak preview of me having my hand raised in victory at the end of the month. Seems a bit unfair spoiling the result for everyone this far away from the actual thing, but I don't make the rules, I just turn up, beat the crap out of people and cash my paycheck. Let's play pretend for just a second though. Let's make like a one on one match can actually serve as a reliable preview to the Grand Rampage. Let's act like two Elitists going at it can actually be a decent preview for what will go down in the big one itself. If we're going to do this, you're going to want the big name stars in the match., the legitimate threats, the favourites. You're going to want the names in these preview matches who can not only be a threat and put on a good performance but actually be genuine contenders to win the whole thing. These previews need to be the best of the best showing the EAW universe just who could be standing tall at the tend of the match, because lets face it, the dumb arses in the crowd need to be told who to cheer for.
And so, I'll repeat the first thing I said. I'm sorry, you what bruv?
You want a Grand rampage preview, you want the big names, so you have me, future Grand Rampage winner and future world champion against...Clayton Golde? What? Who?
At first I thought it was a typo on the card. The graphic was a little bit off and this wasn't a Grand Rampage preview match. I checked with management and they assured me that this was indeed a preview match. So I assumed I was facing some jobber they'd pulled in from the indies. Put me in with some worthless bum who I can dispatch pretty quickly to show what a threat I am, not that I need any help in that area, but I appreciate the thought. So I was like, OK, cool, how quick do you want me to finish this and how pissed off are this indie company going to be if we send one of their stars back in a wheelchair? Turns out I was wrong again and I was informed that Clayton Golde is actually an active member of the Showdown roster. Well, I was told the look of surprise on my face matched that of Jon's when he realised his darling girls had decided to strike out on their own and follow someone who was actually capable of delivering some gold. I couldn't get my head around what I was being told. This guy actually has a contract in EAW, he's on the same brand as me and someone thought this would be a good preview of what would happen at Grand Rampage.
I don't know what our bookers are smoking, but I want some of it!
You see guys, the whole point of this sort of match, as I've already said, is to give the crowd an idea of what could go down at Grand Rampage amongst the big names and the favourites. It's specifically a chance for each brand to show off their biggest stars. It's a chance for each brand to flex their muscles a bit and let the other two brands know that the Grand Rampage winner will be coming to, in this case, the blue brand. What it isn't a chance to do is give some rookie a chance to face one of the biggest stars in EAW and label it like he might be a threat in the Rampage! Because let's face it, that's all we're doing here, we're giving Clayton a chance to upgrade the biggest match of his career so far. Outside of Clayton, his little band of adoring teenage boys and maybe his mum, no-one is seeing him as a threat in the Rampage match. He is there to do one thing. Make up the numbers. That's it. So putting him in a 'Preview' match against me where it's implied he could be a threat in the match itself is unfair for getting his hopes up and insulting to me.
Now Clayton, You may think I'm being a bit disrespectful to you and you know what, that's totally my intention bruv. I'm dismissing you out of hand for a reason. Here in EAW, there are levels. There is a distinct hierarchy in this place. There are those of us on the very top level, who spend all our time looking down on those below us and wondering why we have to deal with anything below us. I'm on that level Clayton. It took me a while to get here, I'm not going to deny that one, but I'm here now. I sit at the top table alongside Pandora and Halsey. There are a few others who insist that they deserve to be here as well and honestly, its just too much of a hassle to try and convince them they aren't but the point is Clayton, this is a very select group of Elitist sat at this table. Once you leave this level, its all very much of a muchness to quote a phrase from my dear old mum. There's not much to choose between the rabble who think they should be here, those who should be here but are missing that something and those who used to be here but can't accept the sad truth that they just don't have it any more. Once you sift through that mass of has beens and never weres you find yourself at the bottom. The proper dregs. Here you find the self important, delusional fuck wits who think they're something special but couldn't wrestle their way out of a wet paper bag if their life depended on it. Here you find those utter prats who maybe fluked one big win and decided they were 'it'. The ones who, in a out three months time will be hanging out on the alumni page of the EAW website. They will live on for eternity as nothing more than a footnote in the summary of Season 17.
And then Clayton, we have you.
Once you've reached the very bottom level in EAW, when you think you can sink no lower, you find this secret hidden level. This level is reserved for the likes of you. You don't have any big wins to your name. You don't stand out from the crowd in any way, shape or form. You're not completely delusional about your chances or abilities. You don't rile anyone up. You're just...there.
Now, if you were a new face around here, I could forgive that. I remember what it was like being the new guy and I know it sucks. You have to fight and scarp and earn every little bit of respect you can. You have to work your bollocks off just to get your name on the weekly card. No-one gives you a hope in hell of doing anything...but, you're not a new face Clayton. You've been here, what, five, six months now? You've made such an impression that not only did I not know who you were, I didn't even know you were part of the company. And that is the difference between us Clayton. That is why this match isn't so much a preview for Grand Rampage, but more of a free week for myself and something you can dine out on for years to come. While you've been valiantly battling away at the bottom of the card with the other rookies and struggling to get noticed, I've been the name on everyone's lips. While you've been having a bit of time off to recover from the booboos you picked up at Reasonable Doubt, I've main evented two of the three Showdowns since. Things didn't go my way at Reasonable Doubt either Clayton, but unlike you I didn't take time off. I took stock of what was going on and I regrouped. I killed off Devolution and from the ashes formed something deadlier. I beat Jon Kelton. I lost to ARIA on a technicality, otherwise I'd have had her. I even came into work on my day off and gave a very polite interview and instantly increased ticket sales for Grand Rampage. You cried off and vanished for a couple of weeks.
We're not cut from the same cloth Clayton. While you're off 'chasing clout', whatever the fuck that means, I'm chasing gold. While you're trying to influence young boys, a very weird thing to be proud of it you ask me, I'm standing side by side with two of the most talented females in this industry and moulding it into a better, more respectable image...ours. So Clayton, this won't be a preview of what will happen at Grand Rampage, this will be more like that shitty arse podcast of yours. Short lived, painful and totally pointless.
