" As the days dwindle, it becomes incredibly harder for me to fathom any result that doesn’t end with me being the last man standing in that ring. I don’t say this due to pride or ego, or anything primitive and lacking true substance. I’ve felt this way since I declared for the match, but as I go through and listen to everyone’s videos, I hear them explaining what this match means to them and why they want to win. It’s become exceedingly clear to me that I’m not on the same playing field as them. Hell, I don’t even know if I’m playing the same game. It’s always the same response, “ I deserve this “, “ I work harder than anyone else “, or “No one wants this more than me “. And it’s that last comment that truly captures my attention because as far as I can see, there isn’t a single entity in this match that wants it more than me. There isn’t a single soul in this match that has gone through what I’ve gone through and had to endure as much as I have to even so much as be able to say that they’ve scratched and clawed their way to the top. I’ve done so many things that I’m not proud of, all in the name of being able to say that I am successful. And at the end of the day when I look back on my career, all I’m able to see is a void. It’s a deep endless black that I can’t truly place feeling on because it feels as if I’ve gone through every moment on autopilot. I’ve been scratching and clawing towards a world championship since I was a teenager. Over a decade and a half spent in pursuit of one unobtainable goal. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve begun to realize the importance of legacy, and leaving something behind that will withstand the test of time, even if you’re no longer here, and that is where the idea of atoning truly popped into my mind. Atoning for me isn’t just winning the Grand Rampage and proving people wrong. Atonement is erasing the past and focusing solely on the present and future. Atonement is righting the ship. It’s righting my wrongs. It’s so much deeper and personal than me just wanting to win this match and headline Pain For Pride, granted that would be an amazing byproduct. But it’s not the sole reason, I’m so adamant and persistent in my approach. I know I’m not the only person chasing after their goals and dreams. But if I don’t put forth the effort right now, then who’s going to do it for me? I know everyone has a compelling story to tell, and everyone can make an argument for themself, but truly, I know with every fiber of my being, that there isn’t a single person in this match who has had the story that I’ve had. There isn’t anyone in this match who has had to overcome as much adversity and setbacks as I have. I’ve said it quite a few times over the course of the past few days, and I’ll say it once more; everyone keeps saying that this match is their big opportunity to make it back to the top, but people like me, people like Donovan Duke, people like Ryan Wilson, people like ARIA, like Usagi Senshi— we’ve never been afforded the opportunity to be there in the first place. So this is me taking my future into my own hands and attempting to change fate.
Jay Jerry Johnson.
Throughout the entirety of my career, I’ve had a chip on my shoulder. I’ve often felt as if I’ve received less than I deserve. I’ve put in the work. I’ve put in the time. I’ve given minutes, hours, days, months, and years of my life to this profession and here I am still fifteen years later seeking my first World Championship. The simple truth of the matter is, no matter how much blood, sweat, and tears you invest into this profession you aren’t guaranteed a positive return on your investment. The profession you love isn’t always destined to love you back. And that’s just the name of the game. It’s of no error of your own. This profession has proven to be dog-eat-dog, and it’s built a culture that screams “Only the strong survive”. But don’t allow that to deter you from your goal of seeking redemption or revenge, or whatever it may be. Because in my eyes, you’re absolutely right in your endeavor of attempting to even the score. It’s one thing to be put down, it’s a completely different thing for it to happen constantly and at the hands of your peers, and if anyone knows this it’s me. But it’s dually noted that I’ve been on both sides of that equation. I’ve been counted out, overlooked, and disrespected for as long as I can remember, and in that same breath, I can admit that I’ve done my fair share of the same. But hurt people, hurt people, right? I make no excuses for what I’ve done and the way my actions and words have affected others— in truth this is the sole reason I seek atonement and redemption because it’s not the legacy I want to leave behind. I know you and I don’t have the best history. That’s typically been the case when it comes to my relationship with a vast majority of the competitors in this match. And I’ve tried my damndest to make amends. I’m not trying to be friends with anyone, but I do aim to apologize to you for the way that I treated you once upon a time, Jay. I can’t change the past or erase it, but I do want you to know that I see you for what you are and what you’ve become. I witnessed the entirety of your Interwire Championship reign. I’ve watched you come into your own and grow as an elitist. I’ve seen the improvement. I’ve seen the change. And I couldn’t be happier for you. You went from being treated like a stepping stone, to becoming a mainstay on Dynasty. You’ve worked so hard and now it’s evident that your hard work has paid off. You’ve climbed the ranks, you’ve made yourself a mainstay and a household name, and now the only place for you to go is up. I haven’t the faintest doubt in my mind that you’ll reach the pinnacle you plan to reach, Jay, and when it’s all said and done, you’ll look back fondly on the journey you’ve chosen and appreciate everything that’s come to you. But if your intent is to win the Grand Rampage this year, I unfortunately cannot allow you to do that. I can’t allow your wants and desires to overshadow my own. As much as I’m moved by your dedication and determination, I simply cannot allow you to take what I’ve been inching toward every single day.
BRAE.
I appreciate the kind words and I want you to know that the feeling is mutual. But please make no mistake about it. The world isn’t crashing down around me by any means. Have I suffered a few setbacks? Of course, but such is life. In this profession as much is to be expected. I like to believe that I’m the type of person who learns from my mistakes, and I learn from failure. And in return that pushes me and drives me to a completely different level than I was at before. But I’ve always felt this way in a sense. So maybe that’s why it’s a little confusing when people question if I’m okay or if I’m still strung out and hurt over Devolution falling apart. In truth, Halsey Neel and Pandora Paisley are two of the most gifted women EAW has ever seen. I don’t want to take credit for their success, but I ask you, BRAE, and anyone else who might be listening, what were they doing before they joined Devolution? What had they accomplished? What accolades, and achievements did they have? How often were they present in the Main Event? Devolution was created to give elitists who didn’t have a platform and a chance to prove themselves, the opportunity to do so. It was designed to shift power from those who consistently found themselves atop the card to those who were nearing the bottom, and it gave them a chance to try their hand in the spotlight. Even in death, Devolution fulfilled its purpose. And maybe that’s the only positive takeaway I have from everything. But I digress, although Devolution was a big part of my past; it’s the past for a reason. I don’t wish to be the man I was when I was in it, nor do I wish to relive all the pain I caused and the destruction I left in my wake. For the past month, I’ve had my heart and my mind set on the idea of atonement, and righting my wrongs, so that’s exactly what I’m going to do. While you may be right to say that we both want to win the Grand Rampage, BRAE, you forgot to factor in who wants to win it the most. Because with everything I’ve laid out on the table, with me being as forthcoming and honest as I possibly can, there is just no way in hell, you can convince me, let alone yourself, that you want this more. Because I know you don’t.
Ryan Wilson.
We can have a normal conversation, Ryan. In fact, that’s all I’ve been trying to have with you since the week began, but instead of listening to me, you’ve approached me with hostility and gone on a tangent about how I refuse to see you for what you are. Ryan, when I first spoke of you I mentioned that I see the work you’ve put in and if anyone is going to win this match it’s the underdogs, people like you, who are constantly counted out and overlooked who are going to take this home. I sang your praises and then in just a few moments time you gave me reason to see that I may have made a mistake in my initial thought. I have no problem with you attempting to showcase your enthusiasm and excitement for this match. In fact I’m glad you come into it with such a focus and determination, but your incessant videos that contain no substance and no value— it’s infuriating to sift through to be honest with you. You’ve made what, sixteen videos now that could have amounted to seven considering the things you’ve said. But instead of doing that you’d rather fabricate the idea of a work ethic, and man I can’t respect that at all. Doing things that way, “Grand Rampage Spotlight” isn’t what people want to hear when they tune in to get a better idea of where your head is at, all you’re doing is yapping and boosting your numbers for god knows what. This match won’t be won off YouTube videos, nor will it be decided off of social media engagement.
I tried to allude to this before, but you took my words as an insult when in all actuality my only intent since the beginning was to be respectful and share information. Now you don’t have to listen to me or care about my two cents but all I’m doing is in good faith. So please, Ryan, don’t act as if I’m blind and misguided. Don’t act as if I’m your enemy when I’m the only one who cares to be honest with you. Am I at fault for attempting to coddle you and giving you advice when it isn’t needed or wanted? Sure? But you don’t have to listen. If you feel comfortable and right doing what you’ve been doing, by all means, go ahead and continue to push the barometers of what that decision holds, but when you inevitably find yourself suffering as a result of the decisions YOU MAKE, I don’t want to hear you calling yourself and underdog and acting as if the world and the rest of this company are against you. I share my words and my thoughts with you Ryan because I can see that you and I walk a nearly identical path, your route has just been a little faster, but nonetheless, even if I’m not where I want to be, I still attempt to help you avoid making the same mistakes I did, but it’s as if you can’t get out of your own way. It’s tragic and upsetting, to say the least, but what can I do? No matter what I say or how I speak, you’re still going to take my words with a hint of disbelief because our history calls for that, at least it does in your mind, but as far as I’m concerned I wish you nothing but the absolute best. If you don’t want to know my opinion and you choose to not want to hear my advice, I’ll respect that and keep it pushing. But I refuse to spread hate. So you can continue to bash me along with Daryl Kinkade and I’ll continue to remain laser-focused on the task at hand; winning the Grand Rampage, and finally being able to atone for the sins of my past. "
