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If your mechanisms run on fear, and nothing else, what will happen when you encounter a fearless being?
Or, let me ask a deeper question, what happens when your mechanisms don’t even symbolize such a feeling?
It is quite ironic that the concept of Aizen breaks down when you just think about it for more than a few minutes. Now, it is clear why she chose the identity that she has given to herself, she wants to control the narrative from the get-go and truly feel as if she knows every bit of what the future has for her, for she is captivated by nothing more than to feel as if she has someone else’s life in her hands. It is why you call yourself Reaper, no? It is why you want to so badly cast judgement on the souls around you, to feel as if you are the end-all-be-all in the many dimensions of our universe, so obsessed with such a role, such a title, that you completely ignore the actual meaning of who you are supposed to be.
I shall render the symbol of death to two cultures, mine and Saori’s for simplicity's sake. There has been a tragedy in the family, in a day to celebrate and be thankful for everyone and everything, someone close to you taken away by complete failure of the heart, never to beat again. You are struck with grief, anger, confusion, wondering what in the world you did to suffer such a destiny like this? It is then when you imagine the Grim Reaper itself, cloaked in complete darkness, remains of humans walking, holding a tool ready to completely tear away the soul into its grasps. Such a sight like that would make you fear, no?
Not quite. Such a symbol has been created from past civilizations of our flesh and blood, as far back as the 14th century when the Black Death plagued the world and millions died unable to survive against it, forced to see human suffering on an unimaginable scale. From the minds of those who could create, a skeletal figure was born, stripped of everything down to the absolute, down to what could not rot, paintings depicting such figures leading peasants, clergy and kings alike into their final march, a tool of harvest in its hands to represent the cycle of life. Many centuries later finally deeming such a figure the name of the “Grim Reaper”, an image so deeply rooted in our collective imagination that we instinctively recognize it, subconsciously afraid of such a being. Afraid of the unknown, a face for the unanswered, clueless as to what comes next. An unsettling truth, as underneath it all we are built the same way, ‘controlled’ the same way. We gave a symbol a face and in such a decision, we became personal with it, we gave it a chance to obtain intent, choice and presence. In such aspects, it is to be feared, yes?
But those are thoughts of old civilizations, of thoughts that are no longer capable of speaking truth. We are beings that continue to evolve in every single way, capable of furthering previous thoughts, previous creations, capable of so much more every time. It is why today, the symbol of Death is no longer feared. Such a symbol is considered a guide for the souls that have passed into the afterlife, its actions filled with empathy or neutrality, and at its core, a blend of symbols, beliefs, fears and art, a multifaceted being that brings a moment to reflect, that our fleeting lifetimes are not the complete end of us, but rather a chance to celebrate what we have been able to accomplish. And when it comes to Shinigami’s, the confusion from Aizen’s part is even more atrocious. There was no denial in any way about their existences, they were deities that did not decide death, they were messengers, the most helpful of guides to escort human beings to the beyond, and you know what is most ridiculous? They invite us. They give us the chance to accept death or not. They are quite literally kinder than my own symbol of Death. It truly feels like you only saw the surface of ‘Shinigami’, thought being called ‘God of Death’ would satiate your insatiable sense of power and then call it a day, believing that you did everything you needed to do to be considered a symbol of a primal fear that everyone has. And such outdated thoughts brought you downfall before you could even begin to create.
The misunderstood symbols you sought to command and overpower for your own have been nothing else but flawed since the start! You thought of yourself as all powerful, understanding born of ignorance and complete delusion, you thought of a monstrous harvester that was nothing else but a psychological construct, born from a need to personify the incomprehensible. Believing yourself to be an arbitrary killer through and through, completely set in such wrong ways, when those who truly bring judgement are divine functionaries, kind enough to invite rather than force. You have only proved to be a caricature, a parody of a force of nature. You are nothing else but another human being, a person, a person wielding a misinterpreted myth to intimidate others. A person who took the title of ‘God of Death’ and stripped it of its context, its duty, and its inherent meaning, leaving only the hollow, brittle shell of what it once was.
So, I ask again, what is there to fear if there is nothing to feel?
Your existence is a contradiction in and of itself. Your symbols do not affect us in any way possible. But no matter the way I brought my case, you will not listen to reason. Your wish shall be for lies to calm yourself with, to feed your pointless hunts. You will refute the truth in favor of comfortable falsehoods. The Grim Reaper personifies itself as what it is hardest to face. A mirror for life’s fragility, a reminder that everything beautiful is also temporary. You can’t even look at the figure that you try to imitate at its own two eyes.
And I wonder, is it because you try to fake a seemingly stronger being because you can’t become what you believe to be? How heartbreaking was it for you? Being able to dominate in any other place outside of here, to truly consider yourself as an anomaly in every single way, and then completely fail once you arrived here? To realize that you could not succeed in your own twisted ways and you had to crawl through glass, through razors, to actually create hard-earned success, and then have it stripped away from you because you could not stop it? Because you let your own hate seep into your soul, tint it black and then let it break apart with each loss, with each time you stumbled, with each wish of championship gold not becoming true in any way? It would be fun to retell every single mistake you have made, but your desperation has already spoken plenty of it. How do you feel that a girl who was considered the worst of the worst, someone who should have not even dared to step foot into a ring, made you act this way? Make you furious? You grow bitter because I exist outside of your narrative, you become obsessed with rendering my existence to nothing because I exist beyond the periphery of your gaze. I am a being that is not ruled by your way of thinking, and you grow weak and senseless by it.
I do not celebrate Thanksgiving, I am not religious, I don’t believe in gods, and I especially don’t need one day for me to feel whole about myself when I am thankful everyday for what I have and for those around me. I am not an angel, just because I speak of bettering does not mean I am flawless, every lesson I have learned and I dictate back to everyone else are from the mistakes that I have caused, the mistakes that I have redeemed. It is doing the right thing. But even I can admit that can be used against me, for there is doing the right thing to help, and then having to hurt, having to fight in battle, selfishly surviving so that I can only be the one at the top, because it is the ‘right thing’ to do. That is what we like to tell ourselves because it makes our tough decisions easier to live with. There will always be tough decisions in life, but you should never lose sight of what constitutes cruelty and inhumanity, especially if you are the one being cruel. To sometimes be the cruel ones if that is what it takes so that you can protect what you have.
You must feel so proud of your copper tongue, Aizen. Weaving threads that can easily be cut. I looked cruel to you because I saw my chance, my opportunity, but due to your closed mindset, you did not understand me. You do not understand those who cherish the battle, who continue to survive and live despite the wounds and the heartbreak. I wanted to fight to continue gaining the love of this art, but you did not understand that at all. You had your way out, you could have rejected the match since the very start, nobody was really forcing you, and quite frankly, you taking this route makes you look mentally weak if my word so easily made you fall in line to working with me. Your obsession with wanting to succeed overpowered all. And let me explain a one to one recreation of you 'thinking ahead'. If we won, you would celebrate the riches, if we lost, you would blame it on me. Admitting since the start you considered me an ego-centric runt, that you let yourself be cursed to be ‘stuck’ with me, compared to my own mindset to work with you, to succeed together despite it all, it is night and day. Your selfishness won. You carried a losing mindset and then you act surprised you lost. You sent me warnings of what would happen if we lost, and in consequence, already let the possibility of failure enter your mind. You speak in hyperbole to tear me down, when really, it can be so easily flipped, a counter-argument where you so easily let yourself be blinded by a move, unprepared by an attack that the enemy has done many times in the past and letting yourself be handicapped. Is that not a failure of defense in your terms? You supposedly lead and at the end it was your failure to lead.
There is no correlation at all to your metaphor, betrayal is no currency to be used to answer debts, you use an useless argument to make you seem like you are right in what you say, but it is nonsense, a way to not be, a way to laugh at and mock for even the mere idea of it existing. Taking yourself on such a route makes you look either completely ignorant of all of the time that you have experienced here, truly believing that I would not retaliate for what you did to me, or genuinely brain dead. You are so short sighted, showing such limited thinking when you state I seek revenge. No, I seek the chance to destroy your principle before it hurts more people. Before anybody else experiences what I did. That is why I have stuck with you week, after week, after week, as the consequences of the mistake that you have caused. That the idea of me could continue to live and stick to you no matter what, that an existence like that could implode your own world. And what happened at House of Glass was nothing else but your inability to conquer me, to conquer my philosophy, to conquer my way of living, and I hope that you do not act the fool yet again when you are unable to succeed over it once more this week!
And truly, you could not be more wrong, Aizen. I have loved every single second of this. Every bit of my own blood that I have seen and forced to taste, the aching pain everywhere telling me to wake up and continue to fight. It is what I have missed dearly with every bit of my soul, to fight, to battle, every single week, every brawl continuing to ignite the determination that I have ignored in my own hopelessness, it is the fire that I have been seeking this whole time, for unlike you, I can admit my actions have been quite selfish, but I see it as the only option if I have to prove that my way of existing, that my beliefs trump over yours in every single way possible! If I was truly on this for my own image, I would have walked away, I would have been the ‘bigger person’, and continued on my path away from you, but I took the difficult path because it is what I have desired, to stand back up and assert, that you shall always be wrong! For you were the one that placed the fuel before I lit the match! And I will never give you the satisfaction of me saying I ‘gained’ something from you, for I did not want anything from you at all. I do not need protection. I do not want to depend on a subpar being that is incorrect in many layers constructed by simple logic.
For deep down, I selfishly hope that such a match like this, will make you realize the errors of who you are, and that you gain clarity on who you truly want to be. And I shall not be corrupted by the violence, I will use it as the tool to bring my truths forward. I will endure yours no matter what you try to perpetrate. As you will be forced to confront what makes you whole, and what can easily break you apart. A symbol standing on nothing. No matter the result, you shall live being nothing.
And nothing you shall remain. Alive or dead.
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