SLATE: “ fuck.
Okay, maybe that match wasn’t exactly my calling or maybe this whole thing was never really my calling. I should have never walked into this company, I should have headed out as soon as I lost to Bea Valentine…I should have packed my bags after that Ms. Extreme match, what the hell am I doing going up against you anyway? Milli Banks, the same woman who managed to defeat Camille, someone who I struggled to best. You see, back then, I’ll be puffing my chest out and carrying myself with pride but I figured that there’s no point of that anymore because I’m going up against you, the Milli Banks who has nothing to lose and I know that I’m fucked. I have no chance at winning this at all but I still have to show up and do this work because it’s the only way I’m going to get my name on more of those cards and it’s the only way I’m going to get paid. Maybe it’s just me, maybe it’s who I am and who I’ve become, perhaps I’ve just made myself an easy target. I’ve tried to prove that I’m more than just a pushover, multiple times but I haven’t gotten there. Maybe….just maybe, I screwed up my final chance at stardom, my final shot at fame, maybe all of this wasn’t meant to be. I wasn’t even going to end up making this video but I thought that I might as well take a crack at it whilst I still can. I didn’t see it before but now I do, the chances that I’ve had, the countless opportunities to make a stand, make this company my own but each time that I’ve managed to step up, I dropped and I fell down harder than you can imagine…each and every time. I’m not asking for sympathy, I know I won’t get it even if I was, people like me are better off in the same position as Gaines. The only thing that’s constantly pushing me forward is not letting the people that I hold close down. I wake up on days feeling as if I don’t need to try anymore because I’m wasting both my energy and my breath but despite the fact that I’m looking straight into the face of failure, I push myself out of bed and I keep trying to push forward with no avail. There was once a time when I viewed myself as the peak of all newcomers, I saw myself as the Queen of the New Breeds but Bea Valentine already beat me to that. I’ve gotten so bad recently that I might even be below Delusional Rose, shocking…right? Everything just came in and left in a hurry, I feel like absolute shit right now but I’ll at least try to put on a show for both you, Milli and the people who are watching this at home. I’ll try to act the same way as I always do, I’ll act confident, I’ll act brash.
Congratulations Milli, you managed to get back up onto your feet after losing to Bea Valentine and now you’re heading into this fight with the needed steam to take me on, I’m proud of you, you deserved that win, you deserved to take Ms. Extreme down…
…
I’ve got nothing. I’ll admit it, I’ve got nothing to say. For what feels like the very first time in my career, I am almost speechless. My wrestling ability is one thing, anybody can have me beat at that but when it comes to my speaking ability, I think it’s in a different league of its own because I always know exactly what to say but this time…I don’t. Maybe I lost that aura that I once had attached to my name. I’m not going to stand here and try to hide the fact that I don’t have what it takes to be the future anymore. Why do you think these catchphrases are still here, they’re around so I can stick with you guys, they’re around so I can stay with the flow because the more popular you are, the more time you’ll be given and the more time you’ll be given, the more money you’ll make. Ever since I got here, I wanted to be at the top of the mountain, facing off with the very best that EAW had to offer but once I got there, I had a reality check. I wanted to be the face of the company but I wasn’t believable enough, people broke that act down…pretty quick and I thought to myself that maybe this company wasn’t the right place to kick things off. I should have kept that little skater girl attitude and maybe I would have been more of a success story, who knows, maybe I should just fake my way to that turn and then I’ll get somewhere. The one thing that you’ll never see is THAT exact moment, I will never come down that ramp with that skateboard in hand because you see…with me, what you see is what you get. What I’ve said tonight will always stand and it will always stay with me, but I’m still that same cocky brat and maybe, maybe it’s still not my time yet. Maybe I have to wait around for a bit.
Maybe it hasn’t been my year, I mean…there’s always a next one right?
In fact, it’s just around the corner. I never used to believe in that crap but maybe all the things that I envisioned for this year could in fact happen in the next. All that motivation, all that drive, all that commitment can just fly right in through the gap that I've left out. Back then, the weapons that I used to have were my fists…then, it became my body and now, I can confidently say that my strongest weapon is my mind. The very person that I have become is from the very place up in my mind.
Here I am. I know that I have no chance or shot at this at all but I’m aiming up and I’m taking a swing. So people can know that I’ve at least tried, it’s been a busy week for me, I genuinely wish I could have told myself to try a little harder but I can’t convince myself. I guess my parting words are ....here's to a new year, here’s to EAW and this is going to suck. I’m not ready but I’m not backing down now, so Milli…here’s your chance, slap or roughen me up as much as you want.
Do your worst. ”
