MATCH PROMO Patiently Waiting

Impact

cd&p but also balls
EAW ROSTER
EAW Hall of Famer
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Impact Derangement Syndrome (IDS) is real, y'all. I've barely said shit about this dude Limmy Monaghan all week, so he resorts to picking over the statements I made toward him before our match that ended with fuckery last week on Dynasty. I'm not checking for you, bro -- I retract that -- I'm checking for Limmy, but only to the extent of every other competitor in the Grand Rampage. There's no specific target on your back. Until date you've turned your one victory against me in a week where I wasn't mentally there into your career-defining highlight, is that really something to be proud of? That's like talking about outplaying Kobe after his Achilles injury. You didn't grapple against me at the full extent of my powers, you didn't wrestle against the "Invitational" Impact, you wrestled against a guy who was just coasting, indifferent to his environment, probably not even thinking about EAW or aware of who his opponent was in that particular week since he made no mention of you whatsoever. Now, heading into the Grand Rampage, you're wrestling against a guy who is laser-focused, mentally present, with an acute awareness of his competition, but still just low enough to prioritize himself at the forefront above all others. You're going to disregard that and say Impact is Impact on any given day, and that's fine, because it suits the angle you're trying to exploit and that's what wrestlers do. They try to exploit every angle imaginable that benefits them until the time for talk is over and they have to execute in the ring. I do it, too, in fact far better than you. I'm not knocking that. When I said there were no takeaways from your comments -- last Thursday -- I was referring to that shit you were spitting last week, it was BEFORE our match on Dynasty you absolute fucking clown. Clearly you're just trying to dig shit up in a half-baked attempt to generate maximum promotional material in hopes you can curry favor with the bigwigs to give you a generous spot in the Grand Rampage, but it doesn't matter, Limmy Monaghan isn't winning the Grand Rampage. At least twenty-nine other starving artists will join you in that distinction so you won't have to lick your wounds for much longer, slitting your wrists over the fact your lone opportunity to make something of your otherwise going-nowhere career came and went like fidget spinners. Impact will never go out of style in this company because Impact is always refreshing the air around him, rejuvenating himself, shedding his skin to birth a new vessel. The secret to my longevity is one you'll never be capable of finding yourself, because you're one-dimensional. You lack the ability to be anything other than Limmy Monaghan. It's appropriate I lost to you cleanly and I welcome the opportunity to have another singles match with you, with absolutely zero regard for the fact I was beaten before because I know lightning wouldn't strike twice. I know history wouldn't repeat itself because you're neither consistent nor talented enough to replicate that upset, and you're not talented enough to pull off an upset in the Grand Rampage, either. Right now, you're just training your vocal chords, you're preparing for Pain for Pride. Surely you're not actually expecting to win Grand Rampage. The fact I never received another shot for the PURE Championship is something I've made peace with, Limmy, but in the end that's not a loss for me; that's a loss for the PURE Championship and its entire division of competitors because none of them, certainly not yourself, are capable of elevating ANY title in EAW in the way that Impact is capable. My runs with perceived "lesser titles" are few and far between just because I've been such a prominent fixture in the World Championship hunt for a decade-plus now, but if you look at my stint with the defunct Interbrand Championship, I turned that shit into an honorary World Title because of the way I conducted myself and the way I consistently executed in the ring against opponents from all stages of EAW. If you look at my runs with the Tag Team Championships, you'll see I did something you can't: I brought the main event to the Tag Titles. The DEDEDE's, the Jaywalker's, I even carried that thot more devoted to promiscuity than wrestling, the Heart Break Gal. A bitch ridden more than the neighborhood bicycle, with no business of being considered a credible wrestling competitor nearly to the extent of yours truly, and through my Midas touch I made her seem like she belonged when she clearly didn't. Every tag team that I've ever competed in, we've never lost main event status because of it. EAW has been forced to acknowledge our ability and slot us commensurate with my level of talent, and it's OK I didn't bestow that upon the PURE Championship, because in the end I have almost nothing to gain from winning it. I was simply wanting to exemplify the kind of altruism the New Eden's of the world speak of but have never actually executed. Now instead of matches with Impact, you get to wrestle bland vanilla wafers like Dray Fontana. Congratulations.

That wasn't the end of your string of incomprehensibly dumb remarks, oh nah, you went the extra mile. You fucked around and slandered Tyler Parker, a wrestler who left behind a legacy that you can only aspire to. This is why I constantly bang the drum that none of you little fucks have any respect for the history or the men that paved the way for you to even have this platform. You said he hasn't been spoken about it in a long time, but that's not an immediate indication it's because he's forgotten. When someone is inactive, and they don't leave that bitter, sour taste behind in the way certain others no longer in our ranks have done, keeping their name out of your mouth is a showing of respect. If you ain't got shit good to say, and if you're not well-read on the subject, which you clearly aren't since you used someone ten times more successful than you've been in your career and possibly will ever be as if he's some barroom punchline between swigs of your shitty-ass IPA, you might as well say nothing at all. You tried to mock me using the fact I've fought to no contests in matches without disqualification, as if that's some huge black eye on my career. I promise you I've endured worse in my career and I'm still the most decorated wrestler ever with a fucking bullet. How does that make you feel? That your career can't even compare to a fraction of mine even though I've been so horribly disgraced by two no contests! I guess if a wrestler has a couple of no contests, he shouldn't be taken seriously anymore. Just throw him to the wayside, better yet, in the trash heap. You should listen to Impact because I've lived through experiences that at the current stage of your career you cannot even fathom. You should listen to Impact because I've accomplished everything that has still only been manifested for Limmy Monaghan in the confines of his Tempur-Pedic. Then, what's worse, you're content to recycle the same overused narratives that have constantly been played up by a bunch of ain't-shit never-was dudes poking and prodding at the bear simply because they're doomed to forever remain hunters with no game who will never become the predator. I don't know how many times throughout my career I've been told I don't need the opportunities more than somebody who hasn't received them. That'd be interesting if that was how life worked anywhere in society. To me that shit represents a defeatist mentality. A wrestler who's probably better than me doesn't need World Championships, so I should disparage him for committing to a career of luxury he doesn't even need, that he performs simply for his own passion and no greater reason? In society, in every working class, the best of their field are selected for the hardest jobs. The most skilled laborers are tasked with the hardest work because their abilities are tried and true. The same principle is true of wrestling. Less skilled laborers may be given less arduous projects, the same is true of wrestling. It's not like this is something that's exclusive to this business alone. Just because you "need it more" doesn't mean you're the right man for the job, Limmy, and it certainly doesn't mean you deserve it. Essentially what you're saying is that you're anti-meritocracy. You want everybody to get a piece of the pie because you got that FOMO - Fear of Missing Out. My advice? Continue to work your ass off to attain those accolades, don't bitch and moan on constant because men more skilled than you are being given multiple times what you have never received once. There's a reason you've never received it once. Everybody is pulling out the whole fuckin' kitchen sink for Grand Rampage, these desires aren't exclusive to Limmy Monaghan. Everyone wants something they don't have. That is the nature of the world, not just in the game of EAW, but the game of life. I've done it before, so I know exactly what it takes to get back there, the kind of onslaught I'll have to withstand, the tireless, unforgiving amount of preparation you have to have in order to reach those ranks. After all, I wrote the bible. Stop testin' me, stop fuckin' with me. I've got more skin in the game than you. I've laid my life on the line for this shit, and I'll gladly do it again. Others aren't willing to make that sacrifice, and that's what's going to win me the Grand Rampage.
 
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