If you ask me, nothing tastes sweeter than the taste of victory, with the little cherry on top being the fact that I just pinned a Hall of Famer and all of you witnessed it unfold. And just when you’d think things couldn’t get any better, none of you can take that match away from me because in the words of Stew-O, that was a well-fought victory that garnished itself right on my front door, because unfortunately for Maddie Kaline, I proved that I was more than deserving. Not just of that win, but deserving of a shot at some of professional wrestling’s most prestigious prizes, particularly the World Heavyweight Championship held by my partner this week… It’s funny how life works, isn’t it? One minute, you beat some curly-haired schmuck to a pulp and stand over his lifeless body, the next minute, EAW management thinks it’s a bright idea to put said schmuck together with me to face the Unified Tag Team Champions. Now I am well aware that Limmy Monaghan has openly expressed how mistrusting he is of me, considering that in two consecutive weeks I’ve blind-sided him and left him staring at the lights as I made my presence known. And I’m sure that everyone’s heard the tale be told a million times as of recent, but it really is true, him and I have a history that pushes the boundaries of the EAW squared-circle, and it sickens me to the core that there’s a lot less people that are aware of where exactly that man’s success is rooted from. But I’ll get into more detail with that later. The fact of the matter is I understand the feeling Limmy is going through, and I can go as far as to say that I share the same thought in my mind. No matter how you’re going to twist it, Limmy Monaghan and Maxwell working together in the ring in 2023 is a recipe for disastrous results. What “disastrous” exactly means is open to interpretation at least in my eyes.
On one hand, you have the obvious: I’m the same guy that’s kept the World Heavyweight Champion in my crosshairs, and 2/2 times I’ve successfully made the hit. Now I may not be on the best terms with the guy, but anyone with a functioning brain knows that he’s not stupid. He’ll be extra careful when he’s around me, and quite frankly understandably so. The EAW management is seemingly setting the dude up for failure for whatever reason, potentially someone backstage may have some unknown vendetta against him, but the decision is mind-boggling to say the least. You may be wondering, is this some sort of admittance that I plan to lay out Limmy once again? Listen, that guy ain’t stupid, and I’m not either. As I’ve just mentioned, he’s got his eyes on me, and honestly I’ve also got my eyes on him. Because while there is a possibility that he’ll grow incredibly paranoid, on the other hand both of us could lose our shit and potentially attempt to betray each other at the same time. If you can’t already tell, this is a dysfunctional pairing that is beyond repair, and as unrealistic as it may seem, man I am trying as hard as I can to be optimistic here. To reiterate, for now I do not see myself beating this man up the third time around, and as much as he wants to continually bitch and moan about how I’ll eventually sneak attack him once more, it’s honestly getting pretty boring. I mean, c’mon, you think I don’t want to save some of the action for King of Elite? Now this isn’t a promise so don’t get your hopes up too much, but shit I wanna win this damn match as much as you do. I’ve just come back fresh from a win and as certain as there are clouds in the sky, I am hungry for more. As long as the title shot is still within sight, I am going to make sure that I continue to prove to the world just how good I am, so good that I am able to hold a truce with a fierce enemy, and even go as far as to winning a match alongside him. I wish I could say that I could genuinely enjoy being your partner again, but in all honesty right now at this moment that shit doesn’t mean much to me. Because what I care most about is getting that goddamn win, and I don’t care if I’m tagging with Limmy Monaghan or Ronald fucking McDonald I’m gonna have to cooperate.
Now Viz, should I call you Viz? Man, the last time I was around you was carrying that same World Heavyweight title around your waist. Still got gold this time around, a little downgrade but more about that in a bit. I’m surprised that you’ve kept your mouth shut on me and focused your lens onto Limmy, but in a few seconds you’re going to realize just how big of an oversight that was. You know, last time out when I faced Madison Kaline, I actually had some respect for her and her status as a Hall of Famer, a damn shame that I had to put her through the dirt to raise the stock on my name, but hey such is life. With you on the other hand, goddamn you’re just unlikeable, because it just cannot occur to you that maybe there is a possibility that what everybody’s saying about you and SOSA are true. You’ve heard it a thousand times in countless variations, but honestly you guys really just seem to be at a very low point in your career. Holding those tag titles ain’t as special as you think it is, being the kings of a malnourished division that changes its damn roster every few months ain’t that impressive. To try and break it down for you two, you’re both two singles guys that used to have a prominent spot in the top, but now you’ve been facing a slump in your careers and took the easy route. I’ll give you credit for managing to keep yourself relevant though. But in all honesty, I find it funny that just months ago, back at Poor Unfortunate Souls, you were in a one-on-one match against Limmy Monaghan that, in the eyes of casuals, may have just been your typical high-caliber match-up between two of EAW’s finest, but if we look at what happened afterwards, Limmy had nowhere to go but up, and from there you’ve reminded people of what they already knew: you don’t have what it takes. You may think that there’s an “anymore” missing at the end of the phrase, but you know I’ll actually be a little nice. Your accolades impress me, they really do, but it just disappoints me just how you choose to filter out everyone’s criticisms because your ego has the stability of a cardboard box, and pretend that winning those tag titles radiate the same glorious feeling of becoming world champ. You call out Limmy for insecurity, motherfucker your face screams insecurity of your refusal to accept that you’re not at the level you used to be at. I suspect that a name like yours falling off this bad is a classic case of simply peaking too early, and rendering yourself unable to live up to that level. Keep cherry-picking moments where Limmy lost despite the fact that he’s probably made up for that tenfold, keep telling yourself that you’re still worth a title shot because I hate to break it to you, but you’ll be spending a lot more time dwelling in the midcard than being on top, and hopefully that is all people will remember. That the Visual Prophet could have been something greater than he was, but it was his ego that wrote him off.
As for your buddy SOSA Henderson, man he’s been real quiet, hasn’t he? If he really was one of the best shit talkers, then I hope he speaks up some time. You don’t work well together because of this and that etcetera whatever no one fucking asked. You two are merely picking fights with people that you know very well ain’t as good as you. But now all of a sudden you step up to us, you’re caught off guard. For the longest time after that singles match with Limmy, you’ve tried to convince us just how good you still were on your own only to land back at Limmy’s lap, only now that I’ve been added to the mix and I don’t plan on sticking around with whatever blood-feud you two motherfuckers used to have. In fact, before this match I barely gave two shits about whatever you’re currently pursuing yourselves, whichever generic name tag team you’re clearly going to run over next and pretend like it was a hard-fought, groundbreaking victory. I don’t plan on thinking about you any longer after we beat you two either because as much as I want to form some “truce” and keep it intact for the sole purpose of winning this match, I’ve got to remind Limmy from time to time of what exactly I came back for. That World Heavyweight title is coming to me soon, but before all that, let’s get to work and bring Soul Food Sunday down to the ground.
On one hand, you have the obvious: I’m the same guy that’s kept the World Heavyweight Champion in my crosshairs, and 2/2 times I’ve successfully made the hit. Now I may not be on the best terms with the guy, but anyone with a functioning brain knows that he’s not stupid. He’ll be extra careful when he’s around me, and quite frankly understandably so. The EAW management is seemingly setting the dude up for failure for whatever reason, potentially someone backstage may have some unknown vendetta against him, but the decision is mind-boggling to say the least. You may be wondering, is this some sort of admittance that I plan to lay out Limmy once again? Listen, that guy ain’t stupid, and I’m not either. As I’ve just mentioned, he’s got his eyes on me, and honestly I’ve also got my eyes on him. Because while there is a possibility that he’ll grow incredibly paranoid, on the other hand both of us could lose our shit and potentially attempt to betray each other at the same time. If you can’t already tell, this is a dysfunctional pairing that is beyond repair, and as unrealistic as it may seem, man I am trying as hard as I can to be optimistic here. To reiterate, for now I do not see myself beating this man up the third time around, and as much as he wants to continually bitch and moan about how I’ll eventually sneak attack him once more, it’s honestly getting pretty boring. I mean, c’mon, you think I don’t want to save some of the action for King of Elite? Now this isn’t a promise so don’t get your hopes up too much, but shit I wanna win this damn match as much as you do. I’ve just come back fresh from a win and as certain as there are clouds in the sky, I am hungry for more. As long as the title shot is still within sight, I am going to make sure that I continue to prove to the world just how good I am, so good that I am able to hold a truce with a fierce enemy, and even go as far as to winning a match alongside him. I wish I could say that I could genuinely enjoy being your partner again, but in all honesty right now at this moment that shit doesn’t mean much to me. Because what I care most about is getting that goddamn win, and I don’t care if I’m tagging with Limmy Monaghan or Ronald fucking McDonald I’m gonna have to cooperate.
Now Viz, should I call you Viz? Man, the last time I was around you was carrying that same World Heavyweight title around your waist. Still got gold this time around, a little downgrade but more about that in a bit. I’m surprised that you’ve kept your mouth shut on me and focused your lens onto Limmy, but in a few seconds you’re going to realize just how big of an oversight that was. You know, last time out when I faced Madison Kaline, I actually had some respect for her and her status as a Hall of Famer, a damn shame that I had to put her through the dirt to raise the stock on my name, but hey such is life. With you on the other hand, goddamn you’re just unlikeable, because it just cannot occur to you that maybe there is a possibility that what everybody’s saying about you and SOSA are true. You’ve heard it a thousand times in countless variations, but honestly you guys really just seem to be at a very low point in your career. Holding those tag titles ain’t as special as you think it is, being the kings of a malnourished division that changes its damn roster every few months ain’t that impressive. To try and break it down for you two, you’re both two singles guys that used to have a prominent spot in the top, but now you’ve been facing a slump in your careers and took the easy route. I’ll give you credit for managing to keep yourself relevant though. But in all honesty, I find it funny that just months ago, back at Poor Unfortunate Souls, you were in a one-on-one match against Limmy Monaghan that, in the eyes of casuals, may have just been your typical high-caliber match-up between two of EAW’s finest, but if we look at what happened afterwards, Limmy had nowhere to go but up, and from there you’ve reminded people of what they already knew: you don’t have what it takes. You may think that there’s an “anymore” missing at the end of the phrase, but you know I’ll actually be a little nice. Your accolades impress me, they really do, but it just disappoints me just how you choose to filter out everyone’s criticisms because your ego has the stability of a cardboard box, and pretend that winning those tag titles radiate the same glorious feeling of becoming world champ. You call out Limmy for insecurity, motherfucker your face screams insecurity of your refusal to accept that you’re not at the level you used to be at. I suspect that a name like yours falling off this bad is a classic case of simply peaking too early, and rendering yourself unable to live up to that level. Keep cherry-picking moments where Limmy lost despite the fact that he’s probably made up for that tenfold, keep telling yourself that you’re still worth a title shot because I hate to break it to you, but you’ll be spending a lot more time dwelling in the midcard than being on top, and hopefully that is all people will remember. That the Visual Prophet could have been something greater than he was, but it was his ego that wrote him off.
As for your buddy SOSA Henderson, man he’s been real quiet, hasn’t he? If he really was one of the best shit talkers, then I hope he speaks up some time. You don’t work well together because of this and that etcetera whatever no one fucking asked. You two are merely picking fights with people that you know very well ain’t as good as you. But now all of a sudden you step up to us, you’re caught off guard. For the longest time after that singles match with Limmy, you’ve tried to convince us just how good you still were on your own only to land back at Limmy’s lap, only now that I’ve been added to the mix and I don’t plan on sticking around with whatever blood-feud you two motherfuckers used to have. In fact, before this match I barely gave two shits about whatever you’re currently pursuing yourselves, whichever generic name tag team you’re clearly going to run over next and pretend like it was a hard-fought, groundbreaking victory. I don’t plan on thinking about you any longer after we beat you two either because as much as I want to form some “truce” and keep it intact for the sole purpose of winning this match, I’ve got to remind Limmy from time to time of what exactly I came back for. That World Heavyweight title is coming to me soon, but before all that, let’s get to work and bring Soul Food Sunday down to the ground.
