MATCH PROMO Todos Los Ojos - BOE Dos

TLA

La Pantera Sexual
EAW ROSTER
EAW Hall of Famer
Messages
1,380
Points
113
The camera cuts to the airport in Suez, Egypt where TLA has just touched down. As soon as he exits the plane TLA is met by a group of his Egyptian fans and spends a long time signing autographs and taking pictures before taking his leave. TLA explains he has a big match to prepare for and can’t stay all day. Unfortunately, an angry neckbeard who has waited in line all day for an autograph appears in a suicide bomber’s vest but is quickly tackled and taken away by the Egyptian military. TLA then thanks the Egyptian soldiers and points out that his upcoming title match will be held in the Egyptian Army Stadium and he is honored to fight in an arena dedicated to such fine heroes. A montage then plays with “Hot Girl Summer” by Megan Thee Stallion ft. Nicki Minaj & Ty Dolla $ign playing over it. TLA is shown in his lowrider through the streets of Suez with Michelle McGillislutty twerking on the hood. Steroid Dawg is shown swimming in the Suez Canal as TLA chills on a nearby beach. After the montage ends TLA is shown in his hotel room speaking to a live camera. TLA smiles to the camera as he performs a military salute to his viewers in honor of the occasion.

TLA: Yo yo yo it’s yo boi TLA comin’ at y’all live and in color like we do. Wait what year is this? I’m sweatin’ and I ain’t even popped a molly yet. This summer be hot. This desert be hot. But ain’t nothing hotter than La Pantera Sexual ya heard? We out here and we reppin’ hard for these Egyptian fans back in Mami Africa where I ain’t been to do some good lucha shit in a long ass time. But we gonna make up for that real quick cuz y’all ain’t just getting a TLA match. Nah you getting THE TLA match like you ain’t never seen before. Cuz imma be flying all around that ring taking in everyone’s attention that you gonna forget who these other two fools even are. Stealin’ that show quicker than I be stealin’ yo wallet. Imma thief up in this bitch just takin’ shit. Takin’ that dinero. Takin’ that lucha. Takin’ that title. I ain’t stop until I take it all such is my greed. I been beastin’ and feastin’. Got luchas on luchas on luchas. Years of Impact. Years of Darkane. My study game on lock. Feastin’ on that ramen like a college student getting that cram in before the exam. Cuz this is where the game get real and I ain’t about to let nothing get past me. Every trick y’all ever used gonna be in mi cabeza got yo strategies and maneuvers all in my knowledge. Gonna see yo shit coming even before you try it. Wanna try busting out something new? Nah I got you on that too holmes cuz I am expecting y’all to shake it up. Gotta be prepared for anything and this week imma take all of it and shove it right back up that culo. Goin’ hard for these Egyptian fans doin’ as they do. Mummifying these bitches.

Tossin’ they asses straight off them pyramids.

TLA: Ain’t got no shame about it. Just like I ain’t gonna have no shame about what imma do to the World Heavyweight Champion Impact all up in that ring. Unlike some of yo opponents I ain’t gonna downplay yo accomplishments in this business. If anything imma prop you up even more than you prop up yo self cuz I respect all the title wins, the Hall of Fame ring, and yo commitment for years in this business. As I said before that is the kind of man I want to be in the ring with cuz that is the kind of man I need to defeat yet again to get the job done and prove that I am worthy of that World Heavyweight Championship belt. But first let me make one thing clear. As much as I was willing to put my differences aside to work together with Darkane I ain’t forgotten about the shit he did to Michelle, the shit he said about me and the people I represent. I ain’t forgotten about my vow of revenge against him neither. Cuz for all the talk about “emotional maturity” and shit like that I got some news for y’all if you ain’t already knew.

I ain’t no pussy.

TLA: They say you are what you eat so I can understand how Impact may have gotten confused. But this is the exact reason why this match is so important to me. I’ve already talked about that on a professional level but on a personal level as well this match is important as well. Cuz maybe Impact has a point. Maybe I did stop giving a fuck at some point. Maybe I got a little bit complacent and ain’t even realized it. There’s a problem tho. With what Impact is saying. You see he’s just a little bit too fucking late. A few months ago I would have taken him seriously. Back when I was holding the EAW Openweight Championship coasting from one title defense to another and wasting my time. Getting fucked over by unqualified contenders with Gawd Contracts and not doing shit about it. See back before Pain for Pride this year I recognized the shit that Impact is saying. I realized that as much as I been getting tranquilo I needed to learn to give a fuck again. I needed to stand the fuck up and find the baddest motherfuckers in the locker room and slap them across the face. Maybe it wouldn’t be tranquilo. Maybe it wouldn’t be “emotionally mature”. But it would be una pinche declaración de guerra. So I did. So I stepped to the guy that everyone had been calling so “extreme” so “tough” so “brutal”. I stepped to Diamond Cage and I declared war on he bitch ass. We fought in the ring. We fought in the parking lot. We fought at ringside. We fought everywhere we could until they put us in a match at Pain for Pride and I fucked the motherfucker up worse than he had been in a long ass time.

Yet I shook he hand out of respect when that match was over.

TLA: Cuz the beef between me and Diamond Cage was always professional. Always respectful. In spite of the brutality and intensity of our beef we never truly hated each other. After the draft I was left wondering what was next. What do I do now? Sure I could have gotten complacent again. I could have gone after some championship. Bided my time until I got a shot at something. But nah that ain’t my style cabrón. Cuz now there was another homie out in that locker room. One who had a reputation. If Impact wanna say it fake. If it all self-made. Maybe there’s some truth to that but there was a rep nonetheless. Of course I be talking about that labrador smelling puto Darkane. I stepped to him and immediately I knew that this was gonna be a whole different animal than Diamond Cage was. Cuz Darkane immediately decided he wanted to make this shit personal. Attacking my Poons. Attacking my Dawgs. Attacking mi cultura. And as the weeks of beefing dragged on I thought we were finally gonna settle some shit. But nah it wasn’t do be. Cuz there was shenanigans. At that point I recognized the second rule to avoid getting complacent. It ain’t just about standing up for the opportunities.

Sometimes it is about standing up for yo self.

TLA: Sometimes the game is all about being a little selfish for yo own self. To fight for the ideals that you believe in. To recognize that you been wronged and to fight for that venganza when you need to. That’s exactly what you talking about ain’t it Impact? Early in my career when I had that passion and that hustle that you say I have lost. Nah nah nah fuck that shit I ain’t lost it. I am coming for Darkane’s neck and if I grab some gold at the same time I’m doing in then I might as well be killing two birds with one stone. Cuz this is yet another test for me. As much as Diamond Cage was about stepping up and being fearless in the face of absolutely anyone in that locker room. As much as Darkane has been about stepping up and fighting for personal revenge. This lucha against Impact represents something entirely different. In fact you could say that this match with Impact represents the bigger picture. Cuz all those other beefs with Diamond Cage and Darkane… I never doubted for a second. I never thought of myself as being stagnant or being complacent. But there is a difference between thinking it and doing it.

You gotta prove yo self.

TLA: And that is something you gotta prove day in and day out. You can’t rely on yo past accomplishments. Yo past reputation. Cuz as the days fly by and yo rep changes you change yo self and you gotta be careful you ain’t change into something you ain’t. That is why I have always been about that hustle. The minute someone like Impact calls me complacent he really leaves me no choice but to step up my game and prove him wrong. Cuz I ain’t settling for shit. You even tried to give me an out. You a tricky motherfucker. Cuz after listening to what Impact had to say I could settle for it. Cuz all things considered he actually wasn’t that brutal and at times he was even nice to me. If I was a pussy I could just be like “well hey Mr. Impact just said I have the potential to win a World Title on any given night! Yay!”. That’s if I was a pussy tho. That’s if I wasn’t the Baddest Hombre on the Planet tho. You may have figured it out by now but my fight against Impact is all about believing in yo self. But not just that. It’s about ego. It’s about pride. Is there anyone in EAW who personifies ego and arrogance more than Impact? And that’s saying something in a locker room that has guys like Mr. DEDEDE and Ahren Fournier. But the truth is as much as I mock kangaroos like Jamie O’Hara or gringos like Darkane for they egos I got a big ass one as well. Almost as big as my cojones. Imma drag my nuts across Impact’s face and laugh as I make him call me papi. I think it’s had enough of being tranquilo too. It’s time to let it out and remind the whole world just who La Pantera Sexual be. Impact wants to know which TLA he is stepping into the ring with. Bitch please like you ain’t already knew. You getting it all and then some. Imma bring all that hustle and step to the man who claims to be the Most Watched Champion in EAW History… and imma have...

All Eyez on Me.

TLA turns around with his fists up thinking he smells Darkane standing behind him. However, it is just Steroid Dawg panting still dripping wet from swimming in the Suez Canal.

Steroid Dawg: *happy bark*

Steroid Dawg barks happily as if to say “I hope you beat both those white boi asses imma take a dump on they faces and then make them eat it”. TLA thinks that Steroid Dawg looks hungry so he places a burrito on the floor.

Steroid Dawg: *confused bark*

Steroid Dawg barks awkwardly as if to say “Bruh. Didn’t you just get here from the airport? How and where did that burrito come from my man?”. TLA shrugs as if to say “You ain’t gonna find out none of my secrets mi perro”.
 
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