Xander Payne

Well-known member
EAW Hall of Famer
When you have been in this business as long as me, you get held to a high expectation. There are many factors to how one could fall short to them. An inability to be mentally or physically sound, an approach out of date with the newer standards, or simply not being good enough. The series of unfortunate events through these last two years, ever since these expectations were thrown onto me, has given me clarity that I have–almost in plain sight–allowed myself to find myself trapped in a standstill, in a trance, immobile, as a product of these factors. This is something that didn’t occur to me until recent events. This is perhaps what I have been tip-toeing around for these two years. All of my contemporaries were sharing with me their catalogue of cautionary tales, warning me what will happen if I choose to succumb to the same mistakes of the veterans before me. Of course, pride prevailed, and I turned the other cheek, and here I am, reaping what I have sown, feeling the consequences of what I did not promise myself two years ago…. and I suppose that is apropos as these two years has blemished this image of myself that I have worked tirelessly for twenty years to create with empty promises. I promised my EAW World Heavyweight Championship that it would find itself cradled in my arms, but it is just a prophecy unfulfilled. I promised the Showdown executives that we would name the undisputed Best Professional Wrestler in The World through elevated competition, but that is another prophecy unfulfilled. I promised the entire industry that it would get a glimpse on what a true and authentic Dominion looks like, but that is just another prophecy unfulfilled. I might as well have left my boots in the ring, gone home to take care of my family, and left my legacy as it was, but my love and passion for this business is what kept me here. Maybe, this is why you do not mix business with pleasure, because as much pleasure it gave me to just step through those ropes and chop it up with the very best, how much of that love was reciprocated? Twenty years into this business and it somehow went over my head that sometimes the things you love, don’t love you back. And no matter the amount of my contributions with the stars I created, moments I made, platforms I built, and people I tried to motivate, there is ole’ Xander Payne being given nothing back. These two years of being selfless, and allowing my contemporaries to benefit off the backbone of my humility. Everyone benefited, but not me. I have given to this industry, way more than what my contemporaries disgracefully take and take, but even taking the moral high ground here doesn’t benefit me. And believe me, I am not looking for a participation trophy, a cookie, not even a Nobel Peace Prize to reward me for my selflessness because that wasn’t what I wanted from this. I wanted the complacent in the locker rooms, along with everyone else, to be motivated to compete to be the Best in the World. I wanted to teach the world on how domination looks through a dominion. I wanted to give everyone a platform, a safe haven of sorts for professional wrestlers and alike. I wanted the best and more for this industry, but if there is anything these past two years have taught me, is it worth it? Is it worth it to sideline my own personal goals all for the sake of steering this industry into the right direction? Is it worth it to play the mentor, and try and teach those into being the Elitist that they strive to be? You tell me, is it worth it? Is it worth it to collect all of the brick and mortar to erect new platforms and opportunities for others, when you’ve had management allowed you to be stalked and had your training dungeon arsoned? Is it worth it to anchor yourself to a new brand you want to make undeniably special and great, only to be inconvenienced by management and be left out of their draft considerations? Is it worth it to put your own career to the side to help someone else get success reminiscent of mine, when that person is incapable of learning and stepping up to the plate when it mattered the most? No one has been as selfless as me for the past two years, no one has contributed to this business as much me in this time, and I am so sick and tired of giving so much, and getting nothing in return… and you know what, that’s it. I am done with that. I am done with these contributions. I am done trying to help out the people in this business. I am done trying to make this a sanctuary for professional wrestlers. I am going back to my roots, walking alone like I originally, and should have kept doing. My approach for these past two years just haven’t been working, and it is about time that I changed it up. Switched it up. Altered it. Things now need to change, for the better, and you can love me and hate me for it, but what happened to Ryan Wilson had to be done.

No one might be able to put the same trust and faith that he did into me ever again, and I understand the repercussions behind my actions, but it was necessary. It had to be done. Anyone in my position would have pulled the trigger way quicker, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt, and gave him more chances than anyone would because I hoped that he would have picked up his slack and held his end of the bargain, but he couldn’t. It was a necessary evil and there was no other choice for me to exercise. It was the only option for me, and any of you muttonhead fans or cretins in that locker room who want to criticise me for my actions, you would have done the same thing in my shoes… because in my shoes, I have been brutally reminded in the past two years on what the definition of insanity is, of what it is like to be trapped in a never-ending loop of failure. I have been waking up to get out of bed to experience the same day that it was yesterday. I have sustained loss after loss, astronomical hit after hit to my reputation, and have wasted opportunity after opportunity… and the more distant you get from tasting victory, the more failure comes natural to you. The more instinctively it feels for you to be unable to muster the strength to pop that shoulder off the canvas. The more innately it feels for my feet to make that walk of shame. The more spontaneously it feels for my fingers to twitch, and my hand clutching as I leave empty-handed everytime. These are the symptoms of insanity, reliving the same brutal reality on a week-to-week basis, and my tolerance for it in the past two years have thinned. These factors that I mentioned in the beginning. It is starting to make me think. Am I not good enough? Am I just not physically and mentally cut to hang with my contemporaries? Am I just an old dog playing with new toys? All of these factors, weighing in my mind, making me doubt my being in this business, it could all very well be applicable to me, but those are just beneath the surface, what needs to be addressed is what has risen above it, the most noticeable one, the elephant in the room. I need to deal with the most prevalent issue of them all–the problem that has been making me live this deja-vu reality and feeling more insane than ever.The reason why I have all of these little prophecies unfulfilled, it could be all my responsibility, but there is only one person I blame for all of my failures, for all of those unfulfilled prophecies, and that is Ryan Wilson… and we all have our little issues to take up with that gingerbread midget, but the time will come, and when that time come agains where I get to address, and tell him how it is, the world will see just what kind of person Ryan Wilson is, and that he has always been the villain that he himself makes it out to be… That time will come, and this week, it isn’t all about him for once, it is going to be about me, and my match against Theron Nikolas…

How apropos it is for me to have this retrospective moment with myself, peeking into the last two years on what went wrong, a day before I step into the ring with a man who was a walking cautionary tale on what would happen had I followed in his footsteps. Theron, you and I, we have our differences, and we scribed another chapter between us at Reckless Wiring, and even though you won that match, we both can agree that between us, this is far from over. What we can also agree on is that we share very similar career trajectories. We once ruled the world with an iron fist. We had a world championship as a trophy of dominance, but what happened when we were usurped of our throne? The same thing that happened after both of us single-handedly took out who shall not be named on separate occasions. The state that both of us are right now, completely contradictory of what we promised to these people, and what we promised to ourselves. We are far from peak, far from our primes, far from being the best. We are just shells of who we were before, who we were as world champions, who we were as when we retired that guy and in this journey that we have embarked on in hoping that we find ourselves back to that desirable position, it could be described as lingering in limbo, trapped in a stance, struggling to get back to that level. We both know what it feels like, and it pains me greatly to be here, and talk to you, and say that the aftermath of our greatness resulted in the same outcome because I didn’t want to be in your position. I knew that someone like me was destined to be in your position, and I swore that I would do everything in my power to not be you. I swore that I would not be as miserable and melancholy as you. I promised to myself that I would not follow in your footsteps, but unbeknownst to me, I have been this entire time.. and now the consequences of that are more apparent to me than ever. I was blindly walking that path to this moment this entire time, and now I am you. I am everything that I hated, that I despised, that I told myself not to be… and thus, there is no more time for me to avoid, no more time for me to elude the truth, the truth being that I am just like Theron Nikolas… and I have to embrace it. I have embraced everything that I have become. If everyone wants to villainize me, then that is what they are going to get. If everyone doesn’t want to return my infinite amount of contributions to this business, then they’re going to get nothing to benefit off. The clock is ticking for Xander Payne. These grey hairs aren’t going to get any blacker. This metal isn’t going to get any less rustier. No more Dominion. No more Ryan Wilson. No more Wrestling Haven. No more for the people, of the people. It’s all about me. We may have our uncanny similarities, Theron, but our trajectories will only be parallel to one another for so long because I intend on rerouting. You have been on this standstill longer than me, longer than most, and I am going to do what you are incapable of doing and taking it somewhere else. I might be like you, like Theron Nikolas, but not for longer… because I refuse to leave a legacy behind where I am like you, and I am willing to go to any lengths to make sure that happens… and that will be evident when I do what I would have done at Reckless Wiring had my partner was showing some type of competence, and beat the living daylights out of you… and then I will do the same thing to Ryan Wilson a week later, and show no regards to him, just like what I should have done a year ago.
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