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Well, that stung a bit. I knew something as ridiculous as an Electric Floors match wasn't going to be pleasant, but fuck me, I wasn't expecting it to be that bad either. I'm all for violence in the name of entertainment, but I think someone needs to have a word with management about how high the voltage was on those floor. It's one thing injuring, it's another to actively try and kill your workforce. Unless of course someone up there had decided to take pity on poor old Camille and actually tried to put her out of her misery. If that was the case, then I get it, no one wants to listen to her whine on about how hard done by she is any more. Just maybe next time give me a heads up so I'm actually prepared to get my bollocks fried, k? For the most part, the match went as expected. We were violent, we got electrocuted, the crowd fucking loved it but there was a twist. Something happened that no one outside of The British Invasion saw coming.
I didn't lose.
I know to many of you, me being in a match at an FPV or super show or marquee event is a guaranteed win down the bookies. If I'm fighting in a big match, it's a certainty that'll I'll be the one in the loser column by the end of the night. It's a given that I choke when the pressure is on. Only this time I didn't. This time I kept going right to the bitter end. This time I didn't fucking lose. Oh sure, I didn't win, but that's a technicality. I more than held my own with Whiney McMoanface Ava. I pushed her to her limit and beyond. There'll be those of you who'll happily point out that I was done. I was dead. All she had to do was get me back in the ring...but she couldn't. If it had been the other way round, it would have been my failure for not being able to finish the job, but because it's this way round, I was dead and it's just unfortunate that Camille was too exhausted to take advantage. Go figure. Regardless of how any of you fuck wits want to spin it though, I didn't lose. That match was for the right to be the next challenger to whoever walked out of the triple threat match as champion, so as far as I'm concerned, because I didn't lose the match, that makes me next in line to face Michael Machina. Sound logic if you ask me. The fact I didn't win is neither here nor there, the fact I didn't lose is what we should be focusing on here. This is the second straight number one contenders match that I haven't lost, I think it's more than fair that someone with a bit of authority acknowledges that and makes the damn match. Let's face it, if it was anyone else on the roster, the match would already have been made, but it's me and we know how Captain Charisma feels about me so I'm probably going to have to jump through infinite flaming hoops to even get a chance to look at a contract. Alternatively, I could follow the same path Cam did a few weeks ago and as luck would have it, it looks like my feet have been firmly placed on said path.
Cast you minds back a few weeks and Cam, bless her, she got a match against our beefy champion. She didn't win that match because that old fart Methuselah stuck his nose into it, but for some reason known only to a select few, that meant that Cam was eligible to compete to be the number one contender. I know, makes no sense what so ever, but that's what happened. As luck would have it, and to prove just how much Captain Charisma dislikes me and the rest of The British Invasion, I find myself in a similar position. Despite the fact that I was very recently fried to a crisp, I now have to travel to Philadelphia of all places and face not one but two, yes two, world champions. Meanwhile, Camille gets to have the night off and isn't scheduled to compete. Yet there's still people out there who tell me that the bias towards certain names in this place is all in my head...yeah, right, but I digress. I'm in pain, I need new boots because the soles of the ones I wore at Shock Value have melted through and I can't get this damn burning smell out of my nostrils...but I'm happy. I'm happy because despite the hell I've just been through I have been given an instant chance to prove that I will be the one to dethrone our current champion.
Michael, I'm going to be honest with you bruv, I got you wrong. I thought you were just this muscle bound idiot in a bright leotard who wouldn't achieve anything. I thought the hype around you was just that, hype. I honestly didn't think you'd manage to lay your hands on that title. I didn't think you'd be capable of fending off Methuselah, Adam and Jake either. You've proven me wrong at every turn. Pains me to say this but...well done bruv. Enjoy it while it lasts because trust me, it'll all go south very soon. See bruv, I'm the next in line to challenge you for that belt, not officially, but what's a bit of red tape between top Elitists like us hey? Now, you'll be thinking that's an easy defence right? You'll be thinking that so far you're two and O against me. You're thinking that I've got a 100% failure rate when it comes to world title matches. You're thinking that I always choke when the big moment comes. No need to deny it, no need to try and act like the big man who managed to have an original thought, sometimes going the simple route is the most obvious. Why wouldn't you, it's what everyone else does, so embrace the simplicity Michael, don't tax the one muscle in your body you don't use. All that stuff, no matter how accurate, is in the past. It's behind us now. The Daryl who stands before you now isn't the one you've faced and between twice already. He's not the same one who falls at the final hurdle. This is a Daryl who knows who you are. I know how to beat you. I've watched you progress over this season and I see the weaknesses in you and I know how to exploit them. At Shock Value I snapped my streak of losing the big matches and when it's made official that I'm your next challenger I'll snap the one streak that's still in tact and that's losing every world title match I've had. That'll be the last streak left because when we leave Philadelphia, I'll have beaten you. I've got no choice but to. If I beat you, coupled with no losing at Shock Value, how can any one deny that I'm next in line to have a crack at that belt? Hell, if Cam get's to fight to be number one contender when she didn't even finish a match with you, then beating you should guarantee it.
Of course, you won't be alone will you. No, that'd be too easy. We can't have our precious champion being shown up, so let's chuck a couple of sacrificial lambs in there to take the fall and preserve the facade of power surrounding him. First lamb to the slaughter, actually more like mutton dressed as lamb, your bit on the side, the newly crowned Universal Women's Champion, Bea Valentine. I bet you're proud aren't you Bea. You're on top of the world, the very best, the Queen Bee if you'll allow me a little pun. You banished your demons and you're riding high as the face of the women's division. Not satisfied with that as a nights work, you even managed to find time to interfere in the main event and make sure that Michael held on to this title as well so you can be THE power couple in EAW. Bravo love, bravo. You went through hell and you've emerged the other side. Now the real fun begins. Now every woman on the roster is gunning for you. If you think things were hard for you to begin with, well you've not seen anything yet. Personally, I couldn't give two fucks who holds that belt. I can't win it myself so it's irrelevant to me but it does put a nice big target on your back. It singles you out as one of the very best...supposedly. So again, beating you can only further my cause. Beating you can only push me ahead of anyone else who thinks they have a claim to be number on contender to the world title. Just imagine the look on old Cap's face when I triumph in a match against not one but two world champions and he realises that there is simply no way he can deny me what is rightfully mine any more.
Oh yeah, sorry Ashlynn, I forgot you're in this match as well. You can see why I forgot though right? Two world champions, the tag team champions, the number one contender and future world champion and you. You who finished up your match at Shock Value looking like a character out of a cheap Hentai. OK, they were eels, not tentacles, but the imagery was still the same. Seriously, why are you even in this match? Or is it because your head is so far up Bea's arse that you're here by default? This match is a show case for current champions and future champions, not hangers on and groupies who are trying make a career by living in someone else's glory. But I suppose Bea is the champion now so she has a bit more sway than the rest of us. Why not put her little protege into main event and let her experience what true talent looks like for once, because let's face it Ashlynn, this is the closest you'll ever get to a world championship and it'll be the last time you'll ever step foot in the main event of any show.
The funny thing is, you three will all be heading into this match thinking you've got it won. Two world champs and a brown noser who'll literally put her body on the line for her beloved mentor. What could possibly go wrong there? Simple, you three are a lose approximation of a team. You're three people who have connections with each other and could probably function reasonably well as a team of Bea and Ashlynn or Bea and Michael. What you're not though, is a trio. What you're not, is family. You hold singles gold and a made up title to make the third one feel a bit better. You don't function as a team, not even close. You'll find out just what that's like when you step into the ring with The British Invasion. Us three, we've gone through hell with each other. We've got each others backs no matter what. These two ladies are literally the only people in this business, other than myself, that I give a shit about. They fought the system to get hold of those tag team titles, just the same as I'm doing now to get my shot at the world title and when you three get in the ring with us in Philadelphia, you'll find out just why we are finally starting to get the respect we deserve and why I am going to be the man who dethrones Michael Machina.
I didn't lose.
I know to many of you, me being in a match at an FPV or super show or marquee event is a guaranteed win down the bookies. If I'm fighting in a big match, it's a certainty that'll I'll be the one in the loser column by the end of the night. It's a given that I choke when the pressure is on. Only this time I didn't. This time I kept going right to the bitter end. This time I didn't fucking lose. Oh sure, I didn't win, but that's a technicality. I more than held my own with Whiney McMoanface Ava. I pushed her to her limit and beyond. There'll be those of you who'll happily point out that I was done. I was dead. All she had to do was get me back in the ring...but she couldn't. If it had been the other way round, it would have been my failure for not being able to finish the job, but because it's this way round, I was dead and it's just unfortunate that Camille was too exhausted to take advantage. Go figure. Regardless of how any of you fuck wits want to spin it though, I didn't lose. That match was for the right to be the next challenger to whoever walked out of the triple threat match as champion, so as far as I'm concerned, because I didn't lose the match, that makes me next in line to face Michael Machina. Sound logic if you ask me. The fact I didn't win is neither here nor there, the fact I didn't lose is what we should be focusing on here. This is the second straight number one contenders match that I haven't lost, I think it's more than fair that someone with a bit of authority acknowledges that and makes the damn match. Let's face it, if it was anyone else on the roster, the match would already have been made, but it's me and we know how Captain Charisma feels about me so I'm probably going to have to jump through infinite flaming hoops to even get a chance to look at a contract. Alternatively, I could follow the same path Cam did a few weeks ago and as luck would have it, it looks like my feet have been firmly placed on said path.
Cast you minds back a few weeks and Cam, bless her, she got a match against our beefy champion. She didn't win that match because that old fart Methuselah stuck his nose into it, but for some reason known only to a select few, that meant that Cam was eligible to compete to be the number one contender. I know, makes no sense what so ever, but that's what happened. As luck would have it, and to prove just how much Captain Charisma dislikes me and the rest of The British Invasion, I find myself in a similar position. Despite the fact that I was very recently fried to a crisp, I now have to travel to Philadelphia of all places and face not one but two, yes two, world champions. Meanwhile, Camille gets to have the night off and isn't scheduled to compete. Yet there's still people out there who tell me that the bias towards certain names in this place is all in my head...yeah, right, but I digress. I'm in pain, I need new boots because the soles of the ones I wore at Shock Value have melted through and I can't get this damn burning smell out of my nostrils...but I'm happy. I'm happy because despite the hell I've just been through I have been given an instant chance to prove that I will be the one to dethrone our current champion.
Michael, I'm going to be honest with you bruv, I got you wrong. I thought you were just this muscle bound idiot in a bright leotard who wouldn't achieve anything. I thought the hype around you was just that, hype. I honestly didn't think you'd manage to lay your hands on that title. I didn't think you'd be capable of fending off Methuselah, Adam and Jake either. You've proven me wrong at every turn. Pains me to say this but...well done bruv. Enjoy it while it lasts because trust me, it'll all go south very soon. See bruv, I'm the next in line to challenge you for that belt, not officially, but what's a bit of red tape between top Elitists like us hey? Now, you'll be thinking that's an easy defence right? You'll be thinking that so far you're two and O against me. You're thinking that I've got a 100% failure rate when it comes to world title matches. You're thinking that I always choke when the big moment comes. No need to deny it, no need to try and act like the big man who managed to have an original thought, sometimes going the simple route is the most obvious. Why wouldn't you, it's what everyone else does, so embrace the simplicity Michael, don't tax the one muscle in your body you don't use. All that stuff, no matter how accurate, is in the past. It's behind us now. The Daryl who stands before you now isn't the one you've faced and between twice already. He's not the same one who falls at the final hurdle. This is a Daryl who knows who you are. I know how to beat you. I've watched you progress over this season and I see the weaknesses in you and I know how to exploit them. At Shock Value I snapped my streak of losing the big matches and when it's made official that I'm your next challenger I'll snap the one streak that's still in tact and that's losing every world title match I've had. That'll be the last streak left because when we leave Philadelphia, I'll have beaten you. I've got no choice but to. If I beat you, coupled with no losing at Shock Value, how can any one deny that I'm next in line to have a crack at that belt? Hell, if Cam get's to fight to be number one contender when she didn't even finish a match with you, then beating you should guarantee it.
Of course, you won't be alone will you. No, that'd be too easy. We can't have our precious champion being shown up, so let's chuck a couple of sacrificial lambs in there to take the fall and preserve the facade of power surrounding him. First lamb to the slaughter, actually more like mutton dressed as lamb, your bit on the side, the newly crowned Universal Women's Champion, Bea Valentine. I bet you're proud aren't you Bea. You're on top of the world, the very best, the Queen Bee if you'll allow me a little pun. You banished your demons and you're riding high as the face of the women's division. Not satisfied with that as a nights work, you even managed to find time to interfere in the main event and make sure that Michael held on to this title as well so you can be THE power couple in EAW. Bravo love, bravo. You went through hell and you've emerged the other side. Now the real fun begins. Now every woman on the roster is gunning for you. If you think things were hard for you to begin with, well you've not seen anything yet. Personally, I couldn't give two fucks who holds that belt. I can't win it myself so it's irrelevant to me but it does put a nice big target on your back. It singles you out as one of the very best...supposedly. So again, beating you can only further my cause. Beating you can only push me ahead of anyone else who thinks they have a claim to be number on contender to the world title. Just imagine the look on old Cap's face when I triumph in a match against not one but two world champions and he realises that there is simply no way he can deny me what is rightfully mine any more.
Oh yeah, sorry Ashlynn, I forgot you're in this match as well. You can see why I forgot though right? Two world champions, the tag team champions, the number one contender and future world champion and you. You who finished up your match at Shock Value looking like a character out of a cheap Hentai. OK, they were eels, not tentacles, but the imagery was still the same. Seriously, why are you even in this match? Or is it because your head is so far up Bea's arse that you're here by default? This match is a show case for current champions and future champions, not hangers on and groupies who are trying make a career by living in someone else's glory. But I suppose Bea is the champion now so she has a bit more sway than the rest of us. Why not put her little protege into main event and let her experience what true talent looks like for once, because let's face it Ashlynn, this is the closest you'll ever get to a world championship and it'll be the last time you'll ever step foot in the main event of any show.
The funny thing is, you three will all be heading into this match thinking you've got it won. Two world champs and a brown noser who'll literally put her body on the line for her beloved mentor. What could possibly go wrong there? Simple, you three are a lose approximation of a team. You're three people who have connections with each other and could probably function reasonably well as a team of Bea and Ashlynn or Bea and Michael. What you're not though, is a trio. What you're not, is family. You hold singles gold and a made up title to make the third one feel a bit better. You don't function as a team, not even close. You'll find out just what that's like when you step into the ring with The British Invasion. Us three, we've gone through hell with each other. We've got each others backs no matter what. These two ladies are literally the only people in this business, other than myself, that I give a shit about. They fought the system to get hold of those tag team titles, just the same as I'm doing now to get my shot at the world title and when you three get in the ring with us in Philadelphia, you'll find out just why we are finally starting to get the respect we deserve and why I am going to be the man who dethrones Michael Machina.
