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November 16th, 2024
Aria narrowed her eyes slightly as Harry drove forward, wondering what the hell this guy had planned for her. She was able to open up her heart bit by bit, it was progress, slow, but progress was a reason to cheer. Just to be able to go back to who she was before. Although, can she even get to that kind of point? After what she has had to go through? After what she has suffered? Can she ever get to something normal? Was she even originally normal in any way possible? Yet again, her mind ran with questions. Yet again there was chaos that she could not control-
“Yo yo, we are here!” Harry stated with a joyful tone in his voice.
Aria is immediately pulled back out of her mind and then her body ends up getting pulled slightly forward from Harry suddenly pushing the breaks. She turns and then snaps at him.
“Hey, watch it!”
“Sorry, sorry, but we have already arrived!”
Aria turns curiously, Harry has been keeping a secret on where they were going right now, and then her gaze shows a lot of confusion now seeing a gigantic building in front of her, and somehow, the parking lot was even bigger than the building. They arrived at a mall! Aria turns slowly, her gaze not being kind at all to Harry right now.
“Well…?”
“Surprise early Christmas run! Your… uncle told me we needed some extra decorations. The other ones were already too old.”
Aria simply pinches the bridge of her nose in annoyance and then glances at Harry’s way.
“Dude, did you think I was going to run away if you hit me with the jolly spirit of Christmas? I am not the Grinch, of course I will come with you no matter the reason.”
“Oh. Sorry, thought you would like-”
“I am not a fucking mythical creature-” Aria stops talking for a moment and then takes a deep breath, pulling the face mask over her mouth to cover the wounds. “Let’s just go.”
Harry nods slowly and then turns off the car, the two walk out of it and then turn towards the mall in front of them, for a moment they stand in silence wondering how the hell were they even going to find what Aria’s uncle wanted them to get, but Harry walked forward either way, definitely clueless but with a motive to be able to achieve this task! Aria follows right after, just to make sure that this idiot does not burn down the mall.
But her eyes widen slightly as yet again, she feels almost as if the walls are trying to move and close around her. Hundreds of people walk around, like bees on a hive, their purpose of getting honey being the equivalent of wanting to find their favorite clothes or books to buy. Aria had a fear of crowds when she was very little, all of those people enclosing around her, not caring for her existence and simply focused on their own reasons. It is being trampled underneath such a weight. Why is she feeling that again? Why is a fear that she hasn’t felt since years ago beginning to appear again? How bad of a place must she be mentally to revert back to a state where only a child would be afraid of this?
And then, she feels a grasp. Harry pulls her along with an excited expression on his face, seemingly finding the store they need to go to, and she feels as if she is pulled down as well from that dark place for a moment. Just to go with the flow. Just to try and figure out what her place is at this time, right now, right then and there. Who is she at that moment? Let’s say that she is unable to come back to who she was before, that it has been completely destroyed from how weak she was, how she was unable to deal with the worst of humanity in front of her own eyes. What is she without that? What she is right now? She can’t be that person. It is the absolute worst of her. The most vile version of who Aria Lestrade is. Her family and friends do not deserve to deal with such a woman. So that is what she has to do? Somehow make a new identity? Somehow try to convince herself that she can be comfortable in her own skin? Questions that she doesn’t have the answer to right now. Or maybe she will never be able to find the answers. That is what truly terrifies her.
Aria feels as Harry stops walking. She blinks slowly and notices the surroundings, before she lets out a heavy sigh.
“Harry, you ended up bringing us to a women’s clothing store.”
Harry stays in silence, turning and looking around as well. “...Uh, all the people walking around made me take a bad detour. Hehe…”
Aria is somehow even more disappointed than she already was but she can’t get mad, not any longer towards him. Progress. She can at least enjoy that-
But suddenly, her body freezes as she sees something- or someone in the distance. She instinctively grabs onto Harry’s arm and then pulls him along with him, the two of them hiding inside of a clothing rack.
“What the hell?!” Harry asks confusedly but Aria signals him to stay quiet, he peeks out of the clothing rack for a few seconds and he sees two women walk past them. To Harry they just looked like two normal women obsessed with shopping until they dropped dead, but to Aria, there were more than that. Elizabeth and Anna walked right past in front of her. Her two childhood friends. The two people that made her realize at first hand how cruel people could truly be. And by the grace of whatever god is out there, because she definitely isn’t relying on her horrible luck, they did not notice them.
Once Aria is confident they have gone to another part of the store, she pulls Harry along with her. They are able to leave through the main entrance and then stick together to a wall. Aria grows deadly quiet and looks away, definitely not wanting to bring up that topic once more, but seeing her like that doesn’t stop Harry, he already knows who those two were. She told him a long time ago. But he was confused on a few details.
“Why are you hiding yourself away from them, Aria? You stood them up when you won that championship, you shoved it right in their faces and proved that you could be something far more than they were!”
Aria looks away, trying to process Harry’s words for a moment, before responding quickly and efficiently.
“I am not even able to show my face around people anymore, Harry.”
She grasps onto her jaw, the face mask hiding the ugly stitches across her mouth. Harry grows silent himself and does not follow through. Aria, with a flick of her wrist, calmly points towards the store that is right in front of them. It is the Christmas store that they have been trying to find. The crowd of people walking has died down so it gives Aria the chance to go straight forward, Harry following right behind. But that awkward silence does not sit well with him at all. He speaks up as they go.
“I know… it must be hard on you trying to deal with that kind of past, Aria. Having people that you thought you could trust simply using you for their own gains, rather than showing how much they truly meant to you is inhumane. Nobody deserves to go through that kind of thing.”
Harry continued to try and break through Aria, but she remained silent. Many decorations try to show a sense of joy, trying to bring the spirit of Christmas, but when she should be focused on her family, who she has right now, she continues to focus on the past, she grabs every decoration they need. Harry did not budge.
“So why do you feel scared right now, Aria? Why are you letting yourself be affected by those women that have not done a single thing that you have done? You are not who they think you are. You are stronger than them, you are braver than them. You are even more human than them, and I am damn sure of that.”
“What is being human to you, Harry?” Aria suddenly cuts him off.
“...” Harry grows quiet once more, not being able to find a coherent answer that would satisfy Aria. Seeing Harry could not answer any longer, she paid for everything they needed to get and then she began carrying it out with her. Harry followed slowly, now trying his best to figure out what to say to her, to his friend.
They suddenly stop walking though and turn confused.
Anna and Elizabeth were arguing with two mall cops, many pieces of clothing were sticking out of their backpacks as things seemed to escalate further and further the more they continued to talk.
It was clear to Aria what was happening just with the smallest of glances, and honestly, they deserved it. They deserved having everything go wrong with them. They deserved whatever happened to them if they continued to provoke the officers that were in front of them. It was as if her own personal revenge against them was being presented right in front of her, yes, this was the karma that they deserved. But once more, the question that she made to Harry now rang out in her mind, for her, what did it mean to be human? Gosh, she was truly so pathetic. She tried to shut up Harry and now she could not let her thoughts rest in any way. What a human she was, huh?
Suddenly, the arguing completely stopped as Aria suddenly made her presence known to all of them. She talked towards the officers.
“Officers, whatever they did, I will pay the bail for them. I already have the cash with me, don’t worry.”
The officers are confused about this, but both Elizabeth and Anna are completely shocked at the presence of their own friend from their childhood. It takes a while for the problem to resolve but eventually, she is able to pay the officers and then bring the clothes back to the store.
Anna is absolutely livid, not even trying to look at Aria or anybody else who wants to talk with her, while Elizabeth giggles, embarrassed, not really knowing how to react about all of this. Aria stares at them in silence, Harry stood to the side holding the things they bought for themselves. This was only between them. And of course, Aria is the one who speaks first.
“Stealing from clothing stores? I never thought you two would fall down so low like that.” Her words cut through the air and right at their skin, right at the point. Small digs that went deep.
Anna does not respond at all, but Elizabeth does speak up.
“Ah, Ariel- Aria. Well, my dad… ended up losing his big money job, it was like… a whole gigantic controversy, and it has been hard trying to buy the clothes that we have wanted- IT WAS ANNA’S IDEA, NOT MINE, I SWEAR!!!”
“Wha- you traitorous bitch!” The two began to bicker between each other. The two worked so hard together to be able to make the lives of other people hell, they thrived in their own shitty nature. And now they were turning against each other as well. She really wanted to laugh at that moment. But she didn’t see it as necessary.
“I see.” Aria’s words once more break through and make the two of them stop. Her tone is cold but direct, and there is still that sense of determination that hasn’t left. “I truly have not forgiven you for what you did to me. And there is a chance that I made the wrong decision helping you avoid being locked up. But no matter what, I would have appeared here and helped you again and again. It may be mercy. I might believe for a few seconds that you can grow better from this. And I do pity you a bit. But it is to show that I am nowhere near as vile as you two. That I am above you in every single way, physically, mentally, and morally.”
The silence hangs in the air from the two.
“I hope you have a better life. You can acquire it if you try hard enough.” Aria turns her back on them and then walks away without another word said to them. “Harry.”
Harry, struggling trying to balance the bags with decorations nods in response, but Aria ends up grabbing some and helping them. She turns to see the goofy smile on his face, as he saw what happened. She rolls her eyes and doesn’t pay attention to him, moving forward to go back to their car. But now, she felt her conscience was lighter than before. Maybe…
November 16th, 2024
Aria narrowed her eyes slightly as Harry drove forward, wondering what the hell this guy had planned for her. She was able to open up her heart bit by bit, it was progress, slow, but progress was a reason to cheer. Just to be able to go back to who she was before. Although, can she even get to that kind of point? After what she has had to go through? After what she has suffered? Can she ever get to something normal? Was she even originally normal in any way possible? Yet again, her mind ran with questions. Yet again there was chaos that she could not control-
“Yo yo, we are here!” Harry stated with a joyful tone in his voice.
Aria is immediately pulled back out of her mind and then her body ends up getting pulled slightly forward from Harry suddenly pushing the breaks. She turns and then snaps at him.
“Hey, watch it!”
“Sorry, sorry, but we have already arrived!”
Aria turns curiously, Harry has been keeping a secret on where they were going right now, and then her gaze shows a lot of confusion now seeing a gigantic building in front of her, and somehow, the parking lot was even bigger than the building. They arrived at a mall! Aria turns slowly, her gaze not being kind at all to Harry right now.
“Well…?”
“Surprise early Christmas run! Your… uncle told me we needed some extra decorations. The other ones were already too old.”
Aria simply pinches the bridge of her nose in annoyance and then glances at Harry’s way.
“Dude, did you think I was going to run away if you hit me with the jolly spirit of Christmas? I am not the Grinch, of course I will come with you no matter the reason.”
“Oh. Sorry, thought you would like-”
“I am not a fucking mythical creature-” Aria stops talking for a moment and then takes a deep breath, pulling the face mask over her mouth to cover the wounds. “Let’s just go.”
Harry nods slowly and then turns off the car, the two walk out of it and then turn towards the mall in front of them, for a moment they stand in silence wondering how the hell were they even going to find what Aria’s uncle wanted them to get, but Harry walked forward either way, definitely clueless but with a motive to be able to achieve this task! Aria follows right after, just to make sure that this idiot does not burn down the mall.
But her eyes widen slightly as yet again, she feels almost as if the walls are trying to move and close around her. Hundreds of people walk around, like bees on a hive, their purpose of getting honey being the equivalent of wanting to find their favorite clothes or books to buy. Aria had a fear of crowds when she was very little, all of those people enclosing around her, not caring for her existence and simply focused on their own reasons. It is being trampled underneath such a weight. Why is she feeling that again? Why is a fear that she hasn’t felt since years ago beginning to appear again? How bad of a place must she be mentally to revert back to a state where only a child would be afraid of this?
And then, she feels a grasp. Harry pulls her along with an excited expression on his face, seemingly finding the store they need to go to, and she feels as if she is pulled down as well from that dark place for a moment. Just to go with the flow. Just to try and figure out what her place is at this time, right now, right then and there. Who is she at that moment? Let’s say that she is unable to come back to who she was before, that it has been completely destroyed from how weak she was, how she was unable to deal with the worst of humanity in front of her own eyes. What is she without that? What she is right now? She can’t be that person. It is the absolute worst of her. The most vile version of who Aria Lestrade is. Her family and friends do not deserve to deal with such a woman. So that is what she has to do? Somehow make a new identity? Somehow try to convince herself that she can be comfortable in her own skin? Questions that she doesn’t have the answer to right now. Or maybe she will never be able to find the answers. That is what truly terrifies her.
Aria feels as Harry stops walking. She blinks slowly and notices the surroundings, before she lets out a heavy sigh.
“Harry, you ended up bringing us to a women’s clothing store.”
Harry stays in silence, turning and looking around as well. “...Uh, all the people walking around made me take a bad detour. Hehe…”
Aria is somehow even more disappointed than she already was but she can’t get mad, not any longer towards him. Progress. She can at least enjoy that-
But suddenly, her body freezes as she sees something- or someone in the distance. She instinctively grabs onto Harry’s arm and then pulls him along with him, the two of them hiding inside of a clothing rack.
“What the hell?!” Harry asks confusedly but Aria signals him to stay quiet, he peeks out of the clothing rack for a few seconds and he sees two women walk past them. To Harry they just looked like two normal women obsessed with shopping until they dropped dead, but to Aria, there were more than that. Elizabeth and Anna walked right past in front of her. Her two childhood friends. The two people that made her realize at first hand how cruel people could truly be. And by the grace of whatever god is out there, because she definitely isn’t relying on her horrible luck, they did not notice them.
Once Aria is confident they have gone to another part of the store, she pulls Harry along with her. They are able to leave through the main entrance and then stick together to a wall. Aria grows deadly quiet and looks away, definitely not wanting to bring up that topic once more, but seeing her like that doesn’t stop Harry, he already knows who those two were. She told him a long time ago. But he was confused on a few details.
“Why are you hiding yourself away from them, Aria? You stood them up when you won that championship, you shoved it right in their faces and proved that you could be something far more than they were!”
Aria looks away, trying to process Harry’s words for a moment, before responding quickly and efficiently.
“I am not even able to show my face around people anymore, Harry.”
She grasps onto her jaw, the face mask hiding the ugly stitches across her mouth. Harry grows silent himself and does not follow through. Aria, with a flick of her wrist, calmly points towards the store that is right in front of them. It is the Christmas store that they have been trying to find. The crowd of people walking has died down so it gives Aria the chance to go straight forward, Harry following right behind. But that awkward silence does not sit well with him at all. He speaks up as they go.
“I know… it must be hard on you trying to deal with that kind of past, Aria. Having people that you thought you could trust simply using you for their own gains, rather than showing how much they truly meant to you is inhumane. Nobody deserves to go through that kind of thing.”
Harry continued to try and break through Aria, but she remained silent. Many decorations try to show a sense of joy, trying to bring the spirit of Christmas, but when she should be focused on her family, who she has right now, she continues to focus on the past, she grabs every decoration they need. Harry did not budge.
“So why do you feel scared right now, Aria? Why are you letting yourself be affected by those women that have not done a single thing that you have done? You are not who they think you are. You are stronger than them, you are braver than them. You are even more human than them, and I am damn sure of that.”
“What is being human to you, Harry?” Aria suddenly cuts him off.
“...” Harry grows quiet once more, not being able to find a coherent answer that would satisfy Aria. Seeing Harry could not answer any longer, she paid for everything they needed to get and then she began carrying it out with her. Harry followed slowly, now trying his best to figure out what to say to her, to his friend.
They suddenly stop walking though and turn confused.
Anna and Elizabeth were arguing with two mall cops, many pieces of clothing were sticking out of their backpacks as things seemed to escalate further and further the more they continued to talk.
It was clear to Aria what was happening just with the smallest of glances, and honestly, they deserved it. They deserved having everything go wrong with them. They deserved whatever happened to them if they continued to provoke the officers that were in front of them. It was as if her own personal revenge against them was being presented right in front of her, yes, this was the karma that they deserved. But once more, the question that she made to Harry now rang out in her mind, for her, what did it mean to be human? Gosh, she was truly so pathetic. She tried to shut up Harry and now she could not let her thoughts rest in any way. What a human she was, huh?
Suddenly, the arguing completely stopped as Aria suddenly made her presence known to all of them. She talked towards the officers.
“Officers, whatever they did, I will pay the bail for them. I already have the cash with me, don’t worry.”
The officers are confused about this, but both Elizabeth and Anna are completely shocked at the presence of their own friend from their childhood. It takes a while for the problem to resolve but eventually, she is able to pay the officers and then bring the clothes back to the store.
Anna is absolutely livid, not even trying to look at Aria or anybody else who wants to talk with her, while Elizabeth giggles, embarrassed, not really knowing how to react about all of this. Aria stares at them in silence, Harry stood to the side holding the things they bought for themselves. This was only between them. And of course, Aria is the one who speaks first.
“Stealing from clothing stores? I never thought you two would fall down so low like that.” Her words cut through the air and right at their skin, right at the point. Small digs that went deep.
Anna does not respond at all, but Elizabeth does speak up.
“Ah, Ariel- Aria. Well, my dad… ended up losing his big money job, it was like… a whole gigantic controversy, and it has been hard trying to buy the clothes that we have wanted- IT WAS ANNA’S IDEA, NOT MINE, I SWEAR!!!”
“Wha- you traitorous bitch!” The two began to bicker between each other. The two worked so hard together to be able to make the lives of other people hell, they thrived in their own shitty nature. And now they were turning against each other as well. She really wanted to laugh at that moment. But she didn’t see it as necessary.
“I see.” Aria’s words once more break through and make the two of them stop. Her tone is cold but direct, and there is still that sense of determination that hasn’t left. “I truly have not forgiven you for what you did to me. And there is a chance that I made the wrong decision helping you avoid being locked up. But no matter what, I would have appeared here and helped you again and again. It may be mercy. I might believe for a few seconds that you can grow better from this. And I do pity you a bit. But it is to show that I am nowhere near as vile as you two. That I am above you in every single way, physically, mentally, and morally.”
The silence hangs in the air from the two.
“I hope you have a better life. You can acquire it if you try hard enough.” Aria turns her back on them and then walks away without another word said to them. “Harry.”
Harry, struggling trying to balance the bags with decorations nods in response, but Aria ends up grabbing some and helping them. She turns to see the goofy smile on his face, as he saw what happened. She rolls her eyes and doesn’t pay attention to him, moving forward to go back to their car. But now, she felt her conscience was lighter than before. Maybe…
Backstage at Voltage
November 30th, 2025
“Okay, okay, seriously, I am not some crazy fan trying to sneak in, I am friends with one of the wrestlers, let me go check on her!” Harry has been trying to argue with the security guards in the parking lot to let him in for about 20 minutes to no avail. He was getting tired at this point and he had no idea what to do. But eventually, the guards moved to the side, and someone actually went through the door. Harry turned and his expression showed more worry than before.
“Aria!”
But despite the worry in Harry, Aria’s expression was completely different. She had a beaming smile on her face.
“That was quite fun!” It was an insane contrast as the stitches around her eye combined with her bright smile. The small scars at the ends of her mouth sticking out a bit, the wounds gone that were there before gone for a bit now. She went through an entire war against Saori Aizen, and despite the attempts at trying to destroy her in mind and body, she was able to come out on top. Somehow, despite the pain she faced, she could still smile.
“Dude…” Harry was honestly speechless at this point as he tried his best to not look directly at the… purple… yeah, he could not look at it, he didn’t even want to imagine how the human body got like that. A small giggle did escape from Aria seeing Harry trying to ignore looking at her.
“‘Tis but a flesh wound. It shall heal. If I was easily stopped by this, I would have not pursued this career, Harry! In fact, it only made me re-connect with that feeling of chaotic fighting I lost a long time ago. It is why I feel joy now. Progress is progress, no?” She nods happily in response before then moving forward, she knows that Harry ended up bringing his car with him and she is heading towards it.
But Harry stops in his own tracks, thinking back a year before to around the same time, as despite it all, Aria ended up giving mercy to those two girls, she ended up helping them despite what they did to her, possibly at her worst she thought of the idea of doing the best for them. Just like she did right now, even when that crazy woman of Saori Aizen ended up betraying Aria, did not think a single second for her best and somehow, someway, she did not fight for revenge at all. She simply did it to give her a lesson, to try and prove that her way of living, that her way of surviving, her way of self was able to thrive over hers. And she proved that to her, without a sense of wanting to hurt her, a sense of proving her ideology right.
He sighs, and then speaks slowly. “Hey, Aria.”
“Hm?” Aria turns curiously.
“You are a really weird person, you know that?”
Aria’s eyes blink slightly in confusion before her bright smile appears once more, nodding slowly. “Who isn’t?”
He shakes his head and then walks forward, the two of them walking side by side as they head back towards the car.
Do you sense life around you?
As it lives to the fullest, and then you see it withering away from a full existence. The example can go to that flower that you have gazed at while passing by every morning on the way to your job, or your own pet as you have spent time with them trying to train them while they have made a mess of your own abode and made it their own home, learning how they feel, learning what makes them happy, and then learning how to deal with their loss. It is when you throw in the idea of responsibility, dreams, ambitions, the essence of the human spirit to complicate our own way of being. Plants live to make our planet live, pets live in luxury and pure bliss because they don’t deserve to see suffering. What do we have instead? What do humans as beings with thoughts have to deal with instead?
Existential dread. Do you truly believe that you are living life to the fullest? To go out and hang out with the people that you love, that you cherish with every bit of your soul, to achieve your dream job, to succeed in life in every possible way, are you happy at the end of it all? Are you satisfied? Or is there a sense of unease? A whisper in the back of your mind questioning you if that is all there is? You would be considered ‘normal’ in thinking that way, we are not creatures that can so easily settle down. It is what we most desire, obviously, to be able to get rid of our problems, to never worry about how much it costs to keep the lights on, to never feel indecisive in the path that you walk down on, to be able to pursue the actual concept of happiness without your time disappearing away as you focus it on situations, that are at best unable to feed the soul, and at worst, completely meaningless. We want more. We want to feel as if we have actual meaning. The awareness of our own mortality. The inherent lack of meaning of our own existence. What if there is no purpose at all to what we do?
Many people, especially philosophers, have tried to deduce what existential dread means, and where it comes from. The roots of existential dread lie in our unique human capacity for self-awareness. We are conscious of our own mortality. We are conscious of the finite nature of our bodies, our minds, our hearts. No other being that roams the Earth has that capability of thinking, not up to our standards. We crave meaning and purpose, yet we are thrown into a world seemingly devoid of everything that we seek towards. We are creatures of immense power, literally and figuratively, and yet we are trapped by our own milestones. Change exacerbates this dread. The constant pressure to adapt, the erosion of everything that you once knew, the ever-present opening of information into our brains, millions of paths opening before us almost everyday, believing that maybe if you took this career things could have gone better for you, that if you learned how to express yourself better you would not have lost the ‘love of your life’. The existence of choice itself multiplied by 100, you can not escape encountering possibilities, good or bad. What if I choose the wrong path? What if my choices lead to an un-ending void that I can’t escape from? ‘I refuse to choose’. Refusing to choose is a choice as well. You can not escape it.
A man by the name of Jean-Paul Sartre once said that we are “condemned to be free”. What does that mean you may ask yourself? It is a simple answer, really. We are responsible for what we choose, there is no pre-ordained path, there is no purpose waiting to be discovered for us. We make our own meanings. We make our own values. We make our identity in the face of everything in front of us! We are born into a world without meaning and it is our burden to be able to forge our own. Exhilarating freedom for most, crippling anxiety all the same for those who think they can choose wrong. Choosing ‘wrong’ only deepens that dread, and what I mean by that, is that there is truly no wrong path. You are capable of so much, we are not bound by the logical because there is the existence of miracles, there are instances where we can break our own limits! There is no choosing wrong, things may not go your way, you might ‘change’ as well to something that you never expected you would become, but they can be instances to learn! Profound opportunities to re-discover yourself, to re-evaluate your own values and your own dreams. Where are you now? Who are you, at this very moment?
I am Aria Lestrade. A warrior that shall not yield in her pursuit to reach the heavens.
That is who I am right now. That is the meaning I have created for myself. The pursuit of battle. The chance to be able to feel my own body react to every bit of pain, every bit of heartbreak, and then let it fortify itself against such anguish, to grow stronger with every single match that I experience! I have realized that I can not escape at all the responsibility of creating my own meaning, that I can not turn a blind eye to who I am and to who I want to be in the future! It is why I have chosen to continue this path here, for the inescapable nature of our freedom shall not weigh down on my being! It is this freedom that gives us the chance to be whatever we want to be, good or bad! It is this freedom that has led me to this spot, to this match, to this opportunity to become the Universal Women’s Champion!
For there is not a single doubt in my mind right now. I have no uncertainty, I do not see anything to be difficult in any way. I can craft my life whichever way I desire!
And then I ponder, is this the right choice? Or is this the wrong one? It does not matter at all. You will not find any answer, you will create it by yourself. You will create your own meaning, for it is nowhere near constant and that is why it will keep changing, with every obstacle, with every beat of your heart, with every brain wave that goes through your own head.
I am Aria Lestrade, a detective that has learned from dozens of people, carrying their own messages in my own two hands, willing to go far enough to make sure that everyone else in the world can hear them!
I let myself be struck by fear just like anybody else, I let my own thoughts grow uncontrolled as these days grew closer. I have stepped away from EAW because I was scared I was going to break apart even more than I already was, that I was going to let the worst of me completely overtake my entire life. Doubt grew in me when I was away, wondering if I would be able to go back to who I was. But I did not shun such decisions. I learned, I healed, I rebuilt, I have found myself in many ways, behind many masks that were parts of me. I understood who I was and that is how I found peace. Either way, despite such enlightenment, the normalcy of humans brought me down to Earth. It made me wonder if I would be prepared to be at this spot once more, if the mask I wear right now would be durable enough to withstand the words that came from my opposition. That if my body, my mind would be strong enough to deal with the blades that cut me, the shields that bashed with the purpose to break my bones in two. But I look around me and I see human beings that have thought the same, that have had to endure wondering if they are truly fit to be the creature they believe they are.
Two women that have had to deal with losses all around them, who have become laser-focused on one thing and one thing only, to become the world champion, to be the only figure on top of the unshakeable mountain, and then feeling the after-effects once they are unable to succeed in that objective. All while feeling that you can’t taste the success again. All while feeling as well that every other person beside you will simply get ahead of you while you are stuck behind the pack. I have learned to not let such feelings get to me. Sadness, desperation, anger, they are temporary. They will never last. For there are millions of people that know of this, that continue to go on, that continue to live with every bit of suffering in their own body. Just like I have seen thousands of many be affected by such a feeling, many here in this very company, just like it has affected me a long time ago. I am not shackled down by it anymore, for I know there will be another battle to go towards, there will be another day to be able to cheer in, to cry in, to suffer in, to look upwards at the sky and thank for what you have, and what you will acquire if you fight hard enough!
I see a woman who has grown hateful to the people around her, someone who has tried to uphold a legacy that was placed upon her without her even asking for it in the first place, and then breaking apart all the same when she was unable to live up to those expectations, growing disgusted, and a little bit insane from what I have seen, she sees what this company has become (even though it has always been like that to be completely honest), and feels like she has a duty to uphold against it. Not being dragged down by hate anymore has made me realize how destructive such a way of life can be, feeling as if you are in an endless pursuit for something that does not exist. I continue to roam and wrestle here despite how cruel many people can be, for I am not powered by the worst of reasons, I am fueled by intangible words that have not been created to tear down, but rather to uplift, to grow stronger by them with every passing day, with every battle you survive or triumph in. To fight for those who create, and make the ones who see realize who they truly are.
I see a woman that statistically should not be alive right now, someone who has been through hell and back, who has experienced what this battlefield can truly be to its deepest core, and how she has been molded by it, how she has grown from what she was forced to endure, all of the knowledge that she acquired from chipping away at the walls that have appeared around her, that have contained her and made her feel as a bird in a cage. To then somehow break out of it, feeling even stronger than before, willing to find who she was through the turmoil, and unwilling to let many step over her, friend or foe. It has made me realize that I am not the only person who has gone through such happenings. This place truly turns you into a monster who cannot be contained, and it is through your own will that you can control it, that you can grow from the skin of stone that you are under in and be able to break through it to shine bright, the brightest you have ever been. Being able to find myself as the woman I am now, I am proud of what I have built, I am proud of what I have become, in a way. It is simply making the work to make sure that everyone else can think the same.
And of course, I see a champion that hides behind a mask, an unnatural violent shift towards what she has in front of her. What she has suffered ever since losing that championship the first time, being stuck unable to keep climbing, or being stuck in the lowest rung possible, trying to come to terms with her humanity, with that mortality, and then having to hide vulnerabilities once she was able to acquire that championship once more, feeling like she has a duty to act this way to make other women step up, to try and push them to their absolute limits so that they can prove to her that there is someone who has screamed the loudest, who has suffered the most. It made me realize and feel no shame to wear my own mask, to be able to be embrace those parts of me that are scattered away, each one its own mask that I either I am forced to wear, or I use with pride every step of the way. A being who relies on that can show many weaknesses that can easily be exploited and turned against them, and it only further proves how strong they truly are if they are able to overcome it all. To step back and find out who you are in every way possible. Such a decision has made me powerful too.
I see all the human beings around me, and I realize that my meaning can be whatever I want it to be. That previous failures do not define me, that previous mistakes will not ever hold me back again. It is the decision, it is the possibility, to either become the world champion that I am capable of being, that I am capable of creating, or to try again.
Such decision I take will rely on me and me alone. And with every bit of my being, I will materialize such dreams, such duties, such objectives, through the absolute meaning on who I am supposed to be right now.
I am Aria Lestrade, a professional wrestler.
Stay alive.
As it lives to the fullest, and then you see it withering away from a full existence. The example can go to that flower that you have gazed at while passing by every morning on the way to your job, or your own pet as you have spent time with them trying to train them while they have made a mess of your own abode and made it their own home, learning how they feel, learning what makes them happy, and then learning how to deal with their loss. It is when you throw in the idea of responsibility, dreams, ambitions, the essence of the human spirit to complicate our own way of being. Plants live to make our planet live, pets live in luxury and pure bliss because they don’t deserve to see suffering. What do we have instead? What do humans as beings with thoughts have to deal with instead?
Existential dread. Do you truly believe that you are living life to the fullest? To go out and hang out with the people that you love, that you cherish with every bit of your soul, to achieve your dream job, to succeed in life in every possible way, are you happy at the end of it all? Are you satisfied? Or is there a sense of unease? A whisper in the back of your mind questioning you if that is all there is? You would be considered ‘normal’ in thinking that way, we are not creatures that can so easily settle down. It is what we most desire, obviously, to be able to get rid of our problems, to never worry about how much it costs to keep the lights on, to never feel indecisive in the path that you walk down on, to be able to pursue the actual concept of happiness without your time disappearing away as you focus it on situations, that are at best unable to feed the soul, and at worst, completely meaningless. We want more. We want to feel as if we have actual meaning. The awareness of our own mortality. The inherent lack of meaning of our own existence. What if there is no purpose at all to what we do?
Many people, especially philosophers, have tried to deduce what existential dread means, and where it comes from. The roots of existential dread lie in our unique human capacity for self-awareness. We are conscious of our own mortality. We are conscious of the finite nature of our bodies, our minds, our hearts. No other being that roams the Earth has that capability of thinking, not up to our standards. We crave meaning and purpose, yet we are thrown into a world seemingly devoid of everything that we seek towards. We are creatures of immense power, literally and figuratively, and yet we are trapped by our own milestones. Change exacerbates this dread. The constant pressure to adapt, the erosion of everything that you once knew, the ever-present opening of information into our brains, millions of paths opening before us almost everyday, believing that maybe if you took this career things could have gone better for you, that if you learned how to express yourself better you would not have lost the ‘love of your life’. The existence of choice itself multiplied by 100, you can not escape encountering possibilities, good or bad. What if I choose the wrong path? What if my choices lead to an un-ending void that I can’t escape from? ‘I refuse to choose’. Refusing to choose is a choice as well. You can not escape it.
A man by the name of Jean-Paul Sartre once said that we are “condemned to be free”. What does that mean you may ask yourself? It is a simple answer, really. We are responsible for what we choose, there is no pre-ordained path, there is no purpose waiting to be discovered for us. We make our own meanings. We make our own values. We make our identity in the face of everything in front of us! We are born into a world without meaning and it is our burden to be able to forge our own. Exhilarating freedom for most, crippling anxiety all the same for those who think they can choose wrong. Choosing ‘wrong’ only deepens that dread, and what I mean by that, is that there is truly no wrong path. You are capable of so much, we are not bound by the logical because there is the existence of miracles, there are instances where we can break our own limits! There is no choosing wrong, things may not go your way, you might ‘change’ as well to something that you never expected you would become, but they can be instances to learn! Profound opportunities to re-discover yourself, to re-evaluate your own values and your own dreams. Where are you now? Who are you, at this very moment?
I am Aria Lestrade. A warrior that shall not yield in her pursuit to reach the heavens.
That is who I am right now. That is the meaning I have created for myself. The pursuit of battle. The chance to be able to feel my own body react to every bit of pain, every bit of heartbreak, and then let it fortify itself against such anguish, to grow stronger with every single match that I experience! I have realized that I can not escape at all the responsibility of creating my own meaning, that I can not turn a blind eye to who I am and to who I want to be in the future! It is why I have chosen to continue this path here, for the inescapable nature of our freedom shall not weigh down on my being! It is this freedom that gives us the chance to be whatever we want to be, good or bad! It is this freedom that has led me to this spot, to this match, to this opportunity to become the Universal Women’s Champion!
For there is not a single doubt in my mind right now. I have no uncertainty, I do not see anything to be difficult in any way. I can craft my life whichever way I desire!
And then I ponder, is this the right choice? Or is this the wrong one? It does not matter at all. You will not find any answer, you will create it by yourself. You will create your own meaning, for it is nowhere near constant and that is why it will keep changing, with every obstacle, with every beat of your heart, with every brain wave that goes through your own head.
I am Aria Lestrade, a detective that has learned from dozens of people, carrying their own messages in my own two hands, willing to go far enough to make sure that everyone else in the world can hear them!
I let myself be struck by fear just like anybody else, I let my own thoughts grow uncontrolled as these days grew closer. I have stepped away from EAW because I was scared I was going to break apart even more than I already was, that I was going to let the worst of me completely overtake my entire life. Doubt grew in me when I was away, wondering if I would be able to go back to who I was. But I did not shun such decisions. I learned, I healed, I rebuilt, I have found myself in many ways, behind many masks that were parts of me. I understood who I was and that is how I found peace. Either way, despite such enlightenment, the normalcy of humans brought me down to Earth. It made me wonder if I would be prepared to be at this spot once more, if the mask I wear right now would be durable enough to withstand the words that came from my opposition. That if my body, my mind would be strong enough to deal with the blades that cut me, the shields that bashed with the purpose to break my bones in two. But I look around me and I see human beings that have thought the same, that have had to endure wondering if they are truly fit to be the creature they believe they are.
Two women that have had to deal with losses all around them, who have become laser-focused on one thing and one thing only, to become the world champion, to be the only figure on top of the unshakeable mountain, and then feeling the after-effects once they are unable to succeed in that objective. All while feeling that you can’t taste the success again. All while feeling as well that every other person beside you will simply get ahead of you while you are stuck behind the pack. I have learned to not let such feelings get to me. Sadness, desperation, anger, they are temporary. They will never last. For there are millions of people that know of this, that continue to go on, that continue to live with every bit of suffering in their own body. Just like I have seen thousands of many be affected by such a feeling, many here in this very company, just like it has affected me a long time ago. I am not shackled down by it anymore, for I know there will be another battle to go towards, there will be another day to be able to cheer in, to cry in, to suffer in, to look upwards at the sky and thank for what you have, and what you will acquire if you fight hard enough!
I see a woman who has grown hateful to the people around her, someone who has tried to uphold a legacy that was placed upon her without her even asking for it in the first place, and then breaking apart all the same when she was unable to live up to those expectations, growing disgusted, and a little bit insane from what I have seen, she sees what this company has become (even though it has always been like that to be completely honest), and feels like she has a duty to uphold against it. Not being dragged down by hate anymore has made me realize how destructive such a way of life can be, feeling as if you are in an endless pursuit for something that does not exist. I continue to roam and wrestle here despite how cruel many people can be, for I am not powered by the worst of reasons, I am fueled by intangible words that have not been created to tear down, but rather to uplift, to grow stronger by them with every passing day, with every battle you survive or triumph in. To fight for those who create, and make the ones who see realize who they truly are.
I see a woman that statistically should not be alive right now, someone who has been through hell and back, who has experienced what this battlefield can truly be to its deepest core, and how she has been molded by it, how she has grown from what she was forced to endure, all of the knowledge that she acquired from chipping away at the walls that have appeared around her, that have contained her and made her feel as a bird in a cage. To then somehow break out of it, feeling even stronger than before, willing to find who she was through the turmoil, and unwilling to let many step over her, friend or foe. It has made me realize that I am not the only person who has gone through such happenings. This place truly turns you into a monster who cannot be contained, and it is through your own will that you can control it, that you can grow from the skin of stone that you are under in and be able to break through it to shine bright, the brightest you have ever been. Being able to find myself as the woman I am now, I am proud of what I have built, I am proud of what I have become, in a way. It is simply making the work to make sure that everyone else can think the same.
And of course, I see a champion that hides behind a mask, an unnatural violent shift towards what she has in front of her. What she has suffered ever since losing that championship the first time, being stuck unable to keep climbing, or being stuck in the lowest rung possible, trying to come to terms with her humanity, with that mortality, and then having to hide vulnerabilities once she was able to acquire that championship once more, feeling like she has a duty to act this way to make other women step up, to try and push them to their absolute limits so that they can prove to her that there is someone who has screamed the loudest, who has suffered the most. It made me realize and feel no shame to wear my own mask, to be able to be embrace those parts of me that are scattered away, each one its own mask that I either I am forced to wear, or I use with pride every step of the way. A being who relies on that can show many weaknesses that can easily be exploited and turned against them, and it only further proves how strong they truly are if they are able to overcome it all. To step back and find out who you are in every way possible. Such a decision has made me powerful too.
I see all the human beings around me, and I realize that my meaning can be whatever I want it to be. That previous failures do not define me, that previous mistakes will not ever hold me back again. It is the decision, it is the possibility, to either become the world champion that I am capable of being, that I am capable of creating, or to try again.
Such decision I take will rely on me and me alone. And with every bit of my being, I will materialize such dreams, such duties, such objectives, through the absolute meaning on who I am supposed to be right now.
I am Aria Lestrade, a professional wrestler.
Stay alive.
